Ruin Me

by Madalyn Boucher

  “But then I remembered how my brother is. A raging asshole? Yes. An idiot? Occasionally. A horny twenty-eight-year-old man? Probably, although I don’t want to think about that.” She chuckled lightly before continuing. “He doesn’t open up easily.” I needed to know where she was going with this conversation; my heart was pounding like a madman. “He wouldn’t risk all of this for a random slutty student. He wouldn’t sleep with you just to sleep with you. He wouldn’t have waited so long to take the next step with you. He genuinely gives a flying fuck about you, Hayley. He loves you.”

  “Why wasn’t he honest to me about Taylor? We could have worked something out.”

  Rachel sighed before taking my hand in hers. “Nick never really had an opportunity to learn how to create relationships when we were younger.” I lifted a curious eyebrow and waited for her to explain further. She sighed again as if she was having trouble finding the right words. “I was diagnosed with Leukemia at a very young age. I’d rather not get into the specifics if that’s okay with you.” I nodded my head and she went on. “I required a lot of attention at almost all hours of the day. Nick…Nick was always standing by my side. If I was in pain, he’d be the hand I squeezed. If I needed to use the bathroom but couldn’t make it across the hall, he’d carry me. When I was cold, and the blanket just wasn’t cutting it, he’d carry me downstairs by the fireplace and we’d camp out. He shaved his head and changed his diet with me. He missed school to be with me throughout every surgery. When everyone was writing their eulogies, he’d be writing me stories and future plans. He dedicated every ounce of his time and emotion into making sure that I was okay. He skipped dances and football games and turned down cute girls so he could stay at home with his sick, dying little sister. And I lived for those moments. I literally fought to stay alive so that I could watch some cheesy, foreign zombie movie with my cool big brother. He was my hero, Hayley.”

  I hated myself for crying but I couldn’t help it. I threw my arms around Rachel and hugged her.

  “My brother is many things but he most definitely is not a monster.”

  “I know,” I whispered. She lazily closed her eyes, so I grabbed my water and made my way back to Nick’s room.

  “Hey Hayley?” I turned around to face Rachel. “Don’t tell Nick about this conversation, okay? He gets weird about me telling his business.”

  “I won’t,” I assured her.

  “And one more thing.” Her voice had a hint of panic in it. “If this gets out, the town will talk. He’ll have to leave, Hayley. Whether that’s jail or a different job.” I leaned against the doorway, nodding my head. “This is not one of your stupid high school relationships. This is my brother’s life, Hayley. And if he’s risking it all for you, don’t fuck it up.” I nodded my head before climbing back into Nick’s bed.

  •••

  “Your phone keeps ringing,” Nick mumbled, shaking my shoulder. I groaned and looked at my screen. Ten missed calls for Lacy and four from my mother. My palms immediately grew wet with anticipation. “Hayley what’s wrong?” Nick asked, more alert than he had been.

  “I don’t know what to say to them.” My hands shook with anxiety. “What do I do, Nick? What do I say?” He leaned against the wall for a few moments before sitting back up.

  “Tell them you woke up early and went for a run…Say you needed to clear your mind and on the way, you ran into a friend.” I nodded my head, agreeing with his plan. I quickly called Lacy back, praying that this worked.

  “Hayley?” She sounded worried.

  “Hey.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. Nick sat across from me, worry plaguing his face.

  “Dude, where are you? Your mom went to wake you up this morning and completely flipped out when she saw you weren’t in your room. Where the hell are you?”

  “I went for a run,” I lied. “What time is it?” I quietly asked Nick, holding the phone away from my mouth.

  “Ten.” He whispered.

  “Bullshit. You hate running.” I hated how well she knew me. “Are you with Mr. Foster? Don’t lie to me, Hayley.”

  “No, I’m not with anyone.” I needed to convince her before she asked anymore questions. “I drove out to the Ol’ Mill and decided to take a long run, okay? I’ve been stressed out lately and I needed to get out of the house.”

