30 Days

by Larsen, K

  “I... I think so.” I mumble.

  “You still don’t see it.” He says frustrated. Years of abuse have me convinced though that I’m not all those things he thinks. That I’m not deserving of what he feels.

  “I’m trying Colin.” Our eyes meet in the mirror and he holds my gaze as his fingers trail up and down my arms lazily.

  “How do I make you feel?” He asks. My breath catches. I’m unsure how to answer. His eyes bore into mine while I search for words.

  “Good. Safe. Special.”

  “And when I do this?” He asks and I watch his head dip down, his lips meet my neck trailing feather light kisses from my shoulder to my ear making my belly flutter. “Wanted.” I breathe.

  “Then until you believe what I see in you, believe what you feel from me.” He twirls me around enveloping me in his embrace. I rest my head on his chest and let out a breath as my arms circle his waist. This is crazy. I must be crazy for this to actually be happening.

  As is our normal routine now we hit the gym and I let loose all my anger and hurt on the heavy bag of sand until I can’t lift my arms anymore. When I’m finished I lean against the wall and watch Colin and Ben spar in the ring. They’re both powerful and quick. Impressive muscles contract and release with each jab and movement. It baffles me that all women don't hang out in boxer’s gyms just for the view. I catch Colin’s eye and Ben uses his distraction to clock him in the jaw sending him down. Watching his head snap back makes me cringe.

  “Thanks Elle!” Ben laughs out while helping Colin to his feet. I sheepishly throw Colin an apologetic look but he just grins at me. “You’d be distracted too if your hot girlfriend was looking at you like mine was.” Colin teases Ben making me blush. Ben just laughs at him. Colin crawls out of the ring and closes the gap between us.

  “Are you hurt?” I ask gently touching his jaw.

  “Naw. It’s part of sparring. No worries.” He leans in giving me a chaste kiss that elicits hoots and hollers from guys working out. My face must be bright red by now but Colin seems unaffected by their cheers.

  “Let me change and we can head out, yeah?” He asks.

  “Sounds good.”

  “Why’d you say girlfriend?” I ask as we enter the bar. Ben and John are joining us at a karaoke bar uptown for the evening. All three men have agreed to sing a song and are presently attempting to get as drunk as possible in order to make that happen.

  “Does it bother you?” He counters.

  “I’m not sure.”

  “When you know, clue me in. Until then, that’s what I’m calling you.” His words jolt me. How is he so sure of everything?

  The men have made it clear that I have to sing first or they won't at all. A show of good faith John had laughed. Colin knows it’s on the list and that I’ll do it simply because I want to accomplish every last thing Jenny and I had thought up. I take a shot of something Ben brought over to settle my nerves. It burns on its way down but I choke back my cough. I don't like being the center of attention. I don't like all eyes on me and in a few moments I will be. Colin sits close while sipping his beer and rubbing soothing circles on my back. I picked Low Road by Grace Potter. I know the song well and it’s not too high for me to sing. My knees bouncing nervously as the woman on stage finishes her song.

  ***

  “You can do it.” I tell her after her names called. Her bottom lip trembles and she looks nervous as hell but I can see the resolve in her eyes. This list is important to her.

  When she grasps the mic and starts singing my jaw drops. She’s got a gritty soulful voice that works well with the song. Her voice grows steadier with each line she sings. You can almost see her confidence pick up. Her eyes lock on mine and as she starts the second verse it’s as if she’s singing directly to me.

  I held on so dearly

  To the wrong things in my life

  But now I see so clearly

  I was walking into my own knife

  You've got to get up off that street

  Stop looking at your feet

  And take a hold of something real

  And this old man, took my hand

  He looked at me and said, little girl, I understand

  That it's a low low road

  You've gotta roll down

  Before you find your way, my friend

  And it's a high, high hill

  You've gotta climb up

  Before you get to the top again

  Right then I know she heard me this morning in the bathroom. That she believes me. That I’m making a difference in her life. My chest grows tight listening as her voice is wrought with emotion and she finishes the song. She’s stunning.

