Breaking Old Habits

by Melissa Bender

  Truth. Baby. He had a right to know, but I could not do it.

  I drove away from him and all the drama that came with my love for him. I would probably regret it, but I would regret staying with someone who hurt me more, and it all came down to that.

  Griffin would be the love of my life. Maybe we would be together another time, but right now, with Karen running his life the way she always has been, there was no chance for us… and for the first time, I was okay with it.

  ***

  GRIFFIN

  I reached for the base of my cock firmly as I spun her around to me. Her pretty little mouth hung open as I guided my cock in between her welcoming lips. Then I let go. Cum spilled out, and her tongue flicked the underside of my cock as my body twitched. A throaty groan escaped my lips with a hiss. Her mouth closed, taking me deeper, and my head dropped backwards.

  She sucked and took it all from me—every last fucking drop.

  My eyes lazily opened and saw my cum covered chest as my hand fell to the bed. My cock was flaccid, but my balls ached with a need for more. With my chest rising and falling, I caught my breath. Ayla. I could not get her off my mind.

  She consumed me. All fucking day, she was all I had thought about.

  I wanted her. Needed her. I would get her back.

  Fuck it. Once again, I wrapped my hand around the base of my cock and slowly stroked at the image of her, trying to sate the cravings I had for her.

  Instead of being able to taste… hold her... I had to jerk off instead.

  I moaned her name over and over until I blew..

  It was not enough. She owned me.

  I would get her back and never let her fucking go.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Business was bustling. It would keep me busy, thank god. I needed and welcomed the distraction.

  It took my mind off everything that I needed to forget. Being on my feet was a change from sulking for hours in bed—something I did for a whole week after my last visit with Griffin. True to myself, I stayed strong and did not go back.

  He was not willing to change, and I was not willing to go back.

  I knew what I wanted, and it was a man who worshipped the ground I walked on. I was a fucking queen.

  Not quite, but I wanted a man to treat me like his queen.

  I would be his lady on the streets and freak in between the sheets.

  Ugh, I would need to find myself a man first, and I was not really looking.

  My eyes were scanning the café as I grabbed a glass from underneath the counter and filled it with ice cubes. Harvey was flirting up a storm by the window, serving a group of women who flirted shamelessly back at him. For a man who confessed to being madly in love with me, he sure knew how to send mixed signals. I could not complain, though. It was not like I wanted to be with him. Men are so confusing.

  My eyes were stopped by a flash of red. Her skinny frame waltzed right up the café, and I could not help but notice her pushed up breasts bursting out from the tight red halter top she paired with jeans and heels.

  Beats me why Karen was here. I did not want to serve her, though, and I would not.

  “Oh, she’s been in every night looking for you. Literally every night.”

  Looking at Holly, I frowned. “Really?” That was a bit excessive even for her.

  “Yep. I asked what she wanted, and she just said you are friends.” She rolled her eyes. “That’s the ex, isn’t it?”

  Unfortunately, small towns tend to know about breakups, and my co-workers knew all about it. Only Harvey and my parents knew about my miscarriage, though, and it was going to stay that way.

  Nodding back, I turned away and stared at the coffee syrups. “Sure is. Can’t we ban her?”

  “Girl, he so traded up from that nasty ass bitch. He got himself some fine ass pussy. I just want to gag at what hers would look like. Fifty says she is all natural and smells like a—”

  “Okay, enough about that.” That was too much information, like way too much. “I’m okay with her being in here as long as she doesn’t start anything. I’m taking the high road and being the bigger person, a better person.”

  Holly broke out laughing. “Better coz clearly, she’s the bigger one.”

  Some lucky person got to mop up the spew all over the bathroom sink after a girl on her eighteenth decided to order and down six shots of tequila all on her own then come and eat the all-day breakfast special. Clearly, she could not handle them and puked her guts up as she ran into the bathroom.

  That lucky person was me.

