Ruin Me

by Madalyn Boucher

“I’m not supposed to,” he warned. “But I’m also not supposed to kiss any students, either.” He gave out a weak laugh. “Enough about that, though. Do you have your study guide with you?” I pulled it out of my bag and placed it in his hands. His eyes scanned each line before a smile spread across his face. “Hayley Marie, you are going to ace this fucking test.”

  •••

  Thursday night I ran into work, my entire body shaking with anxiety. Nick had kept his word with studying with me every chance we had, but I was still nervous that I bombed the test. I threw the door open as disappointment washed over me. The lights were off, indicating he hadn’t arrived yet. I threw my bag on the floor before sulking over to the front counter. Alex and Teresa were the only other people in the building.

  “Do you think you passed?” Teresa asked sweetly. I shrugged my shoulders, unable to hide my insecurities. “You’re smarter than you give yourself credit. I’m sure you did fine.”

  “Plus, you have your own personal tutor,” Alex chimed in. “How are you guys not breaking some type of rule with working together?” I shrugged my shoulders again. “I’m not complaining, though. Since you’ve started working here, he’s been way more chill.”

  “Totally,” Teresa agreed. “I worked with him before he left and then came back to Colorado, and he’s a completely different person now.” I raised my eyebrow in confusion. Back to Colorado? He had never mentioned leaving.

  “Why did he leave?” I asked.

  “Well—”

  “Why did who leave?” Nick asked, stepping behind the counter with us. Teresa gave a sheepish smile before stepping behind Nick and walking down an aisle. He lowered his eyes at Alex, who put his hands in the air as if to surrender. “Get to work,” he barked. “Go into the office,” he demanded. I quickly ran into the back, afraid of whatever was going on with him. Moments later, he was in the room with me. He flipped on the lights and locked the door.

  “Hi,” I managed.

  “Ninety-two,” he informed me. A wave of confusion fell over me. I opened my mouth to question him as a large smile spread across his face. “You got a ninety-fucking-two on your exam.” I clasped my hands over my mouth, too shocked to say anything. Nick embraced me in his arms, spinning me around as I let out an excited shriek.

  “What the hell?” I asked. “How did I—” He pressed his lips against mine, nearly knocking me off my feet. I grabbed onto his arms for support, paralyzed at his sudden display of affection.

  “I’m so proud of you,” he said in between kisses. I relaxed in his arms, too preoccupied to ignore the whiplash he was giving me. “I knew you could do it, baby.”

  Baby? He had never called me “baby” before. Chills ran down my spine as his tongue explored the inside of my mouth. He leaned against the desk, hauling me on top of him so my middle was pressed against him. He ran his fingers through my hair as he sprinkled kisses down my neck, sucking gently on my collarbone. An unsolicited moan escaped my lips as his free hand slipped underneath my shirt. I felt him growing underneath me, sending heatwaves throughout my core. He moved his mouth to my earlobe, nipping and kissing it sweetly. His hand traveled back down my shirt and stopped at the top button of my khakis. He gave me a sideways smile before undoing it in one swift motion. His hand plunged beneath my waistline, sending moans throughout the small room again.

  Suddenly, someone pounded on the door. Nick shoved me off him as he pressed himself against the desk. The sound of a key entering the lock filled the too-quiet room. Teresa pushed open the door, staring at the two of us. I gave her a panicked look, too afraid to look over at Nick.

  Teresa cleared her throat before taking a step into the room. She slowly closed the door before speaking. “Um, Nick?” She began. “Someone named Rachel just called?” It came out as more of a question than a statement. “She, uh, said she left your key under the mat?” A long stream of air escaped Nick’s mouth. I chanced a look at him, seeing his calm expression.

  “Thank you, Teresa.”

  “Uh huh,” she whispered, eyes still wide.

  “Is that all?” Nick urged. She bit her bottom lip as her eyes shifted between us. My mouth grew dry. “Hayley passed her test,” he began. “I guess I must have locked the door before letting her know.” She slowly nodded her head. He cleared his voice before adding, “It’s against school policy to share grades.” She nodded again. “Thank you, Teresa. I’ll call my sister back soon.” She slowly exited the room, shutting the door behind her.

