Come Back To Me.

by G. V. Steitz

  “You look better. Are you still cold? You look like you are buried in there.” Charlie said, looking around me like he couldn’t really see me and he was trying to find me.

  I watched him act like an imbecile, waiting for the show he was trying to put on to come to an end. “Are you done?” I ask dryly, as I continued to fight with the brush.

  Charlie walked over to me, taking the brush out of my hands, he twirled his finger, motioning for me to turn around and I just glared at him through my narrowed eyes.

  “Will you relax, Good God, I am not going to beat you with the brush. I am only going to help you. I have a little sister.” Charlie offered, and I moved to turn my back to give him access to my bird’s nest of a hair style I was wearing proudly. I quickly twisted myself around, “if I see any funny business you will regret it.” I dared him.

  “Scouts honor.” He said, holding back a smile and crossing his heart and giving me a salute.

  I turned back and tried to relax. “That wasn’t the correct Boy Scout salute/hand signal either incase you were unaware.” I told him, knowing full well he was apparently, never in the scout’s.

  “Caught again. God, can’t you cut me some slack here? I am trying to be nice you know.” Charlie said as I felt the bed shifting where he was repositioning himself to sit closer to my back in order to brush my hair better. I lowered my head, feeling bad for biting his head off.

  Charlie did in fact; know how to brush out my hair. I felt his energy as his hands touched my skin at the nape of my neck. I shivered a couple times. It’s been five years since I felt those charges giving me tingling sensations throughout my body, and it was a little distracting, not to mention difficult to get used to again.

  “I had a heart attack while I was playing football in college.” Charlie began telling me what I really wanted to ask. Strange how he knew that. I suppose it’s a logical question to anyone who received an organ transplant.

  “I had played football my entire life, never having had any problems. Once I got into college, I started feeling sharp pains in the chest. I figured it was heart burn. After the first year of ant-acids not working, I began to think it was asthma. Then, in the middle of training in my second year, I had a sharp direct pain in my chest, causing me to fall flat on my face, passing out. By the time I was admitted into ICU, and on a respirator, I was told I had a bad heart. They called it a ‘broken heart’, if you can believe that.” Charlie paused, taking his hands and running them down the sides of my hair, smoothing out my hair, giving me the chills again, I shivered. I felt the bed shift, as Charlie pulled away from me, giving me a feeling of loss. I turned around and grabbed my brush. “Thank you.” I said softly as I shoved the brush back into my purse.

  “May I sit here?” Charlie asked, as he was motioning to the foot of the bed, on top of the comforter.

  I shrugged. “It’s your bed. I should be asking you that. I should be leaving anyway.”

  “Yeah, I don’t think so. I need to tell you this. It’s important to both of us. Besides, you don’t have your car here, tomorrow is Sunday so you don’t have to work and you need someone to take you to get your car. And it’s still storming out there, which I am sure you can hear.” Charlie declared all of what he was saying as gospel.

  “Fine.” I commented.

  “So… As I was saying…” Charlie began as he scooted back against the footboard, his legs folded Indian style, and he slipped back into his story. “I was placed on the organ donor registry. I was really praying for a miracle. Three days later, I was told they had a match. That happened to be the day after you lost Rick.” Charlie said, with a visible knot inside him, he made a noticeable swallow, forcing his Adams apple to bob up and down, which I noticed Charlie was having a difficult time telling me his story, and that actually made me relax a bit. Settling back against the head board, I mirrored his position, sitting in the same fashion, waiting for him to continue.

  “I will never forget that day. For as long as I live. You can’t imagine how incredibly grateful and incredibly saddened I was all at the same time. It was like some sad joke either God or the Devil was playing on me. I mean, knowing you are receiving a heart, only means someone died to give it to you. I know Rick know me personally, but it didn’t make me feel any better knowing his loved ones would be suffering a loss, while mine was gaining a life saved. I was told that due to the nature of the donation, I was not allowed to located or search for the donor’s family for two years in order to protect their privacy. Also in case they didn’t want to be notified or confronted. After I was given permission to contact the Keller’s, I just… I felt so guilty. I must of written 500 letters to them. I mean, what do you say to a family who lost their son, only to give you an organ from his body that keeps you alive.” Charlie paused, giving me a sense of sympathy for him and his situation. He was obviously being sincere, and visibly affected by the situation, and I was as well. My eyes releasing silent tears as they fell onto my cheeks, I quickly wiped them away.

  “So, finally I realized I needed to contact them. To find you.” Charlie told me which made me quickly shoot my eyes to look at his. I studied his expression. Searching for what he meant by that comment.

  “What do you mean, find me? You didn’t even know me. How could you try to find me when you didn’t know I was someone to be found?” I asked feeling nervous by his statement, worrying he was back to playing me again.

  Charlie took a deep breath. “You won’t believe a word I am about to tell you. But I still have to tell you. So please, try not to think badly of me. Please. I am telling you the honest to God’s truth.” He told me.

  I nodded, waiting to hear his story he thought I wouldn’t believe. And I should have known better to think otherwise because Charlie was right, I didn’t and couldn’t believe him.

