Be My Baby

by Airicka Phoenix

  “Anything yet?”

  “Mom told you to stay in the waiting room,” Cole told him.

  “Yeah, but it was so boring in there,” the boy complained. “I wanted to see how Calla was.”

  “I’m okay.” Calla offered him a smile. “The doctor will be back really soon. Then we can all go home to bed.”

  “Amen!” Toby praised. “This place stinks.”

  Yawning, he shuffled back out of the room.

  “He refused to stay home once he overheard me say Calla and hospital,” Cole said to the room at large.

  Calla’s smile was genuine this time. “He’s my little buddy.” Her gaze went over the group surrounding her, her eyes bright. “Thank you all for coming.”

  “Of course!” Lily said immediately. “There is no way we wouldn’t be here.”

  “It’s the middle of the night…”

  “Damon and I weren’t sleeping anyway,” Willa stated. “We were having a Lord of the Rings marathon.”

  “Which she totally fell asleep on an hour into the second movie,” Damon piped in.

  “I did not!” Willa gasped in offense. “I was resting my eyes for the next eight movies.”

  Damon snorted a chuckle. “There are only three.”

  Willa puffed up her cheeks and rolled her eyes at Calla. “I swear it feels like a whole lot more.”

  Calla laughed. She leaned her head close and lightly tapped her forehead against her sister’s.

  “Thank you,” she mouthed.

  “You’re welcome,” Willa mouthed back.

  Beth came charging into the room, scaring the shit out of all of them. She held a chart in her hand, and Jared immediately came to attention.

  “I got them,” Beth panted. “I’m going to find, Dr. Murray.”

  Then, just as quickly, she was gone.

  The peaceful calm that had descended on the room quickly evaporated, growing tense and fraught once more. The smile Willa had coaxed out of Calla was also gone and the drawn pallor was back. Jared wondered with irritation why Beth hadn’t gotten the doctor before coming to the room.

  Thankfully, there wasn’t too long to wait. Dr. Murray appeared in the doorway with Beth right behind him. He was peering over the papers she must have given him, and his face told them nothing.

  On the cot, Calla slipped her hand free of the blanket and took Willa’s.

  “So…” he said at long last. “The blood results are back.”

  He crossed the room to stand next to the bed. He continued to peruse over the charts for what felt like forever.

  “Doctor?” Beth coaxed at last, looking as anxious as the rest of them.

  He handed the papers over to her. “I think you should give them the news.”

  Beth’s face paled as she took the chart. Her hands were unsteady, her eyes sorrowful as they lifted to Calla. Jared’s heart dropped into his stomach. His feet moved even before he could register his own movements and he was at Calla’s side. He was there when she reached for him. On her other side, Willa’s arms went around her, gripping her tight as Beth lowered her gaze to read what was written.

  Like the doctor, she took her sweet damn time. Then her head shot up to stare at Dr. Murray with a look that could only be described as shocked.

  “I think everyone is waiting, nurse,” he said calmly.

  Beth looked back at the pages again. “Your hCG levels are fine!”

  A sound between a wheeze and a sob left Calla in a rush of a single word. “What?”

  “The baby’s fine.” She gave a laugh and hurried forward to surround Calla in a tight embrace as tears slipped down her cheeks. “The baby’s fine, sweetie.”

  Calla’s face crumpled and she dropped it onto Beth’s shoulder. Lily and Willa were there, engulfing her as well. Jared started to step away, to give them room, but Calla’s fingers tightened around his, holding him firmly in place.

  Finally, they let her go and she was in his arms.

  “He’s okay,” she rasped into the side of his neck.

  “I never doubted it,” he murmured. “He’s strong like his mama.”

  Calla chuckled and drew back to wipe her eyes with the corner of the blanket.

  “So, congratulations are in order,” Dr. Murray decided, moving to stand in front of Calla. “This is usually the part where I get to bring in my fancy ultrasound machine and dazzle you with images of your bundle of joy.”