  She stayed silent for a few seconds before sighing. “I don’t believe you, but I’ll tell your mom you’re out running. Tell Mr. Foster I said hi.” I began to argue when the other line went dead. Shit. She knew.

  “I heard my name.” I climbed out of his bed and made my way into the kitchen. “Hayley!” I didn’t know what to tell him. “Does she know?”

  “Of course she doesn’t know!” I snapped. “Unlike you, I haven’t told anyone.”

  “Then why the hell is your friend saying my name?” he shouted. I hated when he yelled at me; I felt almost intimidated.

  “She suspects there’s something going on between us.” His eyes widened in terror. “She saw the way I looked at you in the movie store and has been asking questions ever since. But she doesn’t know anything. I’ll figure it out, okay?” He slammed his hands against the counter and sighed audibly.

  “Dammit Hayley.” He slammed his hands against the counter again. “What if she tells Taylor?” He hit the counter one more time, for good measure, before averting his attention back to me. “Do you not understand the severity of this? I knew this was a bad idea. What if your friend decides to run her mouth? What if―”

  “I told you she doesn’t know anything! Why don’t you fucking trust me?” I knew I was about to overstep the line but I couldn’t help myself. “God, if this is all such a fucking inconvenience for you, maybe you should go back to Elana.” Anger filled my entire body in that instance, an anger that I had never experienced before.

  “Stop it,” he warned me cautiously. “Calm down.”

  “Don’t tell me what the fuck to do,” I snapped. “I have been doing everything in my power to make sure nothing goes wrong between us and it’s still not good enough. You still fired me, you still get mad at me, you still throw in the fact that this isn’t a good idea. If you don’t want to be with me then just fucking say so, okay?” I slammed my hands against his chest, sending him into the cupboard behind him. “Because I’ve got other shit to worry about right now. Such as dealing with the rapist who just reappeared into my life.”

  “Hayley, please calm down,” he whispered.

  “How am I supposed to be calm?” I shouted. “I’m scared to lose you, Nick. I’m terrified to lose you and that’s new for me because I’ve never cared for someone as much as I care for you. You are the one thing in my life that I just…I can’t lose. I’m scared,” I cried. “I’m so scared and then only time I’m not scared is when I’m with you.” He immediately wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips against my forehead.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m in this, Hayley.” I kept my head buried into his chest and allowed the sound of his voice to soothe me. “No more hot and cold. We’ll deal with Taylor, okay? I’m here, baby. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

  I took a deep breath, inhaling his scent and clinging on a little tighter. “I can’t go home, Nick.” I dug my fingers into the sides of his arms, afraid to let go. “What am I going to do?”

  He inhaled deeply before taking my hands in his. “You have to get back into the routine of things. Go to school, come to work, do your homework and then sleep. On the weekends and days off you can come here, okay?” I began to protest when he placed his finger against my lips. “I don’t want you to be alone, Hayley. If it’s just you at your house, call me. I’ll figure something out, okay? I’m not going to let that asshole lay a finger on you.”

  Forty-Two

  Hayley

  I did as Nick asked. I went to school, then the movie store and then to bed. I ignored Lacy’s incessant questions pertaining to Nick and I and avoided hearing about Trip’s newest living arrangements. He
was apparently in search for a job and was staying at a nearby hotel. I constantly reminded myself that there were no opportunities for him to reach me.

  On my days off I was lying to Lacy, telling her that I was attending a design program when in reality I was with Nick. Ryan and my relationship consisted of constant bickering and arguments, considering I had taken my job back. He, along with Lacy, believed that there was something going on between Nick and me.

  It was scary how right they were. The entire situation was putting a strain on Lacy and my friendship. I was growing more and more irritated with her every time she would ask me where I had been or what I was doing. I needed the privacy I used to have before she lived with me. As selfish as it sounded, I wanted to go back to living as an only child.

