As Tears Go By

by Lydia Michaels

  “I know,” Loretta said, shifting a step closer. “Which makes my actions all the more vile. He’d told me how burdened your relationship had been and while I sympathized, I never meant to put more pressure on an already weak thread.”

  Tilting her head, Becca measured the sincerity showing in the other woman’s eyes. “He talked to you about us?”

  “Sometimes. At first it was just small things, like with Hunter and the work you were doing to get him into new programs, but over time, our encounters turned into lingering conversations and he’d confessed you two were…strained.”

  She laughed sadly. “That we were.”

  “He loved you, Rebecca. He told me so many times.”

  The muscles in her arms tightened, as ice seemed to pass through her veins. “I loved him too, but some things are too broken to fix. Certain actions can’t be undone.”

  Loretta nodded, her gaze falling to the ground. “I’m sorry to hear that. Many times Kevin expressed a desire to be a better husband and father. I think his intentions were somehow misplaced along the way. I didn’t help matters.”

  “No,” she agreed succinctly. It was getting chilly and she’d started to shiver more than what the climate demanded. “I just wanted to let you know I hold no ill will toward you.”

  “You really are a strong woman, Rebecca,” she said in salutation. “I hope one day you find a man strong enough to be your match. Again, I’m sorry for what I did.”

  The words thank you wouldn’t come, so Becca simply nodded and found her way back through the hedges. No matter how difficult it was to accomplish what she’d just done, her instinct told her it was the right thing to do, and once the morose haze faded she was certain she’d celebrate a new sense of pride in taking another big step toward letting go.

  * * * *

  The day they closed on the deal with Apricot, something peculiar happened. Braydon wasn’t at the meeting, which was odd, since he was spearheading the development.

  Still uncomfortable in Miranda’s presence, Becca tried to be professional. After the meeting, she attempted to make small talk with his intimidating boss. “It’s a shame Braydon couldn’t be here today. He must be really busy with the other project he’s working on.”

  Miranda frowned. “Other project?”

  Unsure why the other woman was looking at her with clear confusion, she clarified, “Yeah, isn’t he…” Thinking quick and not wanting to get Braydon in trouble with his boss, she played dumb. If Miranda didn’t know about the project he was working on there was probably good reason. The question was, why didn’t she? “I just assumed he had another project if he wasn’t here. My mistake.”

  Miranda gathered her belongings from the table and smiled. “No, he had to go home to take care of some family business. He should be back tomorrow.” Breezing out of the office, Becca stared dumbly, digesting the bomb her boyfriend’s very informed ex just dropped.

  He’d given Becca the impression he was occupied with something for work and that was what all the trips out of town were about. If something were going on with one of the McCullough’s, why hadn’t he told her? And why had he told Miranda?

  She worried about his family, having come to care for each member. Was someone sick? Deciding not to assume anything until she had some answers, she texted him. This was likely one big misunderstanding.

  Where are you?

  His reply took several minutes. She didn’t receive it until she was back at her desk.

  At work. What’s up?

  She frowned. Miranda was his boss. If he were “working” she would have said just that. Why would the other woman lie and say he was home dealing with family business? Why would he lie and say he was at work? Someone wasn’t telling the truth. She just hoped the liar wasn’t Braydon.

  This wasn’t a discussion to have via text and his short answer told her he was involved with something at the moment.

  Will you be home tonight? Kevin has Hunter. I thought I’d come to your place and we could talk.

  For some reason the term “talk” always put men in a panic and she regretted not choosing her words more carefully.

  Talk? Is something wrong? I should be home around six.

  She didn’t want to lie and say nothing was wrong, but she also didn’t want to stress him out when he might have a long drive ahead of him. She, on the other hand was totally panicking over not knowing whom he was working for or what he was doing. And the fact that his ex seemed more informed than his actual girlfriend was putting her in a very distressing position. But most stressing of all was the fact that he possibly wasn’t being honest with her. She hated secrets.

