Selling My Soul

by Sherri L. Lewis

  Me and Gabe laughed. I tossed her the keys. Moms came in from the kitchen. “I’m going upstairs. I gotta get my rest so I’ll be ready for my trip to Africa.” She kissed my forehead, then Gabe’s, and slowly walked toward the stairs.

  I tucked myself into Gabe’s side and relaxed, waiting for the news to start. “I can’t believe you did that.”

  “Did what?”

  I stared at Gabe. “Ummm, ministered to my mother and sister. You actually got my sister saved and my mother thinking. Do you know how long I’ve been trying to do that?”

  Gabe wrapped his arms around me. “Well, you know the Bible says that some plant and some water. Let’s just be thankful that God gave the increase.”

  I leaned back into him. “Yeah.” I sighed and snuggled against him for a few minutes, wondering how much more it would take to get my mother saved.

  “She’ll give her heart soon, my dear. Don’t even worry about it.”

  Just as I was about to close my eyes, enjoying the scent of Gabe’s cologne, Deacon Barnes face flashed across the screen. I wondered whether when he posed for that picture if he had ever imagined it would be flashed on the news on a regular basis. For such an awful reason.

  “Here it goes.” I sat up and turned the volume on the television up.

  “After recent conclusive evidence against Fred Barnes confirmed his guilt in at least one case of sexual misconduct against a minor, Mr. Barnes pleaded guilty today to several of the charges. Final information on the details of the sentencing with the plea are forthcoming, but it is likely that the judge in this case will want him to serve the maximum sentence because of the number and severity of his crimes.”

  “Wow. Looks like he’s going down,” I said.

  “May his punishment be firm, but merciful,” Gabe said.

  Was my heart wrong? I wanted him to suffer for all the suffering he had caused. Maybe because it was so personal. I thought of the effect of his actions on Monica’s life. On Kevin’s life. I thought of the little boy scribbling his name on the index card, then setting it carefully on what he considered to be his own grave. Digging the hole and stuffing his bloody underwear in the ground. Was I not a Christian because I wanted Deacon Barnes to pay for that?

  “In a related case, Walter Hines also pleaded guilty today, changing from his original not guilty plea. Although no conclusive evidence has been presented against him, it is thought that his plea hoped to provoke lighter sentencing. Once again, it is thought that the judge will have no mercy in these cases.”

  I clenched my fists. “Just like they had no mercy on the boys.”

  Gabe said, “Where is the redemption for these men? They will go to prison for a very long time, yes? But where is help? How does their deliverance come?”

  I shushed Gabe when I saw Bishop Walker’s face on the screen. “Listen to this.” I turned the volume up a little louder.

  “Breaking news today in this case. Up until this point, the Bishop presiding over the churches where the cases of sexual molestation occurred has categorically denied any knowledge of the sexual misconduct or any participation in any of the cases. News 5 today learned that Bishop Walker not only knew about at least two cases, but tried to cover them up. The U.S. Attorney’s office received information from a woman in Texas today alleging that her son was molested seven years ago. She met and discussed the misconduct with Bishop Walker and gave him descriptive details of the events and circumstances surrounding her son’s abuse. She alleges that Bishop Walker threatened that she should be concerned about what would happen if she were to make threats against him or any of the leadership in his church. She also states she was given money for her and her son to relocate to Dallas, Texas, where they’ve been living since the incident.”

  Gabe’s eyes widened. He looked at me, then back at the television.

  Bishop Walker was shown onscreen next, his head bowed and his arms behind his back between tall cop and stocky cop.

  “After looking into the allegations, The U.S. Attorney’s office has charged Mr. Walker with conspiracy to sexual misconduct, accessory after the fact, and possibly tampering with evidence. Mr. Walker refused to comment on the allegations.”

  I let out a deep breath. I felt guilty to be so happy about what I was hearing.

  My cell phone rang. I didn’t have to look down at the caller ID to know it was Monica. I answered it.

  “What did you do? Oh my goodness.”