  “Holy shit,” I breathed. “That was close.” Nick let out a long breath of air I didn’t realize he was holding. “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “She didn’t see anything,” he told me. “She probably has some ideas in her mind, but she won’t say anything. I’ve known her for a while.” Suddenly, Teresa’s earlier comment filled my brain.

  “Speaking of which,” I began. “She said something about you leaving Colorado, earlier. Like, that you moved or something.” Nick grabbed his chair and rolled it over to me, sighing in the process.

  “Yeah, a few years ago I moved.” I waited for him to continue, but he stayed silent. I rolled my wrist, urging him to go on. “I was planning on telling you about this today. Remember when I said that I’d explain everything after your midterm?” I nodded my head. “Hayley, there’s a reason I reacted so poorly about you and Ryan.”

  “Did you sleep with another student in the past?” I asked.

  “What, no?” He shouted. “How could you even ask me that? Of course not. Fuck, Hayley.” He ran a nervous hand through his hair. “After my first year of teaching, my girlfriend was accepted into the medical program at The Ohio State University,” he explained. “It had always been her dream, so I followed her out there.” This was the first time I had ever heard Nick talk about an ex-girlfriend. I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy course through me. “We had been together for a few years, so I didn’t mind going with her. I didn’t want to leave Rachel, but I didn’t want to lose Nicole.” Nick and Nicole; I wanted to throw up.

  “Oh.”

  “She ended up cheating on me with the doctor that was mentoring her.” I gasped, cursing myself for doing so. “I found out a couple months after we got engaged.” No, poor Nick. I hated the thought of him getting his heart broken. “I didn’t mean to freak out on you, but seeing you with someone else set my teeth on edge.”

  I stayed silent for a few moments, letting the story sink in. Nick had been engaged at one point. This was yet another piece of evidence that I was too young for him; too inexperienced. He had already lived so much before meeting me. I was nothing but a lame, naïve teenager. “So where do we stand?” I asked.

  His eyes widened as if he had forgotten we had barely been on speaking terms for the last three weeks. “I guess that’s a fair question, considering my hands were down your pants ten minutes ago.” His words came out strained. “Let’s, uh, try to be platonic for the time being?”

  I groaned. “Fuck you, Nick. You’re giving me severe whiplash.” He gave me a weak smile before pulling me into a hug. “You’re really messing with my head,” I pouted.

  “I’m sorry.” He pressed his lips to my forehead. “Just…Try to have some semblance of a normal senior year, alright? Spend time with What’s-His-Name. I’m almost thirty, Hayley. I’m stripping you of a crucial time of your life.” I pulled away from him and gathered my things. “Hayley, stop it,” he pleaded. I pushed past his reach and exited the room, running until I reached my car.

  Tears blurred my vision as I sped home. How could I be so stupid? I always falling back into his arms, regardless of what he put me through. He was constantly pulling me in twenty different directions, kissing me one moment and pushing me away the next. He was playing too many mind games, intentional or not. He was right about one thing, though. This year was important to me. This was my last year before fulling diving into the pool of adulthood. I should be making mistakes. I should be spending time with my friends and not trapped in
that fucking office with the love of my life. If he didn’t want me, then so be it. Ryan was a perfectly fine substitute. He had been nothing but nice to me since the moment I met him. He was always complimenting me and sending me “Good morning” texts. He never pulled this hot-and-cold bullshit.

  I quickly pulled out my phone and called Lacy.

  Twenty-Seven

  Nick

  I had gotten lost in the moment when I told Hayley her test grade. I had been doing well with avoiding her over the last few weeks, but tonight was different. The smile on her face had sent my heart into a frenzy and before I knew it, I was attacking her mouth with mine.

  She was right. I was being too hot and cold with her. If only she could have spent a day in my mind, she would understand why I was acting this way. She made me crazy, literally, and metaphorically. I needed to leave her alone, once and for all. The semester ended one week after Winter Break. I just needed to get through tomorrow, and then five days after we returned to school.

  I needed Hayley Mitchell out of my life.

  •••

  I allowed Rachel to create a dating account for me later that night. I felt childish as she scrolled through my phone, searching for suitable pictures. Her eyes stopped on a picture of Hayley.

