Seeking the Future

by Brenda Kennedy

  She takes the baby doll and cradles it in both her arms. “We’re both being silly, aren’t we?”

  “Yeah, I think we are.” I lean into her. “To be honest, I’m pretty sure vaginas go back to their normal size. I don’t think you’ll have anything to worry about.”

  “I don’t think you should be afraid of something so small. I’m pretty sure babies don’t just break,” she says, rocking the doll.

  “And I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t worry about…”

  She laughs. “Well, maybe we fixed one problem today — yours. As for me, until I get proof, I’ll be needing a C-section.”

  I make a mental note to print proof off the Internet that women’s bodies are made and molded for childbirth. After all, God designs them.

  Before we order dessert, Ava gets a frantic call from Skylar to get home now. She doesn’t say why, but Ava doesn’t need a reason. If Skylar needs her, she’ll be there no matter what.

  The drive home is done in silence. Ava picks at her clear nail polish, and I try hard to focus on the road and the speed limit. The only thing I can think of is maybe Brett is at the house, or maybe there’s a problem with one of the guests. I debate on calling the police.. If Brett is there, there’s no telling what he would want or what he would do.

  “Wait before going in,” I say, putting the vehicle in park.

  Ava takes off running into the inn. I shake my head and run after her. “Wait here,” I say when I catch up to her on the porch. “Let me at least see what’s going on first.”

  “It’s Drew!” she says, looking through the window. “What’s he doing here?”

  She opens the door and we walk in. Drew’s standing and Skylar’s sitting on the couch, crying.

  “What’s going on here?” I ask in confusion.

  “Drew’s freaking gone crazy,” Skylar says, holding a pillow to her stomach.

  “Drew?” I ask. “What’s up?”

  He finally pulls his sad eyes from Skylar’s. His hair is in disarray, he hasn’t shaven, and his eyes are bloodshot. “After you called me and told me about the pregnancy, it’s all I’ve been able to think about.”

  “You called Drew and told him I was pregnant?” Ava asks. “Why would you do that? We didn’t even tell our parents yet!”

  I run my hands through my hair. Looking at Drew, I say, “I called you back and left you another message.”

  “I didn’t get it. After we talked, I was so pissed off that I threw my phone and broke it.”

  “I don’t know what you told him, Chase, but he thinks I’m the one pregnant,” Skylar cries.

  Ava looks at me and says, “Chase, what is she talking about?”

  I shove my hands through my hair and exhale heavily. “When I put together all the baby hints, I may have called Drew and told him Skylar was pregnant.”

  “YOU DID WHAT!?” Skylar and Ava yell in unison.

  “But when I learned it was Ava who was pregnant, I called him back. When he didn’t answer, I left him a message on his voicemail.”

  “Now he’s here telling me he loves me and he’s fine with me being pregnant.”

  “Is that true, Drew?” Ava asks.

  “It is,” Skylar interrupts. “A couple months ago he walked out of my life when I just mentioned a baby, and now he’s here saying he loves me and he’s ready for marriage and fatherhood.” She cries, “Can you believe that?”

  “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault,” I admit. “I just never dreamed it was Ava who was pregnant.”

  “Chase, why on Earth would I throw hints around the house that I was pregnant?” Skylar asks as she glares at Drew. “Especially since I didn’t have a baby daddy?”

  Ava sits down and holds Skylar’s hand. She speaks calmly and clearly. “Skylar, since Chase called Drew, he thought he was going to be a father. He’s accepting of it. I’m sure he didn’t come to this decision without considering every aspect of it.”

  Drew looks worried and sad. “Skylar, I love you. When Chase told me you were pregnant, I had no idea what I was going to do. I had no idea how this could have happened.” Skylar puts her hands on her hips and tilts her head to one side. “You know what I mean.” He kneels down in front of her. Ava stands and we move further away. “Every scenario went through my head, and I know that I wanted to be here, that I was no longer scared of having a baby. I want to be with you, no matter what.”

  Skylar

  “When I said I wanted children and you left, you hurt me.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry.”

  “God, I didn’t mean I wanted children today. Just some time in my life I want to be a mother.”

  “I understand. I got scared and didn’t know what else to do.”

  “I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t function.”

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry.”

  “Hours felt like weeks, weeks felt like months, and months felt like years.”

  “I got scared and ran. The only thing I could think of was losing my brother to cancer, my parents’ grief over losing a child, and what if my child inherited the same cancer that claimed my brother.”

  I wipe away the steady flow of tears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. You just left, not saying a word. We could have talked about it. I would have understood.”

  He looks sad and torn. “My brother had just recently died. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I barely had time to mourn him.” He pauses, fisting his hands in his hair. “And when you and I met, I swear it was love at first sight. I was supposed to be here for my brother, but I’m damned if I didn’t want to spend every minute of every day with you.”

  I look over at where Chase and Ava were standing. They’re gone, and their bedroom door is securely closed. I rock back and forth, my body full of emotions. I love Drew and want to run to him and kiss him and let him hold me, but I can’t. I can’t let my guard down. I can’t risk him hurting me like that ever again.

  “Drew, I’m sorry.”