  She kept her response short.

  I’ll see you at six.

  * * * *

  Braydon raced home, knowing Becca was probably waiting for him. It was already seven and he’d told her he’d be home by six. When he walked into his apartment she was sitting on his couch watching the news. She shut off the television the second he stepped through the door. Nervous energy pulsed in the room.

  “Where were you?”

  “Sorry I’m late. There was traffic and I couldn’t get out of there until after four.”

  “Out of where? Braydon, where’ve you been?”

  The house was almost complete. Today a shipment of tile arrived and he was almost ready to unveil his surprise. He hadn’t been sleeping very well, because now that it was getting close he feared Becca would freak at his high-handedness. She had a job to consider and her friends, a house, and of course, Hunter. Simply put, he was a restless mess.

  “I was at work.”

  She scowled at him. “No, you weren’t.”

  Why was she being so oppositional? “Becca,” he said calmly. “I swear I was working.”

  “For who, because your boss said you were visiting family?”

  Damn it, Miranda. “I was doing a project in Center County.”

  Her lips trembled and he pinched his temples as his good intentions rapidly turned into misinterpretations. The last thing he wanted her to feel was betrayed. All of this secretiveness was in hopes of surprising her. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that’s where I was going.”

  “Since when have you been working there and why is this the first I’m hearing about it? Your ex seems more informed of your whereabouts than I am.”

  “She’s my boss, Becca. Please stop referring to her as my ex. I was doing something on family property.”

  Her brow lowered, as he seemed to dig himself deeper. “So you weren’t working.”

  “I was. I just wasn’t getting paid for my time.”

  “Miranda—”

  “Enough with Miranda!” He snapped and her mouth snapped shut.

  It was understandable that Becca had trust issues, but he’d never done anything untrustworthy. The inquisitions were getting old. Regretting his sharp tone, he quickly apologized. “Sorry.” In a calmer voice, he explained, “She’s my boss, Becca. Not my lover, not my mistress, and not anyone you need to worry about.”

  Her lips clamped tight. She was clearly upset.

  Moving to the couch, he stared at her, but she wouldn’t meet his gaze. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled, but it gets exhausting constantly having Kevin’s misdeeds held against my record. I don’t want to keep defending suspicions about a past I had no part in. I don’t hold my past against you.”

  Her shoulders sagged. “You’re right. I’m sorry. There’s just something about that woman that makes me nervous.”

  “You have nothing to be nervous about.” Sure, Miranda made a habit of propositioning him, but he’d made his position clear the last time they’d talked. Since then, she’d seemed to accept they would never be more than friends.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to Center County?”

  She seemed hurt and there was a quick solution to remedy that, but he wasn’t ready to come clean. They’d had a great month and the holidays were quickly approaching. He didn’t want to shock h
er and throw their groove out of whack. He’d hoped to present the idea of moving there slowly. “How about I take you up there at the end of the month and show you what I’ve been working on? I just need a little time.”

  She nodded, but he still sensed her tension. “I don’t like secrets, Braydon. You missed the closing today.”

  “I’m aware. I signed off on the project last Monday. My part’s done.” He should have given her some sort of heads up he wouldn’t be back in town in time to attend the meeting.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you wouldn’t be there?”

  He hadn’t even taken off his coat. Taking her hands, he offered the honest to God truth. “It slipped my mind.”

  His phone rang, interrupting their discussion. The screen flashed Miranda’s name and he quickly declined the call. Returning his gaze to Becca, he drew back as she glared at him.

  “She’s calling you? How often does she call you?”

  “It doesn’t matter, Becca. We’re just friends.”

  She pulled her hands out of his. “It matters to me! And a second ago she was just your boss.”

  “You’re being unfair.”

  “Braydon, you had sex with this woman. You had a relationship with her. It isn’t ridiculous for me to feel uncomfortable about her calling you.”

