A LIL' LESS BROKEN

by Tara Oakes

  I stood stunned. Shell shocked and unable to move. But, he wasn't done yet. "You're a big girl now Lil's.. You make your own decision. I'm not forcing you to do shit. I'm simply telling you how its gonna be if you choose to stay. You can walk out that door same as you walked in. You don't want to be my ol 'lady then go... go be free and I hope they don't catch up with you right away. We took a vote on this. Club’s on board. You leave here, you leave me and you start a war. No way are they gonna stand around and let those fuckin' bastards do what they planned on doin' to you without retaliating. So now you know everything involved. Give me your answer."

  Time stood still. It simply paused. I thought about my brother, my pop my uncle's and everyone who loved me. Everyone who I'd abandoned two years ago and still stood up for me today. I thought of what might happen to them if I made another selfish decision. I thought of Jay, my Jay who tried his best to be everything I needed him to be. The boy who promised me things and turns out never broke his word. I thought of the man in front of me now. The man I'd hurt and abandoned because of my own insecurities and how he still risked it all for me.

  "I'll stay.... I'll be yours."

  "O.K. then." Jay spoke very slowly. I'm not quite sure he expected the answer I gave him. "Finish up your sandwich and then take a shower. I have some calls to make." He walked past me and left me standing in the middle of the kitchen. Something deep down inside me felt different. Not exactly broken, but not like before. I felt shame.

  ******

  After what seemed like a long time reflecting about how I had gotten where I was, I cleaned up the mess in the kitchen and headed toward the bathroom to shower the stink of bar room brawl off of me. Hopefully the lingering scents of embarrassment, fear, and shock would wash away also. As I passed the open basement door, I took a peek down but not enough to be seen. The music was turned way up and I heard the clashing of weights from below. Jay had a full size gym down there. Part of his man cave. As long as I've known him, he's always blown off steam by lifting weights. It explains why the man is built the way he is. He's got more muscles than a goddamned professional wrestler. I was probably the motivation behind most of them.

  I entered the bedroom we once shared. The place where we had our most private moments. The place where he held me as I cried when my grandma died, the place where we laughed until it hurt and he made me call out his name in passion. I ran my fingers along the dresser that was once mine, the oiled wood smooth under my fingertips. Opening the top drawer, I'm not sure what I was expecting. I rummaged through some of my old underwear and pajamas. He hadn't emptied my drawers. They were exactly as I had left them. My hand felt something cold and hard at the bottom. I pulled it out and stared at the picture frame. It was my prom picture. Jay and I looked so happy. So in love, so untouched by shit. I remember the faculty nearly died when we showed up. I had turned eighteen just weeks before and so legally they couldn't bar us from attending despite our age difference. That was also the night I gave him my virginity. He was so gentle and so loving. He made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. I reached around for any other pictures hidden away in the depths. I found one of us on his bike and one standing in front of this house the day Jay closed. I was still living at home with pops but Jay always told me he bought the house for me. As soon I was older and finished with college, pop said he would give us his blessing for me to move in with the unspoken understanding that it would be done the right way. I would wear his patch and even his ring if he asked.

  So many memories flooded over me. Memories that I had pushed deep down below those of the tattoo girl and what I was sure was something it turns out it wasn't. I put all of the picture frames back on top of the dresser. I stripped down, throwing my clothes in a pile on the floor, letting my hair loose from its clip and made my way into the bathroom to take a long shower.

  Jay had the bathroom redone shortly after he moved in. It had a large stand up shower with a built in seat and we each had our own shower head. Knowing how much I liked to take baths, he found an old claw foot soaking tub at an estate sale. He and Tiny hauled the thing in themselves nearly breaking the door in the process. I turned the shower water up hot and got in drowning my problems in lather. Hearing the bathroom door open behind me, I turned to see.

