For Love & Torture_A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  Charvi laughed, shaking her head. “It happens to the best of us. Want to share?”

  Livia picked out a tune with her forefinger. “It’s embarrassing. He’s way out of my league and – “

  “Let me stop you there, young lady. No-one is out of your league.”

  Livia sighed. “It’s Nox Renaud.”

  That stopped Charvi. “Ah. Well, I would say the problem there isn’t that you’re out of his league, it’s that he’s Nox Renaud.”

  Livia looked at her friend curiously. “You know him?”

  “I knew his mother, I’ve met Nox a few times. He’s…an enigma. At least if you believe the gossip.”

  “He has the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen…and he seemed nice. God, nice is such a bad thing to say but he was friendly, and warm and…”

  “You have an enormous crush on him.”

  Livia shrugged. “Yes, but it doesn’t matter, it’s not like we run in the same circles. Forget I said anything.”

  Charvi smiled. “Well, now, let’s channel that desire into your playing. Give me something slow and sensual. And make it up as you go along. Think about Mr. Renaud and let your fingers move across the keyboard.”

  At first Livia was embarrassed, feeling exposed but as her fingers stroked the keys, she began to find a melody. She closed her eyes and thought about the feeling of him trailing his finger across her cheek, the scent of his skin, the ocean green of his eyes. She played a melody so sweet she wanted to cry and when she finished and opened her eyes, she felt her face burn red.

  “Wow, you have it bad,” Charvi teased her and held up her phone. “It needs work, but there’s something there. I’ve recorded it and I’ll email to you. Your homework is to score it and mould it into a piece you can perform at the end of semester recital.”

  Livia gaped at her. “Are you kidding me?” She felt panicky at revealing something so personal to an audience. But Charvi nodded.

  “I’m deadly serious. That was the most connected I’ve ever seen you with your piano, Liv.” She checked her watch. “And I have a seminar. Work on it, Liv, and I swear, you’ll see what I mean.”

  Left alone, Liv checked her laptop. Charvi had indeed emailed her the mp3 and as Liv played it back, she realized there was something there. She grabbed some blank score paper and began to write.

  Nox looked up as Sandor knocked on the door jamb. “Hey.”

  Sandor grinned. “You still working? Dude, it’s Friday night. Let’s go out and have drinks.”

  Nox chuckled. “I would but I’m waiting on a call from Italy. Haven’t you got a date?”

  Sandor shrugged. “She blew me off. I’m kind of relieved, to be honest. I’m getting too old to be dating a different pretty girl each week.”

  “My heart bleeds for you. So, I’m your consolation prize?”

  Sandor grinned. “Yup. Grab your cell phone and take the call on that. We’re going drinking.”

  Nox hesitated. “Alright, but let’s go to the French Quarter.”

  “Wanna mix with the tourists? Come on then.”

  An hour later, two shots of bourbon, Nox relaxed back into his seat and glanced around the bar. He hadn’t told Sandor that the bar he’d chosen was across the street from Marcel Pessou’s restaurant – and that ever since they’d gotten here, Nox had been looking for any sight of Livia. He hadn’t had one night of peace since he’d met her, the feel of her soft skin, her huge chocolate brown eyes, the way her tawny hair fell in messy waves over her shoulders. The faint flush of pink when he’d touched her face. He’d been so close to kissing her – which would have been entirely inappropriate. But, god, the feelings he had thought dead inside of him were whirling and thrashing through him like a storm. He had to see her again – to see if the connection between them hadn’t been just that moment in time, that it was real.

  “Nox? Buddy?”

  Nox blinked back into the room. “Sorry, what?”

  “I was saying, I was taking to Roan at the party. He seems pretty keen on working with us on the Feldman project.”

  Nox snorted and sipped his bourbon. “What does Roan know about the luxury food trade?”

  “Nothing, but he does know about the shipping trade,” Sandor gave Nox a reproachful look. “Look, I know you think he’s a playboy, but he’s got a good head on his shoulders. Besides…he wants to buy his way in.”

  “What?”

  “He told me he wants us three to go into business together. He wants in on the company.”

