Ruin Me

by Madalyn Boucher

  Ruin me

  Madalyn Boucher

  To the hot teachers who made school more interesting.

  I'm kidding.

  To Trever.

  I hope this finds you up in Heaven. I'll miss you forever, Uncle Tar-Tar.

  Warning

  This novel contains Trigger Warnings concerning sexual assault, drug abuse, and sex. If you continue to read this story, please prepare yourself emotionally. If the content will be traumatezing for you, please refrain from reading.

  Prologue

  I should have turned around the moment our eyes met.

  I should have ran through that door and escaped the future that lied ahead.

  I should have listened when you warned me that this was a mistake.

  I should have held on harder.

  Longer.

  I should have done so many things.

  I should have known that this would end before it ever truly began.

  One

  Hayley

  “I don’t understand why you don’t understand it,” Lacy complained. Her mouth was filled with bits of pretzels. “Everything the test went over was in the book. All you have to do is read.” She pulled a highlighter out of her bag and underlined a portion of my textbook.

  “Lacy, you can’t do that,” I snapped. “I have to return this book at the end of the year.” I licked my thumb and attempted to rub the highlighter off before it dried. It was useless. I rubbed my temples in frustration as I stared down at my test. I had been obsessing over it for the last twenty-four hours. A large C- was printed at the top, blinding me.

  “It’s a C, Hayley. You’re fine.” I glared across the lunch table at Ryan Waters. He shot me one of his infamous smiles, revealing his perfectly white teeth. I lifted my middle finger in his direction and remained stoic. “We’re two weeks into the school year, you have time to fix your grades. What you need is to relax.”

  “I heard Ryan is great at helping people relax,” Lacy whispered. I rolled my eyes and gathered my belongings. “C’mon Hayley, don’t bail on us. There’s still thirty minutes until next period starts.” I flipped them both off again before exiting the lunchroom and strolling the hallways to find my history teacher, Mr. Brown. Although we were only two weeks into my senior year, I knew that his class was going to require extra studying. He spoke in such a monotonous, sleep-inducing tone. I rounded the corner, heading down the south wing of the school. I stopped in front of room 219 before pressing the door open.

  My body slammed against a brick wall, sending me on my behind. I gasped as the air was stolen from my lungs. My eyes shot in front of me in search for whatever I had walked into. My breath caught in my throat as I realized it was not an object, but rather, a man. An incredibly tall, muscular, tan man.

  I involuntarily licked my lips as my eyes raked up the specimen in front of me. He was wearing a sideways smile that led into an incredibly deep dimple. Black stubbled surrounded his chin and luscious lips, leading into the most prominent jaw line I had ever seen. His beautiful, milk chocolate eyes widened as he realized what he had done. He instantly wrapped his hands around my arm and lifted me up.

  “I am so sorry.” His voice was a low, modulated sound that sent fire through my bones. “Are you okay?” I stared at the perfectly sculpted angel, unable to produce words. “Did you hit your head?” His hands found my face, slowly moving it from side to side. The feeling of his fingers against my temple made me feel dizzy. Euphoric. I quickly realized that I had not yet answered him, and quickly stepped away.

  “I’m fine.” My voice came out in a husky whisper that I barely recognized. What the hell was happening to me? The reasoning to my visit reentered my mind. “I didn’t realize Mr. Brown wasn’t here today. Do you know when he’ll be back?” The mysterious tall man remained quiet, awkwardly leaning against the door. I gave him a look of confusion as he played with his watch.

  Finally, his eyes met mine. “He…won’t be back.” Confusion wrapped around my body like a weighted blanket. “Mr. Brown, um…” He cleared his throat before shifting his weight onto his heels. “Mr. Brown passed away last night.” A gasp escaped my parted lips as his words reached my ears.

  “How?” My voice shook as I spoke.

  The man ran a nervous hand through his hair. “I believe it was a heart attack.” His once controlled voice sounded thick with emotion. “Are you alright?” His hands were back on my face, though he seemed unaware of his actions. His gaze was glued onto mine as he waited for my response. My tongue unconsciously slid across my bottom lip as his mahogany eyes traveled to my mouth.

  I struggled to find my voice. “I, um, I guess so.” I felt terrible for my previous judgements towards my teacher. “Are you his replacement?” The words felt insincere as they left my lips.

  He gave out another sigh before averting his attention back to me. “Until further notice,” he told me. “I recently accepted a position to be the school’s guidance counselor, but I have experience teaching History. I’m filling in until they find a permanent alternative.” He ran his hand through his hair again. I desperately wanted to feel his beautiful brown hair between my fingers. “Was there something you needed help with?” he asked. I quickly pulled out my test and handed it to him, suddenly self-conscious about my poor grade.

  “The amendments,” he breathed. “I can make you a study guide, if you’d like?” I nodded my head slowly, still shell-shocked with the news that my teacher was never coming back. “What period do you have this class?” He asked me.

  “Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Ninth period.” A smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he brought his pencil to his lips. I had never wanted to be a writing utensil more in my life.

