First One In Last One Out

by Laura Marie Henion

  "Ahh, you're just being nice. I appreciate that though."

  She watched him look at the photograph and appear as if he reminisced about the time and circumstances of that particular moment.

  "You know Angel, it's not easy living when it feels like so many good people doing good things around you are dying.” He locked gazes with her and it was as if Brad knew what she had gone through and how she continued to suffer.

  "The thing is, I could let all the negative things and the losses eat me up alive, make me die inside but what good would that be?” He nervously placed his one hand in the pocket of his pants, shrugged his shoulders and appeared shy and embarrassed about his emotional statement.

  "I got a lot of friends and family around. I learned long ago that I shouldn't waste time mourning and feeling guilty for living and actually making it to retirement. It happens and I guess God's got plans for me."

  Katie felt her eyes fill with tears. Brad reached out and touched her hand.

  "You're going to be fine. You're a McKeller, you've got that special thrive that emits from someone who doesn't give up. You're an angel."

  Katie smiled and it didn't appear that Brad expected a verbal response from her. She wouldn't have been able to give him one because she knew if she spoke she would have began to cry and probably never stop. She stayed another 15 minutes talking to Brad then left for home.

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  Chapter 5

  "Lea, please don't be silly darling, Katie's not going to hate you. The boy's won't hate you either,” William stated, holding Lea by the shoulders.

  "I can't, Willy. The kids will not understand and Katie is still being distant as it is. It would not be right for us to continue. We're not teenagers, you know.” Lea tried to pull away from William but he would not budge.

  They were not teenagers, they were adults. They were still young, she was forty-nine and William was fifty-two. They could not help their attraction to one another, they had always been close and it took a while for her to get over the fact that William was Mack's best friend.

  She closed her eyes and thought about Mack, her high school sweetheart. They were just kids when they got married. The tears came on instantly.

  "Oh Lea, don't do this. Don't live in the shadow of his death. You are young and beautiful. I love you."

  Lea covered her chest with her hand.

  "Oh no, William, please don't talk so foolishly."

  "I'm not talking foolishly. I love you, damn it! And you love me!” He pulled her into an embrace, holding her head close to his chest.

  Lea inhaled the scent of William's body, the manliness and the strength. She missed that feeing of safety in a man's touch and all the love and affection that went with it. She craved it, having missed that attention for so long.

  William rubbed Lea's hair, spoke softly to her, their bodies close.

  "I'm not giving up on us. We need each other, can't you see that?"

  "We shouldn't have done this. We have to stop,” she whispered as the tears slowly traveled down her cheeks.

  She felt William's hand move up her back, past her neck then cradle her head. The chills, the excitement his touch alone stirred within her was enormous. She shook with anticipation and need.

  William's other hand lifted Lea's chin forcing her to look into his eyes.

  "Don't ever say you regret us. I am going to make you see we are right. We make the perfect team."

  William's lips covered Lea's. He kissed her passionately, her head tilted back, her arms held him tight. His hands caressed her possessively, his body's need to take her right here right now was obvious by the hardness against her belly.

  Lea embraced William's demands. She did not think, she just reacted and allowed her needs to take the lead.

  William's mouth covered Lea's neck with kisses and he frantically tore at the buttons of her blouse.

  Lea stayed in shape, watched her diet and exercised daily. William cared about his body and health as well. It was something they had in common.

  His hands roamed over her backside then he gave a possessive squeeze pulling Lea's thigh up against his hip.

  William's lips found Lea's again and she pulled at his shirt demanding he remove it.

  She helped him lift it up over his head. Her heart raced at the sight of him. He was muscular, toned, had a firemen's body, ready for the brutality of the danger that lurked on each fire call.

  "I love you, Lea, don't fight me. Don't fight us,” he whispered then gently laid Lea down on his bed.

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  Chapter 6

  The following morning, Katie was getting ready to leave for her routine jog on the beach. She opened the back door and found her mom just about to use her key.

  Lea gasped in shock.

  "Sorry. Is everything all right?” Katie asked.

  Her mom's hair was messy and she was wearing the same clothes as yesterday.

  "I'm fine. Off for a jog?” Lea asked as she ran her hand through her hair.

  "Yep. I put the coffee on,” Katie responded.

  "Oh great. I forgot to do that this morning.” Lea replied nervously then nibbled her bottom lip. Katie couldn't help but feel like her mom was up to something.

  "Mom, are you sure you're all right? You look pale,” Katie asked as she held her mom's forearm.

  Lea pulled her daughter into an embrace. “I love you Katie. I'm so glad you're home."

  The hug caught Katie off guard. The sudden show of affection in the doorway sent up a signal immediately in Katie's mind. Then she smelled the men's cologne. Katie's eyes widened in surprise. Her mom had a boyfriend, a lover? Oh, my God, and Katie just busted her from being out all-night with some strange man.

  Surely, the boys would have mentioned this.

  Katie decided to play dumb. Obviously, her mom was not ready to share the news.

  "I love you too, Mom. I'll see you later."

