by L A Cotton
And I still didn’t really know why.
“Ugh. Bitch alert,” Lilly yelled over the music, and my body went on high alert. I risked a discreet glance over my shoulder. She was right; Kendall and her minions moved through the room as girls tried to chat with them and guys stalked them like predators on the hunt.
“Come on, let’s get out of here.” Scarlett started pulling me away, but I brushed her off. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Becca, seriously, you have nothing to prove.”
But I did.
I glared at Scarlett, letting her know I was staying, and she sighed heavily, shrugging a shoulder. “Fine. We stay.”
“She’s such a ska—”
Scarlett clapped a hand over Lilly’s mouth and chuckled. “Easy tiger, how many beers have you had?”
“A few.”
“No more for you. You’ll end up saying something you regret.”
Lilly pouted. “It’s true. Look at her, such a tram—”
“Okay, baby.” Jay appeared behind Lilly and hoisted her back to him. “Time-out for you.”
“Nooo! I’m still dancing.” She tried to wriggle out of his hold, but it was pointless. Jay was double her size.
“Party’s over, baby. C’mon, I’ll take you home and …” He whispered something in her ear. Her frown melted away, and that dreamy doe-eyed look she got whenever Jay talked dirty in her ear replaced it.
“We’re going,” she announced, and Scarlett and I shared an amused look.
“You’ll be okay?” Jay said to Scarlett, and she nodded.
“I’ll stick around.” Malachi joined us, and it was my turn to frown.
“Seriously, guys. You don’t need to babysit me. I’m fine, really.”
“Cheers, man,” Jay said, ignoring my protest. “We’ll see you Monday.”
Lilly waved as Jay all but dragged her away. Malachi leaned in close to Scarlett and said something. She nodded, and he shrunk back to the wall.
“Seriously, you all act like she’s dangerous.”
Scarlett snorted. “That girl is pure evil, and I don’t want you caught up in any more of her bullshit, ‘kay?”
I wanted to argue—to insist they were overreacting—but something in me believed her.
“Thank you.”
“It’s no biggie. You’re one of us now.” She started dancing again, but she was different now. Guarded. Her eyes alert. I tried to mimic her moves, to lose myself in the music, but it was no use. Scarlett’s words played in my head on an endless loop. That girl is pure evil.
And she had her sights set on destroying me.
“Shit,” I mumbled as I tripped into the wall, hushing myself. It was late, and the buzz of alcohol still lingered in my veins and, apparently, my senses. Stealthily crawling on my hands and knees up the rest of the stairs, I tiptoed across the hallway and into my room.
“Becca, is that you?” Mom called out groggily.
“Yeah, Mom. I’m fine. Go back to sleep.”
“What time is it?”
“Hmm, just after midnight?” I really hoped she didn’t check because I was pretty sure it was past one.
“Okay. Night, baby.”
“Night.”
The door clicked shut behind me, and I flopped onto my bed. After Lilly and Jay had left the party, Scarlett and I danced away the night under the watchful eye of Malachi. Kendall didn’t make a move despite her permanent glower in my direction. But after the fifth or sixth beer, the intensity of her glare rolled off me.
My hand curled around my cell phone. I’d missed Evan tonight. Missed the way he usually showed up. Part of me hoped he would be there, lurking in the shadows.
But he wasn’t.
Things with Evan were confusing. Sometimes, I felt a connection so intense with him that it terrified me. But he was holding back, I felt it in the way he kept his walls high. It was like he would let me in for just a second and then push me back out. But to what? Protect me? Protect himself? He said it was to avoid making things worse for me at Credence High, but that made no sense. Why would people care if Evan and I were a thing? I still had so many unanswered questions. Which was exactly why I wouldn’t text him.
Not now.
Not with so much alcohol running through me. I didn’t want to say something I would later regret.
Something that I couldn’t take back.
