For Love & Torture_A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  I’m shaking as he holds me. I’ve never allowed anyone to touch me this way. Only Pierce!

  “Let me go!” I shout at him.

  I must’ve surprised him with my tone, and he does what I’ve said to. “Jade!”

  “No!” I shake my head and back away from him. “You should go. I don’t want your help. I was never hurt. You don’t understand.”

  With a laugh, he says, “My dear, I’m forty-five years old. A man who’s been around the block a time or two. I know a young woman who’s been hurt when I see one. And, honestly, you need me more than I need you.”

  “I don’t need you at all.” I turn away and he quickly grabs me again.

  Turning me back to him I find his face full of compassion once more. “I know you might not believe this, but I have strong feelings for you. And with some time, I think you and I might have something worth the work I’m willing to put into you. Once I rid your mind of this masterful man who used and abused you then apparently left you, then you’ll feel better about things and be able to give me a real chance.”

  “I’m not looking for romance or help, Charles. I thank you for keeping what you’ve uncovered to yourself. Having aspirations to be a writer under my own name has me worried about this coming out. I’m sure you understand.” I have to try to keep the man on my side, without having to marry the old fart.

  “I’m not interested in romance until you’ve had some therapy to get your head straight about what happened to you. How many witnessed this happen to you, Jade?”

  “We were in a secluded cabin in the woods.” I stop myself from saying anything else.

  “He kept you secluded?” he asks with furrowed brows that make deep wrinkles crease his forehead. “Could this be considered a kidnapping?”

  Shaking my head, I find him coming to his own conclusions. I know I have to let him in on the truth, no matter how hard it’ll be to talk about it. Or he might go to the authorities with what he’s conjuring up in his mind.

  Shit! I can’t believe I have to do this!

  Pierce

  As the full moon comes up in the window of my office, I sit down on the sofa and take a much-needed break. It’s been six months since I sent Jade home and not one day goes by without me thinking about her and our time together.

  A knock at my office door has me looking at it and an unexpected thought crosses my mind. What if it’s Jade?

  “Who is it?” I ask.

  “Grant Jamison, Pierce.”

  “It’s open,” I call out and find a small piece of me let down that it’s not Jade.

  The truth is, I half-hope she’ll defy my orders for her to stay away from me and come to me anyway, forcing me to accept her love and give her mine. But so far that hasn’t happened. We haven’t shared so much as a lousy text.

  “Hey there, stranger,” Grant says as he takes a seat in the chair across from me. “Long time no see at the club. And I dare say you’re looking long in the face. Don’t you think it’s time to give your mind a little break from work and get into some wild chick? There are some new faces at The Dungeon of Decorum.”

  “Nah,” comes my quick reply. I don’t want to tell Grant this, but I can’t think about any other woman that I want to put my hands on except Jade.

  “Nah?” Grant asks with a smile. “Do you want to tell me why you sent that woman packing when you obviously love her ass?”

  “Because I can’t be to her what I was when we had our two months alone. Work gets in my way. I’d end up hurting her. I know I would.” I kick the carpet like a little kid.

  “What the fuck kind of reasoning is that?” he asks me as he throws his hands into the air. “I don’t recall ever hearing anything so nutty, Pierce. And I’ve heard a lot of crazy shit in my time.”

  “Look, I respect the hell out of you,” I let Grant know. “But you have no clue how committed I am to this company. It takes most of my time. I barely make time to eat and shit, for God’s sake.”

  Grant’s laugh makes me laugh as he says, “You find time to get that two-hour workout in every single day. And believe it or not, this company needs you, but not the entire amount of time you put into it. I think you have time for a relationship. If you want one, that is.”

  “Maybe I don’t.” I look at him and finally admit it to him as well as myself, “Maybe I won’t be good at it.”

  “Are you fucking around with me?” he asks me as he laughs again. “I saw the way that woman looked at you. I saw the connection you two had. And I damn sure see the mark she’s left on you. Stop fucking around, man. Go let her know what you really want. Make it work. No matter how much you have to bend to make it work, at least try.”

