Breaking Old Habits

by Melissa Bender

  Crickets. The crackle of the fire burning was the only thing everyone could hear. It was one of those awkward moments where you just laugh and roll your eyes because deep down, you’re actually dying of heartache about the topic.

  I could not look at Griffin. If I did, he would know that I lied to him about it. Picking up my can of soft drink, I shook my head with a smile. “I don’t think so.”

  “You’re great with kids.”

  “And other people…” I corrected her, looking for a distraction while Griffin sat stone cold beside me. “Oh, yum. Food!” I jumped up and went to help Maggy bring over the cooked meat, trying not to trip on anything in the darkness.

  “Charlie, you sure this is cooked? You’ve never used a grill before, have you?” Bryan looked at the tray of meat and tried to light it up with the flashlight of his phone.

  I was already taking a bite of my chicken kebab and pulled it out, trying to inspect it closer. “It looks okay to me.”

  Clapping his tongs together, Charlie defended himself. “I cooked them all long enough, and you’d be able to tell if the chicken was raw.”

  I ate too much and was going to dig into the dessert when Griffin grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me to a stop. “Come for a walk with me. I need to take a piss.”

  Ah, charming as ever.

  “And I have to come because? Do you need me to hold it for you?” I smirked, teasing him as I poked his hard stomach with my finger.

  He smiled a little, raising his brow. “You can hold it if that turns you on.”

  Flirting back, I whispered. “In your dreams. I’m not holding it unless you’re hard and going in deep.”

  We walked for a few minutes, and I heard Griffin starting to unzip with his smoke still hanging out his mouth. I just stood there, not watching as I leant against a tree and waiting for him to finish. I pulled out my phone. It was nearly two am, and the cool air was picking up.

  “Are you ready to leave?” he asked, zipping back up and stumbling a little. The booze was kicking in.

  “When you’re ready, we’ll go.”

  “I fucking love you.” He grinned, coming towards me like a predator and trapping me with his larger frame. “God, you’re so sexy.”

  Mm, keep going. “You’re not too bad yourself.”

  Quickly, he had my jeans unzipped and pulled down. With my one leg out, he lifted me by the ass, and I wrapped my thighs tightly around him. His cock thrusting in dry had us both hissing with uncomfortable pain. That bloody hurt.

  “Sorry. I should have licked you out first.” Yeah, ya think!

  After our quickie in the paddock, we made our way back and tried to act like we had not just done what we had done. Spontaneity was one of his best qualities. That, and his random love notes that were placed in the fridge if he left for work early.

  “What did you two get up too?” Charlie grinned, breaking out in roaring laughter. “Ayla, your cheeks are a bit flushed. Bit out of breath, are we?”

  “I told you they’d be able to tell!” I slapped Griffin’s stomach, and when the guys laughed even more, I knew I had just given myself up. “It’s dark, and you can’t see my cheeks. Ha ha.” Yep, I had given us away.

  Charlie smirked. “How many times a day do you two fuck?”

  And so began the uncomfortable questioning about our sex life as Griffin happily bragged about our twice a day sessions at the very minimum while looking down at his phone. I could not help but think it was her, and jealousy roared its ugly head inside me at once, making me feel ill. I hated that I just assumed he was texting her when it could easily be someone he played poker with, someone wanting a tattoo, or some client he was designing a house for.

  “Try having kids, then the sex goes.” Maggy pointed out. “That’s what happened once the twins came along, and you decided to leave Karen over it.”

  The liquid in my mouth was almost spat out as I sat back on the hay bale. “Can we not talk about that, please?”

  She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “It’s just the truth, Ayla. You need to accept Karen.”

  “Karen and I haven’t fucked since the night she fell pregnant,” Griffin muttered, shoving his phone back inside his coat and pulling me closer to his side. “A night I’d much rather forget if you don’t mind.”

  “Yeah, but that was one night, compared to how many times?”

  His voice was cold, and I could tell he was growing annoyed by her questioning. “I screwed her once and barely remember it since I was stoned out of my mind.”