  “But?” Calla edged.

  Dr. Murray shrugged. “No buts.”

  He glanced at Beth, who chuckled.

  “On it!”

  In a blur of dark hair and blue scrubs, Beth hurried from the room. A moment later, she was back, pushing a metal machine into the room ahead of her. She hooked it up and adjusted it while Dr. Murray told Calla to lie back. Willa slid off the table to give Calla room to recline. The blankets were drawn apart from her waist up and her camisole was rolled over her flat belly. Beth squeezed slimy, blue goo over Calla’s stomach and stepped aside.

  It was the longest two minutes of Jared’s life as the entire room waited for something to happen. At first, all they could make out was a white spotlight against a black backdrop. Then a ripple as the wand was glided across Calla’s abdomen. Her fingers in his tightened in a painful grip that he did not mind in the least. The doctor murmured something to Beth from over his shoulder while pointing at the screen. Beth nodded and said something back.

  “What is it?” Calla asked.

  “Nothing,” Beth said quickly. “Dr. Murray’s just checking to make sure everything’s okay.”

  They murmured to each other a few more minutes before the rest of the room was included.

  “So, everything looks great,” Dr. Murray assured them. “I see nothing I would be concerned about, which I like, because I really don’t like being concerned about things.”

  Jared exhaled.

  “Now, let’s see if I can’t pin this little guy down so you can see him…”

  The breath Jared had released quickly lodged in his throat all over again as he waited to get his first glimpse of his baby.

  “Dad? Can I get change for the vending … whoa! Are we looking at the baby?” Toby bolted into the room before anyone could stop him. “I want to see!”

  “Toby!” Beth snapped. “You’re not supposed to be in here.”

  “It’s okay,” Calla said hurriedly. “I don’t mind it, if you don’t.”

  Beth shot her son a disapproving frown, but went back to watching the monitor.

  The first thing they saw was two oblong shapes floating in what looked like a peanut shell. Gradually, like in a funhouse mirror, it flexed and stretched until the shape had a form. Fine little slivers appeared in a delicate arch that was clearly a spine. Bony little arms and legs twitched in the black mass and the body wiggled.

  “Oh my God…!” Calla gasped.

  “It’s moving,” Jared murmured in awe.

  “It certainly is,” Dr. Murray confirmed. “Quite actively, too, from the looks of it. I’m going to try and get a good angle here so you can see a little more…”

  He worked for several minutes, adjusting his wrist and moving the wand around. Jared couldn’t stop staring. The image on the screen kept squirming and kicking and the more it was prodded, the more it thrashed.

  “It’s like an alien,” Toby blurted.

  “Toby!” Beth hissed.

  “I’m just saying,” Toby muttered.

  Calla chuckled. “It’s beautiful.”

  “But everything’s okay?” Jared demanded of the doctor.

  Dr. Murray shrugged. “I don’t see anything to worry about. I would come back in a week or two if the bleeding hasn’t stopped, but there’s nothing indicating anything’s wrong from what I can see.”

  That was all Jared needed to hear. He bent at the waist and kissed his wife.

  Chapter Thirteen ~ Calla

  “I am so very against this,” Jared muttered for the hundredth time that morning while Calla dressed.


  “I know, baby,” she said as she fastened the last button on her blouse. “But I promised and he’s driving all the way back so we can talk.”

  “He doesn’t deserve it.”

  With a sigh, she turned away from the vanity to face her husband. “He’s dying, Jared,” she murmured. “And I loved him once. That might not have meant something to him, but it meant something to me.”

  “I still don’t think he has any right to ask you for anything.”

  Making her way carefully around his bedroom, she planted her hands gently against his chest and leaned up to kiss him.

  “I need to do it,” she told him. “Not for him, but for me. I need to put him behind me for good.”

  “Can’t you do that by sending flowers to his funeral?”

  “Jared!”

  With a deep exhalation, he rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine, but I’m coming in case he gets any ideas.”