  I’m more than a little surprised by his reaction. “Grant, to be honest, you’re the last guy I thought would be saying something like this to me. You’re kind of a player.”

  “So,” he says. “Do you think just because I like to live my life a certain way that means I think everyone else should too? Because I don’t. If you find someone, you shouldn’t just throw it away.”

  “Jade told me that so damn many times.” I put my head in my hands and think for a moment. “She has my number and she hasn’t called me. What if she thinks of me as a one-time thing and has moved on? What if she’s found someone else? What if she hasn’t called because she regrets what we did?”

  “Don’t you have her number too?” he asks.

  “Yes,” I answer. “But I told Jade I wouldn’t call and I didn’t want her to call me. I wanted us to stop things between us cold turkey and completely.”

  “Man, are you dumb or what?” Grant asks me. “I mean, damn, Pierce!”

  “What?” I yell. “What was I supposed to do? Let her down slowly? Leave her hanging while I dealt with business? What?”

  “You’re taking the coward’s way out. Not giving things a chance to move forward or end on their own. What the fuck are you afraid of?” he asks me.

  My answer pops out before I think about it, “Her hating me like all the others did.”

  “And there it is. You’re allowing fear to rule you. Hmm. I think that’s interesting, don’t you? A thing we practice all the time in what we do. We face what scares us, don’t we, Pierce?”

  “Fuck!”

  “Fuck!” he shouts back at me. “Get off your ass. I’m telling Maggie you’re taking the next two weeks off. Go find your girl, you fool, before someone else does.”

  Standing up, I make up my mind to do just that. And I won’t be giving her the heads up that I’m coming either. I’ll watch her for a bit to see if she’s gotten her life going or if she’s keeping to herself, missing me the same way I’m missing her.

  Jade

  My therapist walks me to her door, running her arm around my shoulders and giving me a slight squeeze. “You’re progressing so well, Jade. I think you’re finally getting it integrated into your mind that what you and that man had was a thing you’ll treasure forever, but it just wasn’t meant to be.”

  “I can’t thank you enough for all your help, Doctor Sheldon. It’s a relief to know I’m not crazy for allowing myself to be treated in such a way.” My heart is still weak from missing Pierce, but at least this woman has given me peace of mind about why I loved what we did.

  I’m really not crazy!

  “I know Charles was hoping for a different outcome. He and I went to college together. I know the man well,” she tells me. “And when he came to me about you, he was confident that you’d been brainwashed or something equally as sordid. I kept my mouth shut about my beliefs so he’d bring you to me. He’s a nice man, Jade. You could do worse. Charles cares about you more than you know.”

  “I know how much he cares about me,” I tell her as I walk out of her office and into the hallway. “But my heart belongs to another.”

  “As we talked about, it’ll take time for that to lose its sharp edge. Little by little, as you see the man has moved on, that hard love you have for him will soften and fade into the
background.”

  “I’ll never stop loving him,” I say with a defiant tone.

  “Jade, you don’t have to get me to believe you. I can see it in your eyes when you talk about him. I’m merely saying that it will fade in time, so try not to push anyone away because of what you feel right now. I’m not saying to get into anything before you’re ready, but don’t push away a person who might also be a great love, once this one dies.”

  With a nod, I turn and leave. I can’t think about my love for Pierce, dying. I won’t allow that to happen. No matter what, I’ll always hold our love in a sacred place in my heart and soul. No one will push it out of the way so they can get in, not even Charles Gilman!

  Walking into the dreary, foggy morning, I take the shortest route possible to get to my first class. After a few moments, I notice the sound of footsteps coming from a little way behind me. The soles of the shoes click and clack at the same rate mine do. I slow down and they slow too. I speed up and they do too. Stopping, I turn around and see no one. The fog is thick, hiding them from me. “Who’s there?”