  “I guess we’ll be seeing each other quite often, then.” The tone of his voice sent goosebumps down my arms. There was something underlying his tone; flirtatious, maybe? I dismissed the idea almost instantly. There was no way this man was flirting with me. He handed me back my test before giving me another smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Hayley.”

  Two

  Nick

  Hayley Mitchell. Her name was Hayley Mitchell. How many nights had I wondered what her name was as she browsed the horror movie section at my part-time job? How many times had I almost approached her and struck up conversation? In retrospect, I was thankful that I had never spoken to her. She was a student. My student, for God’s sakes. When did these high schoolers start looking so much older? I shook my head at the thought as I searched my refrigerator for a beer. I popped the tab before sitting on my couch and taking a long drink.

  There had to be a way to have her transferred out of my class. The entire time she was standing in my now-classroom, I could barely keep my eyes off her. Every time she bit her lip I felt as if I was being electrocuted. And those eyes. Those fucking crystal clear, hypnotizing eyes. It should be illegal for someone to be that gorgeous. I laughed to myself before pushing the thought out of my head. It was illegal for me to find her so attractive. Of course the first female to catch my attention since Nicole would be completely off limits. I needed another drink.

  I pulled up Word on my laptop to begin Hayley’s study guide. Why had I offered to make this for her? I should have been putting as much distance between us as I could. She had no reason to suspect that I had been pining over her since the moment she and her redheaded friend stepped foot into Daily Dollar DVDs. As far as I knew, she had never recognized me. I shuddered as I thought of how creepy that made me seem.

  Throughout my schooling, I had found many tricks to help myself study. I would often relate movies to learning modules and use them as cues to remember impertinent information. This method was easier to do for myself, considering I knew what I found relatable. The thought of her browsing the horror mo
vies flashed to the front of my mind. I downed the rest of my drink before starting on her study guide.

  Three

  Hayley

  Something about my new history teacher left me unsettled. He seemed somewhat familiar to me, but I couldn’t place my finger on it. The way he looked at me felt so intimate, as if we’d known each other for years. And despite the horrible circumstance for our meeting, I felt the connection too. I had never felt as immediately attracted to someone as I did with him. His half smile was consuming my mind as Lacy and I watched the Friday the 13th remake.

  “Did you hear about Mr. Brown?” She asked me once the movie was over. I grimaced, angry to have Mystery Man’s face in my mind again. I nodded my head. “That’s so fucking sad, Hayley. I guess his wife found him when she got home. Could you imagine that?”

  “It is sad,” I agreed. “I feel awful for her.”

  She bit her Twizzler in half before nodding in agreeance. “I heard his replacement is hot, though. Like, straight out of a magazine hot.” My face grew warm at the thought of him. What was happening to me?

  “I met him today,” I told her. “I went to get help and ran into him. Literally.”

  “Is he hot?” She practically screamed. “Please tell me he’s hot. I need something to look forward to.” I laughed at her enthusiasm.

  “I think hot is an understatement.”

  •••

  The next day of school went by inexplicably fast. I felt my mind racing at the thought of being in a classroom for forty minutes with Mr. Mystery Man. He was the only thing I had thought about for the last twenty-four hours. The school was buzzing about the mysterious, new, gorgeous teacher.

  Lacy and I walked into ninth period and took our seats in the front row. She had complained the first day of school, claiming that only “nerds” and “teacher’s pets” sat up front, but I knew that I would fall behind if I wasn’t front and center. The moment Mystery Man walked in, Lacy was thanking me for being so persistent about our seating arrangements. A few girls giggled as he made his way across the room, but his eyes were locked on mine. The breath escaped my lips as he scanned over me.

  “Class,” he began. His voice was like melted butter, sending my body into an overheated frenzy. He printed his name on the board as he spoke. “I want to give you all my deepest condolences about Mr. Brown. I’m sure that it came as quite a shock to you all when finding out what happened.” Whispers filled the air as he walked back to his desk. “My name is Mr. Foster. Originally, I accepted the position to be a guidance counselor here at your school. However, I will be substituting in AP American History until further notice.” His eyes scanned over the classroom before stopping at me. “Although I will be following Mr. Brown’s syllabus, I want to make this class enjoyable. I want everyone to remain engaged and enthusiastic as we learn about our country’s history.”

  Lacy leaned over and whispered into my ear. “I will remain very engaged and enthusiastic if I get to see his ass every day.” I shot her an unforgiving look before averting my attention back to Mr. Foster. He picked up the seating chart before narrowing his eyes towards us.

  “Miss Evans, do you have something to share with the class?” Snickers drifted throughout the classroom. Lacy’s face turned as bright as her hair as she shook her head back and forth. “Good.”

  The next forty-five minutes went by as quickly as the day had. Mr. Foster had managed to keep the entire classroom thoroughly engaged as he went over everything we had learned in the past two weeks. He had even allowed us to work on our homework together at the end of class, as long as we remained somewhat quiet. Once the final bell rang, I gathered my things and began to follow Lacy out of the classroom.

  “Miss Mitchell, could you hang back for a moment?” Lacy gave me a curious look before walking out of the classroom. My mouth went dry as I approached Mr. Foster’s desk. Why was my body reacting so strangely to this man? He was my teacher.

