Shattered Love

by Heather Wood

  “Yet…look at your arms. And Alice get away from the god damn door, I’m not letting you leave.” He headed over to her and moved close to her face. His breathing was getting heavy and she never saw him this agitated.

  “You can’t keep me here against my will. And leave Peter alone. I’m handling it.”

  “Have you completely lost it? Handling it would involve getting him arrested and taking out a restraining order.”

  “You’re overreacting. He has an intense personality, but I know how to deal with him,” Alice assured him.

  He looked at her like she was insane. “What is this, Alice? A case of battered woman syndrome?”

  She spat back. “Don’t you dare diagnose me, Ryan.” Before he could argue with him any further, she headed for the door.

  “Alice, just stop. Fine you’re mad at me, but just promise me you’ll stay away from Peter. I can’t be held responsible for what I do to him if I see him.” She ran to her car before he could utter another word. With shaking hands, she headed back to her apartment.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  She was shocked to see Peter’s car was still there. She was still shaken up by her fight with Ryan and didn’t feel like having it out with Peter as well. Harnessing her rage, she stormed into the house.

  “Peter!” she called. He came into her view and she blurted. “What are you still doing here? You said you would leave me alone today if I let you stay the night.”

  “Alice, calm down. I thought after last night, we were trying to work things out. Why are you so upset again? Where did you go? I’ve been calling you for hours.”

  “I don’t want to calm down. Do you see my arms?” She pulled off her shirt and threw it in front of him on the floor. “I look like a freak of nature.”

  “Oh my God, did I do that? Here let me give you some aspirin,” he took off for the kitchen.

  “Peter, I don’t want any freaking aspirin,” she stated. “I just want you to leave. I thought about everything and this isn’t what I want.” Wordlessly, he handed her the aspirin and a soda. She shook her head and took the pills.

  “Just like that? You don’t love me anymore?” he questioned while running his hand through his head. If she was honest with herself, she doubted she’d ever loved him. She needed him and became dependent on him. She never stopped loving Ryan and probably never would. However, she couldn’t be that cruel to him.

  “Peter, you know that’s not the reason. I can never trust you again. I think maybe it’s better if I’m on my own for now. I’m just so tired of the heartache,” she lamented sinking into the couch cushions. He sat down uninvited next to her. She sighed, “I just sometimes wish I could just be happy. Why does that seem like such an impossibility?” She began to cry as he sat wordlessly next to her.

  “Alice, why don’t I get you something? I know you’ve been taking medicine for your depression.” She gave him a surprised look. “You left it out one day and I recognized the name. I didn’t ask because I figured you would tell me when you’re ready.”

  He hopped up and grabbed a pillow and a blanket from the hall closet. He lifted her legs up and gently pushed her back onto the pillow. Covering her body with a blanket, he whispered, “I’ll get your pills and you can just rest. Even though you hate me, I’m not going to leave you like this.” She felt too psychologically drained to argue and simply nodded. He handed her another pill and before she knew it, she was drifting off.

  ***

  “Here, try to eat something,” she heard Peter’s disembodied voice whisper. She opened her eyes and was surprised to see it was dark in her living room. She hadn’t realized she had been so exhausted. Her tummy grumbled in response to his offer for food. He handed her a bowl of soup and sat in the love chair.

  “How long have I been asleep?” she croaked.

  “A few hours,” he replied and gave her a half smile.

  “You stayed?”

  “Well, you seemed kind of out of it before so I figured I’d better stick around to make sure you were okay. How are you feeling?”

  “So tired, Peter, I don’t want to fight anymore,” she said. She took another slurp of the soup to help settle her stomach. She tried to sit up, but felt the room spin. She sunk back down to a prone position. “Ugh, I feel like crap.”

  “Do you want me to get you anything? Some ginger ale? I could make some toast if your stomach is off,” he offered. It was hard to feel angry at him when he seemed so eager to please.

  She shook her head. “Peter, you really don’t need to stay.”

