The Big Book of Girl Stuff

by Bart King

  In order to apologize in a sincere way that can help everyone feel better, follow this advice:

  Be specific about what you are apologizing for and the damage it may have done.

  Example: “I’m sorry I accidentally spilled water all over you. I’m sure that it’s pretty wet.”

  IMPORTANT: Don’t make a “half-way” apology. Accept full responsibility. Don’t try to explain or justify why you did something.

  Don’t do this: “I’m sorry that you were klutzy enough to trip me as I walked by with this pot of water.”

  Come up with a conclusion to your apology that can prevent the mistake from happening again. Example: “I will never carry water again. Now let me get you a washrag, and maybe a loofah.”

  *National Forgiveness Week is the third week of June. Take a moment and forgive your family, your friends, your enemies . . . and yourself!

  * * *

  [8] KEY: A. How selfish! B. You are insane. C. You are a thoughtful and caring person. D. Pretty good! (Choice C is better, though.)

  Family

  “Just because your family loves you doesn’t mean they understand you.”

  —Francesca Shrapnel

  Families rule! When you’re in a family, you have built-in relationships with the people in it for the rest of your lives together. So even though your brother might drive you crazy, it’s nice to know that he will always be your brother. (He doesn’t have any choice!)

  Parents

  We can get so locked into seeing our parents as “Mom” and “Dad,” we sometimes forget that they are just people. It’s always good to be reminded that your parents were once kids! Try to imagine your parents when they were your age. Would they have been friends with you?

  Your parents will probably spend over $200,000 to raise you to the age of 17. (If you’re an only child, they will spend even more. See, you ARE spoiled!) And if they help you pay for college, that amount will be a lot more! Your parents are investing a lot of time and money in you. Do you know why they do that? Because they love you. Sometimes we forget that fact.

  Maybe it’s time to give them a return on their investment. The next time your mom or dad comes home from work or seems tired, give her or him a big hug and say, “Thank you.” They will think you’ve lost your mind! If they ask, “What are you thanking me for?” say “Everything.” (Now they’ll think you want something!)

  Think about how hard your parents work to keep your household running. Even though they sometimes embarrass you or make you mad, it’s really important for you to love and respect them. Trust us, you’ll come to appreciate what they’ve done for you!

  *When asked who their biggest role model is, almost half of U.S. teens said their mother or father.

  Strategy Tip

  When you’re trying to get something you really want from your parents, don’t say, If you give me this one thing, I’ll love you forever! Parents know that you’ll love them forever anyway, so it doesn’t work. Saying, I’ll never ask you for anything again doesn’t work either. Everyone knows it’s not true!

  Parents don’t want to waste money on something that you want today, but might not care about in a week. So if you show your parents that you really do want something by doing chores or trying to earn money for it, they will know you are serious and they’ll help a sister out. (Oops, we mean daughter.) They’ll also think you’re responsible!

  As you hit middle school and go into high school, you start becoming your own person. Some girls start to resent their parents a little (or a lot!), because this can be a tough process. So if a girl runs into any real trouble, she just might reject the help of the people who love her the most and want to understand: Her parents.

  Your father remembers when you were his little girl running around in pigtails. He might be just as confused as you about who you are now! It’s not unusual for a father to stop understanding his daughter as soon as she starts to become a young woman. One thing is for sure: Dad’s going to get more protective of you as you become a teenager! Keep talking to your father; ask him for advice, and let him know you’re still his (not-so-little) girl.

  A mother worries that her connection with her daughter will get weaker as she gets older. Help your mom know what’s going on in your life by talking with her. Sure, it’s annoying that she wants to know EVERYTHING that’s going on with you, but you’ll get out of a lot of nagging if you just talk to her. A great time to do this is when you’re being driven around in “Mom’s taxi.” You have to be in the car anyway and a few minutes of chatting in the car can go a long way.

  The reason you should take time to chat with your mom is because it’s easy for a girl to make her mom happy, but she sometimes doesn’t realize it. And as insane as it sounds, you can even tell your mom about secrets, like who you have a crush on, and she won’t tell anyone else. YES!

  *In written Chinese, the character for “trouble” is two women in the same house.

  Fun Vocabulary! drapetomania: A strong desire to run away from home.

  Strategy Tip

  You have to give your parents some Bad News. We don’t know what you did, but it ain’t good. But since you HAVE to tell them, try to pick the right moment. It’s all about timing.

  Times to Avoid:

  Don’t tell them bad news when they are leaving for work. (It’ll ruin their day.)

  Don’t tell them right when they get home from work. (They’re tired and want to relax a moment.)

  Don’t tell them on a Friday (ruins the weekend) or a Monday (there’s too much stress on Mondays as it is.)

  Don’t tell them if they already have bad news to deal with.

  Don’t tell them if you can avoid telling them (JK).

