North of Heartbreak

by Julie Rowe

  She grabbed two of her medical kits and headed into the clinic. He followed her inside with the rest.

  “Is this everything?” He dropped the boxes next to the ones she’d brought in.

  “That’s it.” Thank God.

  He nodded. “What time do you want to take off tomorrow?”

  “Seven-thirty. I’d like to see patients by nine.”

  “Anything special I should know or have on hand?”

  She wilted a little, flopping against the wall. Relief at his businesslike attitude pulled all the starch out of her bones. “No, nothing that I can think of.”

  “Anything you need right now?”

  She straightened at that and took a step back.

  “You look washed out,” he added.

  “I’m just feeling the after-effects from the adrenaline rush this afternoon.”

  He crossed his arms across his chest and braced one shoulder against the wall in front of her, as if they were two people having a regular conversation. “Crashing hard, huh?”

  His tone was conciliatory, too sweet, in fact. She took another step back. “Yeah. Unfortunately I still have a bunch of charts to finish and some cleaning to do.” She lifted her chin. “I hope you don’t mind.”

  “Not at all.” He stood tall. “I have to do the same. I’ll see you later.” It sounded like a promise.

  “Yes, thank you.” She blinked to keep tears from escaping and prayed he wouldn’t notice her reaction to his simple comment or her lips quivering with fatigue. “It was good to meet you.”

  She had wounds, deep ones. Wounds she thought had closed and healed. She’d been wrong. How was she ever going to stitch them closed?

  Liam stopped, his hand on the doorknob, and smiled. “My pleasure entirely.” He stepped outside and closed the door behind him.

  Willa stared after him for a long time. She had too much work to do before going home to her small apartment to try to figure out what she should do about Liam. Or even if she should do anything about him.

  It took thirty minutes to restock her travel kits and fill out the paperwork to reorder supplies. That done, she settled in to complete her charting. It was good to be able to add that the pilot had EMT training to her report. She’d have to get Liam to sign off on it tomorrow morning before they left on their flight.

  Flying three days a week with him was going to be an odd sort of torture. Like being a diabetic and having someone wave your favorite chocolate bar in your face every day. Taking a bite might taste delicious, but it also might kill you.

  The worst part was, Jason knew her history, knew how she felt about men in general and pretty ones in particular. Yet he still stuck her with Liam, who was absolutely gorgeous, making him the last man she’d trust with any ease.

  “I’m going to have to have a little chat with Jason about this,” she muttered as she wrote in Joe’s chart.

  “A chat with Jason about what?”

  Willa’s head snapped up, surprise widening her eyes. Her mouth opened, but it was a second or two before anything came out. Liam stood about five feet behind her, a large paper bag in his hand. “A…about the flight schedule. I’m thinking of changing it.” She swallowed. “I thought you’d gone.”

  “I refueled and checked over the plane.” He held up the bag. “I picked up some dinner figuring you could use something to eat.”

  “Oh, that’s very kind of you, but I couldn’t—”

  “You don’t want all this food to go to waste do you? Besides, I’m the new guy on the block. It’s the least I can do.”

  “Well, actually, I’m really tired.” She tossed him a weak smile, which didn’t seem to faze him at all.

  “Uncle Jason told me to take good care of you, make sure you ate something and got out of here at a reasonable time.” Liam turned away, craning his head around the room. “I’ll get this ready in the waiting room.”

  He had most of it out of the bag before she finally got over her fright and said, “I’ll just wash my hands.”

  She went slow. It took her five minutes.

  She approached the low coffee table in the waiting room as if it were covered with live bugs.

  She stretched her neck to see what he’d bought. There weren’t a lot of good options in a town this small.

  “Chinese?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” he answered, opening a cardboard box. “From the place across the street.”

  “Their food’s good.”

  “Cool.” He handed her a paper plate. “Dig in.”

  “Thank you. You didn’t have to do this you know.”

  Liam finally made eye contact with her and shrugged. “I didn’t feel like eating alone.”

  “Why didn’t you eat with Jason? Isn’t that where you’re staying?”

  “Yeah, but I’ve eaten with him three times a day for two weeks straight. It’s nice to have new scenery.”

  Something wound painfully tight inside her relaxed. “Ah, so I’m like a birch tree in a forest of evergreens then?”

  “Yep.” He paused with his mouth open, fork poised to enter. “Hope you’re not insulted.”

  “Oh no. Relieved actually.”

  “What was that?” he asked.

  “Nothing.” She smiled, but it felt faker than Jason’s false teeth. She dug into her food with a haste that had Liam chortling with laughter.

  She paused, swallowing as if she had a mouthful of nails. “Are there cashews in this?”

  Liam looked at his food. “Uh…yes.”

  “I’m allergic to cashews.”

  He dropped his plate. “How allergic?”

  “Hives and puffy eyes allergic.”

  He winced and stood. “Where do you keep your antihistamine?”

  “I’ll get it.”

