Used

by Kate Dunbar

  I must keep him out. I can’t let him in. I can’t do this again. Not ever.

  The click of the lock reverberates through my empty apartment, and I realize Lucas has ruined something I was beginning to love. And he’s ruined me all over again in the process.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Forty-eight hours. That’s the rule. I get two days to wallow in self-pity or heal, whichever I need the most when these types of things happen. I would often have to fake being sick when I was younger. Let’s be honest, it wasn’t too far from the truth. I became a master at faking a fever by the time I was ten. It was the only way to keep the truth from my parents. And they had to stay in the dark. The truth would break them and our family. But it would break me more.

  And that is why I’m standing in front of this mirror trying to line my blue eyes with shaking hands and not impale one of them. To go to dinner with my family. To celebrate. The prodigal son has returned.

  Of course, we should celebrate. Because they don’t know. For them, this is a reason to rejoice and kill the fattened calf. They have no idea my soul has fractured. My light has dimmed to almost nothing. All because of the same person they are holding on high. And they can never know.

  My feet slip into my favorite black heels, and I peer at the red tips of my toes peeping out. It takes twenty minutes to get downtown, which is exactly how long I have before I need to be at Morton’s. The place we’ve celebrated all my highs. Our family’s favorite restaurant for special occasions. This is my life. It is what it is. I take one last look in the mirror, grab my keys and purse, and head out the door to my reckoning. The faster I’m there, the faster I can leave.

  I open the door of my Mustang and slide across the leather seat. All I can think about is Trevor. I wish he were with me to make this better. He’d calm my nerves and soothe those places in me that are jumpy and fidgety and raw. But he’s not here. And he won’t be. He can’t be. And that is what it is too. I let him go. I had to.

  Driving through town, I slow down as I pass cars lining the street, packed in like sardines. This is the resort part of town, nestled higher up the mountain winking down at the lake. Guys dressed in jeans and button-ups and ladies in their catch-me-a-man finest meander down the sidewalks to one of the local bars and restaurants. It looks like things are hopping tonight. I could have made a killing at the lodge in tips behind the bar chatting with customers about their lives. It’s one of my many happy places. I get to play a role there and it’s almost as satisfying as when I am on the stage.

  The streetlight in front of me turns red, making me stop. The crowds are thick at the door of Lousy Louie’s, one of my favorite hangouts. They have a live band tonight and the music wafts out into the street. From the size of the crowd, it looks like the perfect place to disappear and get lost. And that’s exactly what I want. To lose myself in something. Or in someone. Anyone. Because that has always been what helps me get past everything.

  I park before I even realize what I’m doing and walk to Louie’s while texting my mother I’ve come down with something. I can’t make it. No, don’t wait for me. I won’t be there. Enjoy the Shrimp Alexander without me and celebrate this happy occasion. I’ll see them this weekend for brunch on Sunday. My mother’s quick reply of okay has the stress leaving me in a whoosh. It’s time to do what I do best. Let Sabra live.

  I hear the music pulsing and pounding as I get to the walkway of the bar, so I straighten my shoulders and decide. It’s time to let go of everything.

  Trevor. My brother being home. My parents. Me. It’s time to lose myself. At least for a little while.

  It doesn’t take long for me to find my way through the door after throwing Bobby, Louie’s regular bouncer, a wink. “No bar duty tonight?” he asks me as I walk past him.

  “I’m on tomorrow.” I squeeze him around the waist. “You should come by and see me if you’re off.”

  Bobby looks me up and down slowly with a smile. I’ve yanked my hair out of its up do and allowed the locks to flow free in what my best friend, Micah, calls sex pot hair. “I might just do that. Have fun tonight.”

  “I plan to.” His laughter rings out behind me until it’s drowned out by the band on the stage. Micah says when the sex pot hair is out and about, there isn’t a boy in town who can resist my charm. I should call Micah and tell her where I am. Make her come and join me. But I know she has rehearsal tonight, and she’ll only try to talk me out of this. Or show up and try to drag my ass back home to my apartment. I don’t want any of that. Tonight, I want what I want when I want it.