  Washing my hands after I cleaned that god-awful mess up, the door opened and closed behind me. I did not take any notice until her reflection came up behind me. A smirk was across her puckered pout, and a tiny silver handbag was tucked underneath her armpit. Like, really? Why not do what a normal girl does and shoved everything in your bra?

  “Been looking for you.”

  Walking to the dryer, I pushed the button and warmed my hands dry. “So I heard. What do you want, Karen?”

  “What?” She shouted, over the noise.

  Moving my hands away, the dryer stopped. “I said, what do you want? I have work to do, Karen.”

  “Fuck you, bitch.” She spat, stepping in front of the doorway. “You think you’re all high and mighty because you got in close with my kids. Well, I tell ya what, Ayla? They’re not yours! They’re mine.”

  That did not really make much sense. I looked around awkwardly. “Umm, okay? I know they’re yours. I never said they weren’t.”

  “I said I’d put you six feet under, remember?” she warned.

  Christ. How could I forget? “Karen, you need to leave. I have work to do.”

  “I laughed so hard when he dumped your pathetic ass.” She sneered. “He told me you walked out on him.”

  I ignored her. I was not doing this, not at work. It may be a café that opened late, but this is still my job, and it was important to me. I loved working here. I would not risk it for anything or anyone.

  I was not going to react. Turning to grab hold of the mop and bucket, I went to leave.

  I managed to keep my composure until she said something to me—something I was familiar with. “I’m not trying to replace you, but I’m not going away. So you should really figure out a way to get used to me being around because I’m here to stay.”

  Fucking bitch.

  I turned around and narrowed my eyes. “What did you just say?” I asked. My hands were beginning to shake, and my palms were cloudy with sweat. My heart was pounding heavily.

  Her smile pissed me off. She was smiling—not a fake one but a big, cheerful victory smile. “It’s funny that you and Griffin broke up literally a week after you said that to me.”

  “What’s your point, Karen?”

  “My point—” she got in my face, her small frame appearing larger “—is that you are just a young thrill for him.”

  I was more than that. “You should leave.” My voice was calmer than I had expected it to be.

  In the past, I may have wanted to gauge her eyes out. Everything that had gone wrong between Griffin and me was mainly her fault. Things were not great, but they could have been better. She made them worse, and weeks ago when I found Griffin over at her house, I wanted to set her on fire. When I lost the baby, I wanted to beat the living shit out of her. But now? What’s the point? Griffin and I were over, and I did not want to live in the past.

  I was taking the high road.

  “The night he came over, I took him into my bedroom and got on my knees to suck him off. He came for me, not you, that night.” Her words hit straight through my heart like a dagger.

  She was just trying to get a reaction from me. Breathe and walk away. She’s not worth it.

  “He’s been coming over daily, and I’m always at his place just like old times. Little girl, I told you that he’d always come back to me, and he fucking comes for me.”

  Fuck the high road.

  My hand drew backwa
rds, and I slapped her hard across the cheek with a stinging slap. I grabbed her by her halter collar and with all my force, slammed her back into the wall behind her with a shove. Her hands wrapped around my throat, trying to cut off my oxygen as I pulled her hair hard.

  Then she went fucking crazy.

  She head-butted me in the face and almost broke my nose.

  I was seeing stars as well as blood. “Motherfucker! Ouch!” I was literally swearing my lungs out.

  Groaning, I poked her hard in the stomach, and she jolted down, trying to pry my hands away. On her second try, I drew my hand back and punched her in the face before pushing myself away.

  I was not a fighter, but be damned if I would let her come in here and talk to me that way.

  “What is your problem with me? You cheated on him, remember?” I yelled, bending forwards to catch my breath. Blood was still dripping from my nose. God, that hurts.

  “He’s the father of my boys.”

  “You sure about that?” I asked. Yeah, I really went there. “You fucked around a lot, from what I heard.”

  She went to lunge at me again with a deafening scream just as the door opened, and her friends came in. One of them was Helena. I could not believe it. Of course! Kill the girl who hurt their friend.