  His phone beeped, announcing a message. Becca glanced at his phone. “She left you a message. Why don’t you see what she wanted?”

  He really didn’t want to do that. Not because he had any indiscretions to hide, but because Miranda could easily say something that could be taken wildly out of context. “I’d rather not.”

  She stood. “I’m going home.”

  “Becca—”

  Pivoting, she glared at him. “Don’t treat me like an irrational person, Braydon. I’m a woman and I’m well aware of your appeal. I’m also extremely insecure, which I apologize for, but I can’t seem to prevent. Don’t be naïve and act like she might not want more than you. Be decent enough to be upfront with me. Is this something I have to worry about?”

  He sighed. “No—”

  “Then play the message.”

  If she was trying for intimidation, she failed. He knew her too well, saw through all her masks, saw her battle scars and recognized her fear. Her husband had cheated on her. Such a simple statement with such immeasurable significance. He’d never known such perfidy, but he understood how such a thing could shake a person’s trust in all future relationships.

  Deliberating for a few moments, he gave up. He didn’t want to fight with her and her past made it imperative he be completely open. His thumb slid over the screen, playing the message on speakerphone. Hopefully disclosure would relieve her ungrounded assumptions.

  “Hey, Bray. Just seeing if you’re back in town. I thought maybe we could grab a drink. Call me.”

  Or not. Her expression was blank. He was an idiot.

  “Becca, I swear I haven’t done anything wrong.” She remained silent. “Look, Miranda’s made it clear that she’s available, but I made it clear I’m not interested. She’s lonely and just looking for a friend, which is all I offered.”

  “Did you tell her that?”

  “Yes! Several times.”

  “Then why is she still calling you?”

  “I don’t know. I’m not in charge of her.”

  “That’s right. She likes bossing people around, doesn’t she?” She stood. “Remember when you told Kevin I was your woman?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well…you’re my man, Braydon. And I’ll be damned if I let some bossy…whatever she is, sniff around my property. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “You’re leaving?”

  “Yes. I need to go home and eat some ice cream. I’m mad at you so I’m afraid you can’t come.”

  “Becca—”

  “Goodnight, Braydon.” And with that she left.

  Five minutes later he received a text from her.

  I’m also jealous. I’m sorry. I love you.

  Shutting off his phone he sighed. It was nice having someone care enough to be territorial, but the insecurities had to heal. All he could do was be patient with her. Over time, he’d prove he was nothing like her ex and she’d eventually learn she could trust him.

  * * * *

  Becca’s hands were trembling as she knocked on Nikki’s door. Her friend answered, a look of surprise on her face. “Becca? It’s after eight.” Nikki glanced at the bag in her hand, packed with chocolate, wine, and ice cream. “What’s wrong?”

  “Men suck!”

  “This is news?”

  She pushed her way inside and felt a wave of embarrassment when she spotted Todd, Nikki’s husband. “Hi, Todd. You don’t suck.”

  “Hey, Becca.”

  “Come on. Let’s go to the kitchen,” Nikki said then whispered, “They all suck sometimes, hon.”

  She dumped her bag on the counter and rummaged through the pints of ice cream. “I need a spoon.”

  “Okay. You wanna tell me what happened?” Nikki handed her a spoon and uncorked the wine. Becca didn’t wait for a glass. Rather, she tipped the bottle back and took a long sip.

  “I think Braydon’s boss is after him.”

  Her friend sighed and settled into the seat across from her. “I sort of suspected, but now I’m not so sure.”

  “What?”

  Over the next twenty minutes Nikki explained what she’d seen at the pub and Becca caught her up on the latest events.

  “In all honesty, I don’t think he’s interested, Becs. He loves you.”

  “Then why is she still bothering him? Can’t she take a hint?”

  “Maybe it’s weird because he works for her. Braydon seems like a people pleaser. Maybe it’s just not in his nature to say no to an old acquaintance needing a friend.”

