Ascending Shadow

by Church K Calvert

  “Carl, please forgive Jeff. I think he’s just a little worried about what possible effects this could have on his future.”

  “My future?” Jeff retorted, “What about Lawrence’s future? He’s just finished Law school for Christ’s sake. We know what that takes, and we’re willing to take that away from him? To go against the reason we became lawyers in the first place, what does that say about our entire career? What’s the point if we’re willing to do this?”

  “Oh, come on, Jeff. So we’ll have one less low grade public defender in the pool of attorneys. We’re talking about ruining the reputation of the judge, of our office, our law enforcement. Our future District Attorney.”

  “Are you seriously bribing me right now? You disgust me, Richard. Are all the other District Attorneys this corrupt?”

  “Well yes,” Carl said with a laugh, Richard laughed, at Jeff’s naivety too.

  “How do you think you’re going to be able to stand up in a court and prove this case to a jury beyond a reasonable doubt?”

  “One of our troopers did us a little favor at the hospital. See they took them both to the hospital. One for the blood draw, and one for his injuries. They switched the vials,” Richard said.

  “This is disgusting,” Jeff said.

  “Jeff, I hope you don’t expect to step down from this case and ever have a case in my court again. I’ll destroy you as a lawyer, destroy your reputation, then destroy you as a person. You will sit second chair in this trial and you will win. If you don’t, then you and whatever family you have or will ever have will pay the price. Do not take my words lightly, Jeffrey. My son will not spend a minute in jail.”

  The tape went silent and Lawrence looked at me with his palms out, “So that’s what we have, that’s what Franklin has, and I suspect it is a conversation he has never heard before.”

  “Wow, so Franklin’s father was a judge or what?” I asked.

  “Correct. He just recently retired. Richard was the District Attorney and he went on to become a district court judge, and Jeff became the District Attorney.”

  “Well, that explains Franklin’s approach to life. He really thinks he’s untouchable.”

  “Well, he has been. He’s manipulated the gifted. He makes them believe they are flawed, that the only way to create balance in the world is to turn the lot they have been dealt to cause destruction. He claims that their gifts are the ultimate wrongdoing of the creator, so they have the right to incite chaos, that it is practically their duty.” I glanced to the side, remembering the convincing argument Franklin had with me. “I’m guessing this sounds familiar to you?”

  “It does. . .”

  “I’d like to say I have always been able to see the irrational side of his argument, but there were days, months, and years in prison where those words seemed true even to me. It’s like we go into this dark place and the words seem so authentic. The thoughts consume you and they become your truth. Franklin preys on the people in those places. He looks for the forgotten, the ones who have been through so much already and seen terrible things, people who are desperate. He presents this life of luxury, of importance, of free reign. He gives these people the tools for self-destruction, and it works every time.”

  “What do you plan to do to him?”

  “Well, taking someone like Franklin down takes time. We have to have all of our angles covered, we have to have a strong case. This is a risky and dangerous thing to uncover. To remove the blindfold unexpectedly from the public, to make them question the integrity of a justice system that they already assume is corrupt. If we do this, we cannot afford to be wrong. We must strike with precision. We can’t trust any local government at this point, so we’re going straight to the top. We’re hoping to be ready to meet with the governor next month and determine our next course of action.”

  “We? Jeff’s presenting with you?”

  “He is.”

  “That will literally ruin his life. I’m sure the man can barely walk after what I did to him ” I say as words escape me and guilt creeps into my stomach.

  Law surveys me for several moments, perhaps to see if my expression of guilt is authentic, or if a hidden pleasure lies below.

  “I was with Jeff as soon as you left. I was able to help him, right before I helped you. He knows what this will do to him.”

  “Then why would he do that?”

  “He wants to be free. He’s been nothing but a pawn since that day. Think about all the crime that happens here. How much of it gets reported? Franklin runs law enforcement, he runs the court, he runs the leaders, and gets one of his henchmen to destroy anyone who challenges them.” My mind wanders to the political event Caro and I crashed and what I did.

  “Franklin isn’t the only one who has responsibility in these crimes,” I said, knowing my own guilt.

  “I know that,” Law said.

  “What’s going to happen to us?” I asked.

  “My intention is to take down Franklin. I suspect the majority of his supporters will flee and leave him holding the ax. I’m not planning to go after his employees, if that’s what you‘re afraid of. However, you, me, all of us here have committed crimes against this world. Are you willing to take responsibility for them?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “I just feel like if I knew then what I know now, I would’ve made different choices. I’m not going to prison.”

  “What if prison isn’t your punishment? You think this life won’t repay us for what we’ve done? That’s why I created this place. Some of us have taken so much from the world, it is our duty to give back. I don’t know. Maybe, in doing so, we can offset some of what we’ve taken. We must give of ourselves.”

  “Like karma?”

  “In a sense, I suppose it is. However, I think we cannot earn redemption for what we have done. What we can do is make sure it doesn’t happen again, be a source of good in this world, mentor the future generation so that they never take the paths that we took.”