  “Alice, for God sakes, stop being so damn stubborn and let me be here for you. I’m not saying it means we’re together, I just happen to have a conscious and would never leave you alone like this,” he said and ran his fingers anxiously through his dark hair.

  “Fine, whatever,” she mumbled and felt herself drift off again and lose consciousness.

  Alice woke up the next morning retching. Thankfully, Peter had placed a garbage can nearby the couch. Only a small amount of bile came out and the vomiting did not help with the nausea. She looked at the clock and groaned when she saw it was after ten the next morning. She tried to call out for Peter, but heard the shower run. Lying back onto her pillows, she took a few deep and calming breaths. Of course, on top of everything else, she would catch a stomach bug, she thought annoyed. Peter exited the shower in a towel and peered over in her direction. Noticing she was awake, he said, “You don’t look that good. Feeling any better?”

  “No, I must have the stomach flu. My head is pounding and I feel like I’m going to yack every five seconds. When it rains, it pours…” she mumbled.

  “Well, let me get dressed and I’ll get you some toast and soup. It might help to keep trying to put food in your body.” She started to protest, but he took off into the direction of her room. She was able to stand up shakily and headed to the bathroom to clean up. She felt slightly better after splashing cold water on her face and brushing her teeth. Opening her purse, she glanced at her cell phone. She had never turned it back on. She hit the power and the phone buzzed to life. A series of bells and whistles let her know she had several voicemail and text messages. Peter exited the bedroom as she was looking over the texts. “What are you doing up? You should be relaxing.” As Peter walked over to her, she quickly deleted the texts from Ryan before reading them. “Who called?”

  “I guess I never turned my phone back on after I left yesterday morning, the messages are from you.” He went to the kitchen and placed some bread in the toaster. He then took her by the arm and led her back to the couch.

  “You look like you’re going to fall over any minute. If you need anything, I can get it for you.”

  A few minutes later, he brought over the food. She tried to nibble on the toast and have a few sips of ginger ale, but nothing helped. Peter turned on the television to keep her distracted, but she found herself drifting in and out of consciousness most of the day. Her phone rang several times disrupting her sleep. “Alice, I think Ryan keeps trying to call you. Do you want me to get it?” Peter leaned over her and locked his green eyes with hers.

  “No, don’t answer it. Just turn it off,” he nodded and went back to the love seat. It would be reprehensible for Ryan to know she was with Peter and he’d been taking care of her. He had been keeping watch over her most of the day. Cleaning up the garbage can and bringing her food periodically. By late afternoon, she had stopped asking him to leave. She knew she shouldn’t be alone and she reasoned that he was being super helpful. She knew she should hate him, but it became harder and harder to remember why she was unhappy with him.

  “Alice, I’m leaving for work, but I’ll be back right after. I called Diane and told her you had the stomach flu and wouldn’t be in today. I left some food and ginger ale for you on the coffee table,” she heard Peter’s voice, but wasn’t sure if it was a dream or not. She couldn’t fight the fatigue that took over and she fell back into a deep sleep. She thought she heard the doo
rbell at one point, but couldn’t imagine having the capability to get up and answer it.

  Much later, she came to and found Peter cradling her head in his lap. “Alice, I’ve been trying to wake you for more than ten minutes. Your food is untouched, you need to eat something.” She didn’t feel like she had the ability to make a coherent thought, so she allowed Peter to feed her and give her a few sips of soda.

  “Peter, I feel terrible. Do you think there’s something seriously wrong with me?”

  “Nothing is wrong with you, Alice. I love you, you’re perfect.” She didn’t mean it that way, but didn’t bother correcting him. She could barely walk to the bathroom on her own and she had no plans to alienate the one person who was there for her. Who seemed to be the only she could depend on.

  Chapter Twenty Six

  Hours and days seemed to blend for Alice. She felt herself lost in a cloud of confusion. She wasn’t sure if she had the flu or was suffering some sort of mental breakdown. Luckily, Peter took care of everything. He called her boss and said he sent Ryan a text from her phone to let him know she was ill. Besides feeding her, he gave her medicine to settle her stomach. Although he would leave every morning, he came back at six every night as promised. She was so thankful since some days she couldn’t even gain the strength to feed herself.