  For the first time that night, Nox stopped thinking about Livia, leaning forward to study his friend. “How come he hasn’t said anything to me?”

  Sandor chuckled. “Because he knows you think he’s a playboy. He’s your best friend but there’s always been the joker in the pack, and it’s always been Roan. He was sounding me out in the hope I’d do the approach. So, I am. I think it’s something we should talk about.”

  Nox considered. “I’m open to talking about it, certainly.”

  Sandor smiled. “So, I can tell him yes?”

  “Talking about it, San, nothing more at this stage.”

  “I love it when you get masterful. Another drink?”

  “Go for it.”

  Nox leaned back, his eyes flicking automatically to the restaurant on the other side of the street. He could see the pretty Asian girl who was working with her at the party waiting on tables but there was no sign of Livia. He thought about what Sandor had said. Roan was Nox’s oldest friend but he was also someone who acted on impulse, and was reckless. Nox had worked too hard on the business and even his love for his friend couldn’t override the fact that Roan was not a good bet. Nox rubbed his eyes. Maybe he should loosen up, take a risk.

  Take a risk…his mind went back to the lovely girl he’d met at his party. Yes, he would take a risk. Enough of skulking across the street. Tomorrow, he would go the restaurant and ask for her. If she wasn’t there, he’d leave his number. If she was there…

  He was still smiling when Sandor returned with the drinks.

  It was after midnight when Livia left the practice rooms and as she didn’t have enough cash on her for a cab, she decided to walk home. When she got back to the French Quarter, she decided to go the restaurant, see if Moriko needed a walk-home partner. As she turned into an alley leading to Bourbon Street, she suddenly felt herself being jerked back, and a heavy arm lock around her throat. Shocked into action, she threw her elbows back with all her strength, cussing and screaming at her attacker. “Get off me, motherfucker!” She slammed her fist back into the man’s groin and he groaned, releasing her. Her anger at full flood and the adrenaline spiking in her system, Livia punched and kicked her attacker until, still groaning, he took off, yelling “Bitch!” at her, she unleased a litany of curse words at him, not caring who heard her. Finally, she caught her breath and picked up her bag, turning to go to the restaurant.

  She stopped. Nox Renaud was looking at her, astonishment in his eyes. Livia’s breath caught in her throat.

  “Well,” he said finally, and began to grin. “Hello again.”

  Chapter Four

  “I’m absolutely fine,” Livia complained as Marcel fussed over her, making her drink the bourbon he offered. Nox Renaud sat across from her, a small smile playing around his lips. It was as if they had a shared secret now, and Livia couldn’t help but grin.

  “I heard you holler,” Nox told her, “and came to help…but you’d pretty much wrecked the guy by the time I got there. Pretty badass, if you ask me.”

  “A girl’s got to look out after herself,” Livia said. She couldn’t stop looking at him – she hadn’t imagined how gorgeous he was, those green eyes, that dark hair and messy curls. The way he was looking at her sent thrills through her entire body. Marcel and Moriko seemed to notice the charged atmosphere and, after making sure Livia was really okay after the shock of her mugging, they discreetly disappeared. The restaurant was closed now, only a couple of lamps still on, and in the gloom, Nox took
her hand.

  “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you,” he said honestly. “I admit, my friend and I came to the Quarter for drinks and I deliberately chose the bar across the street from here…I wanted to see you.”

  “Which friend?”

  “Sandor? You might have met him at the party.”

  Livia nodded. “I did. He seemed lovely.”

  Nox smiled. “He is…but as lovely as he is, I don’t want to talk about Sandor. Liv, those few moments we spent together in the garden…I don’t want to presume, but to me, there was something there.”

  “I felt it too.” She began to tremble as he stepped closer. He was so tall, she felt tiny next to him. He slid his hands onto her waist – tentative, the question in his eyes.

  “Is this okay?”

  Livia nodded and Nox smiled. He bent his head and Livia felt, at last, his lips against hers. The kiss was brief, hesitant, but it went on, became more passionate, his fingers tangling in her long hair, pulling her closer. Livia could feel his heart beating in his chest as her own arms snaked around him, her hands feeling the taut muscles of his back. Kissing him was like taking a shot of pure heroin, she imagined anyway, heady, overwhelming, ecstatic. His lips shaped themselves perfectly to hers, his tongue caressing, massaging her own, his breathing ragged. Finally, desperate for air, they broke apart.

