Not Through Loving You

by Patricia Preston

  Thanks to Lia, I got another awesome surprise. A visit from Dallas! He’s the best, and he’s amazing in person. He kinda looks like a gunslinger. I wish all of you could’ve been here. Dallas and Lia are the most caring and kind people in the world. They told me of their struggles and made me feel a lot better about my life.

  As I watched them leave, I felt a light shining in my heart. Check out our selfies and show some love.

  Julian stood behind Lia, reading the text. She looked over her shoulder. “It’s not bad. Do you think it’ll work?”

  “All we need is doubt,” Julian said. “First rule of politics. Create doubt when it comes to your opponent. The kid’s got a story with photographs of himself with you and Dallas to back it up. That will create doubt when it comes to Wilkes’s piece, and before I’m done, I hope Wilkes will pull it completely. Tell the kid we’re good to go and forward that to Conner. I’m going to call him.”

  Julian tapped his phone and got the publicist on the phone. As Lia sent the emails, Julian told Conner about Lia losing her half-sister. “Do a press release about that and how Lia has been working through her grief and how she related to this kid, Stevie. Bring in Dallas. It needs to be online first thing in the morning.”

  Gilda smiled at Lia. “Ambition that knows no limit.”

  Julian didn’t look up as he made another call. “Dallas,” he said as he stepped onto the balcony for privacy.

  Lia wrapped the archangel shawl around her arms as she slumped in the chair. “Every bone in my body is aching. I just want to lie down.”

  “I’ve turned down the covers in your bedroom, and there’s some lavender body wash in the shower that I think you’ll love,” Sheila told her.

  Lia stood and gave Sheila a hug. “You’re the best.” For a long as Lia had known her, Sheila had always done kind things for others without ever being asked.

  After a hot shower, Lia rummaged in her suitcase for something to sleep in. Her phone started vibrating and her heart did a little flip, hoping it was Aaron. Instead, it was Stevie.

  “I just wanted to check back with you. Not about the pictures,” he said. He paused a moment. “Are you okay?” She was talking to serious Stevie.

  Her eyes misted. “I’m definitely not good, but I’ll be all right. Thank you for asking.”

  “Are you coming back?”

  Stevie’s question bruised her tender heart. “I don’t think I can. I understand why he’s mad and why he told me not to come back. It’s not that.” She suppressed a sniffle.

  “On the flight over here, reality settled in. What kind of future can you have with someone who has no faith in you? I told him the truth about Dallas and me. I never misled him. I love Aaron, but I don’t think that’s going to be enough. And if that’s not enough, what more is there? I don’t know. I’m really tired and not thinking straight.”

  “Aaron screwed up.” Stevie sighed. “Everybody thinks I’m the family screw-up. This time it’s Aaron.”

  “I don’t think you’re a screw-up.”

  “I’m totally available, you know,” Stevie pitched, and she grinned. “And I’d treat you right. We could have an open relationship—”

  She interrupted. “Stevie, it’s after midnight here. I’m going to bed.”

  “Sure. When you get back to Nashville, give me a shout. We’ll tear up the town.”

  “Love you.”

  She put the phone aside and sprawled beneath the soft comforter. When you had jet lag and a totally exhausted mind and body, not even a broken heart could keep you awake.

  * * *

  In Lafayette Falls, it was after six on Friday, and the medical center was quiet. Aaron left the pediatric floor for the hospital cafeteria. He didn’t want to eat dinner at the hospital, but he didn’t want to go home.

  “What are you doing here? I thought you were taking a few weeks off,” Kayla had said when she ran into him in the physicians lounge. He had gotten the same question from the office manager when he’d shown up at the clinic this morning. What was he doing?

  He had told everyone he was catching up on paperwork. He had cleaned up his office at the clinic and done some reorganizing. Anything to stay busy so he didn’t have to think about Lia or visualize that black SUV leaving his driveway.