  He motioned her to stay seated. “No, no. I’ll get it, you just sit tight.” He took a step then stopped. “Where do you keep it?”

  “In the dispensary, which is locked.” She gave him a wan smile and left him standing alone in the waiting room. She gave herself a dose and locked up the dispensary. Wonderful, more paperwork to fill out.

  “Did you find it?” he yelled.

  “Yeah, I’m okay. But I’ve got to get this work done. Thanks so much for bringing the food.” If she went back to work maybe he’d leave. She needed some time to think, to decompress. She moved to the exam room and started a quick inventory of the supply cupboard.

  “Anything I can help you with in here?”

  “No, no I’m fine.” With her shallow breathing and lips pressed together in a white line, she was far from fine. She prayed he wouldn’t notice.

  “Listen,” he began, stepping into the small room. “I know we don’t know each other well, but if you ever need anything, someone to yell at or a shoulder to cry on, just let me know.”

  She stared at him, her eyes and jaw wide. “I beg your pardon?”

  “Hey, I know shi—” He coughed and took a step closer to her. “Stuff happens. Talking about it might help.”

  She inched backward until the exam table was between them. “That’s very…nice of you, but I’m okay.”

  He took another step toward her.

  Too close, too tall, too much, way too fast.

  Her face numb, she backed up even farther into the corner.

  Liam stopped cold, his face going slack for a second. “Are you afraid of me?”

  She didn’t want to answer, didn’t want to admit the truth.

  For some people, monsters looked like snakes, alligators or things with fangs. Hers were handsome with all their sharp edges hidden inside. She wished she could trust him, lean on him, but wishing wasn’t going to change a thing.

  “Willa…?”

  “Please,”
she whispered. “Just go.”

  “You look like you’re going to pass out.”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “When you’re as white as a sheet?”

  “I can’t…can’t do this with you.”

  “Do what?”

  One tear tracked down her face. “You have to go.” Her voice was almost inaudible.

  She was barely keeping it together and rather than helping her through it by leaving, his staying was making it worse.

  He sank to his knees, putting his head and shoulders above the exam table while the rest of his body remained hidden behind it.

  She blinked a few times. “What…what are you doing?”

  He tilted his head to one side. “Who did this to you?”

  “What?”

  “Who made you this afraid?”

  Fear closed her throat until all she had to breathe through was a straw. “I…I…”

  “I won’t let anyone hurt you.” He said it as if it was a vow he’d take to his grave.

  The room ran out of air. She crouched down and bowed her head, hoping to stave off unconsciousness.

  She heard him move and held up a hand with her palm facing him. “I just need…” Breathe, in and out. In and out. “…a moment.”

  “Okay.” He sounded like he was talking to a panicked little kid.

  The room slowly came back into focus. “M-my ex-husband.” Breathe. “He…he’s dead.”

  She glanced up. Liam was back behind the exam table. “He was drunk and crashed his car.” She slowly straightened up. “It was after our divorce was final. He’d threatened to kill me. I believe he would have, if he hadn’t killed himself.” Her whole body shook and she pressed her back into the corner. “Please come out from behind the table. Please leave.”

  “I’ve made myself nonthreatening. See.” He scrunched himself down. “I’m shorter than you. There’s no way I could catch you if you decide to run away.”

  Was he serious?

  From the smiling, hopeful expression on his face, he was very serious.

  She had no idea how to respond to any of it.

  “So,” he began in a breezy sort of way. “What do you want to do? My knees are going to get sore if I stay down here for much longer.”

  “Stop trying to be funny.” Tears clouded her vision.

  “All right. What do you want to do next?”

  It took her a moment to come up with any kind of plan. “How about we both go home?”

  His smile was bright enough to make her squint. “Great idea.”

  “You first,” she told him.

  “Wow, you are a tough crowd.” He sighed. “Okay, but I’m not giving up. I want to help. I want to be your friend.” He got to his feet, nodded politely and left.

  It wasn’t until she heard the door close that Willa finally came out of the corner. She grabbed a garbage can to clean up the Chinese food in the waiting room. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  Chapter Four

  Willa wiped a weary hand over her face. Between her work schedule and a certain perky pilot, she was exhausted. Ever since Liam left her shaking, scared and hiding in a corner a week ago he’d become a fixture in her clinics.

  She expected him to be wary or perhaps concerned. Instead, he was cheerful, witty and altogether too helpful. It was as if that first day had never happened and he hadn’t seen the scars she carried on her soul.

  She didn’t know what to think or do about him, but she was going to have to do something.

  The locals had taken to him right away, as if he were one of their own returning home from a long absence. Strangely, none of the single girls had shown any interest in him and as far as she knew he hadn’t gone out on a single date. He spent all his spare time with Jason or with her.

  She couldn’t figure out why he was bothering; she’d made it clear she wasn’t interested. A relationship was too big a risk for her to take. She’d been bruised and battered beyond repair, her heart broken into too many pieces for even Liam’s playful laughter to make whole again.

