Love To Hate You

by Isabelle Richards

  I may need him, but he still has to go. There’s no way around it. We’re spending the last night together on the balcony, looking at the stars. It’s cold, but the sting of the crisp air makes me feel… something. Alive? Something other than emotionally exhausted numbness.

  “I think you should go away with Henrik next week.”

  That makes me do a double take. He doesn’t ask me to come with him, and I’m grateful. My father and I never attended another Super Bowl, and I don’t think I ever will. It’s foolish, but being there would feel like a betrayal to my mother. Chase knows me well enough to know that going with him just isn’t an option. I just never would have expected Henrik to be Plan B though.

  “Huh,” is the most eloquent response I can compose.

  He gently twirls my hair. “I think you need a break, and if you go back home, you’ll be hounded by the press and be surrounded by memories. I want to be there for you when you do that. Henrik can take you somewhere, anywhere you want to go.”

  “You do realize that Henrik can’t even take care of a cactus. He can barely take care of himself.”

  He places a sweet kiss behind my ear. “I don’t want him to take care of you, just keep you company someplace where you can get a modicum of privacy. And as I’ve seen today, he’s kind of like a puppy. If you don’t walk him twice a day, he’ll drive you crazy. At least I know you’ll get out of bed if he’s around. I wish I didn’t have to leave you, but I do, and the only way I’m going to survive is if I think you’re in good hands. Pop’s hanging on by a thread, and Charlie’s all over the map since she started taking those hormone shots. Mom just keeps trying to organize things because she doesn’t know what else to do. Spencer’s the only sane one.”

  “Stop,” I say. “I hear you. It’s too much crazy under one roof. Henrik’s not much better, but I see your point. I’ll go. I’m not sure where, but we’ll go.”

  “I can’t believe I’m relieved you’re going to go away with your ex-fiancé.”

  “I can’t believe it was your idea. Whatever those aliens did to you when they abducted you certainly worked. You’re a highly evolved being now.”

  He chuckles but doesn’t respond. We sit in the quiet for a while, just listening to the sounds of the evening.

  “You know you have nothing to worry about, right?” I say.

  “Would I have suggested it if I did? We’re different this time. I have no doubt you’ll come back to me.”

  Eventually we move inside, and I spend the night listening to his heartbeat. Early the next morning, we say good-bye. I wish I could be selfish and demand he stay, but he needs to go and win for Daddy. After he leaves, I crawl back in bed and cry. My whole life, I’ve cried maybe a handful of times, but now I’m a blubbering mess. Around ten, there’s a knock on the bedroom door. I tell whoever it is to hold on, and I trudge to the bathroom. I look in the mirror and don’t even recognize myself. I look hollowed out and puffy at the same time. Quite a feat. I wash my face, wrap my bathrobe around me, and answer the door.

  Henrik kisses me on the cheek then jumps on the bed. As soon as he lands, he makes a face and jumps back off. “Did you have sex with him in this bed? I’m doing my best with the new dynamics of our relationship, but crashing in your love pad goes too far.”

  I glower at him. “Did you seriously just ask me if I’ve been getting any during the week my father died? My state of consciousness has been minimal at best!”

  “Some people fornicate when they grieve. It’s a reasonable question.”

  I throw a pillow at him. “This is such a mistake. Henrik, I love that you want to be here for me, but I’m not sure I’m up for this.”

  “What? I wasn’t suggesting we have sex. I mean, if you need to as part of your mourning process, then I won’t deny you, but let’s keep it from Chase. I don’t think it would go over well.”

  I point at the door. “Out!”

  “Settle down. I’m just teasing.” He puts his arms around my shoulders and steers me toward the bed. “You know I use humor when I don’t know what else to say. I won’t say I know what you’re going through because it’s different for everyone, but when my sister died, I felt all these crazy emotions at the same time, and I had no idea what to do with them. I felt completely lost. That pain never really goes away, but I learned how to live with it without it eating me up. So that’s my job this week.”