  His protective, possessive muttering coaxed a smile out of her.

  “Fine. But you should probably wear pants.”

  Silver Slice of Heaven was reasonably empty when they arrived. Lucas waved at them from behind the register, but stayed to show the new girl how to use the espresso machine. Jared shot a narrowed glance over the room.

  “Guess he can’t even be bothered to show up on time.”

  “Jared…”

  “Hey, I agreed to let you do this, but I sure as hell don’t have to be happy about it.” He leaned in and kissed her temple. “Find a seat. I’ll get you something to eat.”

  “I’m not really hungry,” she murmured. “But I’d really like a decaf tea.”

  “Okay.”

  With another kiss, he left her to claim a spot as he crossed to the counter. Calla took the sofa and sat, stretching her swollen feet towards the fire. Her hands went to the subtle little dome pushing up the front of her coat. She unzipped the heavy fabric and shrugged out of it to fully frame the mound.

  It wasn’t very big for four months, but the feel of it was a reminder not to let herself get stressed. While the bleeding had stopped almost a week after it had started, she still worried. Thankfully, Jared was an even bigger fretter than she was and had appointed himself her nagging husband, constantly berating her for lifting so much as a pillow. It was endearing and she cherished every moment of his attention.

  Turning her head, she caught sight of him leaning against the counter, listening to whatever Lucas was telling him. It must have been something amusing, because both were grinning. The new girl, Calla couldn’t remember the name of, was making their drinks. Her brows were furrowed in deep concentration. She set two ceramic mugs on the counter in front of Jared and took a quick step back. Jared thanked her before turning his attention back to his friend. He said something and Lucas laughed. The sound carried across the coffee shop in a warm ripple.

  “Hello Calla.”

  Having been preoccupied watching Jared, she hadn’t seen the door open, or Richard walk through. But he stood next to the sofa in his long, dark coat and handsome smile. It was that smile that had won her. Even a slight curl at the corners and it reflected in his eyes. There was something magnetic about it.

  “Richard.”

  He gestured to the spot next to her. “May I?”

  Calla nodded and scooted back an inch, even though there was plenty of space.

  He lowered himself with the care of someone expecting pain. It mirrored in the downward turn of his lips and in the tight coil of his jaw. Then he was seated.

  “How are you?” she asked.

  He offered her a tired smile. “I have been better.” He searched her face. “Thank you for seeing me. I know I had no right to ask it of you.”

  Calla shook her head. “No, you didn’t. I’m married now. I have a baby on the way. I’ve moved on.”

  “I wasn’t aware of any of those things when I looked for you.”

  “Would it have mattered if you had?”

  A quiet chuckle escaped him. “Probably not.” He peered into her eyes. “I am still so in love with you, Calla. Hear me out,” he pressed on when she opened her mouth. “I know I wasn’t fair to you and the things I said and the way I behaved was appalling. I wish I could say these were things I discovered after you walked out of my life, but it would be a lie and I’m here to purge myself of my wrong doings. It was only recently that I realized just what I lost when I let you go and only after I was confronted with my own mortality.”

  “So, it’s true,” she whispered. “You’re really dying.”

  Richard nodded. “The doctor says I have acute lymphoblastic leukemia in the advance stages. The thing was growing inside me for years before taking over my blood cells. I might have stood a chance if it had been caught sooner, treatments and such. As it stands, the doctor says I have possibly a year, maybe two with radiation and chemo.”

  “Oh, Richard, I’m so sorry.”

  He shook his head slightly. “Not your fault. It is what it is. My only real regret is not being able to watch Sofi grow.”

  “How is she?” Calla wondered.

  “Good.” He smiled fondly. “She won first place at her school science fair this year.”

  “That’s so great!” she murmured, meaning it.

  “It is. She’s smart, so I know she’ll understand when the time comes.”

  “Does she know?”

