Beyond Broken

by Kristin Vayden

  “Bacon is always a great choice… if eaten in moderation.” Dr. Solomon turned toward me and gave me a grin, one that illuminated his blue eyes. “Kind of like ice cream, wouldn’t you agree, Miss Holton?”

  “Like ice cream.” I smiled, noting that today was Holy Wednesday.

  Dr. Solomon seemed thrilled that I agreed.

  When I glanced back to Greyson he was watching Dr. Solomon with a curious expression.

  “As always, please let me know if you have any questions or concerns, Greyson. Miss Holton? I don’t see his vitals entered in, please make sure they are finished before you leave.” Dr. Solomon nodded then left, the door clicking into place behind him.

  “Ice cream?” Greyson turned toward me.

  “Yeah, Dr. Solomon understands your obsession with bacon because he has the same obsession with ice cream. I called it Holy Wednesday because he only allows himself to eat it once a week. Thus the whole moderation speech.” I shrugged.

  “Huh…” Greyson chewed on the side of his lip then shifted his feet. “Well… two days.” He glanced down then up at me.

  “Yes, and that’s quite a compliment that Dr. Remington felt you were ready to be discharged early. You should be quite proud of yourself.” My words were brave in contrast with the emotional turmoil boiling within.

  “Either that or Dr. Solomon is trying to get rid of me,” Greyson said quietly and sank into the leather couch.

  “What? Why would you say that?”

  “Never mind. Just…when I’m gone, don’t… don’t lie to yourself and somehow believe that I don’t care, that I’m not missing you. Okay, Sophia? I know how you think… at least part of it… the other part… whew.” He made an explosion motion with his hands and grinned. “It’s not like I’m never going to see you again. If you think about it, this is a good thing. I mean, it’s not exactly ethical for me to be hitting on my nurse.” His eyes twinkled.

  “True.” I bit my lip.

  “When I’m no longer your patient…” He raised his eyebrows, as if reminding me of my earlier words about the patient part being more important at the time. “Then I can see you whenever I want, kiss you in the middle of the street and hold your hand wherever we walk. Plus, you won’t be constantly worrying about getting caught making out with me.” His eyes darkened with mischief and desire.

  “Thanks,” I remarked sarcastically.

  “Just messing with you… but seriously. I know you’ll tell yourself all this shit about me not needing you, finding someone else, blah blah blah.” He made a disgusted expression. “But promise me you’ll remember what I’m telling you now. Okay?”

  “Okay.” My heart increased its cadence as Greyson stood and walked over to me, setting his warm hands on my shoulders and piercing me with his alluring and overwhelming gaze. “I’m not going to leave and get over you, over this. It’s not a fling, you’re not just convenient or an easy target.” He shook his head as if the words disgusted him to even say. “You’re… you’re you. I know that doesn’t make sense, but it does to me because there’s nothing I could say that could capture what I feel, what I think when I look at you. I don’t. There aren’t words that describe what you are to me, because it’s too deep, too overpowering, and too wide for me to explain. But it’s here.” He reached down for my hand and pulled it up to his heart. “It’s here, and it’s not leaving. You’ve branded me.” He shrugged. “It’s your name my heart whispers each time it beats and who it’s beating for. That’s not ever going to change. Do you understand, Sophia? I know this is fast, but when you know, you know. I don’t have an reservations about you.” His other hand reached around from my shoulder and tenderly embraced my neck, teasing the flesh beneath my ear and sending shivers that were only heightened by his loving gaze.

  “I think so.”

  “Not good enough.” He leaned forward and kissed me softly. “I need you to understand so that when you start to think, you’ll remember this instead.” He kissed me deeper, searchingly as he pulled me in closer. The rise and fall of his chest as he took a breath pushed against me, warming me.

  “Remember me, Sophia. Because I’m not forgetting you,” he whispered the words against my lips, sealing the kiss with his vow.

  “I’ll remember.”

  “That’s all I ask.” Carefully he released me, stepping back but never letting his gaze break from mine.

  “Greyson?” I asked softly.