  “Wow.” Livia breathed. “Wow.”

  Nox brushed his fingertips across her face. “Livia, may I please take you on a date?”

  His words seemed so formal after that breathtaking kiss that she giggled. Nox grinned. “I’m sorry, I’m out of practice. What I mean is…I would like to see you again. And again. And again.”

  His words melted her and she leaned into his embrace. She gazed up at him. “I would like that too, Nox, very much…but what will your family, your friend think? I’m just a waitress…well, a grad student, but I’m clearly not of your social circle. Won’t they think badly of me?”

  “I really don’t care. There is no ‘just’ a waitress or a student. Both of those things are honorable, genuine things. But who cares what our jobs are? You’re Livia, I’m Nox…the rest is just window dressing.”

  Livia gave a soft moan of desire and he tightened his arms around her. “I’d just like to get to know you, Liv, is all. We can work anything else out together. Let’s just try, is all I ask.”

  He walked her back to her apartment, but didn’t ask to come in. He kissed her again and she could feel the tension in his body, the way his huge erection pressed against her belly when he held her tightly, but Nox Renaud was clearly a gentleman. “May I see you tomorrow?”

  So proper, so polite. She nodded, grinning. “Tomorrow is my day off, so yes.”

  “Then would you spend the day with me?”

  “I’d like that, very much.”

  Nox brushed his lips against hers, his hands gently cradling her face. “Then shall we say ten a.m.?”

  “Perfect.”

  The kiss deepened, once again leaving Livia breathless. Nox smiled at her. “Goodnight, lovely Liv.”

  “Goodnight, Nox.”

  She felt bereft as she saw him walk away, and he turned to look at her once more before he turned the corner. His grin made her heart swell. For a moment or two, she stood out in the cool night, blinking. “Did that actually just happen?” She chuckled and went inside. As she opened the door to the apartment, Moriko, dressed in Hello Kitty pajamas held up a bag of potato chips and said. “You, on the couch, now. You’re not going to bed until you’ve told me everything.”

  He had watched Nox and the girl, Livia, walk back to her apartment, following at a safe distance. They were obviously smitten with each other and he guessed they must have met at the party. The party where she was a waitress, and Nox was the billionaire party thrower. He couldn’t fault Nox on his taste. Livia was beautiful, all sumptuous curves and softness. But still, a waitress… The scandal would be great indeed, especially amongst their cohort, but it wasn’t that which was making him smile. No, it was the thought of Nox and Livia possibly falling deeply in love, so deeply in love that when she was taken from him, Nox would be destroyed.

  And that’s all he ever dreamed of…

  Chapter Five

  Moriko was sitting on the bathroom cabinet, watching Livia apply her makeup. “I cannot believe you didn’t sleep with him.”

  Livia rolled her eyes. “Dude, we haven’t even been on a date yet.”

  “Prude.”

  Livia grinned. Moriko was a seize-the-moment kind of girl; Livia preferred the slow-burn. “Besides, if we’d had sex in the restaurant, Health and Human Services would have been outraged.” God, just thinking about sex with Nox was making her hot, but she brushed the thought aside before Moriko could pick up on it. “Look, we’re going on one date. Don’t jump the gun.”

  “Where’s he taking you?”

  Livia sighed. “We’re taking each other…I don’t know. We haven’t discussed that yet.”

  “Too busy sucking face.”

  Livia laughed aloud. “Well, do you blame me, have you seen him? Now, go away, I need to finish up here and you’re distracting me.”

  Moriko hopped down, grinning, and tapped a closed drawer. “Plenty of condoms in there. Take a handful. Better safe than sorry.”

  Livia pointed out of the door and grumbling, but grinning, Moriko left her alone. Livia shut the door behind her and sighed, leaning against it. Her whole body felt as if she were wired up to the National Grid. She felt that if Nox even touched her once, she would jump him. “Calm the fuck down,” she muttered to herself. Still, when she’d gotten ready, she grabbed some condoms from the drawer and shoved them deep into her purse.