  My eyes fall on a broad back in a light blue button up and skim to jeans hugging a perfectly tight and rounded ass. Now that is what I want. And that is what I’m going to have.

  I pull the top of my dress down so it shows off exactly what the good Lord gave me and saunter over to stand near the small group chatting. They’re trying to hear each other while the music plays. I catch the eye of the tall-dark-and-handsome standing to my right and flash a hint of a smile, licking my lips as he takes a small sip of his drink. Instantly, his eyes dip to my lips. Yes, this could be a fantastic night indeed. The sex pot hair strikes again.

  “Hi.” Mr. Gorgeous leaves the safety of his friends and leans against the wall next to me. “I’m Danny. Are you here alone?”

  “Hi. Sabra. And yes—for now.” Wouldn’t want him to think I’m easy prey even though I am. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. To Danny, I’m just another girl with perky tits and a pretty face. To me, he’s what I want for tonight and only for tonight. “My friend is supposed to meet me here when she gets done with rehearsal.”

  Lie number one.

  “Do you need a drink?”

  “Sure.” I peek at his glass. “I’ll have what you’re having.”

  “Are you sure?” He looks at me in surprise. “It’s whiskey and Coke. I can get you something more …”

  “Girly?” I supply for him with a quirk of my lips. “I don’t like the fruity drinks. I can keep up with whatever you have to give.”

  And there’s the innuendo that lays it out for him. I’m not here to play around.

  Danny lifts his eyebrows and shifts his stance as everything clicks. His dark blue eyes travel up and down my body in a slow perusal. I stare him down when they get back to my own eyes and issue a challenge with the smile on my lips. “So … that drink?”

  “Sure. You coming with me?” He throws the question over his shoulder and moves to the bar across the room. I follow him and slide my phone out of my purse to type a quick text to Micah.

  SABRA: Change in plans. Don’t wait up for me.

  Her response is almost immediate.

  MICAH: I thought we were having a girls’ night after your dinner?

  SABRA: Yeah … I ditched dinner. I’ve found something much yummier instead to eat. Without the family drama.

  MICAH: Oh, yeah? Do tell …

  SABRA: His name’s Danny.

  MICAH: Danny what?

  SABRA: Don’t know and I don’t care.

  MICAH: What about Trevor?

  SABRA: Trevor who?

  Lie number two.

  I slide my thumb across the screen and watch Danny finish getting my drink from the bartender, along with a fresh one for himself. He turns around with two glasses to find me looking at him, and a grin spreads across his face like he’s won the lottery. I look at the phone sitting in my palm and press my index finger to the top button to power it down. I’m done with the distractions.

  You can’t become lost if you’re easily found. And I’m okay with never being found, except by Danny tonight. I’ll let him find any part of me he wants. I’m ready to lose myself in him for a while. I’m ready to lose myself completely.

  I drop my phone into my purse while Danny makes his way over and hands me my drink. His eyes devour me as he watches me take a sip of the sweet whiskey and Coke. The burn as it slips down my throat and into my belly makes me feel alive.

  “Want to find som
ewhere quiet to talk?” Danny looks at me expectantly. He knows what he wants. And in his mind, I’m a sure thing already. I’m one of those girls. “There’s a quiet spot outside close to the lake. Or if it’s too chilly, we can find someplace else. Your place—or mine.”

  “Outside is good. Fresh air and quiet is perfect.” I flash him a wide smile and hold out my hand. “Lead the way.”

  And that’s how easy it is. Danny slips his fingers between mine and pulls me through the room toward the deck off the bar. A quick moment of Deja vu passes through me as I remember the last time I walked through a crowded room holding hands with a beautiful man. The night I fucked Trevor above the lake.

  Instantly, I feel eyes on me. The hairs stand on the back of my neck. I slow down and take inventory of the room as we walk through it, but I don’t see anybody there I know. No one gives me a second look. So, I shake off the feeling sliding down my arms and giving me goose bumps and let my eyes slide to Danny. He’s staring at me.