  “Hi,” I whispered. I cleared my throat and repeated myself, praying that he didn’t notice how awkward I was being.

  “Hi.” A teasing smile rested on his lips as he pulled out a stapled piece of paper. “I made this for you last night.” I took the paper from his hands and allowed my eyes to scan over its contents.

  Amendment One:

  Freedom of Religion, Press, Speech, Assembly and Petition.

  Ways to remember:

  The Rite (with Anthony Hopkins) was created in what year? 2011. Which has what number in it? 1. And what is the movie about? Religion.

  Pretty complicated, but it’ll help you remember.

  Amendment Two:

  Right to Bare Arms

  Ways to Remember:

  Grizzy Rage (B rated horror movie) About a BEAR (bare). Protagonist carries a gun to protect himself from bear. Bear could rip his arms off at any minute.

  Also, this movie received 2/10 stars. Second amendment.

  I continued to read his study guide in complete awe. Each amendment was compared to a horror movie, accompanied with ridiculous strategies that would inevitably help me remember. He chewed on the cap of his pen while I stared at him.

  “This is the most insane thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.” His brows furrowed in confusion. “I don’t understand,” I continued. “How did you know I learn like this?” Throughout my entire life I had always made strange comparisons while studying.

  “I studied like this during college,” he explained. College. This was a quick reminder that this man was much older than me.

  “I love it.” A smile stretched across his face, creating an odd feeling throughout my stomach. “Thank you for making this. This had to of been time consuming.” He shrugged his shoulders, pleased that I thought so highly of it.

  “Anything for you, Hayley.” His eyes bored into mine, turning my cheeks into molten lava. With that, he left me standing in his classroom, breathless and confused.

  Four

  Hayley

  I hated everything about the way I had been feeling. I had never been interested in boys throughout high school. I was attracted to them, yes. I was just preoccupied, and aware of their intentions. I was one of the rare seniors in my high school, still having my “innocence,” as Lacy called it. Lacy, on the other hand, was not particularly innocent. Throughout the beginning of our high school career she had begun dating Taylor. He had been two grades ahead of us and, despite my incessant warnings, had managed to corrupt Lacy. It only took a few months before Taylor had convinced her to try multiple drugs, as well as getting her into his bed. When he went off to college he dumped her, despite the fact that he was only thirty minutes away from our hometown. Luckily, she had moved on, and was now fawning over Ryan’s best friend Alan.

  “What about a double date?” Lacy asked while we strolled through the mall. “Ryan has been wanting to ask you out but is intimidated by you.” I could never understand why guys had always feared me; I was nothing to be frightened at. I was 5’3, barely 110 pounds and soft spoken. I had never been in a fight, and scarcely found myself in confrontations. I was what Lacy referred to as a “good girl.” She grabbed my hand and dragged me into the nearest beauty store.

  “I don’t want to go out with Ryan.” She threw her hands up in frustration and glared at me. Her green eyes bored into mine. “Hayley Marie, listen to me right now. You are eighteen-years-old, hot as fuck might I add, and you’ve maybe been on two dates your entire life. Have you even had your first kiss yet? Honestly.” I shrugged my shoulders.

  “I’ve kissed a couple guys.” She raised an eyebrow in my direction. I picked up a tube of mascara and glanced at the price tag. Thirty dollars. I placed it back down. A worker came over to us, bombarding us with her existence.

  “Hey girls!” I glanced at her nametag, reading the word Sophia. “Can I help you guys find anything?” We both shook our heads in unison. “If you need anything come find me, alright?” She began to walk away before spinning around. “We’re actually hiring right now, if either of
you are interested in applying.” Lacy’s eyes shot up in excitement as she began speaking to Sophia. I left the two of them to talk and ventured into the nearest clothing store. Unlike Lacy, I hated shopping. I found it annoying whenever a worker began questioning me; I often felt as if I was being interrogated. Lacy found me a few minutes later, excited about her experience at BeautyMe.

  “If I get a job there, I’ll get discounts on all their product,” she explained. “The girl who was talking to us, do you remember her? She was one of Taylor’s friends.” I gritted my teeth at his name. “Oh shut up, I can say his name.”

  “Sorry,” I apologized. “I’m not a large fan of the boy who converted you to the cigarette smoking dark side.” She rolled her eyes and dug around in her purse. She shoved an unlit cigarette in her mouth and smiled in my direction before placing it behind her ear. Moments later we were knee deep in clothes.

  •••

  After a few hours of shopping, we decided to stop by our favorite movie store, Triple D as we called it. Daily Dollar DVD’s. Lacy ventured off into the romance section while I scanned the horror isle. I picked up the original Last House on The Left and Amityville Horror. Complete classics. Pleased with my choices I made my way towards the Nearly New section.

  “Hayley?” I turned around, meeting the gaze of Mr. Foster. My breath caught in my throat as his brown eyes scanned me. He reached for the movies I had picked and smiled. “Are you stalking me, Hayley?” I was unable to produce words. “These are decent movies, but you should try this one instead.” He walked over to the back shelf and came back with a horror movie about an evil snowman. “B-rated, but definitely worth the watch.”