Box of Hearts (The Connor's Series Book 1)

by Nikki Ashton

  The disappointment left a bitter taste. He really didn’t mean those words, I knew he didn’t, but that thing called hope had reared its head again.

  “You pick,” I said, clearing my throat. “So, shall we go back to our drinks?”

  “Erm, yeah okay,” Jesse replied, evidently confused at my sudden desire to stop dancing halfway through a song.

  I couldn’t help it, I felt deflated and couldn’t summon up a smile.

  “Hey, you okay?” he asked, tugging gently on my hair as we walked back to our seats.

  “Yes, I’m fine,” I lied, flashing him a smile.

  Jesse pulled out my stool for me then when I was seated, he pecked me on the cheek and went to the bar for more beers.

  Once he came back, I had pulled myself out of my funk and realized that I was being stupid. He couldn’t help how he did or didn’t feel and he’d been honest in that we should take this slowly, and that I’d need patience. So, while he was at the bar, I’d taken a deep breath and given myself a talking to.

  Halfway through our beer, the music stopped and a tall, well-built man with a long ginger beard tapped on the microphone.

  “Who’s that?” I whispered to Jesse.

  “That’s Rowdy.”

  “Oh my God, that’s him.” I started to clap, excited at seeing the real Rowdy.

  “He’s not a celebrity either, baby,” Jesse laughed.

  “I didn’t realize that there was a real Rowdy. Oh, this is so exciting.” I pulled my phone from my pocket and snapped a quick picture of him while he tested the microphone.

  Jesse shook his head, kissed my temple, and then walked over to Rowdy and whispered something in his ear. Rowdy nodded, said something to Jesse, and then gave me a wave. I waved back, highly embarrassed, but Rowdy just continued talking to Jesse without drawing any attention to me.

  “What was that about?” I asked Jesse when he came back and stood behind me.

  “Wait and see,” he said, an arm reaching around me for his beer.

  He grinned, wrapped his other arm around my chest and continued to sip from his bottle. A few minutes later, Rowdy stepped up to the mic’ again, this time holding an acoustic guitar, and shouted for everyone to be quiet.

  “Okay ladies and gentlemen,” he bellowed, probably not needing any technical aid to be heard. “First up tonight is Jesse Connor.”

  “Jesse!” I gasped, and tilted my head up to have his lips land on mine.

  “See you in a few,” he said, putting his bottle on the table and walking towards Rowdy.

  “Okay,” Rowdy continued. “He asked me to tell you that this song is for a very special young lady.”

  He passed Jesse the guitar and stepped down from the small platform that acted as a stage. While Jesse tuned the guitar, Rowdy put a stool behind him, then when he was ready, Jesse looked up at everyone and gave a wave.

  “Hey. Hope you enjoy this.”

  As soon as the first notes of John Mayer’s Daughters sounded out, the room went silent, except for Jesse’s guitar playing. When he started to sing, I held my breath; it was amazing. His voice was bluesy and raspy, but there was a lightness to it as well when he effortlessly moved into a falsetto; everyone was enraptured. Mesmerized by him, tears ran down my face as Jesse sang every word with passion and feeling. I loved the song and knew straight away the message he was giving. It was his way of atoning for his behavior with Addy; he was admitting that he could have damaged her for any man to come if he hadn’t changed. As he sang the last few lines, Jesse’s voice broke and he was visibly moved by the song.

  Everyone clapped and cheered and Jesse took a little bow, waving away their praise.

  “I guess you thought that he might be singing a song for you, did ya?” Angie had sidled up beside me and was watching Jesse intently as she spat out her venom.

  “No, I knew he was going to sing for Addy,” I lied, wiping my face with the back of my hand.

  Okay, at first when Rowdy had introduced him, I had thought it might be me he was going to sing for. There was no disappointment though, none whatsoever; he couldn’t have sung anything more fitting or beautiful.

  “Ah, really,” Angie scoffed. “Like I believe that.”

  I was about to bite back when Jesse’s voice came over the microphone again.

  “Okay, so that song was about my beautiful baby, you’ve all met Addy, right?”

  “Shit, she got some of us together.” It was Tommy Kincaid and he was standing on the edge of the dance floor with his arm firmly around Cynthia.