  She made a rude sound. “I do not like that woman. Who does she think she is with her fancy clothes and long legs?”

  Nikki smiled. “You’re jealous.”

  “Of course I’m jealous! Look at her, Nikki. The woman owns the company. She’s tall and stunning and doesn’t come with baggage.”

  “But Braydon broke up with her for a reason. He’s with you now. If he wanted her back and she’s opened the invitation, he’d be there, but he’s not. Give yourself a little credit.”

  Rubbing her temples, she sighed. “But they have a past. People sometimes cling to what they know. I love Braydon, but I wasn’t married to him for ten years. There’s always going to be something Kevin holds over me because of our history.” She stabbed her spoon into her melting ice cream and winced. “I hate that someone else could know Braydon as intimately as I do. It’s like when Loretta told me how much Kevin was confiding in her. Why couldn’t he talk to me about all those feelings of inadequacy?”

  Her friend sighed. “Is this about Braydon or about Kevin?”

  “Braydon. Both. God, I don’t know. I’m a mess!”

  Nikki chugged her wine. “Okay, I think you’re overreacting. Marriage is different than an affair. It’s hard to give up something you vowed your life to. I know your relationship with GQ came right on the tails of your divorce and you’re still letting go of those broken promises, but what Braydon had with this woman wasn’t marriage. They didn’t have the history you and Kevin had. Stop projecting your issues on his situation. You’ll make yourself and everyone else crazy.”

  “You’re right. I know you’re right.”

  “Honey, you have to mourn your marriage and move on. He’s not coming back—luckily. Maybe it’s too soon to accept your family isn’t going to be what you thought, but you wouldn’t want him after what he did anyway. I’m proud of you for confronting the neighbor, but don’t reopen that can of worms too much. It’s recycled garbage you don’t need.”

  They both picked up a spoon as Nikki’s advice sank in. “I think seeing my neighbor and knowing she isn’t anything special really damaged me. Miranda’s strikingly beautiful. I couldn’t compete with Loretta. I
certainly can’t compete with Miranda.”

  “No one said you have to.” Settling back in her chair, Nikki studied her for a long minute.

  “What?”

  “You’re never going to get over your insecurities until you can look them in the eye, Becs. This woman’s no better than you or anyone else. Let her know she’s overstepping and she’ll probably back off.”

  “I can’t do that to Braydon. He has a right to his friends and he claims that’s all she is.”

  “Do you believe him?”

  Did she? She shrugged. “I don’t know. He hasn’t given me reason to believe otherwise, but I’m a head case. When she called tonight…it killed me.”

  “So tell him that. Maybe even tell her. The Apricot deal’s done. I’m not suggesting you storm in their office and go batshit, but I see no harm in you claiming what’s yours. If some woman was after Todd I wouldn’t hesitate.”

  “You’re different.”

  “Okay, then let her keep calling him. I’m sure that won’t get old.”

  “Hey, don’t be mean.”

  “Then don’t be a tissue. You get your big girl panties on and tell this woman exactly who you are. She may sign his checks, but you’re the one buttering his bread.”

  The idea of confronting Miranda sounded strong in theory, but the truth was it reeked of self-doubt—her self-doubt, not the other woman’s. “I guess it’ll just take time for me to get over my trust issues. I just hope it doesn’t take too long. Braydon was right, he doesn’t deserve to pay for Kevin’s mistakes.”

  Nikki’s hand rubbed over hers. “You’ll get there. I have faith in you.”

  * * * *

  The following morning Becca developed a few new nervous tics. Her palms were sweating profusely and her heart hadn’t stopped racing. A little before lunch she took a cab over to Braydon’s office. She made it as far as the reception area before her feet froze and she wasn’t sure what to do next.

  A crowd of executives in suits emerged from a room down the hall and she recognized Miranda’s voice. One of the suits passing mentioned Braydon’s name and she wondered if he’d been in that meeting.