  Drew stands and sits beside me on the couch. “Skylar, look. I’ve made a mistake.”

  He takes my hand in his. My hand remains limp. Tears continue to flow down my cheeks. This is what I wanted, isn’t it? I wanted him here with me, right?

  “All I’ve thought about these last months is you. How I could give you what you wanted. How I could make everything work. Then when Chase called me, I knew I didn’t have a choice. It was God’s way of working it out for me, for us.”

  “And now that I’m not pregnant, is this God’s way of saying it wasn’t meant to be?”

  He looks away before looking back to me. “Skylar, don’t be like that. I’m here pleading with you to give me another chance. To give us another chance.”

  Standing on shaky legs, I say, “I’m sorry, I can’t. I can’t trust you to not run out on me the next time life gets frightening for you.” A sob escapes my mouth. “I have to protect my heart. I won’t survive another heartbreak like that.”

  He stands and shoves his hands in his jean pockets. He slowly walks to the door, turning around slowly. Through my blurred vision, it looks like he’s crying. “Skylar, please?”

  Yes, I love you. I need you. I miss you. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

  “Then you’ll never know how much I truly love you. Goodbye, Skylar.”

  He doesn’t slam the door behind him. He closes it ever so gently and my heart breaks even more if that’s even possible. I lock up, turn off the lights, and cry myself to sleep tonight and over the next few days.

  Ava

  “I think a baby shower for Nichole will be a great idea,” I say as I plead my case to Mom and to Skylar. I also need something to take her mind off of Drew. Skylar’s been crying ever since Drew left.

  Skylar laughs. “The kid’s like two. Isn’t that too old for a baby shower?”

  “Yes, but Nichole could definitely benefit from it. Instead of us shopping for newborn things, we would shop for toddler-sized clothes and toys,” Mom says.
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br />   “Plus it’ll give us a chance to get to know little Connor.” I lean in and refill everyone’s hot water for their tea.

  Mom smiles and adds a sugar cube to her teacup. “And it’ll help Nichole out. I can’t imagine what it would be like to start over, raising a child at our age.”

  “Okay. I understand. But can I choose the cake?” Skylar asks with enthusiasm.

  “You can have any cake you want,” I say.

  “Kids like red velvet cake, right?”

  When I give her a look, she laughs. “I was just kidding. I’ll make sure to get a train or something for him.” She thinks for a minute. “Kids still like trains, right? Or I could get him a John Cena wrestling cake.”

  She waggles her eyebrows, and I want to laugh. There isn’t a woman out there who doesn’t like John Cena. He has granted over 500 Make-a-Wishes to ill children. That in itself is enough to make panties drop.

  “A train cake is good.”

  Mom says, “Good. We’ll invite them over here on Saturday, and we’ll have a surprise baby shower.”

  Skylar lowers her voice, “You should invite Rachael, too. She and Nichole have become friends over the past few months.”

  “Skylar, will you be okay with that?”

  “I’m fine. Just don’t invite dickhead.”

  We all laugh and I say, “Don’t worry. There will be no dickheads at this party.”

  Every night I can hear Skylar crying. She’s sad through the days, but she doesn’t cry. I want to go to her and tell her to give Drew another chance, but I don’t. It’s none of my business. I turn over in bed and look at Chase as he reads. “Do you remember when Skylar made an account on that dating site for us?”

  “How can I forget?” He sets his book down and says, “I was furious with her for doing that, until I learned you were my blind date.”

  “I was furious, too, until I realized she was trying to fix us up together. What if we start a dating page for her and try to match her up with someone?”

  “We, as in you?” He laughs.

  “Yeah, I’ll take full responsibility for this. Do you think it’ll work?”

  “I hate to admit it, but she already has an account.”

  “Wait. What? She made herself an account.”

  “No, I made her an account a month or so ago. I thought it might help her, but she’s so sad over Drew. I don’t think the time is right to try fixing her up with someone just yet.”

  “She seems to be feeling better, so maybe now we could work on her profile and get serious about it.”

  “That might be a good idea.”

  “Good. What’s the log-in name and password?” I sit up in bed and prop a pillow behind my back. “Hand me my laptop.” I get right to work on it and upload her best photo from my computer as her profile picture. “You didn’t list any hobbies?”

  “I didn’t know she had any other than going to the beach.”

  “She likes moonlit walks on the beach.” I type. “What else?”

  “You’re really going to write that?”

  “I already have. What else does she like?”

  He shakes his head and laughs. “What doesn’t she like? She likes junk food, cheap wine, and pop music.”

  “Good ones,” I say. I type, “Gourmet foods, fine wines, and classical music.”

  “I wouldn’t say wine from a box is considered a fine wine.”

  “Well, it is today.”

  I finish my project and hit update.

  He turns the page in his book. “You may want to get some of your old break-ups lined up. I have a feeling she may be needing them.”

  “We’ll see. Maybe we’ll find Mr. Right for her.” I set my computer down and fluff my pillow before covering up. “Now we wait for her knight in shining armor to contact us.”