  The steam was rising as a barrier hiding his shape until he opened the shower door and stepped in. He was all sweaty from his weights, and glistened. His muscles bulged from their recent strain. I looked over him, comparing what I found to what I remembered. There were a few more tattoos than I recall. They were all so beautiful. Jay had a thing for intricate, almost gothic body art. Not just your usual skulls, guns and thorns that adorned most bikers. His Tats all had meaning, all were well planned out and I was by his side when he got many of them. I brought myself to lower my gaze to the tattoo near his hip. My tattoo. My Lil' One. It was quickly dwarfed by his growing penis. Jay must have seen my attention peak as he walked over to me.

  He was close enough to press his full length against mine. The heat from the water now paled in comparison to that from his own body. He grazed his mouth on my shoulders, my throat as he grabbed my ass and pushed me even closer in to him. His dick was now pressed into my belly dropping low and grazing the entrance between my legs. He squeezed my ass and then smacked it, leaving a vibrating sting behind. I gasped for air mainly in shock. He'd never spanked me before. As I whimpered out in surprise he plunged his mouth into mine, assaulting my lips, sparring with my tongue. I felt my arms go limp. His hands kneading my back cheeks were the only things holding me upright.

  "Mmmmmm... Baby I'm going to take you just like this, right in here... Turn around." I looked to him in confusion. He briefly kissed me deep again before tearing away and letting loose a low guttural growl. "I said turn around.." He smacked my ass again, slightly harder in the same spot as before.

  I obeyed him and turned around with my back facing him. He kissed between my shoulder blades, nipping at my neck before he lightly and carefully pushed my arms forward to brace myself against the tile wall. "Baby... You look so fuckin' hot right now.... I've dreamt of taking you like this.... Standing still just for me... Waiting for me to give it to you.."

  Turning my neck around I wanted to try and see his gorgeous eyes, his chiseled face as he turned me on like this. Jay blocked me with his body placing my hands back up on the wall as if I were about to be strip searched or frisked. "Stay put baby.... You move before I tell you to and I'll have to think of a punishment..."

  Ummmm... he was pushing me further and further past any limits I thought I had. I wanted this man to touch me, to fill me. He continued to kiss my neck and I could feel his hands moving up and down behind me, stroking his length, pressing it against my ass cheeks and up and down the cleft between. "Is this what you want baby... hmmm? You want me to give this to you like I used to? Like you used to beg me to?"

  I was about to explode listening to his voice, feeling him so close to me. "Jay.... I.... umm...."

  He used his legs to spread mine further apart, rubbing his dick up and down my heat as he teased me applying pressure into the most sensitive areas. I could feel the tip tracing around my opening, sliding around in my slickness. "Baby... you're so wet for me... you want it bad...."

  Jay was right. I did want it bad. My head was spinning. It had been so long since I had been with a man. And it was never like this. Even with Jay, it was never quite like this. This was hotter. "Wait!.. Jay... I'm not on anything... please.... wait...."

  I gave him reason to pause. He entwined his fingers in a few of my long waves of hair and twisted slightly pulling my head back toward him and his mouth. "I fuck you where I want and when I want, Baby... you're mine. Maybe I'll make you want it so bad you'll beg for it first." He let go of my hair and pulled my ass out further to him elongating my back out like a stretching cat. Dropping to his knees he plunged his face into me, kissing and licking me from front to back as I moaned louder and louder, thrashing my head back. From do
wn below I could hear him moaning into me taking pleasure in how he made me react. Slipping his hand down, he slowly slid his long finger into me, deep until it had no further left to give. "God Baby... you are so damn tight.... we're gonna have to work this out a little bit before you're ready for me, hmm?..."

  My breathing had since turned to panting, unable to gasp enough air into my lungs. Jay kept entering me and trying to widen me by moving his finger in circles, stretching me. His fingertips made their way to my nub and gently pressed and tugged and flicked as his whole finger thrusts grew faster and stronger. I felt an explosion growing deep in me, where Jay was reaching inside. My muscles tensing and tightening around him, pulsating with the engorging of all my sensitive tissues. "Baby.... you’re so close.. I can feel it.. I can taste it...are you ready to come for me baby?..."