  Nick fired Alex, claiming it was due to all of his “smoke sessions.” My father had been wrapped up in his newest position, his talk of “spending more time with the family” being nothing more than words. My mother, on the other hand, had been traveling on the road less and less, inevitably becoming more involved in my life. She began checking my grades, viewing each paycheck, and even demanded that she met my boss. I forewarned him and he assured me that everything was going to be fine.

  “He’s a cutie,” my mother informed me after two long hours of her and Nick’s meeting. They had gone out to eat somewhere local although neither of them would tell me where―they both knew I would’ve spied on them. “No wonder you’re so eager to go to work.” I could feel my face becoming red, so I quickly changed the subject.

  “What’d you guys talk about?” I asked.

  “Well, he told me about what you do while you’re there. I must admit, you lucked out with this first job of yours. No running back and forth, no human interaction. It must be nice.” I dipped my spoon into the jar of peanut butter and waited for her to go on. “He told me he’s been helping you with your history homework. I wasn’t aware you struggled.” I opted out of responding.

  “I invited him for dinner tomorrow night. I expect you to wear something nice.” Her phone began to ring, causing her to walk away and leave me standing in shock, a spoon of peanut butter hanging to my mouth.

  •••

  “I heard your boyfriend is coming over for dinner,” Lacy said as she barged into my room. I ignored her and curled another piece of my hair. “Did you decide to finally introduce him to the family? Is this going to break the ice of your guys’ relationship?” I wanted to smack her and wipe that smug smile clean off of her face. I wanted to scream at her to shut up and mind her own damn business. Instead, I continued curling my hair and smiled at her.

  I had never had the opportunity to dress fancy in front of Mr. Foster, considering we were in constant secrecy. He had seen me in my New Year’s Eve dress, but by the time he had seen me that night I was a sweaty mess. I picked out my favorite champagne colored dress and slipped it on, pleased with how it squeezed certain areas on my body. I could feel myself becoming nervous at the thought of Lacy, my parents and Nick all sitting at the dinner table together. Lacy entered my room again, interrupting my thoughts. She had on a blue, laced dress with her hair pinned back into a messy bun.

  My mother came upstairs wearing one of her professional looking pant suits and approved Lacy and my outfits. The doorbell rang and my mother giddily clapped her hands together, shouting down the stairs at my father to hurry up. I did one last look in the mirror before making my way down the stairs.

  “Are we going to skip the grand tour since he’s already gotten it before?” Lacy whispered as we approached the dining room. I shot her a warning scowl before taking my seat. Chills ran down my spine as I heard the low rumble of Nick’s voice in the other room.

  My heart stopped the moment I saw him. He was wearing an all-black suit that brought out his mesmerizing chocolate eyes. He followed my mother towards the table and took a seat directly across from me. His eyes widened as his gaze landed on me, sending my stomach into a parade of butterflies. I quickly ducked my head down and stared at the floor, hoping no one would notice how red my face was becoming.

  “My husband should be here any minute,” my mother told him apologetically. “While we wait, I’ll go grab the salad. Hayley, could you help me?” I began to stand when Lacy bolted out of her seat, offering my mother assistance. The moment the two of them left the room I heard Nick exhale.

  “You look incredible,” he told me, his eyes glued to mine. I nervously tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and grinned. “I love how red I can make you,” he whispered. I shook my head back and forth and reached for my water. Nick placed his hand over mine and smiled deeply at me. I had to fight the undying urge to bite my lip. I opened my mouth to say something to him when my father walked into the dining room. I quickly ripped my hand away from Nick’s, spilling my water on the table. My father glanced over at me before walking into the kitchen, unaware of what had happened.

  “Behave yourself,” I snapped. He chuckled softly as I made my way into the kitchen for napkins. Both of my parents were preparing drinks, but Lacy was nowhere to be found. I quickly grabbed what I needed and made my way back into the dining room. After I was finished cleaning the spill, my father introduced himself to Nick. The sight more unnerving than when Lacy’s father had shook his hand.