  I lean my head on his shoulder. “I appreciate it, but I’m not in the ‘move on with my life’ stage yet. I really just want to go home and—”

  “And what? Lie about? Wallow in dirty sweatpants? What would your father say if he saw you?”

  His words are like a slap in the face. Death rays shoot from my eyes. “Don’t go there.”

  He holds up his hands in defense. “Okay. Okay. Now just hear me out. I know Chase wants me to take you somewhere calming, but I think that will actually make you bonkers. I have a different plan. If you’ll trust me.”

  Twenty-two hours in the air on a private jet and an eight-hour van ride over unpaved road later, I’m in Nyanga, Zimbabwe. Henrik has refused to give me any information on what we’re doing. Knowing Henrik, I figure we’re going white water rafting, mountain climbing, or inverted rappelling. The land here is breathtaking, all rolling, lush green hills and awe-inspiring waterfalls.

  Our van stops at a village consisting of over a dozen small huts that look as if they’re made of mud with grass roofs. There must be thirty children running around, and the majority of them aren’t wearing shoes. Most of the boys don’t have shirts. They swarm the van and look at it the way an American child would look at a hoverboard. A tall man with deep ebony skin approaches, clapping, and all of the children scatter. The man looks familiar, but I can’t quite place him.

  “Welcome to Dzokoto,” Henrik says as we get out of the van. He hugs the man before steering him toward me. “Lamm, meet Ariko. Ariko is a new addition to the team in Munich.”

  I extend my hand to shake his, but Ariko gently turns my wrist and brings my hand to his lips. “Arianna, you are even lovelier in person,” he says with a suave English accent. “Thank you for making the long trip.”

  “I would say it’s my pleasure, but I’m still not entirely sure what I’m doing here.”

  He glares at Henrik. “You had this beauty travel halfway around the globe without telling her what she was doing? Shame on you.”

  Henrik winks at me. “Everything is better with a little anticipation.”

  “Walk with me,” Ariko says while he puts his arm around me. “I was born not too far from here. When I was five, I was adopted by my parents and grew up in London. I lost both of my birth parents at a very young age—”

  I touch his arm. “I’m so sorry.”

  He nods. “Thank you. Zimbabwe has always been fraught with civil war, disease, famine. It’s the way of life here. After I was adopted, my parents frequently did what they could to help orphans in my country. We’ve built schools, improved access to fresh water, and built clinics. Six or seven times a year, I return to an area in great need and help however I can. Since my parents started, we’ve build sixteen schools, seven clinics, and one hospital.”

  “Ariko, you’re a hero.”

  “Far from it, but I do what I can. So to get to the matter at hand, I’ve been harassing Henrik to lend a hand with one of my projects. A few days ago, he told me he was going to join me and he was bringing a friend.”

  We continue down the path until we reach a creek. He motions for us to sit next to it. After I sit, I take off my shoes and dip my toes in the cool running water.

  “Henrik told me about your father’s passing. I’m very sorry for your loss.”

  A lump forms in my throat. “Thank you.”

  “I’m here building an orphanage and school for this village. Of the fifty-six children here, forty-two of them are orphans.. Henrik thought if you came here and stayed busy hammering walls and caulking windows, it would be good for you, but I think if you
spend time with my kids, you may help each other heal.”

  So for the next five days, I learn how to erect the frame of a room and put up drywall. Eight hours a day, I work my ass off helping to build a small school for these beautiful children. I can’t remember a time I was more motivated. Focusing on the hard labor, I can think about something other than how much I miss Daddy and Chase. My attention is consumed with nail after nail, board after board. Whatever it takes to make this village a home.

  Once the hammers and nails are put away for the night, the heartache threatens to seep in. To push away the pain, I spend the evenings getting to know the children. They don’t speak a word of English, but Ariko and the other volunteers help translate. Even without assistance, children have a marvelous way of finding ways to communicate. We play soccer, and they teach me how to dance. With Ariko’s help, I tell them fairy tales about princesses saving princes in peril. Each night, one of the little girls ends up falling sleep in my lap, and I end up carrying her to her cot and tucking her in.