  “Going into my third year, not having contacted Rick’s family, fighting the battle inside of me on how to contact them, how to confront them, thank them.” Charlie shrugged. “I started to have dreams.” Charlie told me slowly, like he needed me to take it all in before more information came spilling out of his mouth.

  “Dreams? What kind of dreams?” I asked, sounding very interested in what he was selling.

  “Dreams, well… More like flashes of scenes. Of… Of Rick. His family and mostly Rick showed me you.” Charlie told me, giving him a quick look like he seen a ghost from my reaction. I immediately felt like I could pass out. I started to breathe like I was going into hyperventilating. I was shaking. Charlie came up to my side and took my hand in his immediately. I felt the charge going from him to me through our hands. Shaking my head, I didn’t believe this. Pulling my hand out from his, I pulled myself to the opposite side of the bed, looking around on how to escape.

  Charlie watched me like I was some sort of caged animal. “Dallas… Please, please believe me. I am not trying to freak you out. I know how crazy this sounds. Please, let me tell you the rest.” He pleaded. And right before I was able to run out of the room, Charlie yelled. “I can prove it.” Causing me to stop cold in my tracks, I didn’t move. I was afraid to turn around and face Charlie, in fear he was playing a mind game on me. I was afraid to leave because I thought maybe I needed to hear what he had to say, to convince me he was being honest.

  “I’ll give you three minutes to convince me. Otherwise I am leaving.” I offered without turning around.

  “Ok, nothing like putting me on the spot…” Charlie said as he started to pace. “Ok, I know you were meant to marry on Valentine’s Day the following year before Rick passed away. I know you were coming home from someone’s house you went to visit and a truck hit you. Hit Rick’s side of the car. Threw him from the car. You were holding him, his head was smashed up. He could you crying and begging him to stay with you. He couldn’t answer you. He wanted you to know he loved you. He still loves you. He will always love you. And… He wanted to tell you what he was feeling, but he couldn’t talk. He tried, thinking he couldn’t make sense of his wor
ds. But Oh God, Dallas, he had a tattoo of DR on his left hip. Your favorite color is pink, even though you never like to admit it. You’re obsessed with pizza; he only pretended to like it as much because you loved it so much. He gave you a dozen chocolate roses every year for Valentine’s Day because other than pizza, you have some obsession with chocolate. You forced him to take dance lessons for your wedding. He hated but you loved so he did it. You were going to go to Italy for your honeymoon. You both loved to swim. You have known Rick since you were 15, after moving here from Texas. Your favorite flower is calla lily, even though secretly, your REAL favorite is hyacinthine and lilac. And the last thing you were saying to Rick, while you waited for the ambulance to arrive, was “Come Back to me.” Except Rick wanted to tell you, he was never leaving you. He would always be with you.” Charlie finished. “There’s probably more, but off the top of my head in order to try to make you believe me, I can’t think of anything more at the moment.”

  I felt Charlie slowly walking up towards me from behind. I motioned my hand for him to stop. I needed a moment to put it back together inside me. I was falling apart inside and I didn’t know how to put myself back together. I wished for the pain to stop. I gasped for air, trying to keep it together, I just couldn’t. Soon after that I felt Charlie’s arm slowly snake around my waist. I could feel Charlie’s hard body up against my back, he carefully leaned into my shoulder and I could feel his warm breath on my neck. “Do you want to feel Rick’s heart beat inside me?” Charlie whispered. I couldn’t talk. All I could do is cry. I nodded. Charlie slowly turned me around to face him. I didn’t want to look up at Charlie’s face. He reached down and took my left hand. The hand that held Rick’s ring, my left hand, because I was left handed and when Rick promised something, he always took my left hand and placed it over his heart. Promising me whatever it was I wanted him to promise. Charlie brought my hand up to his chest, sliding my hand under his shirt he unbuttoned, gently placing it over his hard chest where Rick’s heart beats inside of him. Immediately I felt the energy between us. It practically made me hiss from the sizzle it felt under my hand. And as soon as I felt Rick’s heart beating for the first time, I let out a long breath I didn’t realize I was holding. His heart beat and the strong beat immediately soothed my soul. It was so comforting to actually feel his heart beating. Beating to keep Charlie alive, I closed my eyes, and leaned my forehead against him. Charlie sensing my raw emotions, feeling vulnerable, he gently wrapped his arms around my, bringing me into his embrace. I laid my cheek against his chest, and I listened to his heart beating inside of him. Strong and forceful, keeping perfect time, I finally felt relaxed. I finally felt some peace. For the first time, since Rick passed away, I finally felt at ease and I knew Rick’s life was not lost in vain, but in fact saved Charlie. I no longer felt hatred or any ill feelings towards Charlie. It’s almost like Rick was meant to save his life. Rick was his guardian angel. I still felt sad for loosing Rick, but I no longer felt completely empty. I no longer felt I couldn’t go on living because I lost the one man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I finally felt safe again. I didn’t know if it was because of Charlie or Rick, or both. Rick’s heart was in Charlie, but Charlie was the man I could be comforted by. Then I worried that I would give Charlie the wrong impression. What if I cared for Charlie because he had Rick’s heart? That wouldn’t be fair or right to do to Charlie. But now… Now, feeling Rick’s heart, with Charlie holding me, I felt like I wanted to get to know Charlie. I just didn’t know where this put the two of us. I didn’t want to move away from the soothing sound and feel of Rick’s heart beating, but I didn’t want to make Charlie more uncomfortable so I gently moved, pulling myself away from his chest. I looked up to Charlie, he still having the back of my head, cradled in his hand, and the other moving from the middle of my back to my shoulder, his eyes found mine.

