Willing Redemption (Willing Surrender Book 3)

by Carrie Hogle

  “Do you want me,” he whispered in her ear.

  “You know I do,” she answered.

  His hand curved around the base of her throat.

  “Reina,” he warned.

  “Yes.”

  “Yes, what?”

  “Yes, I want you.”

  “Tell me what you want.”

  His hand slid back down to her hip, his dominating tone sending her hunger straight into overdrive.

  “I want you inside me,” she panted.

  His fingers dug into her hip.

  “Now ask me.”

  Reina had been teased too much in one night to play coy.

  “James please fuck me,” she replied quietly.

  He bit her in the shoulder.

  “Please make me come…”

  He wrapped his arm tight around her and gave her exactly what she asked for, with slow deep thrusts that had her truly begging before he was finished.

  Chapter 4

  Reina opened her eyes to black satin across her pillowcase, a sore but sated body, and an empty bed. She stumbled down the stairs, beyond ready for coffee. Apprehension flared through her as she reached the kitchen, there was no coffee. James was standing at the breakfast bar with a glass of bourbon, the bottle beside it. Reina didn’t need a crystal ball to know that no coffee and bourbon at this time of day meant that something was about to go down. She stood at the end of the breakfast bar and waited, heart racing. James gripped his glass and took a long drink, but he didn’t say anything or look at her.

  “James?”

  He glanced up at her for a moment before looking back to his glass.

  “Reina, I’m leaving.”

  He couldn’t possibly be saying what she thought he was saying.

  “What exactly do you mean, you’re leaving?”

  “I’m moving out.”

  Either James was trying to protect her from something, or she was a fool.

  “James, what happened with your father?”

  His entire body tensed when she asked. He finally looked her in the eye which was a mistake, she knew him well enough to see his secrets.

  “Nothing happened Reina.”

  He looked her in the eye and lied.

  “Nothing happened,” she repeated sarcastically.

  She tried to keep her composure. After everything they’d been through, after the previous night, and with the lack of caffeine she was feeling hurt but mostly she was feeling angry.

  He looked away, “We’ve reached the end of our relationship. Nothing more.”

  “And that’s it? Just like that?”

  “Yes,” he replied coldly, and took another drink.

  He started to turn away from her but she rounded the corner and stepped in front of him, close enough that he had to look at her.

  “If you’re going to break up with me, you can at least look me in the eye when you do it.”

  He just looked at her for a minute clenching his jaw, with fire in his eyes.

  “I’m leaving,” he finally said.

  Not quite a ‘this relationship is over’ statement, she thought. Being her usual self she decided to take it all the way.

  “Finish it then, make it easy. Say that you don’t love me.”

  She saw the shadows of pain he tried to hide from her.

  “Love isn’t the issue.”

  “Then what is the issue?”

  “This conversation is over,” he said angrily, tone final.

  She nodded, “Fine. I’ll pack my things.”

  She started to step away but he grabbed her wrist.

  “I want you to stay here.”

  She scoffed at him, “Ironic how you forfeited any right you may have had to dictate to me.”

  “This is your house Reina.”

  She let anger and sarcasm drip from every word, “Being surrounded by you no longer has the same appeal.”

  She watched his anger rise, watched him try to breathe through it, and the little devil in her heart smiled.

  “Let go of me,” She said it quietly, but with every bit of what she was feeling.

  For a few seconds his grip tightened as she challenged him with her eyes, but he seemed to come to his senses and let her go. She turned away from him, grabbed her keys, and headed towards the door. She heard glass breaking on her way out, but she didn’t go back. He could clean up his own mess.

  She bought some boxes, picked up a few extra boxes from The Coffee Spot, and stopped by Amy’s house. Amy wasn’t home so she called on her way back up the mountain.

  “Hey, what’s up,” Amy answered

  “Hey. Can you uh...can you help me move a few things?”

  “Sure. Of course. What’s going on?”

  “I’ll tell you about it when you get there.”

  “Cool...see you in about 20?”

  “See you in a few.”

  When Reina returned James was gone. He’d obviously gone straight from the kitchen to the front door, because he’d left a trail of random broken things on the way out. Amy showed up just as Reina had finished hefting boxes into the house.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey,” Amy smiled. “What are we moving?”

  “Me,” Reina replied over her shoulder as she headed toward the kitchen. Now seemed like a fine time for a beer.

  “What are you talking about?”

  The kitchen looked like a wild bear had gotten into the house. She stepped over glass to look in the refrigerator.

  “I’m moving out.”

  Amy stopped in her tracks as she rounded the kitchen and saw the kitchen.

  “What the...what the hell happened to your kitchen?”

  Reina shrugged, “I’m not sure? Dragon maybe?”

  Amy gave her the evil eye.

  “Reina, what the hell is going on?”

  Reina sighed, “Well...James informed me that we’d reached the end of our relationship.”

  “He did what,” she asked incredulously. “Why would he do that?”

  “I don’t know Amy. He went to see his father, and I knew something was wrong when he came home. But...he was...attentive. I wake up this morning and he says he’s moving out. So…”

  “So, you’re moving out.”