  “You okay?”

  I widen my smile and throw him a look I know can’t be argued with. “Perfect.”

  Lie number three.

  “I thought I heard someone call my name, but it’s nothing. Ready to show me this perfect place outside?” Danny slides his arm around my shoulders without missing a beat and pulls me to him.

  “I’m ready for whatever you are,” he murmurs. And now I have goose bumps for a different reason. The heat I love—the one that feels like home—pools in my belly, and I relax into his embrace.

  I stand on my tiptoes and turn, letting my hands glide up his chest while whispering in his ear, “I guess we’ll see …” A laugh bursts out of me when I see his shocked expression, and I pull out of his embrace, walking through the door ahead of him.

  Let the chase begin.

  A hammock.

  He’s taken me to a hammock. Shock, wonder, and dread slip over me like a veil. It’s the last place I thought he would take me. We’re closed off from those at the bar, down by the lake, and hidden deep in the trees. Invisible. No one will find us here unless they know exactly where to look.

  “How did you know about this spot?” Danny situates himself on the hammock and stretches his hand out to me.

  Can I do this? Can I lay in a hammock with a boy and not allow the memories to take over? I have no choice. I want Danny tonight, and it looks like Danny comes with a hammock.

  Correction: I don’t want Danny. I want any beautiful man who can make me forget.

  Danny’s here, and he fits the bill perfectly. I take a deep breath and grasp his hand, crawling into the hammock.

  There’s no ladylike way to crawl into a hammock. The tight skirt of my black dress rides up past an acceptable spot on my thighs. I work to yank the skirt back down and settle myself next to Danny without flipping both of us from the hammock and onto the ground. His fingers slip over mine when I finally grip the hem of my skirt to tug it down, stopping them. “Do we need to do that? I kind of like where it’s at.”

  Heat floods my cheeks, and the warmth of his chest seeps through the material of my dress. I can already feel my body reacting to his nearness. Danny drops his head into the crook of my neck and inhales as the palm of his hand slides down my thigh and calf. His fingers grab one of my heels and tug it off. He lifts his head, staring at the black pump in his hand. “Fuck me shoes?”

  “Are all black peep toe heels fuck me shoes?” I ask.

  “Yes, always.”

  “Hmm …” He drops the first heel to the ground and pulls the second one off. The soft fall of the shoe seems loud out here away from the noise of town. I lose myself in the feel of Danny’s hand gliding back up the outside of my bare leg. He shifts his head without a second of hesitation and touches his lips to mine. The kiss starts gentle. His lips are soft and delicious, moving with the knowledge of one who’s done this before. He gently nibbles my bottom lip, and my mouth parts in surprise. Danny leans back and gazes at me with a wicked gleam in his eye.

  “Too much?” His hand pauses on my outer thigh.

  I thread my fingers through his hair and pull his forehead to mine. “I can handle anything you give me. I thought I already told you that.”

  “I guess we’ll see if that’s true.” Danny moves his body to cover more of mine and drops his head, raining kisses across my neck, shoulder, and collarbone. The cords of the hammock bite into the back of my legs, and I try to enjoy where I am and who I’m with right now. I try to forget, but the memories are too much.

  “Danny,” I whisper. It’s a plea I wasn’t expecting to utter. He doesn’t hear the desperation in it. Instead, he hears a moment of heightened passion for him. A push for him to continue and go further. He yanks my V-neck down and frees a breast, capturing the nipple in his mouth while his other hand travels up my inner thigh. My breath hitches when I feel his finger slide between the fabric of my thong, brushing across the sensitive skin. My muscles tense involuntarily, and my hands grip his shirt tightly, yanking the fabric. Trying to get him off me.

  I’m transported back to a night I never want to think about. A night when I couldn’t get away.

  Short puffs of air escape me, and I struggle to put my arms between us, pushing against him. A groan that sounds like a moan leaves my mouth. He takes it as further encouragement and slides his finger through the slickness, pushing into me. My body jerks and twists, hands failing to find purchase.

  “No,” I cry out.