  “Is that her?” she asked quietly. I peered over her shoulder, forcing myself not to cringe over those icy, blue eyes. “Fucking devil eyes,” she muttered. She clicked on the trashcan icon before continuing her search. “I haven’t really seen Mom since Thanksgiving.”

  I poured us each another drink before addressing her. “She’s just worried about you, Rach. You’ve been graduated for a year and haven’t settled down yet.” She rolled her eyes at me before talking a long gulp. I had never met anyone with a higher tolerance to tequila.

  “Considering we all assumed I’d be dead by sixteen, I think I’m allowed to take some time to myself.” Her comment was like a bullet to my heart. Rachel continued to tap on my screen, unaware of my reaction. “Okay, the deed is done. Look at it.” She tossed me my phone as I scanned the profile. I had to hand it to her, she chose five of the best pictures I had. “See if you can find someone to go out with us tomorrow night. I met this guy, Ezra, who plays in a band on the weekends. I think it’d be fun.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Elana will be there in case anything falls through.”

  This persuaded me slightly. Elana was, by far, the greatest lay I had ever experienced. Her hands, mouth, and body had done wonders. I watched as my inbox filled with three messages, all from different women. Rachel giddily clapped her hands together, reading each profile before settling on a tall, olive-skinned brunette named Anvi.

  “Sounds exotic,” she exclaimed. “Says here she’s from the Dominican Republic. Oh my fuck, she is beautiful.” Her lips tugged into a frown. “Too bad I already experimented with my roommate in college.” I gave her an exasperated look. “You can’t judge me after sleeping with my best friend,” she retorted. “I’m sending Anvi a message and inviting her to the concert tomorrow night.” I ran a weary hand over my face, afraid of what she was going to say.

  Twenty-Eight

  Hayley

  The next day, Lacy, Ryan and I discussed our plans for Christmas break. “Are you sure you want to give this whole double date thing another chance?” Ryan asked me. We were hours away from two weeks of freedom.

  “I want to spend time with you,” I told him.

  Ryan was going to help me keep my mind off Nick, regardless of if he knew it. Normally, this thought would make me feel guilty. However, I had caught sight of Nick’s phone as I was leaving the office yesterday, and the mysterious Elana had reappeared.

  “I’m sorry if I want to be around you,” I teased. “Plus, my parents are heading out of town to see a friend tonight…” I trailed my fingers up the side of his arm. “They’re usually in and out, so we’ll have all break together.” I caught Nick out of the corner of my eye. I quickly pressed my lips against Ryan’s mouth.

  “Miss Evans. Miss Mitchell. Mr. Waters.” I felt Ryan stiffen at the sound of Nick’s voice. He sounded disgusted when he greeted him.

  “Hi, Mr. Foster,” Lacy replied. “Any big plans for Christmas break? As in, any plans that will let us have Hayley back and work-free?” I shot her an annoyed look, afraid that someone would overhear my current job arrangements.

  “She’s all yours,” he replied in a cold, complacent tone. “Make sure you stay out of trouble.” His eyes narrowed at Ryan, who squirmed in his seat. Seemingly satisfied, he walked away from our table, giving a small wave as he departed.

  “He’s so fucking hot,” Lacy commented. “What I wouldn’t give to be trapped in that office of his.” I gave her a horrified expression, appalled that she would say something like that in front of Ryan. “Forgive me for having eyes, Ryan.” She rolled her eyes as she popped a pretzel in her mouth. “I don’t think you have to worry about Miss Goody-Two-Shoes,” she teased. I felt my face burning with embarrassment, realizing just how wrong she was. Ryan laughed it off though he was clearly uncomfortable.

  “Alright, love birds. I’m skipping the rest of the day. Let’s go back home and get fucked up!” We gathered our trash and made our way out of the building.

  •••

  Lacy pulled three bottles of vodka out from under her bed. I stared at her in amazement, unsure of how she had managed to obtain that much alcohol. She went into her closet and grabbed four red solo cups and a bottle of Fruit Medley V8. She poured us each a cup, giving me a little more than the boys. Taylor glared at me from across the room as he took a long drink.