  Jesse grinned and shook his head. “Yep, my baby loves her hearts. Well, anyways I’d like to do another song for you and this is for someone who has helped heal my heart over the last couple of months. Someone real special to me.”

  I gasped as Jesse stared at me, blew me a kiss, grinned, and then struck up the chords for Bob Marley’s ‘Is This Love’.

  As Jesse started to sing, Angie slammed her drink down on the table, and with her friend running behind to catch up, exited the bar. She only took my attention momentarily, because all I could concentrate on was Jesse as my breath caught in my throat and my heart hammered triple time in my chest.

  Jesse’s gaze never left me as he asked me the question ‘is this love?’ I could answer him right at this moment; emphatically and unreservedly. The real question was, could I risk telling him, knowing that Jesse wasn’t even sure whether he could properly move on from Melody?

  As he sang the last verse, I no longer had any doubts. I knew that no matter what, I’d have to tell him. I needed him to know that for me, it was love, but that I’d be patient and wait until he was sure, too.

  Finishing the song, Jesse passed Rowdy the guitar, strode towards me, and pulled me into his arms.

  “Let’s go,” he commanded, close to my ear.

  I nodded and, taking hold of Jesse’s hand, followed him out of Rowdy’s to his truck.

  Jesse

  By the time we got to my cabin after leaving Rowdy’s, I was about ready to just rip Millie’s clothes off, fuck any buttons or fasteners. I drove past the house and parked next to the cabin, ran around to the passenger door, and helped her out. I practically pulled her out in fact, I was so desperate to be inside her.

  “The fucking lap dance will have to wait,” I groaned as I pushed her against the wall.

  “A bet’s a bet, Jesse,” she moaned breathily as I hitched up her skimpy little top.

  “I’ll pay, but it’ll be after I’ve come inside you.”

  Millie lifted her arms in the air, allowing me to pull her top off, and then arched forwards, giving me access to her impressive tits. Hungrily, I took one in my mouth and caressed the nipple with my tongue, pausing for a few seconds while Millie undid my jeans. Her hand went inside my boxer briefs and she gently stroked my iron hard cock.

  “Fuck,” I said on a long breath as she started to pump me.

  The next thing I knew, Millie was pulling away from me, dropping to her knees, and taking my pants and underwear down. I looked down as she looked up, her big brown eyes peeking from under her dark lashes.

  “I’m going to give you the best blow job you’ve ever had,” she whispered, before taking me in her mouth.

  She was true to her word, sucking and licking me like she was savoring the best lollipop she’d ever tasted. She took me deep, until I touched the back of her throat, and moaned softly around me. Her licks were slow and long. She dropped kisses on the end of my cock, and her hand cupped my balls as she pumped me, and I came, shouting her name.

  “Millie,” I gasped, pulling her to her feet as she licked her lips. “Oh my God, that was…damn it was amazing.”

  Pulling her to me, I kissed her hard, dragging my fingers through her hair and squeezing that amazing ass of hers. Shifting slightly, I pulled her legs up around my waist and carried her to the bed where I took off the rest of my clothes and then spent time slowly removing hers, adoring every bit of naked skin as it was revealed to me with soft kisse
s.

  When she was totally bare, and on the edge of screaming at me to take her, I slowly pushed inside. Her back arched and her fingers dug into my shoulders as I moved in and out, rolling my hips with each thrust. I linked my fingers with hers and pushed our arms up above Millie’s head, and then kissed along her jaw, her cheeks, her neck and finally took her mouth. We were silent and slow and I knew this wasn’t fucking anymore. I’d only ever had this with one woman before, and I wasn’t even sure it had even been this good with her. Pushing that thought from my mind, I continued to worship the woman beneath me. Her hair was fanned across my pillow, her cheeks were flushed a light pink, and her eyes were hooded as gasps of pleasure escaped her swollen lips; she looked more beautiful than any sunrise I’d ever seen.

  With our bodies covered in a thin sheen of sweat, we both began to breathe heavily, and I knew that she was close, as close as I was.

  “I think I’m falling in love with you,” I whispered.

  “I know I’m already there,” she replied softly.