  “Karen, you promised me,” she said, mouthing sorry to me as she reached for her.

  Grabbing her by the shoulders, she pried her out of the bathroom as she kicked and screamed profanities at me.

  I burst into tears. He could not have done that. I needed to believe that he would not cheat.

  Holly came running in with Cara, another worker. They were lovers. “Fuck. Your nose is like, broken.”

  “What?” I gasped, wanting to cry even more. More tears spilled out. I was becoming hysterical.

  Cara flicked her in the arm. “No, it’s not. Geez, don’t scare her. It looks bad, but it’s not broken.”

  Still crying, I looked in the mirror. There was blood everywhere, but my nose was not broken. Thank goodness. I probably would have been more upset about that. “She head-butted me.” Then I began to giggle. “I poked her in the stomach. Oh my god, who even does that?”

  The girls, looking at each other, both began to laugh until we were all cracking up in the bathroom. Holly had tears in her eyes, shaking her head and saying “No way, you didn’t.” I did. Grabbing some paper towel and running it under some cold water, I began to dab my nose and face clean from the mess. It hurt, and I knew I would be bruised in the morning. It was my first fight, and I came out worse than the other woman.

  Cara whispered. “She is crazy, I swear.”

  “Tell me about it. She just attacked. Her words were so mean. I slapped her, but who the fuck head-butts someone?”

  “Umm, you can’t go out in that.” Holly pointed out, nodding towards my white shirt. “It’s got blood splatters.”

  Ah, just what I needed. “I didn’t bring a change of clothes. Kind of didn’t predict a bleeding nose tonight.”

  “Here. Cara, take your top off and give it to Ayla.”

  “No, it’s okay.” I quickly chimed in, holding my hands up as I glanced back in the mirror. The blood was not that noticeable anymore. “I’m good.”

  Two lesbians outvoted me, and I was eventually leaving the bathroom in skinny leg jeans and a white tank top. Cara had on two of them. The white one I wore went perfectly with my hot pink bra. That would teach me for not listening to my mum and her clothing advice.

  The top earned me some extra tips tonight, as well as phone numbers and oddly, a piece of chewed gum. Yuck. But the numbers were from some pretty hot guys. I knew that moving on was inevitable. It had to be done—unless I wanted to stay single with a ton of cats that would only end up annoying me, and then I would have to give them away.

  Why did this have to be so hard?

  If I was going to move on, I had to do it like a guy. I had to rip that band-aid off, spread my tanned thighs, and fuck someone else.

  Fuck someone else. My stomach knotted in guilt. I felt sick about the prospect of moving on without him.

  I stopped thinking as I poured a double shot espresso, and the answer was right in front of me—smack bang in my face like Karen’s revolting head.

  We were already friends. It made sense. I could grow to love him. That’s how it always starts. He was gorgeous, tall, and had a smile that melted hearts and also broke them the next morning after, but I could do this.

  It was a great idea.

  I was going to move in with Harvey, and that was it. I did not want to love him; I could not hurt my friend in such a way. If only it were as easy as getting under him… if only that were all it took to help me move on… If Griffin was having sex, then why should I stay celibate?

  Making my way over to the booth he was sitting down in while on break, I flashed him a smile. “Hey, you.” God, could not sound any more desperate.

  His eyes were on my shirt and then looked back up. “You, uh… your bra is showing.”

  “Wow, give the kid a candy,” I said, mocking him. “Yeah, got in a fight and had to change.”

  “Nice one.” He laughed, not believing a word of what I just said. “So, what’s up?”

  “About your offer, and the other thing… You know, about us.” I began, pulling him by the arm to talk to him without his fan club trying to listen in behind where we were. “I’m still at Mum and Dad’s. I don’t want to have to drive every night like I have been doing if I want to keep my job. I was thinking about moving to your place.”

  “Ayla... I—”

  “I mean, I didn’t want to at firs. You know, with all that Griffin stuff.” I was blabbering, talking through the crazy nerves. “I’m not promising anything.”