  One morning, she awoke with a start. She heard violent banging on the door downstairs along with intermittent ringing of her doorbell. “Peter!” she croaked with no answer. Looking at the time, she saw it was just before one in the afternoon. Peter had been at work for hours. The banging did not stop-she figured she had no choice, but to make her way to the door. After practically having to crawl down the steps, she was able to unlock the door and greet the unwanted visitor.

  She heard a loud gasp. “Oh my lord!” Alice felt her confusion worsen as she gazed at the voluptuous brunette in front of her.

  She thought she was dreaming when she whispered uncertainly, “Mom?”

  “Honey, you look like hell! I’ve been sick with worry-I had to take the first flight I could get out here.”

  “Mom, you shouldn’t have. I just have the stomach flu, I’ll be fine in a few days,” she explained. Her mother said nothing, but wrapped her arms around her. She supported Alice’s body weight as they made their way back up the stairs. Alice felt winded and found it hard to not collapse back on the couch. She wanted to talk to her mother, but the urge to close her eyes was stronger.

  “Don’t worry, honey, I’m here now and I’ll take care of you,” her mom whispered fiercely kissing her cheek and smoothing her hair. She sensed her get up and head into the kitchen. She heard snippets of conversation and assumed she must be on the phone. “This is Roxanne Barrie. You need to get to Alice’s apartment right now and explain to me what the hell is going on with my daughter.”

  After waking up from a dreamless slumber, she heard words float over her and found it difficult to focus on the conversation. She could make out her mother’s voice and it was filled with rage. “What do you mean you’re not sure what’s wrong with her? Aren’t you practically a doctor or something?”

  “Roxanne, I know you’re upset, but it doesn’t help Alice to get angry at me. We need to get her to a hospital,” a male voice replied. She was able to identify the voice as Ryan’s. “Should we bring her in or call an ambulance?”

  “Is it drugs Ryan?” The anger was replaced by the sound of her mother near tears. “I found a few pill bottles on the coffee table with her name on it.”

  “I’m not sure, her symptoms sound like it may be. I’ve been calling and coming here for days without any response. We had a fight, so I figured she was just shutting me out. I had no idea…” Ryan’s voice sounded wrecked with guilt.

  “Mom, Ryan,” she called finally able to find her voice. They both rushed over with worry on their faces. Ryan was dressed in a suit and tie-she guessed he had left work to come over. Her mother’s dress was wrinkled and her hair mussed. She deduced Roxanne hadn’t even taken the time to freshen up after traveling from California. “It’s not drugs, I’m just sick. I haven’t felt good all week-I think it might be a horrible stomach bug.”

  “Alice, you need to get to a hospital. Something is very wrong with you,” Ryan said coming over to her.

  “Ryan, I don’t want to go the hospital. Peter’s been here, he’s been helping me out while I’ve been ill,” she said and shut her eyes.

  She heard Ryan’s sharp intake of breath. Her mother questioned. “What is it, Ryan?”

  “Alice, I called Peter. He said you broke up with him over the weekend and he hasn’t seen you since. I told him to stay away from you or he would live to regret it. I’ve been coming here and driving by all week. Your car has been the only one parked outside.”

  “Huh? What are you saying then Ryan, I’m crazy? I didn’t imagine him here,” she said with annoyance. Her mother came to sit on the other side of her.

  “Of course, that’s not what we are saying, honey. We just want you well again. Getting you to a hospital will help you get whatever you need to get better.” Roxanne soothed.

  “Fine, whatever,” Alice knew she sounded surly, but the two of them were making her think she was a madwoman. “Can you pack me a bag?” she directed the question to her mother. Her mother nodded and hurried off to her bedroom. She turned to Ryan, “I’m not crazy or a drug addict if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  “Shh,” he put his finger to her lips. He gave her a soft kiss and pulled away with a sad smile. “I love you. No matter how bad things seem right now, I want you to keep remembering that.”