  I think, from what she’s told me about her sister that tonight, she’d be proud. The crowd cheers. Mostly because she didn't suck, but it brings a shy smile to her face. As she makes her way back to the table I can't tear my eyes from hers. I stand when she’s within reach and pick her up swinging her around in circles making her giggle. Her smile is dazzling, lighting up her striking face. My stomach flutters with something for her. Pride, maybe, love even.

  I set her down as Ben’s name is called. We sit as he stands, swaying slightly and moves to the stage to sing Sweet Home Alabama. He’s terrible. It’s the most hilarious thing ever. He’s all but booed off the stage but his smile never falters. “That was awesome right?!” He shouts at us over the buzz of the bar. We all laugh at him for having no fear of rejection. John goes next and is surprisingly good. Although, House of the Rising Sun isn’t too hard to sing. Next up is me. I’m a little nervous but I’ve performed before. Not that Elle is aware of that little fact. I choose to just play the piano on the stage and skip the karaoke music.

  “This is I Will Possess Your Heart by Death Cab for Cutie.” I say and adjust the mic at the piano. I turn slightly to find Elle’s eyes, keeping them trained on her I start moving my fingers across the keys watching her eyes grow wide at the surprise.

  How I wish you could see the potential,

  the potential of you and me.

  It's like a book elegantly bound but,

  in a language that you can't read.

  Just yet.

  You gotta spend some time, Love.

  You gotta spend some time with me.

  And I know that you'll find, love

  I will possess your heart.

  You gotta spend some time, Love.

  You gotta spend some time with me.

  And I know that you'll find, love

  I will possess your heart.

  As I sing her eyes glimmer with tears threatening to spill over, but she’s smiling and not once does her gaze waiver from mine. I sing to her and no one else. When I finish she stands and among the clapping and cheering I see her rush the stage. I hop down just before she reaches me and catch her as she jumps into my arms babbling into my ear about how amazing I am while entwining her arms and legs around me. When she pulls back to look at me I’m truly astonished. Her brilliant green eyes are burning with emotion for me. “That was the most romantic thing that’s ever been done for me.” She breathes in awe. “You’re the most romantic thing.” She says as her lips crash into mine and kisses me senseless. The little gasping noises she makes as we kiss make me harder than I already am and I want nothing more than to get her home and have my way with her.

  DAY 9

  Can you even believe that he sang for me?! I know, I know, amazing. So incredible. My heart has grown wings and flown straight into his. I’m a goner Jenny. I can’t ever go back after having a piece of him.

  Last night was amazing. The four of us had so much fun. I’m still reeling over the fact that he plays piano and sings. We got home late after too many beers and too much laughing and crashed into my bed. The rain trickles in streams down my bedroom window quietly. I’m lazily draped across Colin’s warm body. His face is chiseled and so handsome when he sleeps. Peaceful and innocent looking. I can't help myself as I trail a finger lightly over each eyebrow m
emorizing every detail of his face.

  His eyes flutter open leisurely exposing the deep hazel color that captivates me. I don't think I could ever get sick of him, of his eyes. Of what they express wordlessly each time they meet mine.

  “Morning babe.” He sighs. I kiss his chest in response before resting my head on it.

  “I still can't believe you can play an instrument and sing.” I gush softly.

  “Still stuck on that?” He chuckles.

  “Well it is pretty amazing you know.” He squeezes me gently into his lean firm frame. Every touch undoes me a little more.

  “Hey.” He murmurs into my hair.

  “Mmm?”

  “It’s raining.”

  “I noticed.”

  “It’s on the list. We should take advantage of the rainy day. We don’t have to go in order right?” He playfully asks.

  “It’s not in any order specifically...” I trail off smirking. “I’d at least like to brush my teeth and have coffee first.”