I crumpled the note in my hand and stuffed it in my bag. That made three notes in the last week. Kendall was stepping up her game. The notes, the threats, trying to sabotage my job at Shake 'n' Pass. She didn't know anything; she couldn't. But it didn't stop me from wondering what it was she thought she knew.
Closing my locker, I almost jumped out of my skin when I turned around and collided with Vin's solid chest. “What the hell?” I shrieked, rubbing my nose and taking a step back.
“Sorry, my bad. I, hmm ...” He scrubbed a hand over his pale face. “I wanted to apologize about the other night. I was a dick. I'm sorry.”
“Yeah, you were.” My lips pursed, images of Vin's drunken verbal attack playing through my mind.
“Jay and Malachi won't talk to me. Not until I make it right. I really am sorry, Becca. I guess I'm not used to girls resisting me, and well, in case you didn't know, I'm a total douche when I'm drunk.” He ducked his head, and a slight smile tugged at my lips.
“I appreciate the apology.”
“Yeah?” Vin's eyes sparkled with something, but I shut him down.
“Don't get any ideas. This isn't me giving you an in. I'm not interested.”
“Got it.” He held up his hands. “Trust me, I got it.”
“Good.” My eyes saw a flash of black over Vin's shoulders. Evan watched us from across the hallway, his jaw set. Dropping my eyes, I said, “I've got to get to class. See you around.”
“Yeah, sure thing.” I pushed past Vin and made my way to class. Evan's eyes burning holes in my back.
“What did he want?” Evan leaned in close, jealousy radiating off him.
“Nothing.” I sighed. We'd been through this once. I wasn't about to do it again, not in the middle of math.
“Didn't look like nothing. If he touched you—”
“You'll what?” I shot him a sideways glare.
“Don't be like that. I heard—”
My head jerked up, and I glowered at him. “You heard what?”
His mask was back in place. “Nothing, it doesn't matter.”
“You heard I was with Vin at the party?”
“Were you?”
Disbelief coursed through me, and I held Evan's gaze for another second before facing the front again. After everything, he still didn't trust me. He had been the one to insist that he didn't want to go public because of the school gossip mill, yet here he was, believing every damn thing he heard.
He shuffled closer, his chair scraping across the floor and attracting the teacher’s attention. Evan paused and waited for him to get back to whatever it was he was doing and whispered, “I only care, Becca.”
Funny way of showing it. Evan cared so much that we were running around behind everyone's backs and keeping this thing between us a secret. Lilly and Scarlett suspected something, they had right from the beginning, but it didn’t matter. Even though I didn’t like it one bit, I would play Evan's game and deny everything ... for now, because what other choice did I have? I wanted him in a way I couldn’t explain.
But secrets didn't stay hidden forever.
I ignored him for the remainder of class until, just before the bell, Evan leaned over and said, “Forgive me yet?” and I couldn't stop the smile tugging at my lips even if I'd wanted to.
“What's going on with you?” Lilly studied me as we sat in the bumper cars opposite one another.
“Nothing why?”
She tilted her head and shrugged. “I don't know; you just seem different.”
“Being cornered by Vin will do that to a person.” Jay dropped down beside Lilly. “Am I right, babe?�
�
“Jay,” she scolded but quickly conceded as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips.
“Hmm, hey, can I sit?” Vin hovered awkwardly, hands jammed into his jeans pockets.
“Go for it.” I motioned to an empty car, and he climbed in. “We're cool, right, Becca?”
Jay stifled a laugh, and Lilly elbowed him. He grunted, doubling over in pain, and I snickered. “Yeah. We're cool.”
“Seriously, you could've dragged that out for days. Weeks even. You're far too forgiving, Becca,” Jay said.
Was he right?
I hadn't really made Vin suffer or given him the cold shoulder. Just as I never really questioned Scarlett about why she’d decided that I was better off going it alone. I guess I just had bigger things to worry about. Kendall. The constant lying to my parents. Keeping this thing with Evan from everyone. All while trying to be someone I wasn’t. Or was this who I was now?