  “Yeah?” He paused and waited.

  “Who is…” I sighed then followed through with my question. “Who is Alison?”

  “So you were jealous…” Greyson grinned widely.

  “I’m neither confirming nor deny—”

  His chuckle interrupted me. “Whatever, it’s okay. I’m hoping you were jealous. I’d be seeing red if I saw someone walking out of your room… Hell, I’d probably beat him then and there.” Greyson’s shook his head. “That’s why I told you that it was nothing. But I understand your question. Don’t worry. Alison is my stepsister.” He grinned.

  “Stepsister?” I repeated, not at all expecting that answer.

  “Yeah, we’re not blood-related. Thankfully. I’d need medication just coping with that reality.” He shuddered. “My mom is her newest stepmom, and against my will, my mom uses her to keep tabs on me. It’s too much work for Mom to leave New York…” He rolled his eyes. “So she sends Alison sometimes… particularly when I don’t answer my cell phone.” He glanced at the phone guiltily.

  “Ah.” I nodded, biting my lip.

  “So you really have nothing to be jealous over…” Greyson rubbed his jaw. “She was just trying to get under your skin. She’s like that. Needless to say she’s not one of my favorite people.” He shook his head.

  I processed all the information, smiling to myself. “Thanks.” I glanced up.

  “You’re welcome. I should have explained sooner, but you were really… distracting.”

  “Distracting?”

  “Yeah. I wanted to tell you not to worry so I could try and kiss you again. Damn hormones.” He teased with a wide grin.

  “You sure know how to flatter,” I teased while I rolled my eyes.

  “That’s what they all say.”

  “I’m sure. Anyway, I do need to get going but… thanks again, Greyson. I… I needed to know that.”

  “Sorry I didn’t explain earlier.”

  “I’m just glad to know. I’ll see you later.”

  ****

  The rest of the morning went by in a blur as I kept remember Greyson’s words, and his kiss. As I entered the cafeteria, I noticed Dr. Solomon sitting by the large window overlooking the grounds. When he saw me he lifted his spoon into the air before swooping down and taking a huge portion of ice cream. He slowly put it in his mouth and closed his eyes. I laughed at his overplayed antics and shook my head. He grinned at me and motioned for me to come over. I lifted a finger, asking him to wait and got my lunch.

  “Holy Wednesday,” I stated as I sat my tray down opposite of his.

  “Holy Wednesday… amen.” Dr. Solomon winked then finished the last bite of his melted sundae. “My favorite day of the week.”

  “Apparently.” I chuckled as I took a bite of my sandwich.

  “So how was your morning?” Dr. Solomon asked as he wiped his face with a thin paper napkin.

  Amazing and bittersweet. “Good. How was yours?”

  “Great, great. Hey, a few of us are getting together this weekend.” He shifted slightly in his seat, as if slightly nervous. “We’re just going to get away for the day. I have a house down on the beach about an hour away. It will be a barbeque, volleyball, just something fun to alleviate all the… stress of the job, you know? I’ve invited a few of the doctors and nurses. And you have a roommate too, right? You can bring her, if you want.”

  He glanced down, his clear blue eyes hesitant, unsure.

  “I’ll ask Bekah.” I shrugged, noncommittally. If Greyson were gone, then a distraction would be welcome.
r />   “Great!” Dr. Solomon nodded then stood, taking his tray. “I’ll give you my address and phone number, just in case.” He dumped his tray in the garbage just next to where we were sitting and pulled a pad of paper and pen from his pocket. In neat handwriting, he gave me the information. My eyes were still focused on the neat writing. Didn’t doctors always have horrible handwriting? Yet somehow it fit his personality. Focused, disciplined, as evident by his Holy Wednesday ritual.

  “Thanks.” I took the paper and folded it up, putting it in my scrub pocket.

  “Hopefully you’ll make it.” He flashed me a grin then walked away.