  “Deal.” He says kissing my temple before rolling out of bed and disappearing into the bathroom.

  I hop out of bed stretch and stroll to the kitchen to start the coffee maker before heading back to the bathroom. Colin smacks my butt as we pass each other making me laugh. As I brush my teeth I can’t help but wonder when all this will come crashing down around me. I have no idea if that guy Ryan hired is still looking for me or if Ryan is looking for me. I’ve been careful to use only cash for everything and my prepaid cell phone has only been used to call my lawyer and Colin. Still, if I’m found it would be torture waiting for everything with my lawyer to be set in motion. To be torn away from Colin and all the happiness I’ve found. I push the thoughts down until I don’t feel them anymore, spit and rinse.

  “Coffee dear.” Colin has the worst fake English accent ever.

  “Brilliant!” I give it a try sounding equally lame. We both fall into a fit of laughter. We sit tucked into each other on the couch, me reading a book, Colin flipping through the paper enjoying our coffee.

  “Elle?” Something is off. I can hear it in his tone. I shut the book giving him my full attention.

  “What is it?” I question.

  He folds the section of the paper in half then hands it to me. My picture, albeit a blonde me, stares back at me.

  South Carolina husband pleads for return of wife who went missing over a week ago

  A South Carolina husband is pleading for the return of his wife after she vanished without a trace over a week ago. At a candlelight vigil held outside their home Saturday night, Ryan Darling spoke out publicly for this first time since Elle Darling disappeared, the Daily Herald reported.

  "Elle, if you can see this, "I want you home. I love you. I miss you." Darling, who was the first to report them missing, said. It’s possible that Darling’s missing wife may be a danger to herself. If seen please contact the local police.

  My coffee drops to the ground spilling everywhere and startling me. I immediately drop the paper scrambling to the kitchen for paper towels to clean the mess. I’m trembling violently upon return dropping to my knees trying to sop up the mess I’ve made. Unexpectedly I’m hoisted off the floor, turning and seated on Colin’s lap. His hands come to either side of my face forcing me to look at him.

  “It’s ok. I won’t let you go back.” He says in a hushed voice. “I won't let you go back to that.” He says determinedly. His face is strong and firm. I nod once before my head tumbles to his chest and the tears start.

  “Elle.” He says softly after a moment. “Why does it say you’re a possible danger to yourself?” I sniffle trying to kill a second.

  “I...It’s probably just a ploy he’s using.” I lie. The second the lie is out of my mouth I feel despicable. He continues to rub my back tenderly while guilt washes over me. Why I can't tell him everything I don't know. I just can't. It might change the way he looks at me and I couldn't bear that.

  “I’m sorry about the mess.” I grouse.

  “Elle, who cares about spilled coffee?”

  “Ryan. Ryan would have. He would have screamed and thrown things and expected me to tend to it immediately.” Embarrassment and shame cover my face. He lifts my chin until I’m eye to eye with him.

  “I’m. Not. Him.” He says firmly.

  “I know! I know Colin. It’s been years though. I can't undo years in a week. I’m trying. Really. I am.” His eyes take in mine and he kisses me sweetly.

  Standing abruptly he carries me out the back door onto the deck. The rains pelting down now, the water saturating us almost instantly. He sets me to me feet carefully and watches me silently. I can feel my hair matted to the sides of my face, dripping at the ends. Each drop hitting the tops of my breasts. My breathing erratic. Rivulets of water make unpredictable paths down Colin’s face, darting this way and that. I have to blink rapidly to keep the water out of my eyes as I look up to his face. A streamlet of water cascades down his handsome face pooling at his chin before dripping off. I push up on my toes and catch it with my tongue. He’s rooted to his spot simply watching my every move. His shirt clings to him making me want to mold my soft spots with his hard. When a droplet of rain drips from the end of his nose onto his upper lip I wrap my arms around his neck while on my tip toes and pull him to me. My tongue darts out, capturing the bead of water as I slowly run my tongue over his soft warm lips.