  “Girl, it’s been a day.” I recounted the morning’s events starting with my conversation with Bishop Walker up to my surprise visit from Ms. Turner.

  “I knew he knew before Kevin told him,” Monica said. “So the woman came forward?”

  “Yes, Blanche and I spoke with her today, and then put her in touch with the U.S. Attorney’s office. She’s willing to do whatever it takes to help bring Bishop to justice along with the other men as well.”

  “Wow,” Monica said. “So Bishop is being dethroned from his reign of terror over Love and Faith? I never thought I’d see the day. What’s gonna happen to all those people, though? You know?”

  I knew Monica was thinking about all our friends we’d left behind at Love and Faith. “I made a call to the Bishop’s council and Bishop Walker has been officially relieved of all his duties, privileges and responsibilities as the Bishop of Love and Faith Christian Centers, Washington DC and Alexandria. The council will be sending in pastors to cover the churches while they seek new permanent leadership. If you ask me, though, they really need to look at their organization altogether. For all these things to have gone on for this long in churches under their watch, you have to wonder about them too. I just pray that the 24,000 people who’ve been attending both churches will find churches where true men of God with hearts of integrity are running things. I’d hate for one person to walk away from God because of Bishop Walker.”

  “I can’t believe Bishop Walker may go to prison,” Monica said. “I hate everything he did to us and everything that he let happen in his church all these years, but I never thought he’d get locked up.”

  “I know, but if he knew about what was going on and didn’t do anything about it, he’s just as guilty as Deacon Barnes and Pastor Hines.”

  “I know, Trina. It’s just . . . this is all so serious.”

  “Yeah, girl. Serious isn’t the word. Can you believe those two changed their plea? I think both of them were trying to get a plea bargain to get the shortest amount of time possible. But the rumor is that the judge ain’t having it. The word is he’s going to give them the worst possible punishment. And the two of them have the nerve to be asking for special protection. You know what happens to child molesters in prison. Especially since they’re supposed to be men of God.”

  “Oh my God. I didn’t even think of that. Crazy as it sounds, I feel like we should be praying for them. Even though what they did to Kevin and all those boys was awful, I still wouldn’t want them to get raped or killed in prison, you know?”

  “Yeah, girl. That would be pretty brutal.”

  “I can’t believe all this happened. Trina, would you have even thought that two years ago when you got on the plane to go to Mozambique that all this would end up happening? It’s all so much.”

  “It is. And you’re right. I would have never guessed that any of this would have turned out this way. Like I said, what Satan means for evil, God will always turn out for good.”

  “Thanks, girl. For all you’ve done through all this. You’ve been the best friend I could ever ask for. Everything in my life has turned out better than I could have ever imagined. I love you, Trina.”

  “I love you too, Monnie.” I stood and held up a finger to Gabe, letting him know I’d be right back. I stepped into my office and sat down in my desk chair. “By the way, I said yes.”

  “You said yes? What are you talking about?” She screeched before I got a chance to answer. “You said yes to Gabe? You’re getting married?”

  “Yes, Monnie. I said yes.” I t
old her about Gabe’s surprise visit.

  “Oh my goodness. I can’t believe it.” She was silent for a second and I knew she was realizing what I was really saying. “Oh no, that means you’re going back to Africa, doesn’t it?”

  “Yeah, girl. Even if I weren’t marrying him, though, I’d still be going back. It’s where I’m supposed to be. Now going back will be even better.”

  “When are you going back?” Monica’s voice sounded sad.

  “I don’t know yet. We haven’t figured all that out. I guess it depends on what happens with Moms.”

  “Oh yeah. I forgot about that.”

  We were both silent for a second. “Trina, I just feel like the same thing you told me. I don’t know how and when, but somehow God is going to work everything out for your good. For everyone’s good. Especially Moms’s. Somehow or another, she’s gonna be fine.”

  “Thanks, Monnie. I needed to hear that.” I didn’t say what I was thinking. How could she be fine and she wasn’t even saved? I couldn’t bear the thought of my mother dying without accepting Christ into her life.