  “Jade?” comes a male voice.

  “Yes.”

  I wait as the man who’s following me steps forward and I see it’s Charles. “Jade, I thought that was you. I wasn’t certain. I didn’t want to frighten some woman if it wasn’t you. How did your session with Julie go?”

  “Doctor Sheldon and I had a great meeting.” I turn and begin to walk again, with Charles at my side. “I’m afraid you’re not getting what you’d hoped for.”

  “And what is it you believe I was hoping for?” he asks with a grin.

  “Me finding out I was taken against my will or something of that nature. You see, there are people who find that kind of thing not only intriguing, but deeply satisfying. I was one who found so much satisfaction in it that I was changed in ways I didn’t know where possible.”

  “I dare say you are one strong young woman,” he says, then drapes his arm around my shoulders. “I could study up on that type of thing. Perhaps learn to be what you need in a man.”

  “Are you proposing to be my Dom, Charles?” I laugh at the silly notion.

  His grin turns into a frown. “I do have dominating tendencies, Jade. What’s so funny about that?”

  “Nothing. I shouldn’t laugh about your gesture. You do have some of the ways a dominant man does, but you aren’t him, Charles. You aren’t my Dom, or my love.”

  “Your love, as you call the absentee man, has left you behind. Your Dom has left his sub alone and lonely.”

  “That he has. But I take that on myself. I failed at my mission while he succeeded at his. I was supposed to push his commitment limits, and I guess I didn’t do it the right way. I thought I was helping him, but I wasn’t. At least I got him to allow himself to feel love for another person and accept my love. Even if it was for only a short time.”

  “How romantic,” Charles says as he rolls his eyes. Tightening his arm around my shoulders, he gives me a hug. “How about lunch this afternoon? I can pop by the campus and bring you something. I do believe this is your long day, is it not?”

  “It is,” I tell him. “I’ll be stuck at school until six this evening. A nice picnic lunch would be great. I’ll see you at noon then.” Breaking away from his hold on me, I feel his hand move down my arm, grasping my hand and pulling me back to him. “Charles!”

  Pulling me so close our chests smash together, he says with a stern tone, “I can be what you need, Jade. Now be a good girl and give me a kiss.”

  My eyes dart back and forth as his persistence, and now authoritative attitude, does turn me on a bit. A kiss isn’t a thing we’ve done yet, though. “Charles, I’m not about to kiss you. And you should know, while I like being handled a certain way, I don’t always give in when told what to do.”

  He lets me go and watches me as I step back. “Jade, you’re a perplexing female. Has anyone ever told you that?”

  “No. See you at lunch.” Walking away from him, I have a distinct feeling that he’s watching me as I go. I can’t explain why he doesn’t do it for me, but he just doesn’t. Perhaps because Pierce is too set inside of me.

  One of the girls in my creative writing class meets me as we get to the door of the lecture hall. “I see your admirer has walked you to school again, Jade.”

  “He has,” I say as I pull the door open and gesture for her to walk in first.

  “When are you two going to make it official that you’re together?” she asks.

  I have to laugh. “Patricia, we’re not even dating.”

  “I think you are dating. I think you’re the only one who doesn’t realize that, Jade.” We walk into the already packed hall and take a couple of seats next to each other.

  “He tried to kiss me just a minute ago,” I whisper.

  “You two haven’t kissed yet?” she asks me with a shocked expression. “Jade, he’s so into you. He’s handsome, rich, and sweet to boot. Are you mental?”

  “No, I’m not mental,” I tell her as I now have a therapist who has assured me that I’m normal with a side of exceptional.

  “You should let him kiss you. If there’s no spark, then end it. If there is one, then give the man a shot.”

  Pondering her words, I think about what it’d be like to kiss Charles. It might be okay. But it might not. What would Pierce think if I moved on?

  What if he already has moved on and I’m sitting here, stagnating as I wait for a man who said he was quitting me cold turkey and he’d never see me again?