  Katie was not sure how she felt about her mom having a lover. Dad had been gone for years now. Surely her mom needed to feel loved, held by a man. It was natural to need such intimacy, but it had to be tough.

  Katie recalled her relationship with Bradley. They were lovers too, and although it was only a short six months, it was still difficult to think about being that intimate with someone else ever again. Katie could not imagine being married, having grown children and the same lover for nearly thirty years. Losing a spouse and then trying to be intimate with someone else had to be hell. Her mom may be feeling guilty and wondering what Katie and her brothers’ reactions would be.

  Katie could not help but wonder who that person was for her mom.

  Katie thought about the phone conversation she had with Bradley's sister Terry yesterday. It was a quick conversation just as the two others before it were. Was Terry trying to dissolve their relationship because of Bradley? Maybe Terry blamed Katie after all?

  Katie's heart ached. Terry had been her best friend, had known everything about her. However, Bradley was Terry's brother. Perhaps it would be easier to just forget about one another?

  Katie swallowed hard, feeling the swelling in her throat and the tears fill her eyes. God it hurt so badly. Will it ever not hurt so badly? Could Terry be trying to end their friendship?

  Katie thought about it for a moment and it suddenly seemed possible.

  Then Katie thought about what Terry told her when Katie announced that she was heading back home.

  "You have to do this Katie. You have to move on with your life, it's what my brother would have wanted. I love you and you know I will miss you but you have to get out of Bolton Bay before the memories and the past eat you alive."

  A tear escaped her eye. Terry knew her so well, they were so close they were like sisters. Terry understood and empathized with the emotions and what Katie was feeling. There was no hiding it from her best friend.

  No ... it couldn't be that. Terry was busy with her new job and being a newlywed. She mentio
ned the investigation and how Lou and Kenny were still working to catch Redding Jr. Maybe there was more to that. Maybe Redding struck and Terry did not want to tell Katie.

  Katie sighed and suddenly felt even sadder and more depressed. She felt alone, cut off from any information or update on the case and the worry now consumed her.

  She continued to jog down the beach. Katie did not go as far as the lighthouse and it was difficult to focus on her work out this morning. She slowed down her pace.

  The shoreline caught her gaze, her attention now drawn to the sequence of each wave turning into bubbling foam along the beach's edge. How gracefully the water touched the coffee colored sand then disappeared either absorbing into the sand itself or returning to the large body of sparkling, deep blue water. There was peacefulness, a therapeutic appeal to watching the tide enter then exit. Then of course, like clockwork, Katie could not embrace that peacefulness or feeling of contentment. No, she was not deserving of such pleasure, such a spiritual connection with nature and God.

  She thought about what happened yesterday at the firehouse. First, the conversations about the serial arsonist, Earl Redding Jr., his heinous acts and ability to still evade capture. She thought she would die when her brother asked if she knew of the case and the arsonist. She knew all too well. It was only a matter of time before she would have to tell her family the details.

  The sound of the sirens, the bell ringing and the firefighters running in the same direction had brought back memories both good and bad.

  Her response to everything was understandable. She had been facing nothing but firefighters, victims of fires, colleague nurses like Lucy whose main idea of achievement in life was to nail as many probies as possible. She shook her head at the thought and the comment from Lucy about Ryan.

  "He's a God, Katie, and he has his eye on you."

  Of course, Katie tried not to think about what Ryan looked like in uniform or the way his precious green eyes took on a different deeper color green the second the bell sounded at the firehouse. She should not be looking at him so closely and noticing such things. It just was not right.

  Katie sat down on the sand, giving up the fight to continue her work out. It was no use so she looked out towards the ocean, hugging her knees to her chest.

  The sound of waves gently caressing the shoreline should have sounded peaceful. It was low tide and the seashells were everywhere.

  Childhood memories of the firehouse invaded her thoughts.

  The day before her father died she stopped by to see him and the chief.

  She always cherished that day and she recalled the look of pride and determination in her father's eyes. He was proud that Michael was in the same company and Billy was a probie. It must have given her dad an immense feeling of pride to know that two of his sons would be working side by side with him.

  She thought about Michael and his need to protect her. Billy and Donny felt that brotherly protectiveness as well but Michael was different.

  He acted more fatherly, like he needed to protect Katie and it was as if he wanted to shelter her from the realities of life. He probably did not want her to make the same mistakes he did. That was a parental instinct.

  What Michael did not realize was that it was excessively late. Katie had her fill and then some of life changing events, heartache and loss.

  The battle to accept her life was difficult, especially on days like today when she questioned her existence.

  Michael loved her just as Donny, Billy and Mom did. Nevertheless, the way Michael looked at her, obviously trying to figure out what happened in the last few years of her life, made telling them the truth even harder.

  Surely, Michael would be upset when he heard the details of the fire and how so many lives were lost. Firefighters had a hard time accepting casualties. They wanted to save everyone, especially their comrades.

  The time was approaching and the ability to avoid it was drawing to a close.