  After you DO tell your parents the bad news, give them a chance to react to it. You’ve known about this for a while, but it’s news to them. Let them process it. They may get angry. Let them! The worst kinds of fights are when you know you’re in the wrong, but you argue anyway. It only makes them madder and makes your punishment worse. Say you’re sorry. You can have “reasonable discussions” later, when they’ve cooled down.

  At some point, you’ll find yourself arguing with your parents about important things. Do you want to know the most common argument girls have their parents? Half of all girls say they argue with their parents about cleaning their rooms. Hey, that’s not a bad reason to keep your room clean in the first place!

  Other common argument topics:

  Not being able to pick out your own outfits.

  Being treated like a little kid.

  Feeling like you don’t have any privacy.

  Always having to change the oil in the car.

  Having a curfew that is too early. (If you ARE caught out past curfew, call home, and then when your folks pick up, say “I’ve got it!”)

  Hey, nobody likes to do chores, but if keeping your room clean is your biggest worry at home life is good. Compare yourself instead to the billion girls in the rest of the world who go to bed hungry or who have been working full-time since they were little kids. Then clean up your room. (Yes, we know that you’re still going to hate cleaning up your room. But we tried!)

  If you have a good friend who lives nearby, cleaning rooms (and doing other chores) together can be fun. Put your hair up, turn the music up, and start cleaning and dancing. Clean it, sister! If you don’t goof off, the job’s done twice as quickly, and then you can do real fun stuff together. (Plus, the cleaner your room is, the less likely it is that your mom will go through your stuff!)

  Helpful Housework Tips!

  If you were supposed to be doing housework but it slipped your mind until the last second, these tips might help buy a little time:

  Sprinkle a little cinnamon on a cookie sheet and put it in the oven at 350 degrees for 10 minutes. Then turn off the oven and open its door a little to let the heat and cinnamon smell get out. When your folks come in, look really tired. Say, “I’m sorry I didn’t get to the housework. I baked a bunch of
cookies for [insert needy family or charity name here] and I haven’t had time to get started yet.” Then get started!

  Quickly spray a little furniture polish out on the furniture by the front door. As soon as your parents come in, they will smell it. They will immediately assume that you’ve been working! (This works even better if they find you on the couch looking exhausted.)

  Sisters and Brothers

  If you’re lucky enough to have sisters or brothers, try to enjoy them! If you fight sometimes, that’s normal. If you fight with your brother ALL the time, get an appointment with your family doctor. Once there, request a brother-ectomy. (This is the surgical removal of your brother.) That might do the trick!

  The thing is, your siblings are awesome to have around. If you didn’t have them, who would you complain about your parents to? If you have younger brothers or sisters, try to go out of your way to be nice to them. This might mean something as basic as going to the movies together. It doesn’t take much effort on your part, and you will be their hero afterwards. (Given a chance, little kids LOVE to idolize their older sisters!)

  Strategy Tips

  If your brother or sister ever tells you to “shut up,” try using this magical spell from ancient times:

  I don’t shut up, I grow up,

  and when I look at you, I throw up.

  Problem solved!

  If your older brother or sister is trying to tell you what to do, never say: “You’re not the boss of me!” This rarely helps.

  Girls with siblings will sometimes fantasize about being an only child. Then there would be no more live-in pests to bother with! But an only child dreams about having brothers and sisters. It’s natural to wish for what you don’t have.

  Big Problem: Mom and Dad (or the rest of the world) always compares me to my older brother/sister.

  “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” This has to be the last thing that a girl wants to hear . . . except for maybe, “Why can’t you be more like your brother?”

  Stay calm. Give a big fake smile and nod silently. Then go to the nearest place where you can be alone and punch the air several times! (Now is also a good time to mutter bad words.) You know that you’re your own person even if nobody else knows that what you do makes you you!

  Bigger Problem: It seems like my parents love my brother/sister more than they love me.

  At some point, everybody with brothers or sisters thinks that their siblings get better treatment. It might even be true! The problem is that parents can’t always be fair; it’s just not possible. If you really think that this is happening, your best move is to calmly explain your position to both of your parents. Try to have examples ready.

  Do NOT let it turn into an argument. You just want them to see your point of view. Since they are adults, your parents will appreciate your mature outlook, and they may even agree with you! Stay calm and use examples.

  Why Do Parents Always Say This?

  Why didn’t you go before we got in the car?

  It doesn’t look clean to me.

  Do as I say, not as I do.

  Wrong again!

  Set a good example for . . .

  I’m the parent, that’s why.

  The world doesn’t revolve around you.

  You’re grounded.

  What am I— your maid?

  If everyone jumped off a bridge . . .

  You’re not sick!

  When you have kids, they’ll be just like you!

  I love you, honey! (Loudly in public.)