  “Ayla…”

  “But I have to move on, right? We’ve always been great friends, and when you told me that you love me, it scared me. Like, really scared me. I didn’t think I’d be ready for anything so—”

  His hand covered my mouth, and my words became muffled.

  “Shut up and listen to me.” His voice was louder, angrier. His breath was against my face, and not in a good way. He was mad. My eyes widened. He sighed, running his free hand through his hair before dropping his palm from my mouth. “I met someone.”

  “Oh.” Well, there goes that idea.

  “I’m sorry. It just happened unexpectedly and hit me like a truck, ya know?” No. I did not know.

  “Good.” Wow, I had lowered myself to a new low tonight. “I have to get back to work.” I had to take that job at Mum’s new café then.

  “I’m sorry.”

  I shrugged. I was not hurt, but I kind of was. “Maybe you shouldn’t be going around confessing your love and kissing everyone then.”

  So he rejected me, not that it stung too much. I was just annoyed that I put myself out there like that and he turned me down. So much for always loving me. So much for the, ‘I’ll wait for you, Ayla.’

  Bullshit. He could not be fucked waiting—just like Griffin could not be fucked treating me better than Karen.

  Then again, I was only forcing myself to try things out with Harvey. He and I would probably have never worked, anyway.

  This night was going from good, to bad, to worse. Everything was telling me to quit my job and move on… pack up the last of my dignity and just get away from this town.

  I nudged some squealing girl in the side and glared at her. Yes, I actually glared at some blonde who was too happy for my current mood as she gossiped about her Tinder date going well.

  Back at the bar, I was run off my feet. My nose was still throbbing, but the Nurofen helped ease that right up. Knock off was not too far away. For once, I was actually counting down the minutes. I wanted to leave, drive home, and cry my damn eyes out. After all that, I did not even want to come back to work again. I was the girl who got her ass kicked in a stall by an older woman, who was acting like an animal seeking revenge.

  “Hey, guy down the end wants you to s
erve him.” Holly came over, reaching in front of me to grab some more ice.

  I glanced down, he had been sitting there most the night, at least four hours, anyway. He was talking to another guy and sipping on whatever he was drinking. His head was down at the moment, and a broodiness was about him.

  Why did I always get these ones? “What does he want? A latte with soy milk?”

  “Maybe he wants to get your number.” Cara winked.

  These two were funny. Not.

  “Ooh, maybe he could be your rebound. You so need a rebound to get over your ex. Go and ride his dick or whatever it is you straight lovers get up to.”

  “Holly.” Cara glared at her. “She isn’t going to just throw herself at someone.” Like I had almost done to Harvey. “Just get his number. Add it to the pile.”

  That pile was in the bottom of the trashcan.

  “Maybe, I don’t want to get a number from a guy in a café,” I stated proudly and made my way over.

  His dark hair was styled in a tousled bedhead—freshly fucked style, I would like to call it. He has a smooth, chiselled jaw and big, strong arms. Mmm. Nice, but I missed my long-haired man. A tattoo went up underneath his tight-fitted shirt, but I paid no intention to it. His hands were strong, holding the empty cup, as he drummed his fingertips against the glass.

  “Another?” I asked. Two others turned around beside him, but I did not look. The guy did not answer and just slid his glass towards me. I would take that as a yes then. “Be right back.”

  It occurred to me that he had only been drinking water. I refilled it and brought it back to him. He did not say thanks and just kept his head down as I went about my night, serving and cleaning up another round of spew. When I came back, it was almost closing time, and his glass was empty.

  This time, I just took it without asking and poured another refill.

  “You do know I can shove some ice in a larger glass for you, right? Or maybe you want me to get you something else to drink?” Why did it bother me that he was just sitting here, drinking water? It was odd. Oh, unless he was waiting for someone, a date perhaps. For nearly five hours, though? That was a bit much for a date.