  A couple of times Katie had awoken in a cold sweat and her mom outside her bedroom door asking if she was all right. Katie lied of course, blaming her nightmares on late dinners and events at the hospital.

  Lying to her mom hurt inside. She never did that, not even as a young child.

  It was the way their parents raised them, with morals, values and a strong family network and foundation. They were close as a family and she nearly blew it all. What if she had died in that fire? Katie never would have had that opportunity to share in her family's lives again or them in hers.

  Her intentions to workout were dissolved by her own pessimistic outlook on her life. Her mind's recollection of certain sequences of events sent her on an emotional roller coaster. Alone with the beach, the waves, and some higher power that some days she honored and others she questioned. How does God pick and choose who dies and who survives?

  Katie remembered when she was a little girl, her dad and William would let her sit in the fire truck. A couple of times they allowed her to assist them in washing the truck.

  Gosh, she remembered the enormity of the engine and her dad showing her everything it contained after her multiple questions of ‘what's that for,’ and ‘what else is it carrying?'

  She recalled his facial expression. He was smitten that his little girl wanted to know everything about his world, his profession, his vocation in life. Katie could see that now but as a child her focus was on the curiosity of it all.

  In her eyes, her daddy was a hero whether he was a firefighter or Daddy.

  Katie swallowed hard. She missed him dearly.

  There were some good memories there.

  Nevertheless, the sound of the sirens blaring so close by and the firefighters running towards the garage had made her think of that night at The Club.

  The explosion, people screaming, Katie shook her head side to side. She did not want to remember.

  No. No, damn it, I won't do this.

  Katie held the sides of her head and damned every thought.

  The panicky feeling seemed to cover her whole body, inside and out. She shook with fear, with uneasy anticipation of lack of control over remembering. Forceful, painful sometimes-debilitating recollections of the fire and Bradley's horrific death.

  Bradley letting go of her hand, so he would not take her down with him. When she closed her eyes and even in her dreams, she could see his face clearly through the smoke, through the flames and the rumbling from the multiple explosions below.

  She began to cry.

  Why couldn't she just forget about it?

  Why did she torture herself so much?

  The anger was enormous, the hate for what had happened to Bradley and to the others was heart wrenching.

  Someone had set the fire on purpose and that chilled her to the bone. She wondered if the detectives had caught him yet but Kenny or Lou would have called her. They were in charge of the case and were on the hunt for the serial arsonist. The guys at the firehouse had just heard a recent report on the news and Redding was still at large.

  Katie could see Redding, Jr.'s face. His image embedded in her mind.

  Usually a dark shadow surrounded his image but the brightness of the sun and sitting on the beach seemed to make his image clearer.

  Brown hair, five foot eight, heavyset, bad complexion, he had deep blue eyes outlined in red to match his swollen eyelids. He was a psycho out of control and still out there somewhere causing pain.

  Katie longed for the day to get that call confirming Redding's capture or that he died in a fire he had set. That would mean closure for so many victims and their families.

  Again, the sirens going off at the firehouse filled her thoughts.

  Firefighters running to get their gear, preparing as best they could for what they were about to face. Her two brothers were living that life just as their father had. She could not help but worry about their safety or about the calls they had to go on. They never know what to expect but just seem to go anyway, understanding that it is their job, their mi
ssion appointed from some higher power. The firefighters in Bolton Bay could have never imagined such a horrific sight. So many people died, trapped and burned alive. Firefighters were injured, many were still going through counseling because of it. Katie had met many of them, wanting to thank them for their efforts. She had been over her side of the story as she went through it. The firefighters were sympathetic. They lost one of their own that day.

  She wished Bradley had been working in his firehouse that day instead of being out with her. Then he would still be alive.

  He saved her by pulling her towards the staircase and letting go of her hand before the floor collapsed.

  Katie cried harder at the thought.

  The people screaming, burning, pleading for help continued to haunt her thoughts.

  Laying her head against her knees she cried harder, fogging up her sunglasses. She was about to remove them when she heard the male voice.

  "You've got some explaining to do!” Ryan yelled as he made his way across the sand towards her.

  He had seen her while he was jogging and it was as if his wish had come true.

  He was thinking about her the last few days. He could not get her out of his mind. He became angrier and angrier at the thought that she pretended to be involved with Michael. That was cruel.

  What was her problem? He wasn't good enough for her? He could have his choice of women. Damn Katie McKeller!

  The tantrum he had was fresh in his head as he approached the culprit of his anger.

  Katie did not even acknowledge him and now he was fuming.

  "Did you hear me?"

  "Excuse me,” Katie blurted back at Ryan. She was in a mood for a fight and he would do fine.

  "You have some nerve. Trying to pretend your brother was your boyfriend."

  "I didn't do any such thing. You assumed!"

  "Bull! You hugged his arm, kissed his cheek, and winked at him. Then I find out the truth. What game are you playing?” He demanded as he moved closer.

  Katie could feel the heat reach her cheeks. Her hands were balls of fists by her side. She was so mad, so emotional and she directed everything at Ryan.