  In the cafeteria, he got a fish sandwich and slaw with a bottle of water. He had his choice of tables since most of the hospital employees had left for the day. A few visitors were grabbing a quick meal, and he avoided the areas where they were sitting. He chose an isolated corner table on the far side of the cafeteria with no one at any of the nearby tables. A good place to eat alone. He’d taken the first bite of his fish sandwich when he heard his name.

  “Dr. Kendall.” Bethany Hewitt, Helen’s daughter, trotted toward him. Redheaded Bethany was a first-year nursing student following in her mother’s footsteps.

  “Hi, Bethany. How’s it going?”

  “I’m enjoying summer vacation,” she said. Then her face grew somber. “I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was to hear about your brother.”

  “My brother?”

  “Yeah. Stevie. I think he’s so cute. I was sorry to hear about his girlfriend getting killed in a wreck. That was, like, really sad.”

  Girlfriend killed in a wreck? “Stevie told you that?” He wondered how Stevie and Bethany had met. Maybe he didn’t need to know.

  “I just saw it on his Facebook page. I love that he got to meet Dallas and Lia. I wish I had a big brother like you, Dr. Kendall.”

  Aaron put down his fish sandwich and wiped his hands on a paper napkin. “Could you show me the post?”

  “Sure.” In two seconds flat, Bethany had the post on the screen of her smartphone. She handed the phone to Aaron, who tried not to act like he’d been hit by a stun gun as he read Stevie’s post.

  “I love the photos,” Bethany said as Aaron scrolled through the selfies Stevie had taken of himself and Lia at the deck table and of himself and Dallas. “He’s gotten like five hundred comments and loads of shares. That’s awesome.”

  Aaron handed Bethany her phone. “I’ll tell him you said hello.”

  He waited until Bethany had disappeared before reaching into his pocket for his phone.

  “Word up, bro,” Stevie answered Aaron’s call.

  “Sorry about your dead girlfriend, Super-Fan,” Aaron retorted.

  “You read my post. Cool, right?”

  “I read a load of bullshit.” Aaron took a drink of his water.

  “I’m helping Lia out. The paparazzi pictures were of us when we were goofing off at the table. They didn’t take pictures of you and her.”

  Aaron froze with the water bottle in his hand. “You’ve talked to her since she left?”

  “I’m there, dude.” He told Aaron about Lia calling him and how they had worked out a game plan to discredit the tabloid story. “I even spoke with the man himself, Julian Montgomery. And guess who’s getting a Jag out of this deal? Come to daddy.”

  Aaron pushed his tray away. “I don’t even know what to say.”

  “That’s your problem. You say the wrong things. You said the wrong things to Lia. You shouldn’t have run her off.”

  “Run her off?” Aaron spat. “I did not run her off. I begged her to stay. I wanted her to stay, but she went to Paris with her cowboy.”

  “Man, you are so wrong, and I hate to say this, bro, but you really screwed up this time.”

  “Is that what you think?”

  “I think you weren’t the only one hurt. I think maybe she needed you to have some confidence in her. Trust her. Be there for her. There’s always the other side of the fence.”

  “From my side of the fence, it didn’t look like she wanted to stay. What was I going to do about that?”

  “She’s gone now, and she told me she’s not coming back. Shitheads always end up alone, bro,” Stevie said. “Oh, FYI, she didn’t take the cowboy to Paris. He stayed in Nashville, if that makes you feel any better.”

&
nbsp; Nothing made Aaron feel better.

  As soon as he got home, he took a beer out of the fridge and headed to his bedroom. He didn’t care about watching television, running, sitting out on the deck, shooting a few hoops. Wearing only a pair of navy boxer shorts, he lay on the bed, propped up on pillows, drinking the beer.

  Shitheads always end up alone, and here I am alone. He glanced at his phone on the bedside table, and he noticed the rose quartz beside the lamp. After he set his beer on the table, he picked up the pink rock.

  Sitting against the bed pillows, he studied the pretty gemstone. The stone of the heart. He briefly smiled as he recalled bits and pieces of his and Lia’s conversation about the stone.

  “It’s an aphrodisiac,” she had teased him.