  ****

  After I visited a few new patients and assisted Regina with a blood draw on a heroin detox, I proceeded to Greyson’s room. At my knock, he swung open the door as if waiting for me. A grin broke out across my face as I took in his tender gaze as it roamed my face with clear adoration. He stepped back, gesturing for me to enter his room. At the doors muted thud he spun me around by my arm, pulling me into an immediately scorching kiss. His warm tongue slid across my closed lips, begging entrance. Without hesitation I opened to him, tasting his unique flavor and almost forgetting about the iPad in my hands. The corner of it poked into my ribs and I jumped slightly. Greyson must have realized I still held it because with one smooth movement he had taken it from my hands and set it on the table behind me, effectively pressing me back and farther into his embrace at the same time. As he leaned back, his arms wrapped around me, guiding me while he erased every rational thought with his passionate kiss. His lips caressed mine, tasting and devouring as his arms pulled me forward and I followed blindly.

  With a gasp, I landed on something soft realizing we had made it into his bedroom. His comforter was soft as it cradled my body. Greyson was immediately on top of me, pressing me further into the plush mattress. His weight was a welcome sensation, igniting my body in a flurry of passion and desire. Over and over my hands traced the lines of his broad and muscular back, memorizing the planes. His lips left mine and traveled down my jaw to my ear, his hot breath becoming the only sound in my universe. I wanted him closer, needed more of him as I pressed into him, arching my back. With a low curse Greyson took my lips again as his hands left my waist and began traveling down to my hips, grasping them tightly and pulling them in tighter.

  I trembled at the swirling sensations his touch was creating. It was foreign yet natural and completely consuming. When his hands moved upward from my hips to my stomach, my breathing hitched at his warm touch. Slowly he lifted my shirt till my stomach was exposed and his hands slid underneath the fabric. Warning sirens went off in my head but in the haze of my desire I ignored them. Only when his hands grazed higher did I break through the fire of his spell.

  “Greyson.” I gasped as I felt my eyes struggle to focus. His eyes were liquid silver, swirling with emotion and smoldering with desire. He pressed into me, kissing me once more. It was almost my undoing but I pressed against his firm chest and he reluctantly released me from the captivity of his kiss.

  “I have to stop, don’t I?” His voice was thick with passion as he rested his forehead against mine. Under my fingers I felt the rushing and pounding of his heartbeat.

  “Yeah… but I really don’t want to,” I murmured the words quietly, the honesty of my statement rocking my convictions.

  “Not the thing to tell me right now, that is, if you expect me to keep your virginity intact.” He lifted his head, a fierce fire in his eyes. “I mean, you are a virgin, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Damn if that doesn’t make me want you more.”

  “Sorry?” I said, unsure of what to say. All I could think about was how much I wanted him to coax me further when what I should be doing is pushing him away.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll be good, for now.” A wicked gleam lit his expression as his eyes boldly took in my face and his hands ran down the curve of my body.

  “Thank you… I… It’s important to me. I don’t feel like it right now, but it is.”

  “I know… and, Sophia?” His hand paused at my hip. “That’s the only thing stopping me right now.” He kissed me gently. “Because I could tempt you, do my best to take what you don’t want to give, but in the end this isn’t about me. It’s about you. It’s not about sex. It’s about love. And for the first time, I’m getting that. And that changes everything.” His full and swollen lips bent into a smile full of wonder as he reached up and smoothed back a few strands of hair from my face.

  “You’re romantic when you want to be,” I said as I met his warm gaze.

  “Anyone can be with the proper inspiration.” He kissed my nose then got up, reaching out to help me stand as well. As I stood a soft noise caused us both to glance down.

  “Hey, you dropped something.” Greyson picked up a piece of paper. Its weak fold came undone and his brow furrowed as he read the writing.

  “Sophia… why do you have Dr. Solomon’s address and phone number?” Greyson’s eyes narrowed slightly, studying me. “And please answer quickly because right now I’m not thinking too rationally.”

  “Relax, Greyson.” I shook my head and snatched the paper from his hands, a teasing smile gracing my lips. His possessive nature was endearing.

  He glared.