  “What’s the point then? What do we get out of it?”

  “The things we do, we aren’t seeking a reward. We’re trying to make the world a better place. We’re planting the seeds of trees we might never see blossom, much less the day when they cast shade- but one day they will, likely not for ourselves but for others. You are making substantial progress, Danielle, but I understand the process of growth takes time. I believe that because of your gift, you have the dual perspective of light and dark, which will constantly be with you, and could one day change this world.”

  “You refer to us and the bad things we’ve done as we, but I don’t understand what you have done wrong?”

  “I have things I have done that I, too, will have to answer for. Though one might not consider what I have done as bad as what others have done, I see no difference. My crimes, though not technically criminal, are no less than the things you or Franklin have done.”

  “What noncriminal act could be anywhere close to killing someone?”

  “I would tell you, but I don’t think you would quite understand at this point in your life. Maybe I will tell you someday, if you stick around.”

  “I intend to,” I said, letting him out of the obligation to answer the question. “Something is changing in me by being here. It’s like getting my life back or getting control of my life for the first time. I want more of that.”

  “Well, since you say you intend to stay, I won’t feel like I’m imposing too much by giving you this,” Law said, sliding one of his beepers across the table. It had my name on it.

  “I don’t know much about technology, but surely you know these aren’t ideal for emergencies,” I said, holding it up in the air, “Not that I don’t appreciate being part of the gang.”

  “It’s not exactly like the beeper you might be accustomed to. We can send messages instantly to everyone in the network. Mostly it’s for tracking, making sure we’re all safe.”
r />   “Well, thank you.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Casting Shadows

  As my time at the house continued, I became a sponge for knowledge. I wanted to know everything they had spent years learning. I needed to learn how they conquered their demons, how they controlled their gifts, how they grew. I trained as hard as I could. I woke up at four in the morning every day and ran. This drove Tanya crazy because every time I let my shadow out, she could hear its screams as she slept. Over time my shadow became softer, more disciplined. It began to heed some of my commands. When I trained with Jude, it still tried to have a go at him every time his shadow showed itself. It became slightly more playful than vicious. I met with Joyce on the weekends. She began to have therapy sessions with me, as well as the rest of the house. The sessions helped me take all the chaos in my mind and organize it into drawers so it didn’t simultaneously swarm about my mind. I was gaining clarity. I was beginning to connect the dots in my consciousness. I was feeling strong.

  “I’m curious about something and I think you’re the only one who can help explain it to me,” I said to Jude as we stretched outside of the house one Saturday evening.

  “What’s that?”

  “My shadow. Sometimes I feel it inside of me and sometimes it’s separate but I still feel it. But, sometimes I can feel it inside me but not my physical body. How many parts and variations of this thing are there? How does it work?”

  “That was probably the worst explanation I’ve ever heard, but I think I understand what you’re asking. Now, I know that our gifts are different, but I think I can explain how yours works. Here,” he went over and grabbed two leaves, a live one and a dead one, and two rocks, a big one and a small one.

  “What are these for?”

  “Think of it this way. This big rock is your physical body. This little rock is your consciousness or your absolute soul. Let’s say this dead leaf is your red shadow and this live leaf is your blue shadow. Generally, they are one vessel,” he said, stacking them on top of each other, “This is like homeostasis. All is well in the world. Generally, your shadows exist as energy, but with concentrated emotion, they manifest as phantoms. When your trigger word is used, your red shadow controls your physical body and when we exhaust your shadow, the phantoms become separate,” he said, placing the dead leaf off to the side, “Now, your consciousness can still align with it. It’s almost like a worker for you, depending how much control you have.” This idea reminded me of the time I attacked Christian.

  “However, I’m sure you’ve noticed sometimes it - as well as your blue shadow - will just go off and do whatever they want. Now, alternatively, your absolute soul can also embody that phantom, leaving your physical body behind. If you embody your phantom, you’ll notice that you are not visible to the rest of the natural world.” I began to think of the time I took Abel’s life. “Now, phantoms have very little tangible strength. They generally can only manifest a short reflex, like a light hit or grab. Separate from the body, they’re mostly energy, they can alter energy but not necessarily objects. That’s generally, not always, I’ve seen my shadow do some pretty bizarre things. For living things, they can confine their energy, drain their energy or life or, conversely, instill energy or life.”

  I looked at him a bit confused, running through the options in my mind.

  “Sometimes I can see my shadow, like across the room. It’s like I’m there with it one second and then I’m not.”

  “What you’re thinking of is shadow casting. Now, I don’t have the ability to do it, but I’ve heard that Dual Souls do. It’s so cool; it’s basically like momentary teleportation. Your physical body shoots into your phantom,” he said, moving the big rock over the dead leaf and back, “it creates a physical action, and then transfers back.”

  “And our shadows?”

  “They can interact with each other physically and with ourselves, to an extent.”

  “This all kind of makes sense. I just feel like all the things I can do only happen unintentionally. I just wish I could control these things more.”