  “He’s gonna do it. More than you can imagine. Just like you told me.”

  We sat silent again, thinking about everything that was about to change in our lives.

  “Oh, no. What about when the baby is born?” she asked.

  “What about it?”

  “You’re not even going to be able to meet your nephew until your next visit. Who knows when that will be?”

  “It’ll be as soon as you call me and tell me he’s here. I’ll be on the first plane headed toward Atlanta. And I’ll stay for a good long while to help out and get good and acquainted with my nephew. In other words, spoil him rotten.”

  “Yeah, right, Trina. You’ll be a newlywed. You won’t want to stay away from Gabriel more than a week, tops.”

  “Who said I’d be staying away from him? He’ll be coming with me. You’ll get to meet him.”

  “That would be awesome.” She let out a deep breath. “Okay, I guess you can go.”

  “Thanks, Monnie. I appreciate having your permission and your blessing.”

  She laughed. “Okay, let me go. Daddy Kevin is lurking in the hallway.”

  We both laughed.

  After I finished talking to Monica, I came back out to the couch to sit with Gabe.

  He put his arm around me. “Did you guys finish talking about me?”

  “Yep.” I laughed.

  “I trust it was all good.”

  “Of course. I can’t think of anything bad I would say about you.”

  “So your mother will get on a plane and go to Africa with us?” He looked serious for a second, and I could see him planning the trip in his head.

  “Do you think it’s crazy, seeing the state of health that she’s in?”

  “I think it’s the kind of crazy that gives the Father the perfect opportunity to glorify Himself.”

  I snuggled into his side and enjoyed the strength and love in his arms as they encircled me. His comforting touch chased away the fears about my mother’s health. He kissed me on the head and we sat there quietly, thinking about what was best for Moms and our wedding. Should we just have a small wedding ceremony here, and then a big celebration when we got to go back to Africa? Since Moms’s oncologist had put her on hospice care and given her up for dead, it wasn’t like he would object to us taking her to Mozambique.

  Really though, what was the worst that could happen? We would stay at the mission base in Pemba instead of going to our village, so she would have a real bed and access to good clean water. And I would make sure she had plenty of food and fresh fruits and vegetables every day.

  In the glory-filled atmosphere there, she’d be saved in no time. If she died, she would have given her heart to Christ and would be welcomed into heaven to wait until my arrival there. It would hurt terribly, but at least I would have peace that she died saved.

  In my heart of hearts though, I believed that once she got to Mozambique and soaked up the heavenly atmosphere at the mission base, it was only a matter of time before she would be miraculously healed. And she would help us take care of all the children in the village. I could see them all gathered around her, just like her Baltimore kids, talking and laughing. And she’d be passing out kisses and her magical hugs.

  Maybe if she liked it, she would stay over there with us, and be there when me and Gabe started our own family. Moms could become Grandmoms. I knew my children would be loved and well cared for. And Moms would be happy. And we could all live and grow there together in our beautiful community under the African skies where the Spirit of God always hovered near.

  Epilogue

  “Trina, he’s here.” Monica sounded exhausted, but happier than I’d ever heard her sound.

  “Oh my goodness.” I sat up in the bed. “When?”

  “At about one o’clock this morning. I wanted to call you then, but as soon as they took him to the nursery, I fell asleep. Can you believe I was in labor for eighteen hours?”

  “Dag, Monnie. Are you serious? I can’t imagine. How was it? As bad as they say?”

  “Worse. It was horrible, girl. I can’t even begin to describe it. It’s true what they say, though. As soon as I looked into his beautiful, little face, all the pain was forgotten. You should see him, Trina. He looks exactly like Kevin. Head full of thick hair and all.”

  “Oooh,” I cooed. “What’s my nephew’s name?”

  “Kevin Andrew Day, Jr. What else?”

  “Of course. Don’t even know why I asked.”