  “Relax, baby. No one will find us here.”

  “Dan—” His lips close over mine, and he slides another finger in while fisting my hair with his other hand. My body shakes. A tear slips out and down my cheek. I’m stuck. I can’t move, and I can’t not move. I turn my head and gasp out, “No. Stop. Please stop.”

  Cold air hits my skin as sweat builds on my hairline and drips down my back. I hear voices yelling but can’t make out what they’re saying. And I hear crying. Moaning. Someone is hurt. I should move and see how I can help, but I’m stuck.

  And then I’m not. Strong arms hold me, and the smell of clean soap fills my senses. I’m floating through the forest. There’s a break in the trees, and stars twinkle down on me. I focus on the great expanse of lights shining and can’t help but think I’m safe. Trevor is here.

  Wait, Trevor is here? My body moves. “Put me down.”

  “No. I’ve got you.”

  “I said put me down.” Trevor does the exact opposite even with me shoving at his chest. He holds me tighter. I feel his fingers pushing indentations into my skin, marking me. But I don’t want him to mark me. I can’t do it. Not again.

  “Put me down,” I scream.

  Trevor slows, coming to a halt behind the deck of Louie’s before he drops my bare feet to the ground. “What the hell, Sabra?” He takes a step away from me. “What’s going on? Were you really going to let that guy fuck you in a hammock?” His eyes flash in anger.

  The hammock. Holy hell. Another hammock. What was I thinking? Hammocks and I don’t mix. I ball my hands into fists and stuff them into my sides, turning to look Trevor in the eye.

  “Yes. Yes, I was.” The shock and horror that crosses over Trevor’s face makes me flinch and take a step farther away from him. I crumble when I see the hurt and rage flash in his eyes.

  “Are you kidding me? Why would you do that? Why would you allow him to even look at you, nevertheless, touch you?”

  “To forget you.” I whisper the words so softly, I’m sure he doesn’t hear me, but he takes a step back as if I’ve slapped him. Again. He heard me.

  Trevor recovers and closes the gap between us. He grabs my upper arms and shakes me.

  “To forget me?” he yells. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re trying to forget me?”

  “Yes,” I scream back. “I need to forget you. I need to forget everything.”

  “And why in the hell is that okay? Why do you think this is the way to forget?” He drops his hands and steps back from me, letting the cold air envelop me
. “Getting with some new guy? You think that will help you forget each whispered word we’ve said? Each touch? Each moment we shared together?” Trevor hangs his head. “Do you even know his name?”

  “Of course. It’s Danny.”

  He narrows his eyes at me. “What’s his last name?”

  “What?” I drop my gaze to my toes in the pine needles and dirt.

  “You heard me, Sabra. What’s his last name?”

  “I don’t know,” I mutter.

  “Awesome. You don’t know his last name. You’re going to let some stranger touch you so you can forget me. Perfect.” He steps closer, and I back up against a pole, holding the deck as he crowds my space. “Let me tell you something, Sabra. You’re worth more than that.” His hand cups my cheek. “You deserve more than that.”

  “No, I don’t.” I shake his hand off my face. “You don’t know. I don’t deserve anything good.” He pushes his body against mine and grips my chin in his fingers, yanking my eyes back to his, and my breath catches.

  “Yes, you do. You deserve to have someone who loves you. Who knows your moans and your sighs.” He lowers his voice and tucks a stray hair behind my ear. “You deserve someone who knows you love to be kissed behind your knee. To have your ass palmed. To hear whispers of adoration and sweet nothings in your ear.” He pulls back and puts a small amount of space between us. “You deserve all of it and more. And you’re the only one here that doesn’t see or know it.”

  “Trevor.”

  “No. You don’t see it, but I know the truth.” My eyes snap to his face, fear flooding through me. “You deserve more. I don’t know what happened to you, but I know you’re worth more than this.” He puts his hands on the bottom of the deck above us, caging me in. “And I’m not going anywhere, Sabra Valentine. I’m in this for the long haul. I told you two days ago in your apartment, and I’m telling you again now.”