Secret Regrets (Living For Today #2)

by Megan C. Smith

  Bryant pulled me quickly into a side room, giving me just a moment to glance around long enough to realize this was where the guys had gotten ready before the wedding. Before I had time to turn back to him, he slammed me against the wall, knocking the wind from my lungs as his mouth came down on my own. He used his hips to hold me against the wall, and his hands skimmed down my dress till they reached the hem and then pushed it up my legs.

  “Now. Rose. I want you now!” Bryant’s gruff voice demanded.

  My brain tried desperately to formulate a response, but his hand on my hip and the other skimming my lace panties made it impossible.

  “I’m yours. I will always be yours,” I finally managed to mumble out as he dipped his fingers inside me.

  Bryant’s mouth came back to mine. He kissed me senseless, and I attempted to unfasten his pants and remove the barriers between our bodies, desperate to get my fill of Bryant, to give him what he so obviously wanted.

  A nice quick romp later, we both were smiling like school kids as we snuck our way back into the reception. Scanning the room, I saw Leslie talking with Jordan. I headed that way and could feel my muscles aching all over. I smiled to myself as Leslie and Jordan looked to me.

  “Well, don’t you just look satisfied!” Leslie teased, making me turn a brilliant shade of red.

  Jordan looked me over, making me run my hands down my dress to ensure my appearance wasn’t a disaster.

  “Hello, Mrs. Archer.” Leaning in, I gave Leslie a hug. “Where is the mister?”

  With a laugh, and obviously knowing I was redirecting the conversation, Leslie pointed her finger in the direction of the outdoor bar where Grant and Bryant were celebrating with the groomsmen with a scotch and cigar.

  “And why aren’t you celebrating with the boys?” I asked Jordan.

  “That is just not where my interest lies,” Jordan smoothly replied with a debonair wink.

  Someone grabbed Leslie’s attention, and I felt the brush of Jordan’s hand as he grasped mine and tugged me toward a corner.

  “Jordan, what are you doing?” I nervously asked.

  He turning quickly back to me, and I could see the concern in Jordan’s tear-filled eyes as he searched me over. “Are you okay? I heard about the accident. Oh my God, Rose. I wanted to come. So. Bad. But I couldn’t leave training,” he explained, reaching out and caressing the scar on my forehead. “Grant told me that you and Bryant were reconnecting.” He changed course quickly, mentally giving me whiplash trying to keep up with his train of thought. “Rose, it’s not smart. I don’t want to see you hurt by him again. He is trouble.”

  Putting my hand up to stop the words that were spilling out of his mouth, I was stunned. I thought we had moved past all this in college when I’d run off to Italy. “Jordan, I need you to respect my decision. Bryant has my heart, always has, always will. You know that.”

  Shaking his head, Jordan started to argue when Bryant wrapped his hands around me from behind and pulled me into him. “Hey, man. Long time. How is the Navy treating you?”

  Stiffening his jaw, Jordan searched my eyes once more before glazing them over in aggravation and looking to Bryant. “Not too bad. Keeping pretty busy with the workload and training. Probably heading to Afghanistan later in the year.”

  My stomach clenched at the thought of Jordan in a combat zone.

  “I’m going to go find Leslie. See what my next job is as maid of honor,” I rambled, desperately wanting an excuse to escape this hell. Turning a corner, I leaned my back against a wall as tears welled in my eyes. Afghanistan. With Bryant back, I had neglected Jordan and our friendship, but with Darren returning, I needed Jordan now more than ever to lean on. Afghanistan! What if he got hurt — or killed. A sob grasped me by my throat. Not today. I couldn’t deal with this today. Pulling in a deep breath, I dashed away the few tears that had collected on my cheeks and searched out Leslie.

  CHAPTER NINE

  ROLLING OVER IN THE HOTEL BED, I snuggled up against Bryant’s firm body. I gently ran a hand up his chest and traced the lines of his muscles.

  “Good morning, hun,” his thick husky voice crooned.

  Looking up to him, I smiled. “Good morning.”

  Bryant’s hands held me close, and he softly caressed my lips with his own.

  “Let’s order some room service. Leslie and Grant are probably still in bed before catching their flight, and I don’t want to go down to the restaurant,” I pleaded.

  Bryant grabbed the menu then dialed for room service as I looked at the few options. “Good morning,” he called into the telephone. I pointed to the pancakes on the menu to give him my order, and he continued without missing a beat. “I’d like two orders of pancakes with bacon, a coffee, and a hot tea please.”

  A knock on the door had me untangling myself from him as he finished up our order. Wanting to look semi-decent I scooped up Bryant’s tuxedo shirt to put on and buttoned it up as I walked to the door.

  “Open this damn door, Rose Barnes! You’re not done with maid-of-honor duties yet!” Leslie hollered through the wooden door.