  Nox was five minutes. “Sorry, couldn’t wait.”

  Livia saw Moriko make a crude gesture behind Nox’s back and glared at her. “Do excuse Moriko, she was raised by wolves.”

  “All the best people are,” Nox grinned at Livia’s friend, who smiled back at him.

  “Look after her,” she said, “Later, lovers.” She disappeared back into her bedroom while Livia’s face burned red.

  “So,” she said, trying not to look flustered in his presence, “what’s the plan?”

  “Well, last night your roommate told me you hadn’t been in New Orleans for long, so I thought maybe we could take a steamboat trip. We could see the city and talk at the same time. What do you think?”

  Livia smiled at him. “I think that sounds perfect.”

  The Steamboat Natchez was full of tourists as it began to float down the Mississippi R but neither Nox or Livia cared. They sat out on the deck, the weather still very warm despite it being November, breathing in the fresh air. Nox asked Livia about where she had come from.

  “Southern California, so I’m used to hot weather,” she grinned. “It is different heat here, more humidity, sultrier. New Orleans is a very sexy city.”

  Nox laughed. “If you say so. I’m NOLA born and bred, but I have to admit, sometimes the heat during the day gets to me. So why did you leave SoCal?”

  Livia looked away from his gaze. “No family to speak of, and Moriko was here. I managed to get a scholarship to the University, so that made it official. I haven’t regretted it once. Especially now.”

  They smiled at each other and Nox leaned into kiss her again. “Livia, that night at the party…I haven’t felt a connection like that for years.”

  “Really?” She was delighted then frowned. “No, I mean, really? Look at you, you could have anyone.”

  “I’m fussy,” he said lightly, and with a grin, but she could see something behind his eyes.

  “You don’t give away a lot, do you? I mean, I could see the sadness in your eyes when we met…you can talk to me you know?”

  Nox’s expression changed for a split second – fear? - but he shook his head. “I’m a firm believer in the past staying in the past. What I want now is for us to get to know each other. Is that something you’d like, Livvy?”


  She studied him, leaning on the railing of the steamboat. “Charvi was right about you. You are an enigma.”

  “Charvi? Charvi Sood?” Nox’s eyes had lit up and Livia nodded.

  “Yes, she knew your mother?”

  “I’ll say. Charvi was my mom’s best friend.” He looked so excited, like a little boy. “I had no idea she was back in New Orleans.”

  “She is, she’s my tutor, my mentor, really. I’m sure she’d love to see you.”

  Nox gave a short laugh. “Why wouldn’t she come to see me?” He frowned to himself, obviously deep in thought and Livia wondered if she had made a mistake mentioning Charvi to him.

  Nox shook himself. “Well, yes, I’d love to see her.” He smiled at Livia. “So, you’re a master pianist.”

  She laughed. “Oh, no, I’m really just a beginner, at least when you consider the scope of the craft. My focus is on jazz piano for this program, at least. But, really, I love all classical music…and rock, and blues, and on and on…”

  “I’m afraid my music knowledge extends as far as Pearl Jam and Tom Petty. That kind of music.”

  “I adore both,” Livia encouraged him. “For my undergraduate thesis, for the recital, I did a slowed down piano version of Rearview mirror.”

  “I gather speed, from you fucking with me…” Nox quoted and their gazes locked. Livia felt breathless.

  “Anticipation is a marvelous thing,” she said softly and Nox nodded.

  “Oh, I agree.” He grinned and swept her hair back over her shoulder, stroking the back of his finger down her neck. “Your skin is so soft.”

  Tingling sensations were racing through her body at his touch. God, I want you, she thought, but as she said, the anticipation of making love with this man was electrifying. Her eyes dropped to his groin – his erection obvious in his denim jeans. She looked up at him from underneath her lashes. “I wonder how long we can hold out.”

  Nox grinned. “Personally speaking, and to be blunt, I think it would be amazing to be inside you right now…but yes, let’s keep this going until we don’t have a choice. Why bow to society’s pressure to rush into anything?”