  “Let’s try this again, boys and girls.” Lacy narrowed her eyes at Taylor and I. “I know we’ve all had a rough start with being friends, so tonight we start over. Taylor, apologize to Hayley.” He groaned and leaned against the wall. Images of my hands down his pants flashed through my eyes. I quickly took a long drink, avoiding eye contact. “Taylor!” she snapped. “You know what? Fine. Ryan, get up. Let’s go get some snacks while these two figure it the fuck out.” She grabbed Ryan’s wrist and practically lifted him up. I shot them a panicked look, silently begging them to not leave me alone. Ryan shrugged his shoulders as he grabbed the alcohol, sporting a defeated smile. Lacy blew us both a kiss before grabbing the juice and exiting the room.

  I stared at Taylor. He stared back.

  He let out a dramatic sigh. “Fuck, Hayley. I’m sorry, okay?” Shock rolled off me like steam. Had he just apologized? “I love Lacy, alright? I never should have…I never should have done what I did. I was on a lot of drugs that night. Coke, molly…You name it, I was on it. I’m trying to be better for her, I really I am.” I remained impassive. “God dammit, Hayley. She loves you more than she’ll love anyone else. Do you know how hard it is to be with someone who’s best friend hates them?”

  I let out an incredulous laugh. “I wonder why I hate you,” I began. “You shoved my hands down your pants, Taylor. You wrapped your hands around my neck!” I felt myself becoming louder as anger rolled through me. “You violated me that night. You lied to Lacy about what really happened.”

  “So did you.” I felt as if someone had punched me. I took another long pull from my drink, praying for the buzz to kick in.

  “Do not play the victim in this situation,” I warned. “You bit me. You kissed me. You bruised my wrists.”

  “I followed you that night.” A gust of air fled my lungs. “I was coming to apologize, Hayley. And then I saw you with some…man. Who was he?” I shook my head back and forth, regretting my most recent prayer. My thoughts swam around in my head. “I watched you leave with him. Who. Was. He?”

  “Nobody.” This was not happening. “He was nobody.” He lifted his drink to his lips, staying eerily silent. “Did you tell Lacy?” He shook his head. “Okay. If you don’t say anything about what you saw, I’ll forgive you for what happened that night.” He lifted his eyebrow and nodded his head. “Just as long as it doesn’t happen again.”

  He p
ushed himself off the wall and stood next to me. I could smell the juice on his breath. “I won’t tell anyone about the man you’re fucking behind your best friend and boyfriend’s back,” he whispered.

  I cleared my throat, trying to make my voice stronger. “Good.” It came out shaky and weak. “Now that that’s settled, are we good?” His eyes lowered as his lips turned up into a devious smirk.

  “Yeah, we’re good.” I followed him out of Lacy’s room and into the kitchen. Lacy and Ryan had set up a game of beer pong on our long dining room table. Music was blaring from the speakers as they took turns sinking the balls into the drinks. I peered inside the cup, noticing the same red concoction from upstairs.

  “Everything good?” Ryan asked. I nodded my head before grabbing the ball out of his hand. Lacy clapped her hands together as we each took turns playing. By the end of the game, we were all trashed.

  Lacy and I raced upstairs to change into our bathing suits while the boys made us more to drink. I found a cute, red bikini and quickly slipped into it. Lacy came into the room wearing a very revealing black bathing suit. She did a twirl for me, bouncing her ass back and forth. We both broke into hysterics, tears streaming down our face.

  “I’m so glad you two are getting alooooong!” Lacy shouted as we descended down the staircase. “My best friend and my boyfriend are finally frieeeends!” I ignored the sinking feeling in my stomach as we made our way into the pool room. Taylor and Ryan were both in their underwear, taking turns picking songs. “Or Nah” began playing, making Lacy and I groan in unison. “Typical boys,” she laughed.

  Ryan wrapped his arms around my waist before throwing me into the bath-like water. I screamed as my head became submerged underwater. When I surfaced, he lifted me up and pressed his lips against mine. I allowed for his tongue to invade my mouth, forcing myself to push the thought of Nick out of my brain. Mr. Foster who, right? I mentally kicked myself for thinking about him as I wrapped my legs around Ryan’s torso. One way or another, I would be getting Nick out of my head tonight.