  She started to cry. “I’m going to the bathroom to clean up before we leave.” He didn’t notice her grab her cell phone off the counter as she headed there. After closing the door, she began to run the faucet on full blast. She dialed Peter’s cell phone and prayed he would pick up. “Alice?”

  “Peter,” she said between sobs. “Ryan and my mother are here. They’re taking me to the hospital. I’m scared-I think they want to put me into the psychiatric ward. They have this crazy idea I have a drug problem.”

  “Alice, calm down. I’ll leave now and be there for you. Do you want me to pick you up and take you to my house?” he offered.

  “Yes, but I don’t know how I’m going to slip away from them. Could you park in the emergency room lot? Maybe I can tell them I’m going to the bathroom and sneak out to meet you.” He agreed and she felt her nerves calm slightly. She slipped the phone into the pocket of her sweats and exited the bathroom. Her mother was waiting with her bag ready with Ryan standing next to her. Another betrayal. She loved them both and they were treating her like a mental patient. A drug problem? She almost laughed at the absurdity of the thought.

  Ryan drove them in his car while she sat in the back with her mother. Her mother had made her a cup of coffee before they left and the caffeine actually seemed to be helping with her mental alertness. Her mother whispered soothing words to her while Ryan kept glancing back at her reflection through the rearview mirror. Once they arrived at the emergency room, she felt much better than she had all week. Entering the double doors, she turned to her mother. “Could you sign me in? I’m going to head to the bathroom. Ryan, if you don’t mind, could you hit up the vending machine for a can of cola? The caffeine from the coffee really seems to be helping with the fatigue.” They both looked relieved to be helpful and didn’t seem suspicious over her request to head to the bathroom. She gave them grateful smiles and headed towards the bathroom.

  Chapter Twenty Seven

  Peeking around the corner of the hallway, she double backed when she saw both their backs were to her. She attempted a quick jog away from the exit and peered around for Peter’s car. She was relieved when his BMW pulled up next to her.

  She hopped in and relaxed against the leather interior. “I’m so sorry for this cloak and dagger bit. I just really didn’t want to get checked into the mental ward.”

  He gave her a sympathetic
smile. “Why do they want you to go there?”

  “I overheard them talking and they think I have a drug problem or something. Plus, Ryan said he called you and you said you hadn’t seen me all week. Apparently I’m hallucinating on top of everything,” she sighed.

  “That’s crazy, Alice. I’m really sorry. Maybe we could go away for a few days until everything settles down. A friend of my family’s has a cabin in upstate New York. It’s lakeside and supposed to be gorgeous this time of year.”

  “That sounds perfect, but is it alright for you to just take the time off from work? I don’t want to get you in trouble for running off with me.”

  “It’ll only be a few days, I haven’t taken a sick day since I’ve started so I doubt I’ll get any slack for it.” Looking him over, she realized he could probably use the time away. His green eyes seemed tired and bloodshot. She felt guilty for having him wait hand and foot on her all week.

  “I hate for my mother to worry about me, maybe I should call her.” Alice said chewing on her lower lip. The intensity of the bite drew a small amount of blood.

  He took her hand. “We can give her a call from the road and let her know you’re fine. I just want to stop by my house first and pick up a few things first. Clothes, some food, that kind of thing. It’s pretty remote around there,” he explained.

  “Sounds perfect. Thanks Peter,” she said and tried to push down the guilt about her mother and Ryan. Thinking about Ryan made her feel a mixture of longing and hurt. She kept replaying in her mind his words in the apartment. The way he said he loved her made her sure he meant it. But if he loved her, why didn’t he believe her?

  By the time, they made it to Peter’s house, Alice felt perfectly alert. She was relieved that whatever virus she seemed was working its way out of her system. He went into his bedroom and brought out a few suitcases and set them by the front door. She gave him a confused look. “Did you already start packing?”