  “Thank you for allowing me to feel his heart beating, making me feel better.” I told him.

  Charlie looked back at me with the sweetest smile and kindest look, shining through his eyes. He leaned down and placed a light kiss on the top of my forehead. Any time sweetness.” He whispered. “Since we are both die hard pizza lovers, care to order one?” Charlie asked looking hopeful, making me laugh. He dragged his thumb across my cheek, catching the last of my tears running down my tear stained face. I nodded and Charlie winked back at me before he tugged at my hand, pulling me out of the bedroom and down the stairs to his house.

  “Come on; let me show you around the mighty kingdom.” He stated, sounding proud as a peacock.

  5.

  He took me on a tour of his very generous looking home. I didn’t know what he did for a living, I didn’t know if I could ask, so I didn’t but whatever it was, he was doing well. Charlie had an industrial style kitchen. Julia Child’s would find this drool worthy. He had a huge open space from the kitchen that opened up into a great room, with vaulted ceilings. Charlie took me through the dining room, comfortably able to seat 10. Into the great room with a double sided fireplace in the center of the room, one side of the fireplace, he had a huge sectional placed to give it a warm inviting feel that wrapped around to each side of the room. The other side he had a 60 inch flat screen 3d screen and every electronic known to man to give even a best buy employee a chubby. The great room also had sliding doors on each side of the fireplace with a huge back deck. It must have been about 150 feet wide, and about 50 feet deep. He had a delicious looking pool, complete with waterfall cascading at the end, lit up with the under water lighting. Charlie picked up the phone to call in the pizza. Hearing him order, I knew I didn’t need to tell him what I liked. Apparently he already knew that. Charlie had pictures scattered around. He was in a great deal of them. All different ages as he grew up in what looked like a loving family. He was always with one of his siblings, and doing some activity with them in the pictures.

  “Wine?” Charlie asked from behind me. I turned to face him, smiling, I graciously accepted.

  “Wine is excellent. What is it?” I asked, taking in the dry full bodied flavor. A bit spicy, a hint of cherry and a little nutty. Very nice red wine.

  “Merlot. I have it on good authority you enjoy merlot, and Riesling. You enjoy vodka tonics with extra lime, amaretto on the rocks, and Cosmo’s.” He recited them all.

  “Impressive.” I said as I nodded.

  “Come over here, sit down and relax while we wait for the pizza, which you will love. Trust me, it’s the best!” Charlie said with such enthusiasm it made me giggle a little. “Ok, ask me anything. I want to get to know you more. I was hoping you might feel the same.” Charlie put out there, testing the waters.

  I nodded. “Married?”

  “Ah… Nope, I never have been. I was engaged, she broke it off after I had my heart transplant. She seemed not able to deal with the fact my football career that never started, would in fact never actually start.” Charlie shrugged like it was no big deal, but it was a big deal and I felt terrible for his broken heart.

  “What a bitch.” I said, making Charlie look up at me with a huge grin and just burst out a loud deep laugh.

  “I thought so too, but I suppose I didn’t want you to think I am as insensitive as you might have thought I was.” He said, taking another sip from his wine before looking back up at me.

  I couldn’t stop looking at him. He nearly looked angelic. Who in their right mind would break up with this man because of his heart transplant? Unbelievable. “Kids?” I asked, taking another sip of my yummy wine.

  “Nope, However, I do hope to some day.” He offered with a wagging of his eye brows, making me shake my head and laugh again. Funny guy. “Gay?”

  “Ah… Wrong brother. James, my older brother is gay. He is married to his long time boyfriend Tommy. I stood up in there wedding. And as disappointed as my brother is in me not interested in the ‘stronger sex’, his words, not mine, he still accepts me as his foolish brother. I did have to go on a double date once with him because h
e liked this guy. It was really a mess. Needless to say, when we parted ways and I didn’t kiss him on the lips, he got all bitchy with me and I told him to stop acting like a little baby and not get his panties in a bunch. The four of us ended up in a heated discussion, which lead to a fight, and then my brother didn’t talk to me for a month.”

  “Wow.” I said, looking surprised but still smiling, my lips twitching from side to side, trying not to laugh. I could see him on a date with this guy to help his brother out. I thought it was adorable. He refilled my glass of wine and we stayed on either side of the couch studying each other.

  I heard my phone buzz, letting me know I had a message. “Sorry, I need to check this.” I said pulling out my phone from my purse I had on the floor near the couch.