  As Millie’s hands gripped mine tighter, her legs that were wrapped around me started to tremble. My own orgasm was about to hit as the electric current from the pit of my stomach hit my balls.

  “Jesse,” she cried, as her inner muscles spasmed around me.

  I pumped quicker and kissed her harder, desperate to bring us both to climax. Millie pushed her hips higher, taking me deeper, and we were both gone, crying out as we orgasmed together.

  I flopped to my side of the bed, my arms out and breathing heavily.

  “Fuck,” I said breathlessly.

  “Yeah,” Millie gasped out.

  I reached over and pulled her to me, kissing the top of her head as I wrapped her in my arms.

  “I think you can forget the lap dance,” she giggled. “For tonight at least.”

  “Yeah, I don’t think I could move again. Let’s get some sleep and talk about our wager tomorrow, okay?”

  She nodded her head and snuggled into my side. Within minutes, sated from food, beer, and amazing sex, she fell asleep. But, despite having to get up at the bare ass crack of dawn, I lay awake, staring into the darkness.

  What had just happened between us had been incredible, and I’d felt things that I hadn’t felt in a long time, maybe ever. Millie was getting under my skin, into my soul, my head, and my heart, but instead of feeling excited and happy that I was actually feeling alive again, I felt sick to my stomach.

  Melody had been my soul mate, the woman that I’d grieved for, the woman that I’d thought I’d never replace. I’d been a piece of shit to my family, my friends and, worst of all, my baby girl, all because I’d lost her. Then Millie came along and with her beauty and her no nonsense attitude, turned everything upside down.

  She’d breathed life back into me, into this ranch, into Addy, and I was falling in love with her. Love that I knew was going to be big, deep, and for a lifetime, but I hated the idea of it. I hated feeling that way about her, because what the fuck did that mean about my feelings for Melody? Why the hell had I put everyone, including myself, through hell for two years, if what I had with my wife was only a fraction of what I could have with Millie? What I already felt for Millie?

  She’d made me question everything and I wasn’t sure I could get past that, no matter how deep my feelings.

  Millie

  When I woke up the blinds were still pulled down, but I could see that the sun was up. It wasn’t too bright in the room, so I guessed that my body clock had woken me at its usual time of six-thirty. I wasn’t sure what time Jesse had left his bed, but I had a vague recollection of him kissing my forehead before he’d left.

  After stretching lazily, I kicked off the covers and looked around the floor for my bag and clothes. Once I’d found my bag, I fished around inside it for my phone to check the time. I’d been right; it was almost six-thirty. Hopefully, I could get back to the house and change before Addy woke at seven.

  I wasn’t sure whether Jesse would go to the house for breakfast today, seeing as he was going to be so busy, so I wrote him a quick note and left it on his pillow. I then let myself out and went back to the main house.

  When I let myself in through the mud room, Bonnie was there cooking breakfast. With the click of the door, she stopped and looked over her shoulder.

  “Morning, honey. You have a good night?” she asked, perusing my wild woman hair and smudged eye makeup; everything about me suggested sex.

  “Hi,” I replied, shyly. “I’m sorry.”

  “What are you sorry for?” she asked, taking the frying pan off the stove and turning to me. “Has something happened?”

  “Oh God, no. I’m sorry for sneaking in like some naughty schoolgirl. I promise it won’t happen again.”

  She came over and pulled me into a hug. “Oh, hush now, don’t be so silly. You deserve to have some fun, and if it means that Jesse had fun, too, then I’m perfectly happy about it. You did have fun, right?” she asked, letting me go.

  I nodded. “We had a great time. I didn’t know Jesse could sing, though.”

  Bonnie preened like a mother hen fluffing her feathers. “Doesn’t he have a beautiful voice?”

  “He does,” I agreed, remembering his songs to me and Addy.

  “You should hear Garratt, too. They used to sing together when they were young boys, usually at church or the Founder’s celebration meal for the town dignitaries, but not for a long time.”

  “Wow, they could have been famous rock stars if they’d kept it up,” I said excitedly.

  “Ah, I don’t know about that, but they were good and we were real proud of them. So, I guess he sang at Rowdy’s last night?”

  “He did, starting with a song for Addy.”