  His tongue was assaulting my opening twirling around where he was exploring with his thrusting finger. "Yes... yes... Jay I need to... Please. Don't... stop..."

  My words triggered Jay to release his mouth, while using his arm to spread me even further apart and in one precious moment he slid two fingers in and used his mouth to latch on to my front apex sucking the life out of me and into him. "NOW! Baby come for me now..."

  "JAY...." I exploded into convulsions with everything I had escaping me. Jay slowed his finger thrusting and released his mouth from my nub while I settled into the aftershocks of my orgasm. My legs shook slightly as I gained my bearings. That was the most powerful eruption I have ever had.

  Jay stood behind me and collected me around into his arms. He picked up my fallen chin "Baby... that was amazing... you are so beautiful..." He kissed me sweetly and tenderly as I recovered. The seconds passed, growing into minutes as he kissed me deep, tasting of my juices. The scent of my need for him turned me on. I broke our kiss and hung my head low steadying my breathing. He supported my body weight against him and rubbed my lower back, my hips. "Easy baby.... shhhh...let it ride...."

  After regaining my composure, I sheepishly raised by head to this sexy man. Slightly embarrassed, I could feel my cheeks flush. He chuckled lightly and kissed me tenderly on the lips. "Jay... that was... amazing" He smiled at me and slapped my ass one more time, lighter than before. I rested my forehead against his chin and sighed with contentment. Maybe this wasn't the worst fucking day of my life after all?

  CHAPTER THREE

  Jean stopped by shortly after we toweled ourselves dry. She barged through the front door dropping several shopping bags on the floor by her feet. "LILS! Where the hell are ya?..." She called out into the main rooms of the house. Tucking a towel around myself securely I reached her in the main hall as she slowly wandered around searching for me.

  Running into her arms, I nestled into her comfort and finally let myself release the stress and fear built inside from last night. "Ma..." I had called Jean that since before I could remember, as she was closer to me than my own mother. "I'm so sorry.... I was so stupid." Jean soothed me by making calming sounds and smoothing my wet hair.

  There was a small crack in her voice as she finally addressed me, confident that my emotional state had settled some. "Sweetheart.. you're safe now. You're home where you belong." She pulled back from me holding me out at arms length to inspect me.

  Taking in the bruised cheek and the circles under my eyes, she was assessing the extent of my condition. "You look like shit Lil's. You need sleep and food, and family....you've been gone way to long baby girl." I noticed her voice harden with the last few words. This woman had practically raised me, caring for me when my own parents fell short. After mom and pop split things kind changed at home. Jean stepped up and took me under her wing, treating me like the daughter she never had. I could see the pain in her eyes as she searched into mine, searched to find the little girl she once loved so much. My name even came from Jean. My own mother had named me Julia after my pop' s mom, but the first time Jean saw me she started calling me "Lil' one". It shortened over the years to Lil's, and most knew me be no other name. I had abandoned this woman, just as I has left Jay behind. Crushing pressure started to build in my chest as she looked into me. Guilt.

  Blinking back any trace of sadness, Jean perked up and forced a smile. "Well, what's done is done. You're home now.. no use fussing over shit you can't change. I brought you some new clothes to get you by until your things get here. You need anything else not in here, you tell Jay or me... My boy will take good care of you while you're here." She stated matter of factly. Raising her chin, she called out behind me, amplifying her words to the footsteps coming toward us. "WON'T HE…?"