My cell vibrated in my pocket, and I slid it out onto my lap. My heart stopped as I opened up the message. The grainy image on the screen stared back at me, and I felt sucker punched right in the stomach.
“Everything okay?” Lilly asked. “You look like you've seen a ghost?”
“W-what?” I blinked over at her, covering the screen with my hand. “Fine. I'm fine.”
“Who was that?”
“Oh, just my mom. She's not feeling so well.”
Concern flashed across her face. “You want one of us to take you home?”
“No, no, I'm fine.”
Everything was not fine.
The photo was of me outside Montecito Prep last year. It was Winter Formal. I'd attended with Liam Deveroe, and he had spent more time making me pose for photos than dancing with me. But Mom liked him. Thought he was a good guy with solid aspirations. Where had it come from?
I looked at the cell number again. It was unknown. It had to be Kendall, even though the number didn’t match the one she’d text from the night she pretended to be Lilly. But how did she get the photo? It was possible she had stalked my social media—if I had any, but I'd deactivated all my accounts when I'd gotten 'sick.' Those things left a digital imprint, didn't they? All someone had to do was google a name, and they could find any number of things. But Dad would have checked that.
It vibrated again, startling me.
What do you think your friends would think if they knew who you really were?
My body tingled with nerves. Everyone knew I didn't fit in at Credence High, but I'd been careful not to reveal just how different my life had been. People didn't need to know—that wasn't who I was anymore. So why is she doing this?
“Becca?”
“Mom is really sick. Maybe I should head home.”
“Oh no, is she okay?” Lilly asked.
“Yeah, yeah, just the stomach flu, but my dad’s out of town for work.”
She nodded. “Of course. Malachi, can you take Becca home?”
“Sure.” He climbed out of the car and motioned for me to follow.
“Are you sure?” Being alone with Malachi was always intense. He didn’t speak much, but he knew about Evan and me. And he’d been close to Ami, and I got the impression he knew more than he was letting on. About Evan. Ami. Even Kendall.
“C’mon.” He set off, and I gave a small wave to the others before following after him.
“Sorry about this,” I said.
Jamming his hands in his skinny jeans pockets, he shrugged. “It’s no bother. I can double back after I drop you home.”
“Okay.”
We walked the rest of the way in silence. I didn’t want to go home, not really. But I couldn’t stay and pretend. Lilly knew I was lying; I saw it in her eyes. Maybe I should have just come clean about the notes and the messages. But they were already so protective, and Scarlett had said it herself—Kendall wasn’t dangerous; she was just hell-bent on making my life miserable.
Malachi didn’t say much on the ride to my house. I wanted to ask about Ami, about Evan, but every time I opened my mouth, the words evaporated. But as we turned onto my street, he finally broke the deafening silence.
“So you and Porter, huh?”
“Hmm, it’s complicated.”
“Always is. It’s none of my business but just be careful, yeah. He’s a good guy, Becca, but—”
“Sometimes, the ones you care about hurt you the most.” I repeated his warning from before.
Malachi nodded stiffly, stopping the car down the street from my house. The last thing I needed was Mom panicking over nothing. “Something like that. I’m not saying he’ll hurt you. You’re a big girl, you can figure it out, but this town is like poison. In the end, it ruins everything.”
I had so many questions, but all I could do was nod and thank him for the ride. Climbing out of the car, I kept a hand on my cell phone. I had no intentions of going home. Not with how restless I felt. Waiting until his car disappeared out of sight, I headed away from my house. Hoping that I wasn’t about to make a very big mistake.
“Hey.” Evan’s lips tugged up in a slight smile, setting off butterflies in my stomach.
“Hey.” I slipped inside and stood awkwardly, waiting for him to close the door.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.” He regarded me, and I tried to figure out what was shining in his eyes. He seemed guarded somehow, and the butterflies subsided.
“Hmm, I can go if it’s not a good time?”