  He shook his head. “Not yet. I keep meaning to tell her, but I just don’t know how. She always just seems too young to put this grief on her, but I know I should.”

  “How’s Mariana?”

  He made a sound like a dry chuckle and glanced down at his hands. “She left me, and not for the reason you would think.” He lifted his head and met her gaze. “She couldn’t stay with a dying man.”

  “What?”

  His smile bloomed across his face. “Serves me right, don’t you think? I had an amazing woman in you and I could have spent the last of my life in the love and warmth of your arms, instead I will die alone.” He furrowed his brows in contemplation. “Poetic justice really.”

  “Richard…”

  His gaze focused on her face and his smile became gentle. “Are you crying for me, buttercup?” He reached up and lightly brushed away the tears streaking down her cheeks. “I don’t deserve these and you know it.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “It doesn’t make this any less sad.”

  Rather than comment, his gaze went to her midsection. “I often wonder what would have happened if things hadn’t gone the way they did, if you had gone on to have my child, and if he or she would know about me.” He exhaled softly. “They would have been about one now.”

  “Stop.”

  He fixed his attention out of his thoughts and onto her. “I’m not sorry things ended the way they did. I was once, but not anymore. That child would have been a memory of everything I did to you, a shadow marring your future with your husband and this new child and I have already hurt you too much.”

  Calla shook her head. “He would have been loved and cherished and he would have been mine.”

  “And what of your husband? Would he have raised another man’s child?”

  “Yes,” she answered without hesitation. “Jared is wonderful. He loves me and he would love my baby.”

  It could have been the trick of the light, but the light in his eyes was that of contentment, of an almost bliss, that baffled her until he spoke.

  “Good.” He lightly touched her hair and brushed strands behind her ear to cradle the side of her face. “That is what I want for you, Calla. I want you to love and be loved. I want you to be happy. I want you to forget me—”

  “Richard—”

  He shook his head. “I was never good for you. I was never worthy of what you gave me. But I wouldn’t change it, not for me, because looking back, you were my salvation, while I was your curse. I will never forget you. But my dying wish for you is not to forgive me, but to forget me. Don’t let what I did take another moment of your tho
ughts. Be happy with the man you’ve chosen and the family you’re starting, buttercup. Focus on that. Always.”

  Leaning forward, he kissed her lightly on the brow. His lips lingered before he drew away to smile into her streaming eyes.

  “Thank you.”

  Then he was gone and Calla was left staring at the spot he’d left behind through a thick veil of tears with a tightness in her chest.

  But it wasn’t like before. Her heart didn’t feel shattered, or broken. It just hurt, kind of the way it did when you run across an old friend on the street and while you no longer talk, memories of your friendship fill you with a sadness that lingers for a while before it fades and you forget again. But she knew she would never forget Richard. He had been her friend, her confidant, and her lover for two years. He had been her first on many things and he had taught her how to be better. She hadn’t told him as much, but in a lot of ways, she had grown up because of him. Their end had been painful and tragic, but they had been amazing together. So she would put him away. She would tuck him inside a box and store him away at the back of her mind and heart. But she would never truly forget him.

  “Calla?” Jared slipped into the spot Richard had occupied. He touched her face, smoothing away the last of her tears. “Everything okay?”

  She looked into his eyes and saw his love for her a shiny reflection across the silvery surface. But beyond that, she saw their future, saw the happiness they would share together and the family they would raise. She saw herself old, sitting on the porch with him by her side as their grandchildren and great grandchildren sprinted across the yard. And she smiled.

  “Yeah, everything’s great.”

  Chapter Fourteen ~ Calla

  “Where are you taking me?” Calla demanded as Willa dragged her forcibly down the block at a half waddle, half run. “Willa, I have work!”

  “It can wait for one day,” her sister said. “Come on. I need to show you something.”

  Calla snorted, settling a hand under her six month belly like she could somehow hold up the weight threatening to send her forward on her face.

  “What’s in Willow Creek that I haven’t already seen?”