  “I can’t stay here. He wanted me to stay here but...yeah”

  Reina packed what she came with, clothes, her favorite coffee cups, a few knickknacks, her most important books, and a handful of movies. They fit all of her stuff in both of their cars and Reina was out by nightfall. They didn’t even worry about getting anything out of the car when they got to Amy’s house. She grabbed some clothes and left the rest.

  It was harder once she was inside. There were so many good memories with Amy, but most of her most recent memories were of James. It was one thing to be angry and confrontational to his face, it was completely different to be back at Amy’s with no idea if she would see him again. As much as she thought he may be trying to protect her from something, it hurt.

  She and Amy stayed up late just hanging out and talking, but into the wee hours of the morning, long after Amy had gone to bed Reina couldn’t sleep. She sat up drinking coffee trying to logically figure out her next step. Coming back to Amy’s felt like a step backward, and she was tired of moving backward, tired of running.

  When Amy woke the next morning Reina was still up.

  “You’re up early.”

  “Couldn’t sleep.”

  Amy grabbed her own cup of coffee and quietly sat next to her.

  “Amy...I’m getting my own apartment.”

  “Why? You know I love it when you’re here.”

  “I know, me too. I just...it’s something I need to do.”

  Amy looked at her for a few minutes, trying to decide where Reina was mentally, before she finally nodded.

  “I get it. I do.”

  She paused, thinking.

  “You know, we could check out those apartments down the street from The Coffee Spot.”

  Reina
smiled, “That would be perfect.”

  Chapter 5

  Within a couple of days Reina was moving into her own apartment. It was small and yet perfectly cozy for one person. As you walked in the door the kitchen was on the right with a breakfast bar, a sliding glass door to a small balcony was on the far wall. Straight ahead was the open living and dining areas. The bathroom was just beyond them on the left followed by a washer/dryer nook and a bedroom in the back. All the walls were white; the kitchen had white cabinets with gray countertops and there was dark gray carpeting throughout.

  Reina rented a small truck and Seth helped move the bedroom furniture from Amy’s house, and began to fill her space with her things. The first purchase was a coffee pot, followed by a few dishes from the thrift store, a couple of stools for the breakfast bar, a small bookshelf, a floor lamp, and she finished it off with black leather couch and matching chair.

  She met her neighbor Paul, who worked as a veterinary assistant. He was only slightly taller than Reina, sandy blonde hair, and blue almost gray eyes. He was laid back, a coffee aficionado, book lover, and also recovering from a boyfriend break-up. He was friendly but not pushy and knowing Reina loved coffee he would sometimes bring over whatever new flavor or brand he was trying.

  Every day was a bit of a struggle, but she didn’t let herself break down. Instead she tried to settle into a routine and keep herself busy. In some ways it was as if James was at work and she was doing her own thing. Since doing the movie promos she had more work coming in than she could handle. It was time consuming simply trying to sort through emails, decide which projects she was most interested in and had time for, and send replies to everyone. She worked her way through the day and most of the night. She took time to chill, hang with Amy, or just walk the neighborhood and stop by The Coffee Spot.

  She also refreshed her self-defense classes, bought a Taser, a Glock, and made time to go to the shooting range. She wasn’t necessarily expecting trouble, but she wasn’t going to be caught off guard either. If trouble came looking for her, she’d be ready for it.

  James was always in the back of her mind. She tried not to dwell on it or think about it too much, but she carried an emptiness with her in everything she did. She didn’t exactly move on but instead lived a type of parallel loop, her actual everyday life and the secrets of her heart. Every morning she woke alone but with the tiniest glimmer of hope that he might call or text her. Every night she went to bed with quiet tears knowing that James wasn’t on his way home. He’d taken her heart and left a part of himself behind in her soul. It was almost like living with a ghost.

  Chapter 6

  Three weeks and James was still sitting in a hotel room with a bottle of bourbon. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He still had his house in Vancouver, but he couldn’t bring himself to be that far away from Reina. He couldn’t be with her, he couldn’t leave without her. He was drowning. The anger raging in his soul was the only thing keeping his head above water.

  After enough bourbon he let it consume him. Burning or drowning, it didn’t make a difference. The yearning hole in his chest was compounded with the knowledge that he’d hurt Reina, again. She’d given him her world, trusted him, suffered for him, and he’d broken her anyway. The reasons were irrelevant and he couldn’t explain them regardless. Remembering her downward spiral from the first time he’d parted, he was beyond afraid for her. On his own downward spiral he couldn’t save her either. He couldn’t win. He couldn’t protect her, couldn’t stop hurting her...couldn’t stop loving her.

  The least he could do was check on her, or that’s what he told himself as he dialed Seth’s number.

  “Hey Seth.”

  “Hey man.”

  James was quiet for a few moments, gathering his thoughts.

  “How ya holding up?”

  “How is she,” he finally asked.

  “As far as I can tell she’s Ok.”

  “As far as you can tell? What the hell does that mean?”

  “Well...I’ve only seen her once or twice, but Amy spends time with her.”

  “Why haven’t you seen her? I thought you were staying with Amy.”