  I went on to tell Bonnie all about our evening, leaving out what had happened at the cabin but making sure to include Angie storming out. Bonnie laughed loud and hard at that, telling me that it was about time Angie got the message. Her laughing stopped though when I told her why she stormed out, and she listened with a dreamy smile on her face.

  We were still chatting and had lost track of time, when Addy stumbled into the kitchen rubbing her eyes with one hand and clutching a teddy bear with the other.

  “Good morning, sweetie,” Bonnie said, stooping to kiss her granddaughter. “You sleep well?”

  “Yes, thank you, Granma.” She gave a big yawn and pulled out a chair at the table.

  “I’d better go and get showered and changed before the boys come back for breakfast,” I said.

  “But you look pretty,” Addy said as she brushed her messy hair from her eyes that were barely open. “Did you have a nice time with Daddy?”

  “I did, sweetheart, a really nice time.”

  Suddenly, the door from the mud room was flung open and Garratt and Ted stepped inside, talking loudly about calf testicles.

  “Oh, please,” Bonnie groaned. “Do you really have to?”

  “Sorry, sweetheart,” Ted laughed, kissing her cheek. “But when you’ve cut off thirty pairs of balls and horns, you get obsessed.”

  “Believe me, Dad. I am not obsessed with testicles of any kind,” Garratt stated, going to sit next to Addy. “Morning, sunshine.”

  “Morning, Uncle Garratt,” she replied, reaching up to kiss him. “Where’s Daddy?”

  “Oh, he’s going to have breakfast with the boys in the bunkhouse,” Garratt answered.

  “If it’s not ruined,” Bonnie grumbled. “I left it warming in the stove as usual, but it’s been playing up. I really think we need a new one, honey,” she said to Ted.

  “I’ll check it out tomorrow, see what deals I can find. We need a new washing machine for over there, too.”

  Poor Bonnie, no wonder she’d needed my help with Addy. She got up at five-thirty every morning to cook breakfast for the bunkhouse and then come back here to cook for the family. I’d offered a few times over the last couple of months to cook for the family, but she said it was enough that I was here helping wi
th Addy, I didn’t need to cook as well. Honestly, I don’t think she thought I could cook, but she was adamant, so I didn’t push her on it.

  “Why is Daddy eating with the boys?” Addy asked.

  Yes, I thought, why is he? Jesse hadn’t had breakfast with the boys in weeks.

  Garratt shrugged, concentrating on something on his phone. “Something about wanting to talk to Marty about the weaning.”

  “Weaning is weeks away,” Bonnie said, busying herself with dishing up breakfast. “Oh well, that’s more for you boys.”

  “Sounds good to me,” Ted said. “Garratt, lets wash up, son.”

  “Yes, Daddy,” he said with a wink at me. “Nice outfit, Millie. Just like the one you wore last night.”

  I gave Garratt a smile, but it was forced. Something felt off about Jesse not coming for breakfast, and I was determined I’d ask him when we met up later.

  I didn’t see Jesse later; he sent a message back with Garratt that he wasn’t coming over but was driving over to a place called Booker, three hours away, to talk with a man who was going to buy some of the calves in the fall. Feeling slightly aggrieved, I sent him a text.

  Millie: Hi you okay? Not seen you all day x

  I finally got a text back about half an hour later.

  Jesse: Yeah busy with the calves. Got to see this guy in Booker and make a deal.

  Okay, so no kisses and a little dismissive, but I wasn’t going to let that be it.

  Millie: Will you be back late? I could wait up for you x

  His response was immediate, but didn’t relieve my anxiety.

  Jesse: No. May be gone a couple of days. See you when I get back.

  With a sick feeling in my stomach, I responded with shaking hands.

  Millie: Okay. I’ll miss you xx

  I got no response from that text and Jesse didn’t return the next day. I didn’t send any more messages, because even I had my limits.

  Jesse

  I knew that I was being a bastard, but I had no idea what else to do. My head was in the toilet thinking about Melody, and I had to have some distance from Millie. I knew coming to Booker was a coward’s way out, but I needed to think. I wasn’t meeting Andy Merrill until Wednesday afternoon, so I had almost three full days to come to terms with what I had to do.