  Ariko is right—children are powerful creatures. Each and every one of them is so precious, and the days I spend with them are like a salve on my heart. The pain from the loss of my father is still there, but this whole experience gives me a new perspective.

  Chapter Ten

  Chase

  “You’ve reached four-one-five-five-five-five-five-three-one-nine,” the recorded voice repeats for the millionth time this week. “Please leave a message.”

  “Gah, I hate that damn mechanical bitch!” I scream as I throw my cell across the room.

  “Is this the third or fourth one this week?” Spencer asks as he picks up my busted phone. “I’m not sure I can get you another in the”—he looks at his watch—“two hours before game time. Have you seen the traffic out there? I’d be lucky if I made it three blocks.”

  I grab my phone from Spencer and examine the shattered pieces. Yup, it’s dead all right. “What are you doing down here? I thought the locker room was closed pre-game.”

  “Coach called the whole fam down. Apparently a bunch of the guys on the team came to him. They’re all worried about you. I drew the short straw, so I was sent in to check on you.”

  I toss the phone in the trash. “I’m fine.”

  He tilts his head back and quietly laughs. “You’re so far from fine you’re not even on the map.”

  I glare at him. “Don’t do this now. I need to get my head in the game.”

  “Well, it won’t be much a game if you keep picking fights with your teammates. When you pick a fight with your three-hundred-fifty pound center just minutes before the Super Bowl, that’s a sure sign your head is not in the game. You’re a good fighter, dude, but Clemson would crush you. You’re lucky he went to Coach rather than laying you out. Which you probably deserved. You made fun of his grandmother? His grandmother, dude? Seriously?”

  I throw my hands in the air. “She started it. She came up to me yesterday and told me I look like I’ve lost a step.”

  He sits on the edge of the training table. “Are you listening to yourself right now? First, grandmothers are always off-limits. Secondly, not that it matters, but I met her at the family event last night. The woman’s got to be pushing ninety. I doubt she can see two feet in front of her face. And third, you haven’t slept all week, so you probably have lost a step.”

  “Fuck you,” I snap. “I told you I’m fine.”

  He folds his arms. “Your idol died, the love of your life has been kidnaped by her ex-fiancé, you’re about to play the biggest game of your life, and you won’t talk to anyone. So, no, you’re not okay.”

  I sit next to him. “Where is she? Why hasn’t she called to at least let me know she’s okay? It’s making me crazy to know that she’s going through this and I can’t be there for her.”

  He sighs. “I wish I knew, man. We’re all worried about her too.”

  I pound my fist on the table. “I never should have trusted Henrik. I thought he’d take her to a spa or the beach somewhere and I’d still talk to her every day. It never occurred to me he was going to take her off the fucking grid. What kind of moron sends his girlfriend off with her ex-fiancé? What do I really know about him other than the fact that he’s in love with my girl?”

  He puts his hand on my shoulder. “If it makes you feel any better, Charlie’s confident that wherever Henrik took her, she’s okay. He’ll take good care of her, and at least she’s out of the limelight. If you can’t find her, neither can the press. Charlie’s guess is she’s somewhere out of cell range and without running water. That’s how Henrik works. They could be climbing K2 or rappelling in Australia or rafting the Tatshenshini River in Alaska. Charlie thinks he’s probably keeping her moving and busy so she won’t have time to think.”

  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of all the things he’s done with her. When we were together, even if we were to risk being seen together, she’d say she couldn’t do anything dangerous because it would void her insurance policy. Somehow he managed to break her out of that shell, and it stings. He can reach her in a way I can’t.

  “I should have told the team I couldn’t play and taken her away myself.” I tap my fist on my forehead. “I’m such an idiot.”

  “If you had done that, she would have been pissed with you, and you know it.”

  “Yeah, but you know what, man? Sometimes Arianna needs someone to do what’s good for her, not just what she’ll approve of. I fucked up here. I felt guilty, like I need to win this for Aiden, but Aiden’s dead and she’s alive and I left her alone. Her father put this damn game before her, and now I’ve done the same fucking thing.”