  “Babe, do you think we need an aphrodisiac?”

  “You are an aphrodisiac, Doc. I think you must have a little outlaw in you.” He could almost hear her sultry voice with a hint of a song beneath it.

  “Whatever it takes. You can call me Cole if you want.”

  “No. It’s you I want.”

  “Say that again.”

  “It’s you I want.”

  He rubbed the stone. No rock was going to fix the mess he’d made.

  Only he could do that.

  Chapter 18

  When he tapped his phone, Aaron gazed at the background image for a moment. It was the photograph he’d taken of Lia eating the grape ice pop. Her amazing green eyes stared back at him with a hint of mirth in them. Her lips were purple, and he recalled they’d had a grape flavor when he had kissed her. Her long dark hair teased the tops of her breasts that were barely contained beneath her skimpy pink top. The hard peaks of her nipples pressed against the soft knit fabric where the words “Sweet Dreams” were written.

  That was Lia—his Sweet Dream. He wanted her back, and there was no let up when it came to wanting her. Even her leaving with Dallas had not put a dent in his desire for her.

  “Shit,” he muttered as he realized the huge difference between Lia and Molly. He hadn’t wanted Molly back. Once she was gone, it was all over but the crying. That was that. He had looked at the pictures when he put them in the shoebox, and he’d felt a great deal of regret. Nothing else. No desire, no need, no wishing he could make love to her again.

  He wanted to make love to Lia again. He wanted to hear her sing in the shower, and he wanted to have breakfast with her. He wanted to look offended when she snatched the basketball from him and dunked it. He wanted to sit in the fairy house with her because she considered it a magical place.

  It wouldn’t matter if Lia left with Dallas a dozen times. It wouldn’t matter what she did. She could walk all over him, and he would want her back. He would take her back. He might as well be honest with himself.

  The only thing that was keeping him pinned in a bed thousands of miles away from her was his tiny son. So he had only one option.

  Call her.

  He rolled the pink rock around in his palm as he waited for her to answer. Finally, she picked up and murmured hello. Damn, he had forgotten about the time difference. He had no idea what time it was in Paris.

  “Sounds like I woke you up.”

  “Aaron?”

  “Yeah, it’s me. The asshole,” he said. She yawned. “What time is it there?”

  She groaned. “It’s like after three in the morning.”

  Damn. “Sorry, I didn’t think about the time difference. I can call back later.”

  “No, I’m awake now.” She still sounded half-asleep. “Why are you calling?”

  He gave the pink rock a squeeze. “I wish I could say this in person.” Letting out a deep breath, he said, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a jealous, insecure douche bag, and I know I’ve got issues. Maybe worse than I thought.

  “When I saw Dallas standing there, waiting for you, that was a nightmare come true. Everything just fell apart inside me. I couldn’t stop it,” he admitted. “I thought I was done with the past. I threw away the shoebox. I didn’t tell you, but I got up before dawn one morning and I dumped it in the trash. I’d fallen in love with you, and I wanted to move on. But I guess not everything went with the box. Like my fear you’d leave me, too.”

  He held tight to the pink rock. “The thing is, that fear may always be with me. I’ve got to figure out how to cope with it.”

  She remained silent.

  He didn’t blame her for not saying anything.

  “No matter what happens between us, you’ll always be John Aaron’s aunt, and I want you to be part of his life.” He wasn’t going to stand in the way of a relationship between her and the baby. He wouldn’t do that to either one of them. “John Aaron needs to know his biological family, too.”

  “Will you send me pictures of him?” she asked quietly.

  Aaron sat up straight, disturbed by her question. “Aren’t you going to come and see him?”

  “I can’t. Not for a while.” She spoke so softly it sounded as if she were slipping farther and farther away.

  He tapped the pink rock against his thigh as hurt built inside him. “Listen, if you want, you can come and see the baby when I’m working. Dad and Miss Pauline will be here.”

  “Thank you.” Her voice grew more distant, and Aaron grew edgier.

  “You forgot your pink rock.”