  “You’re getting better. It’s all about controlling your emotions. Like they say, if you don’t control your emotions, they will control you. It takes a lot of discipline, but you’re making a lot of progress.”

  The idea of shadow casting became exceptionally intriguing to me. I wanted to learn this skill and master it. Although it was thought to be more advanced, it intrigued me the most. I had gotten to a point where if I ran in the morning as well as at night, I had a pretty good control of my shadow and could immediately separate the phantom from myself. These are the times I would sneak off into Caleb’s workout garage and practice shadow casting. Progress was very slow but every hour I practiced I felt a millimeter of improvement. It motivated me to practice tirelessly. At times I would practice from eleven at night until almost two in the morning, then wake up at four in the morning and do it all over again. Keeping my shadow exhausted made me feel one step ahead, but my physical body was not enjoying the toll I was taking on it. I wanted to find a better balance but was obsessed with the idea of mastering these skills. I could feel the tides beginning to turn; I could feel the light peeking out from behind the darkness inside me.

  I was practicing one of my routines late one night when I had an unexpected guest.

  “Thought you might be out here again,” said Caleb’s voice.

  “Hey,” I said, half excited, half concerned.

  “Are you working out?” he asked, looking around.

  “Not exactly,” I said, wiping sweat from my forehead.

  “You’ve been in here every night for weeks. What are you working on?”

  “You want to see?” I said with a grin.

  “Well, yeah. Is it part of your gift?” he asked with impatience and intrigue.

  I nodded my head, smiling.

  “What is it?”

  “Here, stand over here,” I said, positioning him toward the door and myself about ten feet from him, “You see that can of soda over there?”

  “Yeah, I see it.”

  “Watch it closely,” I said.

  “Christian,” I whispered to myself, as red drenched my vision. I saw Caleb take a couple steps back closer to the door. My shadow simultaneously separated from me and shot across the room to where I had strategically placed the soda can on the counter. It knew the drill by now. I concentrated as much as possible. In a millisecond, I cast my consciousness into my shadow. Now, the purpose of this training exercise was to pick up the soda and toss it back across the room to myself. Well, I hadn’t completely mastered all the aspect of this. Once I embodied my shadow, I picked up the soda. Step one complete. I drew back and threw it. Step two complete. Step three wasn’t quite as planned. The can went flying across the room and smacked Caleb in the forehead. My physical body resumed its position next to Caleb and my shadow dissipated.

  I rushed over to him, attempting not to laugh, yet truly concerned. He had fallen back and was sitting up against the wall, as a stream of blood flowed from a half circle on the right side of his forehead.

  “Was that part of it?” he asked with pain in his voice.

  “Oh my God, no,” I said, continuing to quell my laughter, “I’m so sorry. Let me see.”

  He looked up at me with his right eye closed to prevent the blood from running into it. I placed a hand on each side of his forehead, and I got a closer look. As I glanced at Caleb and his wound, I felt something. For a moment I could not believe it was real, but it happened. Blue enveloped my surroundings, warmth and emotion consumed me. His pain began to flow into me, like a bubbly poison in my veins. It moved through me, and then left my body. I wiped the blood from his forehead as he opened his eyes wide.

  “Oh my God, you did it!” he nearly shouted at me.

  “I fuckin’ did it!” I shouted back at him, astonished and proud.

  “Holy shit!” Caleb said. I laughed at the sound of Caleb a
ctually verbalizing a cuss word.

  “I wasn’t even sure it was still possible.”

  “I never doubted it,” Caleb said with a grin and he held up his hand to high five me. I slapped his hand and he pulled me in for a hug. Thinking at one point I wouldn’t even give him the courtesy of shaking his hand, I returned the hug with only slight reluctance.

  These new abilities and the fine tuning of previous abilities became more frequent. I had always heard the expression ‘expand your mind’ and was finally beginning to understand the meaning of this growth process. I was opening myself up and the miraculous was making its way in. That drive to put out good in the world was growing in me. I wanted to spread the good news and to help people.

  “Danielle, where do you see yourself in the next year?” asked Joyce, sitting on the couch across from me in the living area for our weekly counseling session. I had been lying on my back during the bulk of our conversation and sat up.

  “I know this is going to sound crazy, but I’ve been thinking about something,” I said, looking intently into Joyce to survey her reaction when I confessed my desire.

  “Well, let’s hear it,” she said, sitting up straighter, seemingly in preparation for the answer.

  “I’ve just been thinking about how important this place is, this house,” I replied, waving my hand in the air, “It’s changed my life so much, for the better, in just a few months. I can’t imagine if I had never come here what my life would have been destined to become. Then I think there’s more people out there like me.”

  “This is true.”

  “I was thinking that -maybe not next year but maybe someday. . . I could do what Law does and have a refuge like this for people like me.”

  The expression that crossed Joyce’s face was one I had only seen once before. It was stifled admiration. She allowed a smile to drift onto her face and said, “I believe that dream is obtainable and admirable. You’ve grown a lot.”