  Even if she did let her guard down she had nothing to offer him. Her ex-husband had seen to that. He’d taken away her unborn child and any chance to conceive another with his fists and feet. Guilt tugged at her conscience. She deserved some of the blame. She should have left him sooner. Should have made sure not to get pregnant in the first place.

  Liam isn’t him.

  Willa closed her eyes. She’d never forget the expression on Liam’s face when she asked him to go. Surprised and hurt. She shook her head. It was probably for the best. He’d last six months then move on to fly somewhere else.

  She handed her last patient of the day a package of prenatal vitamins and a sterile cup. “All I need is a urine sample, Lisa, and you’re done.”

  “That won’t be a problem. I have to go every five minutes anyway,” the young pregnant woman said with a rueful grin.

  “That’s normal I’m afraid. The joys of pregnancy.” A joy she’d never experience. Willa’s smile died as Lisa laughed and disappeared into the bathroom.

  Willa opened her chart and recorded the results of the prenatal visit. The baby’s heartbeat had been easy to find, strong and well within normal limits for a mid-third trimester fetus. Her pen paused as the sound of another fetal heart echoed in her mind.

  With a swift shake of her head she pushed the memory away. She could wallow in regret later alone in her apartment.

  So many regrets.

  She put the chart aside then bent down to freshen her supply of sterile urine collection containers from the stock box in the cupboard below the desk.

  “Anybody home?”

  The deep male bass voice had Willa jerking her head out of the cupboard.

  Liam stood on the other side of the reception desk, a pleasant smile on his face.

  She groaned. “Don’t sneak up on people like that. I nearly knocked myself out.”

  “Sorry.” He craned his head over the desk. “What are you doing down there?”

  “Restocking sterile containers. What are you doing here?”

  He leaned against the desk on one elbow and stretched his legs out. “It’s three o’clock on a Saturday afternoon. I’ve got no flights and I’ve finished all the maintenance.” He grinned. “I got bored so I thought I’d come bug you.”

  She snorted. “At least you’re honest.”

  “Honesty is my middle name.”

  “Right.” She shook her head and went back to counting cups.

  “Here you go,” Lisa said, coming out of the bathroom.

  Willa stood and took the container from her. “Thanks.”

  “Hi, Liam,” Lisa said, smiling at the pilot. “How are you?”

  He released a long blustery sigh. “Bored.”

  “I can fix that,” she said with a laugh. “Come and play with my kids, or better yet, clean my house.”

  He chuckled. “Nice try, but I’ve decided to follow Willa around the rest of the day. She’s far more entertaining.”

  “More entertaining than two kids under four?” Lisa gave Willa a considering look. “I had no idea. You two been dating long?”

  “No,” Willa promptly replied.

  “Yes,” Liam said at the same time.

  Lisa gave them a confused look. “Which is it?”

  “He’s just picking on me. Don’t believe a word he says.”

  He grabbed his chest and staggered back. “You wound me, madam.”

  “I’ll wound you a lot more if you tell anyone else we’re dating.”

  “A guy can dream can’t he?”

  Willa pretended to consider it for a second then said, “No, actually, you can’t.”

  “You two sound like y
ou’ve been married for years,” Lisa said as she donned her coat. “Better watch out, Willa, or before you know it you’ll be picking his dirty socks off the floor—”

  “Not in this lifetime,” Willa interrupted.

  “—and alternating midnight feedings.”

  Liam snorted with such derision both women turned to look at him. “What? I’m doing the honorable thing and not reproducing.”

  “The honorable thing?” Willa asked.

  “I have babyphobia.”

  “You’re deathly afraid of babies?”

  “They’re so…helpless.” His expression was bleak. “They need constant care and attention. That’s just if they’re healthy. What if they get sick or someone leaves matches on the table where any little kid can climb up and reach them? Good parenting is tough. I don’t think I could do it.”

  “You don’t do it alone, is how you do it.” Lisa smiled at them. “I have to go. I think I left some matches on the table. Bye.” She slipped out the door.

  Willa glared at Liam. “That was insensitive.”

  He glanced at the door. “I don’t know, it looked like she was laughing at me. You know, the whole ‘big strong man afraid of a baby’ thing.”

  “Well, I don’t think it’s funny.”

  “No?”

  “No. You make it sound like babies are nothing but work and worry. They’re love and…” She caught herself before she could say too much. “Every moment with them is joy.”

  He stared at her. “Not in my experience.”

  She’d never have the opportunity to experience it. She took in a breath, searching for something to say to change the subject when his words registered. “Your experience? You’re a father?”

  He didn’t move, didn’t flinch, but his lips and eyes tightened, adding stress lines to his face. “No, I’m not a father.”

  His words were filled with pain and grief. Two emotions she was well acquainted with. “Were you a father?”

  Blood drained from his face until he looked like a ghost.

  “My apologies, it’s none of my business.” She cleared her throat. “Lisa was my last patient for today, so if you’ll go I can lock the door and get to my mile long list of things to do.”