  He comes unglued from his spot then. Hands fisting my hair and pulling me impossibly further into him. His kiss is hard, deep and frantic as we desperately try to cling to each other. One hand trails the length of my spine to the top of my ass pushing me into his hardness. I moan against his teeth gasping for air as a shot of heat lands straight between my legs.

  He moves his lips to my neck licking and sucking the tributaries from me. I push against him sending us tumbling back into the house, me landing on top of him, a puddle gathering under us. We fight to strip off our wet clothes without breaking contact. Shucking everything away he rolls me under him and plunges in. Pulling out and pushing in, my hips buck wildly needing more. “Come with me Elle.” He thrusts over and over, deeper and deeper making every nerve in my body stand at attention until my legs quiver uncontrollably and I come hard with him. We lay in a wet mess on the living room floor panting for air tangled in each other’s arms.

  “I think we covered kissing in the rain pretty well.” My voice is breathy and uneven.

  “I think you’re right.” He chuckles then sobers. His eyes glimmering with truth. “I’m never letting you go, Elle.” The sincerity and warmth emulating from him sucks the air from my lungs and I’m sure my eyes bug out. “I don't want you to.” I admit. We lay knotted together on the hard floor just being.

  DAY 10

  “Faster Elle. Jab, cross hook. Move your feet.” Colin pushes. We’re in the ring sparring together. He’s quick and skilled and my attempts barely make contact. Sweat drips down my chest and back. My breath comes in short bursts as I try land a good one on him. Someone walks by the ring and in Colin’s moment of distraction I implement his teachings catching him with a hook and sending him stumbling backwards a few steps. The moment it happens my arms fall to my sides and panic sweeps through me as I rush to his side.

  “I’m so sorry! Are you alright?” I pant at him. He shakes it off smiling at me.

  “That was great! You’re getting much better.” He encourages. A slow smile spreads over my face and warms my belly.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. Now come on, let’s go again.” And then we’re back at it. I’ve been learning how to block, dodge and keep control of myself until I can land a winning shot. It’s a great workout but Colin’s also doing this for a reason outside the list now, so I can protect myself if needed or at least put up a fight. Our second time around I land a couple of good jabs but mostly dart around the ring blocking. I know Colin goes easy on me with the force of his hits but he doesn't go easy in any other way and ends up kicking my butt. I’m spent and in de
sperate need of a shower.

  “Go shower. You did great today.” He affirms.

  “You still kicked my ass.” I jest.

  “You’re still seven inches shorter and ninety pounds lighter. You did good.” He says firmly as if he’s willing me to believe it, in myself. I climb between the ropes, hopping down to the mats and head for my much needed shower.

  “So I’ll see you at one?” I ask freshly showered.

  “Yeah, I’ll pick you up.” Colin replies before leaning in and stealing a kiss and my breath.

  The sun beats down on me as I make the short walk to my cottage. Jenny I’m missing you like crazy today. I wish you could know Colin. I wish you could see my smile. The way he treats me. I blow out a breath and smile up to the clouds as if she can see me.

  I walk around the cottage and following the path to the beach. The wind whips my hair around my face as I sink into the sand and lean back. I close my eyes, listening to the waves crashing at the shore and let the sun warm me. I have a feeling it’s going to be a good day.

  “Elle?” A deep voice carries over the wind. “Elle!” My eyes drift open and I’m briefly confused as I take in my surroundings. Pushing up onto my elbows I realize I’ve fallen asleep on the beach. “Elle!!” Colin’s voice carries with the wind, now worried and frantic.

  “Down here!” I shout towards the cottage. His large frame appears at the crest of the dune his face troubled until he sees me.

  “Crap. You scared me. You weren't at home and didn't answer your cell.” He says plopping down next to me and brushing a wild strand of hair out of my face.