  “Who’s better?” Charlie asked, drunk and with no filter whatsoever.

  Griffin smirked. “Well, Ayla doesn’t lay there like a dead fish.”

  “Can you just stop talking about this, please?” I asked quietly. “I don’t want to know about you and her.”

  Looking down at me, he closed his eyes and sighed, his breath smelling strong of bourbon. He then smiled. “It’s just you and me baby. No one else since her. Just you. I mean it.”

  “Good, because I like to think that I taught you all those hot moves.”

  His smile grew, and he began to laugh loudly. “Oh, baby, you did. Trust me. I’ve never had sex like the way we do. It’s fucking incredible to share that kind of passion with someone else who feels the exact same way.”

  “You’re making me wet.”

  He took my hand and placed it over his jean clad groin. I could feel the outline of his arousal as his dick was thick, hard, and ready. Leaning in for a deep kiss, I pulled back instead and nuzzled my nose against his. I could not wait to get home.

  And so, the next topic was about cars, and it stayed that way until Charlie and Maggy began to make out in front of us all. I knew it was time for us to leave then. Helena and her husband, Travis, were also getting frisky. The baffling part was when Helena had her hand slyly moving up and down Charlie’s lap while being obviously fingered by her own husband.

  “I need a fucking girlfriend.” Bryan yawned, falling into the backseat of the car. “Were they having a group thing back there?”

  “They share and care.” Griffin grinned, opening another can and doing his belt up, while I started the car.

  “They, swap partners?” I asked. “Did you ever…?” If his friends were into that, then did he and her had a go at it too?

  “No. Not on my part, anyway.” His answer was firm, referring to when Karen would fuck other men once he left for work. “And I’d knock another man out if he even hinted at taking you.”

  I had to smile. I loved his possessiveness.

  Not on his part? Did that mean Karen had done stuff with the four of them behind his back? I really did not want to know.

  “So guess the three way’s out of the question then,” a slurring voice spoke from behind us.

  His hand dropped to my thigh possessively. “You can use your hand. Ayla’s not for sharing.”

  Walking behind the two drunken men who were stumbling and singing loudly as they made their way up the steps to our front door, I pulled my phone out of my bag and saw I had a message four hours ago from Harvey.

  My heart raced as I quickly walked down to our bedroom, opening it.

  I hope he realises just how good he’s got it. You deserve better.

  How could I respond to that? Hearing Griffin come into the bedroom, I turned my phone off and placed it on the bed. He cocked his head to the side, raking his eyes up and down my body to the point that I began to shiver with anticipation. Walking closer, he easily skimmed both his hands over my hips. “I want you.”

  “Bryan will hear.” I giggled, trying to pry his drunken lips from mine. Once his hands slid between my thighs and rubbed that spot I loved, I was his. Clasping his shirt and clamping my thighs around to grind more pressure against me, I moaned. “God, just fuck me… and don’t stop.”

  “Planning on it, baby. Get on your knees.”

  And down I went.

  ***

  I woke with what anyone would assume was the worst hang
over from hell and a pounding in my head that would not go away. As my eyes fluttered open, I realised that it was not just my head pounding but the front door. My phone was somewhere tossed around the room, so I peered at the wall clock. It was not even nine am. I wanted to sleep in and sleep most the day away.

  Yawning as I sat up, I winced. I grabbed my stomach and slightly nudged Griffin with my foot. “I’m going to throw up.” I barely got the words out before I was indeed throwing up in the middle of our bed.

  Yes, that was right. I did not so graciously make it to the bathroom. Nope. I, Ayla, spewed right in the middle of our freaking bed. Once I had realised what I had done in front of Griffin, I automatically burst into tears. I had peed in front of him before, and he farts like a maniac in front of me, but spewing? That was not for his eyes to see.

  “Hey.” He soothed me by rubbing my back in slow circles. “Are you okay?”

  Shaking my head, I buried my face in my hands. “How could I be okay after that? I’m so embarrassed.”