  “Dude, stop beating yourself up. You have a contract. You really didn’t have a choice,” Spencer says.

  “Fuck my contract. Whether or not I win the Super Bowl won’t change my life. Look at Aiden. He won five rings. A lot of good they did him when it came down to it. But what she’s going through right now will change her life, and I let Douchenozzle go with her instead of me. If it had been Charlie, you wouldn’t have let anything stand in your way.”

  “Yeah, but Charlie isn’t Ari and I’m not you. You can’t compare the two.”

  A knock on the door interrupts us, which is a blessing because we’re just going around in circles.

  Charlie pokes her head in with her hand over her eyes. “Is everyone decent?”

  “Yeah, come on in,” Spence replies.

  She pulls her hand away. “After that one time I came down to the locker room in high school, I’ve learned to never be too careful.” She shudders. “You’re my twin, and I love you, but I don’t need to see your junk.”

  Pulling off the towel around my neck, I snap her on the butt with it. “Good. The feeling’s mutual. What are you doing down here? Is this an intervention? I know I’ve been a dick, but I haven’t been that bad.”

  She holds up her phone. “I got a message from Henrik. He called the house phone, the sneaky little shit.” She dials a number then puts the phone on the table and hits speaker.

  “Charlie, my schatz, just calling to check in. Lamm is doing worlds better, so good actually we’re going to stay a bit longer. Tell your brother not to worry. I’ve got everything under control. If I know how to do anything, it’s how to take care of my Lamm. I’m not sure when we’ll be back, but sometime in the next few weeks, I’m sure. We’re totally unreachable; I had to drive three hours just to borrow this sat phone. Lamm will call you when we get back to civilization.”

  I wait for more, but the voicemail cuts off. “That’s it? That’s all we get? They’re in the middle of nowhere and won’t be back till God knows when and we shouldn’t expect to hear from them? Tell me this is a joke and there’s another message.”

  Charlie winces. “There’s not. This is it.”

  Spencer looks at Charlie. “Any idea where he might be?”

  She shrugs. “No, sorry, I wish I did.”

  “Play it again,” I demand. “Maybe we mis
sed something. A clue or a hint. Something that can tell us where she is.”

  “Chase—”

  “I said play it again,” I roar. Realizing I’ve crossed a line, I take Charlie’s hands. “I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that. None of this is your fault. I’m just really worried.”

  She squeezes my hand. “It’s okay. Henrik makes me crazy too.” She looks at Spencer. “Remember that time we went to visit them in Greece? I swear to God, if I could have left him in the middle of the ocean, I would have.”

  Spencer clears his throat. “Probably not the best story to tell right now, babe.”

  “Yeah, right.” She turns back to me. “Sorry. Anyway, he kept the message cryptic on purpose. Probably because he knows if you know where they are, you’ll come after her. Either he’s trying to keep her to himself, or he really thinks whatever they’re doing is helping. Who knows with him?”

  “He’s damn right I would.”

  Coach’s voice comes through the intercom. “Brennan?”

  “Yeah, Coach?” I reply.

  “It’s time, son.”

  Charlie puts her hands on my shoulders. “I would have rather heard directly from her, but at least we know she’s safe. She’s doing what she has to do, and you need to do what you need to do. Get out there and play like Aiden taught you. I know you hate being apart from her. Win that damn trophy and make it worth something.” She slaps my butt. “Now get your ass on that field.”

  I look at her with raised eyebrows.

  Her confidence seeps away. “I tried to think of what Ari would have said. I suck at this.”

  Pulling her into a hug, I kiss the top of her head. “You’re perfect. Thank you.”

  She pushes me away and gags. “And you smell! Dear God, don’t they wash your stuff?”

  “Of course not. I’m on a winning streak.”

  Spencer takes Charlie by the elbow. “Come on, let’s get to our seats.” He pats my back. “Good luck, man. Regardless of everything else that’s going on, this is what you’ve worked your entire life for. I’m so damn proud of you. Take a sec and relish the fact that you’re playing in the Super Bowl. The fucking Super Bowl.”