  “Well, let’s hope it’s her knight in shining armor and not someone else in a disguise. Such as a spendthrift with 24 maxed-out credit cards. Or a high-school teenager who thinks Bermuda shorts is formal wear. Or someone who is passionate about the difference between ‘who’ and ‘whom.’ Or a serial killer in a van.”

  We both laugh.

  “Goodnight, Chase.”

  He sets his book down and turns off the light before kissing me. “Goodnight, Ava.”

  On Saturday, Chase and my dad go fishing, while we set up for the baby shower for nearly two-year-old Connor. It looks more like a birthday party than it does a baby shower. I don’t care. There’s nothing that says newborn or infant, but it does scream little boy and what’s important is that he feels special on this day. It’s a chance for us to get to know him and let him know he’s loved and to support Nichole. Chase is worried about how I’ll handle being around Connor’s child. Maybe if I had loved Connor, I would feel differently towards the child he conceived during our marriage. I’m just glad my memory’s back and I’m cured of any guilt I once had. To know that Connor and his dad slept with the same woman is more upsetting than anything. To also think she suffered from the abuse from not just one but both men is more sickening than anything. I mourn for her, her son, and the life she lived with Connor and Brett in it.

  I wipe those thoughts from my head and focus on the party, decorations, food, and the gifts. Skylar’s wrapping the presents we got little Connor, while Mom and I hang decorations. Rachael should arrive later this afternoon to attend the party. Skylar seems fine with it, although I have my doubts if she really is. If Rachael is flying in, that means that Drew or Daniel is flying the plane.

  Chase and I are excited to get the weekend over with since we have an appointment with the obstetrician on Monday. We’re just excited to learn exactly how far along I am and to hear the baby’s heartbeat for the first time.

  “I’d say we’re ready for the party.” Mom looks around the room with approval.

  “Everything looks great. All we need is for Nichole, little Connor, and Rachael to arrive.”

  “Wait no longer, it looks like Rachael’s pulling in now,” Skylar says, looking out the window. I’m not sure she’s looking at Rachael or trying to see who’s with her. I look out the window, and when I see Drew I get a little excited. If only she would talk to him, I’m sure they could work things out.

  She looks over at me and says, “Oh, look, dickhead’s with her.”

  I stifle a laugh. “I wonder what brings him here?”

  “Probably his mother.” She walks away from the window and walks towards the door and asks, “How do I look?” as she twirls around.

  “Great.”

  “Thank you. I might as well show him what he’s lost.”

  She pushes up her boobs, opens the door, then walks out onto the large porch. Looking back at me, she shows me a bright smile. I wish it was a true smile, but I can still see the sadness in her eyes. I continue to watch Drew out of the window as he’s talking to his mother but not taking his eyes off of Skylar. I wish he would try to talk to her again, but he pulls off without a word spoken to her. She greets Rachael warmly, and it’s a genuine greeting.

  Mom comes from the back room just as Nichole and little Connor pull in. “Well, there are the guests of honor.” She greets Rachael with a hug before walking outside to greet the others. We all follow behind her. We stand on the porch as Nichole unbuckles little Connor from his car seat. I watch the interaction they have as he holds on to her tightly as she walks onto the porch carrying him. He looks like Connor, but I don’t feel sad. Nichole beams with pride over her grandson, and that’s all that matters. I can see they are already adjusting into a comfortable routine and forming a relationship.

  “Do you need help with the diaper bag or anything?” Mom asks.

  “No, I think I have everything.” We all kiss and hug her and welcome her to her baby shower. “This is so sweet of you to do this for us,” she says.

  Skylar teases and says, “We wanted cake.”

  Opening the screen door, I say, “She means, she wanted cake.”

  It doesn’t take long for litt
le Connor to warm up to everyone. To my surprise, he takes a liking to Skylar. I think it’s because she teaches him to scrape the icing off of the side of the cake and eat it. Although it’s a baby shower, we play birthday party games. Pin the tail on the donkey, ring toss, and sitting on balloons to see who can pop them first. The prizes are gifts for little Connor. We eat and talk during his nap time. I guess it’s true that when you have children, you are now on their schedule.

  “So, I have some news.” Nichole beams.

  Mom sits up straighter in her seat. “You met someone?”

  Nichole laughs. “No, not hardly. I did decide on a name for the bakery.”

  I laugh, “Oh, please tell me it’s not called Muffin Top.”

  “God, no, could you even imagine?” she laughs. “That name is a recipe for disaster. I decided on Savannah Sweets on Magnolia Street.” She smiles.

  “I love it,” everyone says in unison.

  “It’s a great name,” I say.

  “Thank you. I even have a design for it and the sign is being made as we speak.”

  “That’s awesome. Do you have a date to open?”

  “June 1st. Since Rachael and her family are moving to the area, she’s offered to help me with the bakery.”

  Skylar and I both look at Rachael. “You and Daniel are moving to Savannah?” Skylar asks.

  “And Drew,” she adds. “Drew said he was going to tell you.”

  “I guess it slipped his mind,” Skylar says sweetly, but her facial expression doesn’t reveal the sweet tone in her voice.

  “What made you decide to move to Savannah?” I knew she and Nichole had become friendly since Thanksgiving, but I had no idea they were close enough friends for her to want to sell their home and relocate.