  Seth hesitated, “I am...Reina isn’t…”

  “What do you mean Reina isn’t...where the hell is she,” he asked in a dangerous tone. Fear mixed with anger making his heart beat double time.

  “She got her own apartment. But James…”

  “She’s alone?”

  “Yeah, but…”

  “What’s the address?”

  “James really...she’s…”

  “What’s the fucking address,” he yelled.

  Seth gave him the address and he hung up. He’d had too much to drink tonight, but tomorrow he’d check on her. She wouldn’t even need to know, he’d just make sure she was Ok.

  Chapter 7

  The night was ending on a perfect note. Reina‘s day had been incredibly productive. She’d met Amy at The Coffee Spot for breakfast, stopped at the shooting range, finished up a project and submitted ideas for her next project, as well as catching up on all of her emails. Now she was ready to chill and enjoy the thunderstorm rolling through.

  From her soothing playlist, “Bloodstream” by Stateless was playing softly from her laptop, a backdrop to the soothing rain. She made a cup of an amazing dark chocolate raspberry coffee that Paul had brought her the day before, settled on the couch with a blanket over her feet, and watched the storm through the sliding glass doors. There was enough moonlight to highlight the raindrops while creating silhouettes and shadows, making an atmosphere of dark mystery.

  Reina had always found thunderstorms soothing. To her it seemed like a love song between the earth and sky. The wind rustled leaves with passion, the lightning the spark of a lover’s caress, the thunder rolling like the rush of pleasure, and the rain like a million whispering tears cleansing the soul. She closed her eyes, breathing in the coffee aroma, before taking a decadent sip. Chocolate, music, and rain it really didn’t get much better.

  Half way through her cup she got up to top it off, while thinking about a hot shower, when a knock at her door made her heart jump. It was closing in on 11:00 pm and she wasn’t expecting anyone, although she was rarely expecting anyone. She preferred it that way. She walked to the door as quietly as possible and checked through the peephole, trying to decide if she needed a weapon. Her heart stopped and restarted in a slow aching rhythm. James was standing at her door, soaking wet. She leaned her forehead against the door debating whether to open it. She felt a sense of relief, but it was the calm that settles over you as you're surrounded by ocean and you stop fighting the tide. When you let go and accept that you’re drowning. Whatever his reasons, she knew him well enough to know that not answering wouldn’t make him go away.

  She opened the door and felt the instant pull. Whether he was the sun or she the moon, there was no denying the gravity between them. He didn’t say anything but looked at her with such a desperate longing that tears sprang the corners of her eyes. She didn’t invite him in but stepped back opening the door wide, making it his choice. He walked in a bit hesitantly and glanced around nonchalantly checking out her apartment. Reina stood there watching him just trying to process. James was standing in her personal space, dripping all over her floor.

  She softly touched his arm to get his attention and he looked at her as if she'd burned him.

  “Come on...I’ll get you a towel.”

  She walked towards the laundry nook without waiting to see if he followed, but she didn’t have to look, her body sensed him like radar. Before she could grab a towel off the shelf he said her name, almost close enough to feel his breath on the back of neck.

  “Reina…”

  She turned towards him and knew without a doubt, whatever he was here for didn’t change their current situation. Whatever this was, he wasn’t here to stay.

  “Don’t,” she said quietly.

  Reina didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t care w
hy he was there or how long he was going to stay. It didn’t matter why he’d wanted to leave or where he’d been. Her heart wanted to take this moment she’d been given and stretch it out forever.

  “Don’t say it…”

  He licked his lips and clenched his jaw, his eyes asking her questions that she didn’t have the answers for. She was the one with a broken heart, yet he was the one that seemed lost. For one of the first times in her life Reina deliberately turned off her mind and followed what her heart wanted. She reached for the hem of his shirt pulling up slowly.

  “I’ll dry it for you.”

  His breathing changed subtly and she waited, looking into his eyes knowingly while he tried to fight his instinct. Not being able to deny it any more than she could, he pulled his shirt off and handed it to her. She tossed it in the dryer and grabbed a towel, but as she turned to hand in to him there was so much pain and yearning in his gaze. Her hand came to the side of his neck without thought. James closed his eyes, leaning into the contact. With that one gesture she was as lost as he was.

  She stepped into him, his wet body dampening her shirt. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder, pressing her lips to his, and he seemed to break. His body shuddered, his arms wrapped around her, and he deepened the kiss. For however long they had they were burning the waters as they drown together.

  Reina pulled back, trailed her hand down his arm, took his hand, and led him to the bedroom. She made sure her intent was clear pulling her shirt off. She stood there naked, vulnerable, and trusting. Regardless of what was between them James didn’t disappoint her. He pulled her into his body and tumbled her to the bed. As his lips grazed her neck she whispered in his ear.

  “You’re still mine.”

  He didn’t say anything but he kissed her like a dying man, loved her like she was the last glass of water on the planet, and held her like a lifeline.

  In the morning Reina wasn’t surprised that he was gone. She could almost have told herself it was a dream except for the freshly brewed coffee and the note on her breakfast bar.