  Go outside and get some exercise.

  Do you think I’m made of money?

  Some day you will thank me for this.

  I love you, but . . .

  You did WHAT?

  Beauty

  “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”

  —Miss Piggy

  In the animal kingdom, the boys are usually the flashy show-offs; you know, like with lions, peacocks, hamsters, that sort of thing. But we humans reverse this trend, and girls tend to the ones wearing more jewelry, makeup, and more interesting clothing than boys.

  But what IS beautiful? If you have ever traveled to another country, you know that what one culture thinks is beautiful, another culture might consider just weird. Every society has “rules” for what is beautiful. So there has to be more than just ONE way to be beautiful. And what you think is good-looking is probably what you have been taught is good-looking by our society!

  Even more confusing is the fact that the “rules” for beauty always change. Fifty years ago, Miss America was supposed to be the most beautiful woman in the United States. But compared to the Miss America today, she would be considered short and overweight. What happened? The rules changed!

  Of course, having rules for beauty is stupid. Anyone can be beautiful in almost any way that you can imagine. Sometimes the thing that makes a girl beautiful is a strong nose or a slanted smile. Because the girl doesn’t look perfect, THAT is the interesting thing about her. The French even have a term for this sort of beauty: jolie laide [pronounced zjo-lee led]. Like the writer Mavis Jukes says, “You don’t have to be pretty to be beautiful.”

  “Energy is more attractive than beauty.”

  —Louisa May Alcott

  *In 2004, an Ohio woman caught stealing $1 million in diamonds told police officers she was too “cute” to go to jail. (She was sentenced to three years.)

  Here’s “Beauty Logic” for you: If there is something about you that you think is beautiful (like your hair!), you can’t ever say so. People would think you were stuck-up! But if there is something about your appearance that you don’t like, it’s perfectly okay to obsess about it and complain about it to your friends. They practically expect it. Weird, huh?

  It’s all in the way we see ourselves. In France, 80 percent of people look carefully at themselves in a mirror at least once a day. While 88 percent of French men like what they see, only 73 percent of French women think they look good. (And only 1 percent of French women think they are beautiful!) That’s odd because most people think that women are more attractive to look at than men. After all, if you look at the covers of women’s magazines, women are on the cover. If you look at the covers of a lot of men’s magazines, women are on the covers too!

  Good News! Research suggests that most people think that the face of a 12- to 14-year-old girl is one of the most appealing faces around. Whoo-hoo!

  The sad fact is that people have always been judged by the way they look. In order to test yourself to see if this beauty peer pressure has gotten to you, try the following activity:

  Walk by a Mirror . . . and Don’t Look!

  This is hard for anyone to do . . . try it for a day and you’ll see why!

  You Will Need: Reflective surfaces

  In the course of a day, you will walk by many surfaces that reflect your image . . . mirrors, windows, mirrors, newly washed cars, mirrors, and mirrors. The natural reaction that women and men have is to look at themselves when they get a chance.

  Try starting off your day with one good look in the mirror as you get ready for school. Then DON’T look at yourself again until noon. (Just check to make sure that there’s nothing in your teeth. That’s it!) If you can restrain yourself from looking at yourself the rest of the day, you are probably not too self-conscious!

  *Practice checking yourself in the mirror really fast—check your nose and teeth for trouble and move on.

  Boys are as bad about this as girls. Find a spot where there is a big reflective window and watch boys and men walk past it. Although some will walk right by, many will “check themselves out.”

  Beauty Is Only Skin Deep

  “When I was your age . . . I wish I’d known that I already had everything I needed within myself to be happy, instead of looking for happiness at beauty counters.”

  —Ilene Beckerman

  Many children’s stories have a m
oral like “Beauty is only skin deep.” We’re not so sure about that. How much deeper should it go? Who wants cute kidneys? We’ve also read stories with a moral like “true beauty is on the inside.” What good is that? Nobody will ever see it!

  It’s nice to know that some people think that beauty is as much about brains and personality as appearances. In Russia, the people got to vote for their 2004 Miss Universe. The winner by a huge margin was a 14-year-old girl named Alyona. She wore a T-shirt and didn’t put on any makeup. One of the Russians who voted for her did so because she disliked “unnatural beauties who cannot be distinguished from each other with their fake emotions and smiles.” Wow! Unfortunately Alyona was disqualified because she was too young. Dang it!

  It’s time to take a special tour of beauty’s SECRETS, HISTORIES, and MYSTERIES!

  Can You Say “Trout Pout”?

  Ever wonder why your lips are a different color than the rest of you? It’s because there are a lot more little veins (called capillaries) under the skin of your lips than there are underneath your regular skin. (If you’ve ever cut your lip, that’s why it bleeds so much.) You can tell someone is sick if her lips are pale; this shows bad blood circulation!