  Maybe it is time I gave the man who’s made me the center of his attention since I got back home a chance …

  Pierce

  Sunlight finally breaks the damn fog that’s kept me from finding Jade the entire morning. With the hour of noon making the large clock in the campus tower shake as it loudly chimes twelve times, I find a plethora of college students flooding the lawn.

  It seems these Brits love to eat outdoors for lunch. One blanket after another is spread on the lush green grass of the campus lawn. There were a few people with picnics ready to go before the clock started making the loud noise that brought the others out.

  One man in particular stands out to me. He’s tall, has dark hair that’s neatly combed, and a suit that says he works in a nice office somewhere. I sit in the rental car, watching him painstakingly lay out a dark blue blanket, then place China and silverware neatly on it.

  Next, he unloads the basket of food he brought for some lucky person. Perhaps his daughter. He’s a bit older, though maybe not old enough to have a University aged kid.

  I watch as he places a single red rose in a small vase, then sits back and watches the crowd dissipate as they all go their own way. A smile moves over his face as I assume he sees who it is he’s been waiting for and has made such a fuss about.

  He stands up to greet the person and I watch him take a woman of average height and weight into his arms. Her hair is stuffed under a baseball cap and she’s wearing faded jeans and a baggy black T-shirt.

  They look funny together. Their hug is awkward, and when he tries to deliver a kiss to her cheek, she dodges it and plants her ass on the blanket. He’s into her and she’s not really into him. That’s pretty obvious.

  I stop looking at the couple and look for Jade. Scanning the entire hillside, I find I don’t see her at all. My eyes move back to the couple and I watch the man take the cap off his girlfriend, or at least I bet he hopes he can make her his girlfriend.

  “NO!” I shout.

  Gripping the steering wheel, I try not to leap from the car and run to grab her. It’s Jade!

  I can barely breathe as I watch her laugh. Her dark waves bounce around her pretty face. The man runs his hand through it and she eases away from his touch as she bites her lower lip.

  She’s thinking about it. She’s thinking about kissing him!

  Slowly, he leans in as he talks to her. Their eyes are locked and I can’t help myself. I slam my fist on the horn and drop my s
eat back so they can’t see me.

  Peeking out the back window that has more tint on it than the front one does, I see Jade has moved away from the man. My horn worked, stopping the kiss from happening.

  “Yes!” I say as I pump my fist in the air.

  She’s not lost to me yet!

  I hope …

  As the day progresses, I find myself still sitting in the car and waiting for Jade to come back outside. She and that man had a nice lunch. He hugged her, thought it was uncomfortable looking on Jade’s part, then she went back to classes as he picked up the blanket and the remains of the picnic.

  I was tempted to follow him, but then didn’t want to miss Jade. So I sat and waited. Now the hour of six o’clock has the clock chiming again, and I finally see her coming out of the last door I saw her going into.

  She’s talking to some other young woman. They’re laughing and smiling. Jade looks happy. Not the way I thought she’d look at all. My heart sinks and I start the car.

  This trip was a mistake. All I’ve found out is that Jade is just fine. She’s over me. Sure, she’s not dressing the way I like her to. Her hair is pinned under that stupid baseball cap again and she has no makeup on. I bet she hated it when I made her dress the way I did and wear makeup on occasion.

  I bet she hates me now.

  I know she does!

  She’s nothing like the way I made her be when I had her. She’s natural and likes to wear comfortable clothing, and I made her uncomfortable. I’m an idiot!

  The other woman and Jade are standing there, talking away, and then I see the man’s car pull up. Right next to mine!

  “Shit!” I say out loud.

  He sits in the car, waiting patiently for Jade to finish her conversation with her friend. Taking his cell out, I see him swipe it, then I look at Jade and see her taking her cell out of her pocket. She waves at him and holds up one finger, telling him to hang on a moment.

  “Yeah, wait, jerk!” I say as I look at him.