  After five minutes of awkward chitchat, the food was finally served. Lacy came running into the room and apologized for making us wait. When I asked her where she had gone she ignored me and cut into her steak. I listened intently as my father asked Nick about the movie store and teaching.

  “So, Mr. Foster, do you have a girlfriend?” Lacy asked. I quickly looked up at Nick, panic filling my eyes. He wiped his mouth before chuckling softly. Both my mother and father stared at Lacy, their facial expressions showing they were not pleased with her outburst.

  “I’m afraid it’s against school policies to share details about my personal life, Lacy.” I took a bite of my potatoes, praying that Lacy would keep her mouth shut.

  “I’m sure a lot of things are against school policies,” she retorted. I watched as Nick’s facial expression remained stoic. My father cleared his throat, warning Lacy to be quiet. “What do you and Hayley do all day?”

  “I clean movies,” I answered. She made a “huh” sound and nodded her head. I had never wanted to hit someone as bad as I did in that moment. Whatever she was trying to do was clearly not working; she needed to stop.

  “This is a very lovely meal, Mrs. Mitchell.” My mother gave him a weary smile before offering him a glass of wine. He kindly dismissed her offer and continued eating. I couldn’t believe how horribly the dinner was going. If Lacy had kept her mouth shut, there wouldn’t have been any issues. I was irate.

  “As much as I’d love to stay and talk, the DA just emailed me that verdict is in. It was very nice meeting you…” He stared at Nick expectantly.

  “Nick.”

  “It was a pleasure meeting you Nick.” He shook his hand once more before rushing out of the room. My mother gave him another weak smile before gathering the plates.

  “I’m sorry about all of this,” my mother apologized. “It was so nice having you out for dinner. Thank you again for giving Hayley the job.”

  “She’s the best worker we’ve got.” My mother smiled and walked into the kitchen, leaving Lacy, Nick and I to ourselves.

  “I should probably get going,” Nick informed me.

  “You should stay,” Lacy objected. Nick chuckled again before standing up. “Fine, suit yourself.” She shrugged her shoulders and left the room, leaving the two of us alone. He waited a few seconds before running his hand through his hair.

  “Fuck,” he whispered. I walked over to him and rested my head against his chest. “You have to tell her,” he murmured. I quickly pulled away, unsure if I had heard him right. “Hayley, you have to. She obviously knows something is going on.” I didn’t like the idea; I wanted him to myself. If Lacy knew she would probably tell Taylor, who would inform the school abou
t the situation. I shuddered at the thought.

  “No.”

  “She’s your best friend, Hayley. I’m asking you to tell her, okay?” I sighed audibly and wrapped my arms around his waist, allowing his smell to intoxicate me.

  “I don’t want her to know,” I whispered. He lifted my chin up to his and kissed me, making my knees grow weak.

  “It’s for the best,” he assured me. “I’ll see you later, okay?” He shouted a goodbye to my mother and Lacy before giving me a final kiss goodbye. I leaned against the wall and thought of what I was going to say to Lacy. I went into my room to change out of my dress when I found Lacy sitting on my bed. I ignored her and threw on an old pair of sweatpants and a sports bra.

  “That was fun.” I glared at her.

  “If you have something to say then just say it.”

  “I saw him kiss you!” She shouted at me. “I was walking to his office to discuss my college applications. You were already in there.” I shook my head, refusing to believe what she was saying. “And the day you told me you went running? I went down to the Ol’ Mill to see if your car was there.” I could feel my face become hot. “It wasn’t.”

  “That doesn’t mean any―”

  “I followed you last week.” My heart stopped. “Oddly enough, your car was parked outside of his apartment.” I was caught. I was so unbelievably busted that no amount of excuses could save my ass. The only thing I could think of doing was get on the defense.

  “You’ve been following me?” I asked, petrified. I couldn’t believe that she had invaded my privacy like that; she was supposed to be my best friend. I fought back tears as she continued to speak.