  “It’s ok, Ayla. I’ve got morning wood, so you feel like…” Yawning loudly, he rubbed his neck. “Jesus Christ, my head is throbbing.”

  “It’s the door, and I’m definitely not in the mood.” Shit. I almost forgot about that. “Someone’s at the door.”

  Confusion swept over his face as he looked around the room, tossing the covers off and grabbing the doona in a big ball. He then dropped it while putting on some boxers. “You grab the door. I’ll get this washed up.”

  Major crushing on him right now. “You don’t have to do—”

  He cut me off with a kiss to the mouth and shut me right up.

  The banging kept going, and he groaned, yelling towards the open bedroom door. “We’re fucking coming!” he bellowed out. We were both assuming it was she who lived next to us. “I’ll clean this up for you.” Making his way to the door in a pair of boxers and the doona cover, he popped his head back in with a slight frown. “You weren’t drinking. How come you’re throwing up?”

  Stepping into a pair of boy short panties and grabbing a bra, I looked at him. “No, but I did eat the chicken.”

  “I told him to cook those kebabs for longer. Fucken oaf,” he muttered and walked off again.

  Tying my hair up, I glanced at my reflection in the mirror as I walked to the front door. Ugh, he had left a huge love bite on my neck. I almost pulled my hair down but stopped. Screw Karen. I just had on my underwear and an oversized jumper of Griffins. She can look at me and see that we had spent a better part of the night fucking each other’s brains out.

  I got to the door looking like a hot mess and turned the handle. I almost rolled my eyes at the two elders standing in front of me. A woman, dressed immaculately in all grey and a mauve dress scarf, and a man, also in a neat shirt with pressed slacks, stood at our door.

  Great, people trying to sell us something or preach about religion.

  “Uh, no thanks,” I mumbled, beginning to close the door, until Griffin ran up behind me and flung it back open, looking slightly embarrassed.

  “Mum, Dad! Wasn’t expecting you.”

  Oh, dear. Not good. Really not good.

  “Well, we tried calling.” Her eyes looked at me up and down, showing instant disapproval. “But I see you’ve been busy.”

  “Umm.” I tugged the bottom of the jumper, trying to cover more of my thighs as I felt like a low-class hooker getting sprung for giving a freebie. “I’m Ayla.” You know, the girl crazy about your son and living with him and your grandchildren. She should know this by now, but now was as good as ever.

  “I don’t care who you are, dear. Get some clothes on and leave my son’s house.” She scolded curtly, making me feel like an ant about to get squished by someone’s finger.

  Griffin’s groan was auditable as he rubbed a palm over his face. “Mum… She’s, uh…” I waited and waited for the girlfriend part, but what came was something even more disappointing. “She’s Bryan’s girlfriend.”

  I was like a punch to the gut, and I was ready to throw up again. I could not look at him. I just stood there, trying to make sure I heard it right. “Yeah. Bryan’s girlfriend,” I mumbled and turned away as tears sprung to my eyes.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  “Ayla, wait...” he called out. It was his quiet but panicked beg as he came following me into the bedroom, moments after I had walked off—no, I had stalked off and left a trail of smoke behind myself after purposely shoving my elbow into the side of his abdomen.

  I was already reaching for my bag and some clothes to pack. I could not stay here.

  “What are you doing?” he asked.

  What does it look like, you big friggin baboon! I rolled my eyes instead of speaking.

  “Why are you packing? Stop it.” His breathing was starting to pick up. “Ayla, talk to me. Damn it!”

  The moment I felt that touch I craved, I lost my shit with him. Spinning around with tears racing down my cheeks, I shook my fist in the air, threatening to hit him. “Get the hell away from me before I… I am so close to punching the lights out your head, Griffin.” I was seething with rage. “How could you? I am your fucking girlfriend. No, I thought I was! But obviously, I’m not.”

  “You are.” He stepped closer, taking my wrist in his hand. He was trying to calm me, but it was not working. I was too hurt, too mad at him for this. “I didn’t know what to say to them. You see what my parents look like. They’re snobs, and you’d be eaten alive by my mother.”