  “Dr. Solomon invited a few nurses and doctors to his beach house for a barbeque he also invited me and my roommate. This—” I held up the piece of paper. “—is in case we can make it and I need directions.” Reaching out I touched his arm. His muscles bunched under my touch

  “So…jealousy?” I raised an eyebrow. Seriously, the guy had nothing to worry about. Didn’t my actions speak loudly?

  “Yeah, hot and unforgiving.” He stood and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m just a little tense… It’s not that I don’t trust you, Sophia, it’s that I don’t trust myself to be enough to keep you. Which is really hard for me to say, because well, …I’m Greyson Bentley.” He shrugged.

  “Humble too.” I raised my eyebrows and shook my head, not offended but amused.

  “That came out wrong.”

  “No… I think you said it quite perfectly,” I teased.

  “Not funny.” Greyson glared at me once more.

  “Yeah, glaring is not helping. You’re sulking again. What happened to the Greyson that I’ve come to know these past few weeks, the one that wasn’t always frowning?” I leaned against the wall and waited.

  “He’s kinda freaking out and not knowing how to deal with it without the drugs,” Greyson said quietly, closing his eyes and sinking into the couch.

  “Greyson…” I pushed off from the wall and walked over to him, placing a hand on his tight shoulder. “You can’t control life, that’s not your job, and all you’re going to do is stress yourself out. Whether you believe it or not, God is in control of everything. He’s the only one able to handle it all. When you try, you’re trying to be God… and as much as the world might think you’re Him…” I rocked and bumped his shoulder playfully. “You’re not. Nor can you ever be. Stop trying to take His place. Be Greyson. Let God be God.” I laid my head down on his shoulder, listening to the sound of his breathing and inhaling his familiar scent.

  “How do you feel so calm about it though? I mean, you can’t control life, you can’t control God…What the hell can you control then?” he asked quietly, laying his head on mine.

  “You can control what you think, what you believe and how you react to whatever life holds.”

  “But what if it hurts? What if it sucks and I can’t…”

  “Then you are learning a really important lesson. We aren’t made to deal with it on our own. God doesn’t always take away the bad; but he does make us able to grow through it. He promises to take whatever ashes we have and create beauty, good from the bad.”

  Greyson was quiet and I waited, knowing that he was struggling.

  “I’m sorry about jumping to conclusions about Dr. Solomon,” he whispered after a moment.

&nbs
p; “Forgiven.”

  “Thanks.” His strong arms wrapped around me and held me tightly as his head lowered so that his nose was buried in my hair. His breathing tickled, sending goose bumps down my arms.

  When he released me, I stepped back, feeling the distance. Each step away was cooler as I drew away from his warmth. Is that would it would be like when he left? Cold? As if confirming my fear, I shivered.

  “I’ll need to address a few issues with the company, and do some positive PR.” Greyson held up his hands and did quotation marks in the air over the last word. A wry grin tipped his full lips.

  “Exciting,” I teased.

  “You have no idea.”

  “But after that, I’ll come and see you. Sound okay?” His gray eyes narrowed slightly, studying me.

  “Sounds great.” I smiled bravely. Though I knew it would be just a few days till I saw him again, I struggled to be at peace with it. Greyson would go back to his life and realize how I didn’t fit in with it. Wouldn’t he? As much as his words tried to convince me, only actions would. And that took time. My anxious heart winced at the thought of having to wait through it.

  “Okay. And I have your phone number…” Greyson winked. “But what I am missing is your address… it might be nice to know where you live.”

  “Hmm… for some reason this conversation seems familiar.” I tapped my chin playfully.

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah.” I grinned, remembering his surly attitude when he first arrived, him asking if I ever smiled and my response. How could so much have changed in such a short amount of time?

  “Yeah… I remember that. Not my smoothest approach, that I’ll admit. But you gotta give a guy a break. I was dealing with some serious pain at that point.”

  “I don’t know…” I teased.

  “Sophia… really? You seriously think that I can’t find out on my own? One phone call, Sophia. One phone call and I’d have your address, grandparents’ middle names and your favorite breakfast cereal the year you turned seven. All itemized and highlighted in a file within twenty-four hours.”