  “It’s not a pink rock.”

  “The heart stone.” He held it in place over the center of his bare chest. “Lia, I want you to do whatever you need to do to get things right in your life. No matter how long that takes. I love you, and I’ll be here waiting for you if you decide to come back.

  “I’m not going to be pushy. I’m not going to call you back or harass you. I’m going to give you space,” he said. “I can do that.” It wasn’t going to be easy. “I’m going work on myself. Change. Maybe there needs to be a new me.”

  “Thank you,” she replied.

  He pressed the stone hard against his weary chest as his heart threatened to fracture.

  “You don’t have to thank me.” Gratitude was not what he wanted. He thought of the words she had said to him one night. He said them to her. “Lia, I’m not through loving you.”

  After a brief silence, she said, “Good night, Cole.”

  He grinned for the first time since she had walked out of his house. “Good night, Loretta.”

  * * *

  Two weeks later, the rolling hills surrounding Nashville soaked up a much-needed summer rain. At her father’s home, Lia looked out the dining room window at the manicured rose bushes whose blossoms opened to welcome the rain like a long-lost love. The rain wasn’t supposed to last, which was usually the story with summer rain clouds that came and went quickly.

  “Good morning.” Julian strode into the dining room with a wrinkle-free blue oxford shirt and slacks. He always had that Hyde Park look about him, even at breakfast.

  Lia joined him at the dining room table that had been set for breakfast by the housekeeper. “Busy day?” Lia began the conversation as Julian stirred cream into his coffee.

  “Yeah.” He glanced at her. “I think you did great on Music City Live.” He referred to a talk show on cable television. “You handled that interview like a pro.”

  Lia made a little groan. Having never appeared on a talk show alone, she’d been terrified as she sat in the chair opposite the host. Most of his questions had concerned the end of her relationship with Dallas, which had been made public last Friday.

  Conner had issued a joint statement from Dallas and Lia to the press. It had read: “After much thought and consideration, we have decided to end our relationship. This is a mutual agreement, and we will always remain friends. We still care about each other as we do all the people in our lives as well as our fans. We cherish the years we spent together, but we are now looking forward to new and brighter futures.”

  Just like that. Ten years over. There had been a flurry of activity online from entertainment bloggers and fans. She and Dallas had trended on
Twitter for a while. Some people were supportive and understanding, while the haters lashed out at them. Lia, who had never been one for social media, had quit going online to avoid all the comments. She was going through enough personal turmoil without strangers bullying her.

  “I’m not doing another talk show. I told Conner that.” She had said all she was going to say about Dallas publicly, and much to her relief, it seemed as if the hoopla over the weekend was already starting to fade.

  Julian lifted his napkin. “When Dallas and Madison make their first public appearance together, there’ll be another round of gossip.”

  Would she ever get out of this picture? “I wish them all the best,” she said, delivering what would be her standard response if asked.

  “Do you?” Her father held out hope.

  “Yes, I do,” she said with an earnest smile. Dallas was free from the lie, and so was she. “There was a time when I couldn’t imagine my life without Dallas,” she told her father as he ate. “Not because I loved him but because I felt I was only good enough because of him.”

  “Lia, if that was my fault—”

  “No.” She reached over and took her father’s hand. “It wasn’t your fault. I’ve learned that uncertainty is just part of being human, and when you find something that’s safe, you want to hang onto it. But I know now that everything will be okay. I don’t need Dallas.”

  Julian nodded with enthusiasm. “I heard you were at the studio yesterday. That you and Tyler Stokes cut a new song. Rick and Cody are raving about it,” he said, referring to the sound engineer and rhythm guitarist. “What was the name of it?”

  “ ‘Not Through Loving You.’ ” She took a sip of her orange juice.

  “I’ll give Henry a call at Capitol.” The wheels of success started rolling. “Tyler’s got potential. He’s young and he needs a little polish, but we can work with him. Maybe let him be the opening act for Dallas and get his feet warm by opening a major show.” Julian glanced at her. “Would opening for Dallas be a problem?”