Maybe coming here was a mistake. But when I’d received the second text, my mind went to Evan. He regarded me for a second and then closed the distance between us until he had his body pressed up against me, his hands on either side of my head with palms flat on the wall. “What’s wrong?” he said.
“I—” My hand fisted his t-shirt, yanking him closer, and I kissed him. He responded, sliding one hand into my hair and curving it around my neck. Evan took control of the kiss, setting the pace with every glide of his tongue, and I let him. I needed this.
To feel.
To forget.
To lose myself in him.
“Hey.” Evan broke off the kiss, pressing his forehead to mine. “Eli has only just gone to bed, c’mon.” Taking my hand in his, he led us to his room at the back of the house.
“Will he wake?” I asked once we were inside.
“If he hears your voice, he will. He hasn’t shut up about you.” His mouth curved in another smile. And for as much as I enjoyed this side of Evan, I rushed out, “Maybe I should g—”
He came to me, wrapping me in his arms and gazing down at me. “Don’t do that. You came here for a reason. Don’t run.”
Tell him, a little voice whispered, but I shut it down. I didn’t come here to confess; I came here to forget. Swallowing my confessions and burying them deep inside, I looped my arms around Evan’s neck and pulled him down to me. “I missed you,” I whispered against his mouth.
“You did, huh?” he teased. Capturing my bottom lip between his teeth, he bit down gently then soothed the sting with his tongue. “I missed you too.”
Evan walked us back until my legs hit the bed, and we dropped down in a tangle of limbs and laughter. And just like that, he was already erasing the fear … the mess that was my life. I wound my fingers together at the base of his neck, anchoring him to me, but his hand reached around and lingered over mine. “Wait, Becca, just give me a second.”
He pulled back and searched my eyes. I swallowed down the groan building. I didn’t want to talk or share or vent; I just wanted this—him. My head rolled to one side, breaking our connection. My heart thudding against my chest.
“Hey, hey.” Evan’s fingers curled around my chin and turned my head back. “Talk to me.”
If only it was that simple.
But it wasn’t.
Nothing about us was simple.
“No talking. I just really need to forget right now, Evan.” The plea cracked my voice. Evan’s hand drifted up the side of my face, and he brushed my hair away. “What are
you hiding?”
I swallowed hard and answered him with a kiss.
Evan left me lying on the bed, and I felt cold from the loss of his body covering mine. “Fine, but you can’t keep it from me forever,” he said.
No, but I could try.
My mouth dried as he hooked his hands underneath his t-shirt and yanked it over his head. I wanted to reach out and touch him, to smooth my hands over the dips and planes of his chest, but he didn’t come closer. “Move back,” he commanded, and I shimmied into the middle of his bed. I couldn’t not; it was as if my body moved for him. Gravitated around him.
It was only a small double, so there wasn’t a lot of room, but it didn’t matter. We could have been on the dust-covered floor of that abandoned office at Rogues, and it wouldn’t have mattered. Not with the way he was staring at me, his heated gaze skimming over my body. I swallowed, need pulsing through me, and clenched my knees together. But then Evan was kneeling on the edge of the bed, wrapping his hands around my ankles, dragging them apart. “You look nervous?” He smirked, but it was playful.
I didn’t recognize the girl I became around him, that was for sure. The line between nerves and excitement blurred that little bit more every time I was with him. When I’d opened the text message, my mind only went to one place.
Evan.
He would make it all go away. Make me forget. He would keep me safe. And make me feel.
“No pressure, remember? You say the word, and I stop, okay?”
Heat exploded low in my stomach and, pushing up onto my elbows, I nodded. He moved closer, the bed dipping under our weight. Positioning himself between my legs, his hands slid up my jeans until he reached the button. It popped open with ease, and then he inched the material off my hips revealing the edge of my panties. Leaning forward, Evan pressed a kiss to the skin just below my navel. The sensation bolted through me, and I slipped off my elbows, falling back into the mattress on a soft moan. He chuckled, easing some of the nerves flowing through me.