  It wasn't so much a question as it was a warning to Jay's sudden appearance near us. Jay was a bad ass but his mama still knew how to keep him in check. He had managed to towel most of his chin length hair dry, the rest hanging slightly dampened and loose around his ears. Clean jeans had been put on, and he was fumbling with a folded black t-shirt as he walked past us, his bare chest rippling with large muscled and colored artwork. "Yeah ma.. she's in good hands. Thanks for bringing this stuff by." He pecked his mom's cheek while pushing his arms through the sleeves of the shirt. "Help Lil's get settled and then make sure she catches some sleep. I'll be back late tonight. Any problems, you call my cell. Two prospects are keeping an eye outside. You scream like a fuckin' banshee if you need them, otherwise they'll leave you both to your girl stuff." He managed to get all this out while lacing up his boots.

  "Wait." I interjected, feeling as I should have at least some input as to what I was and wasn't going to be doing for the rest of the day, even though his orders were pretty much on par with what I was set on doing with my afternoon. "Where are you going?... I'm just supposed to stay here while you go out? Maybe I have things to do?.."

  Jay stood up tall passing his leather cut over his shoulders. He pecked Jean once more on the cheek and then stepped closer to me. "Maybe now you don't?... You step out of this house while I'm gone, consider it an end to our agreement. I told you to stay here with ma, you stay here with ma. Don't ask me where I'm going. It's club business. If I wanted you to know, I would have told you. Now..." He trailed his fingers across the top of my towel. "Cute as this is... I don't think it would be practical to wear on the back of my bike. So get your clothes taken care of with ma, and get some fuckin' sleep." He was terse and stern and nothing like the sweet Jay that I had just been ravaged by in the shower. I hated being told what to do, and he very fucking well knew it. I could tell he was getting off on his newfound leverage over me.

  He winked his eye at me and smirked waiting for my usual smart ass reply. Now I had more than a few ready and waiting to fly off my tongue, but I held it. I wasn't in a position to piss him off any more than I already had. Satisfied with my apparent show of obedience he smiled and patted me on the ass mockingly as he turned to head out. "Good girl..."

  The next couple of hours were filled with updates, and gossip from Jean. I felt like I was being given an abridged summary of all that I had missed while I was gone. We unpacked my new clothes and straightened a few drawers for my things. Every once in a while Jean would just hug me and tell me again how glad she was that I was home again.

  I learned that Jay had been very busy while I was gone. He lived, breathed, and slept for the club. He made more runs than any other member and was busy proving himself over and over to all of them. It wasn't easy being Vince's son and he had to more than make up for it. When he was voted in as V.P. last year he made damned well sure that everyone felt he had earned it on his own merit, not his genetics. Because he spent so much time on runs or at the clubhouse, Jean helped to take care of the house for him. She helped with the laundry, the cleaning and the shopping. Jay was her only child and she was a great mom to him. I had always been secretly jealous of the bond they shared. Not as a girlfriend jealous of her influence over her son, but as a daughter with no mom of her own to care for me the same. That was probably why I was so drawn to Jean when I was a kid. She oozed motherly affection and unconditional love
. Don't get me wrong. If she caught you doing something you weren't supposed to be, I can guarantee you wouldn't be doing it a second time. She came down like a ton of bricks when she had to.

  It was nice to feel this motherly love again, unaware of how much I had truly been missing it. When we had exhausted all topics of conversation and hugged more than enough times to make up for the lack of them during my absence, I found that I could barely keep my eyes open as she lulled me to sleep with her soothing voice.

  *******

  The deep vibrations of a motorcycle engine cause me to throw my eyes open wide. How long had I been asleep? I was curled up in Jay's bed groggy from being jolted from a deep dream. Straining my neck off the pillow I could see the bright neon block numbers of the alarm clock on the bedside table. 12:18.

  The living room lights flashed on, down the hallway. I could hear Jay and his mom talking in hushed voices, the sound of keys clinking together and finally the front door closing. The bedroom lit up with artificial yellow light as Jean's car headlights flashed through the windows before disappearing. It was amazing how sensitive your hearing could be heightened when you were laying in the dark waiting for someone. There were thuds of his boots dropping onto the wood floor, the clanking of the fridge door opening and closing quickly and then footsteps approaching.