  Gabe stirred in the bed next to me and let out a little snore. I reached over and smoothed my fingers through his wild hair.

  “So I know you guys are just getting settled in and all, and even though you said you’d be here as soon as he was born, I’d understand if—”

  “No way, Monnie. As soon as we get up, I’ll have Gabe start looking at plane tickets. We’ll give you guys a week or two to bond with baby Kevin, but after that, we’ll be there.”

  “Yeah?” I could hear her smiling into the phone.

  “Yeah.” I kissed Gabe’s closed eyelids and slid out of the bed so I wouldn’t wake him.

  “But what about . . . is Moms okay . . . you know, for you guys to leave her? We have plenty of room if you want to bring her. If she’s okay to travel that far again.”

  I walked down the long, narrow hall of our small house in Pemba, my feet swishing on the coarse sand that always littered the smooth, stone floor, no matter how many times I swept. “Girl, please. Moms is fine. You should see her. She’s eating well. She’s picked up about twenty pounds in the two months since we’ve been here. And there’s no way I could get her away from here. She ain’t leaving her babies, and they ain’t trying to let her go.”

  I peeked into Moms’s room. She was fast asleep, crowded in the bed with at least four children who found a way to sneak into her room after I shooed them away every night. There were at least six more scattered on the floor around the bed. I shook my head, but couldn’t help but smile.

  “Is she . . .” I could tell Monica was afraid to ask the question.

  “Healed? Girl, I guess so. It’s not like we have a CAT scan machine or anything like that here to check.” I stepped back into the hall and closed Moms’s door. “All I know is she’s getting stronger, fatter, and healthier every day. Her hair is growing back, her skin color is peachy again, and she can run around after the children all day long. A few days after we got here, she got rid of the oxygen tank her doctor insisted we bring after telling us how crazy we were for trying to take her halfway across the world. It’s been all good ever since.”

  “Wow. God is . . . awesome.”

  I walked down the hall a little farther, into the main room with the small kitchen, eating area, and living area. “Girl, awesome ain’t the word. I honestly never thought I’d see the day when my mother had anything good to say about Jesus, but she beats us to church for every service. She and the kids are
on the front row every time. You should see her teaching them stories from the Bible. I still can’t believe it.”

  I walked over to the large window and stared through the wire mesh screen out at the huge African moon. I could actually count the stars as their brightness contrasted against the pitch black sky. The thick, gnarly branches of the Baobab tree in the yard reached up to heaven, almost like it was praying.

  “I may see if Tiffany wants to fly down and meet us in Atlanta while we’re there,” I said. “Who knows when I’ll get a chance to spend some time with her again?”

  “Why? What’s going on with her?”

  I stepped out the front door and almost tripped over the mangy dog that seemed to think he was ours. I knew it was because Moms always snuck him food because she couldn’t stand seeing his ribs. “She, her friend Stacy, and Stacy’s two kids moved into Moms’s house in Baltimore after I rented my house out. They’re really getting things going with their fashion business,and I don’t know when she can get away to come over here again. Not that she’d be trying to visit. You should have seen her while she was here for the wedding. Everything was ‘eeeuwww’ this and ‘yucky’ that.”

  Monica laughed. “Sounds like how I would be if I came over there to visit.”

  “If?” I took a deep breath, inhaling the ever present, acrid odor of burning brush and trash. “Don’t even try it. As soon as the baby’s old enough, you have to come visit. It’s only fair. Besides, you never know what might happen the first time you come. You might like it and decide to move over here too.”

  “No chance of that, girl. Like I said before, I like my nice big house in suburbia and my perm and my long, hot baths in my Jacuzzi, and my swimming pool, and all my favorite restaurants here in Atlanta, and the mall and my—”

  “Okay, Monnie. I get it.” I walked back into the house and closed the door behind me. “If I want to see you, I have to come there.”

  We both laughed. I walked back down the hall to my bedroom. “Okay, my friend. You get some rest and kiss my nephew for me. See you in about two weeks?”