  “Well, I guess we will never know, will we?” I shot back sarcastically, shaking my hand to free it from his hold. “You’re embarrassed of me.”

  His eyes narrowed, and he attempted to cup my cheeks, but I stepped back away from him. “I’m not.”

  “Don’t put words in my mouth.”

  Oh, he won’t get to twist this around and make it sound like it’s my fault. “You are, otherwise you’d have said I was your girlfriend a year ago. I don’t need to put anything in your mouth when your actions are speaking louder than your words. You’re embarrassed by me.”

  “Ayla, please…” He walked to my bag and began to unpack it.

  Turning back around, I wiped the hot tears away with my sleeves. “You’re thirty-seven years old. Grow up and act like it!” I tried to push him away from my belongings. “Don’t touch my stuff!”

  “You’re fucking leaving, Ayla. I mean it,” he said through gritted teeth, his tone firm and raised. “I won’t let you walk out of this house with your bags packed.”

  I raised a brow. Like, really? You’re going to threaten me? “I don’t need my bags to walk out on you.”

  “I won’t let you leave this house, Ayla.”

  “I’ll go into Bryan’s room them. I’m sure he’d love his girlfriend to wake him up with a good morning blowjob.”

  That hit a nerve, and he shot me a glare to kill. His jaw tightened, and his arms folded over his chest. “Finished yet?” He spat.

  “No. Maybe…” A big, wide smile grew on my face as an idea popped into my head. “Maybe Bryan could finish me off. Maybe—”

  “I’ll do anything to make this right,” he pleaded.

  Damn right you will.

  “You get out there and tell them the truth, or I’m gone, Griffin. I mean it. I don’t deserve to be hidden if you really love me.”

  He looked like he was ready to tear his hair out, roughly dragging his fingers through his locks once more. “I’m not fucking hiding you.”

  A wave of sickness came over again. I took in a steady breath, wobbling on my feet as I clutched my stomach and took in a deep breath. I really wanted to curl up and sleep this food poisoning away. “You don’t want me to leave? Then you tell your parents about me and that this is my home, too.” I swallowed hard, letting out a slow breath. “I’m going to be sick. You need to move.”

  Pushing him out of my way, I ran into the bathroom. Griffin followed behind me and closed the door behind him as I was on my knees, throwing up once again.


  I heard the shower turning on and was slowly helped into an upright position. “Don’t touch me.” I looked away, more of my tears coming alive.

  A pained expression was across his face as he dropped both his hands. “I want to take care of you.”

  “You should have thought about that before hiding me and making me feel embarrassed about myself.”

  “I’ll tell them.”

  “Don’t bother.”

  “I’ll tell them,” he repeated more firmly. “You’re right. I panicked and hurt you. I’ll tell them now. Once you’re out of the shower and dressed, I’ll introduce you to my parents.”

  My gaze dropped to the floor. “Your mum thinks I’m a whore. I see the way they both looked at me… like I’m just a young, naïve girl who likes you for your cock and money.”

  He snorted. “I doubt that’s what went through her mind.”

  “I can’t believe you would lie about me to your family,” I said, dead serious.

  “Ayla, I love you. I love you so much, and you’re right. You deserve to be shown off to the fucking world.”

  Finally! Let’s throw a party to celebrate this sudden and long overdue realisation.

  Looking back up at him, I smiled sadly. “You really hurt me, and if you hurt me like that again, I will leave, Griffin. I’d do anything for you, and sometimes, I need to feel like you’d do anything for me.”

  “Anything. I’ll do anything for you.”

  Except propose and have a baby with me.

  “Ayla…” He crouched down to the floor beside me, taking my cheek in his palm as he reached for the washcloth to wipe my mouth clean. “Let me fix this. Let me fix us.”

  “We aren’t broken… yet.”

  “There never will be a yet.” He promised, and I believed him. I fucking believed him again.

  After my shower and telling Griffin once more that I would not leave him, I dressed in a pair of black leggings, a long white shirt, and a zip up jacket. I honestly could not care about my appearance right now. I felt like shit.