  As soon as I cracked it open, Leslie and Grant strutted in, already dressed for the day. While I walked past them back to my comfy bed, Grant whistled, and Leslie smacked my ass.

  “Ow!” I yelped, covering my just barely clothed cheeks and leaping into bed for Bryant’s protection. “Make them go away,” I whined, nestling into his arms.

  “Shouldn’t you guys be heading to the airport for your honeymoon?” Bryant asked with a laugh.

  “Yeah, I just need Rose a minute before we head out. You take care of her while I’m gone. Don’t be an ass.” She scolded Bryant like a mother would her child.

  “Yes, ma’am!” he shot back, saluting her with his right hand.

  Jordan.

  Leslie dragged me to the bathroom as I made a mental note to reach out to Jordan before he left to go back. Shutting the door behind us, I returned my attention to her.

  “What’s up?” I asked, taking a seat on the toilet lid. Judging by Leslie’s face, etched with worry and concern, it didn’t look good.

  “I just want to touch base with you before we go. We were so busy this week that we really haven’t talked about the bachelorette party any more, the new school with Mr. McCreepy, and then Jordan last night. I just don’t want you to get overwhelmed. I don’t want you to run. I am here for you, and Bryant is too if you’d just open up to him.”

  A knock at the door had us both hushing and looking at it like it might jump out and bite us.

  “Girls, I only ordered so much food, and… well, Grant will eat that amount alone. We are going to head down and get a table. Meet us in ten?” Bryant called through the wood.

  “Yeah, grab a table. I’ll get her presentable,” Leslie called back.

  Ugh. So much for staying in bed!

  With a huff, I stood up and walked out of the bathroom and got dressed to meet the guys at the restaurant.

  Thirty minutes later at breakfast, we were all seated in a round corner booth with plates of breakfast food steaming in front of us. The aroma of maple syrup and scrambled eggs made my mouth water as my stomach grumbled its demand of “Feed me!”

  Bryant raised his glass of orange juice. “To the happy newlyweds,” he said, clinking glasses with Grant. “And to us joining their ranks soon,” he crooned, touching mine.

  My cheeks felt hot as they filled with color. Bryant seemed so ready for me to become Mrs. Matthews.

  “Yes, Rose, when will you decide on a date?” Leslie interrogated.

  She damn-well knows my hesitation. I love Bryant so much, but we have just found our footing after years of craziness. Can’t we just enjoy a moment’s peace before parading down the aisle?

  Shooting an evil, fire-breathing glare at Leslie, I sweetly replied, “Well, you know, Les, I didn’t want to overshadow your event, and you had me pretty busy.” As if I could have held a candle to that pink, glittery spectacle. That movie with the two be
st friends wanting to get married the same day played through my mind, and a little snicker escaping my lips as I pictured an orange, spray-tanned Leslie with discolored hair.

  Leslie’s eyes lit up with fear, as if she could see the devious plotting going on upstairs in my mind, and she held her hands up in a retreating gesture.

  “Well, take your time, Rose. I know your day will be perfect, and as soon as I get back from my honeymoon, I will be as devoted to you as you were me,” Leslie pacified, throwing a smile out, no doubt to soothe me.

  Done with breakfast, we each slid out of the booth. “So, you guys ready to get to the airport?” I asked, ready to have her gone and back. Leslie was my center. She grounded me, pushed me, seriously drove me crazy; but she was my best. Without her, I’d be an explorer without a compass, even if her arrow was a little screwy.

  The airport terminal was bustling with people climbing out of cars to catch their flights. I slipped out of my car and stood by Leslie as Grant removed the luggage. “Have a great time,” I began. “Take lots of photos. Have lots of fun.”

  “Oh, we will, but I’m not sure you’ll want photos,” Grant kidded, waggling his eyebrows at me.

  Puke.

  Leslie’s musical laugh bubbled out, and I turned to embrace her in a hug. “Come back soon,” I whispered in her ear, squeezing her a bit tighter.

  Bryant rested his hands on my shoulder, signaling it was time to part from my best friend, who I hadn’t spent more than a day away from since the accident, except when Bryant had dragged me to some bed and breakfast over the summer.

  “If you need me, you call me. Don’t worry about the time, Rose. I am here,” Leslie sternly said. Her eyes showed the concern she was voicing. She obviously knew that everything going on had my anxiety up and that, without her there, Lord knows what would happen.

  As Bryant ushered me back in the car, a tear rolled down my cheek, and I dashed it away quickly, forcing the biggest smile I could muster to appear on my face. Waving enthusiastically as Bryant drove away, we turned the first corner, and then I felt those chocolate eyes on me as I sat there pulling at my cuticle and biting my bottom lip.

  “You got me, you know,” he soothed.

  “I know.”

  “It’s only a week.”

  “I know,” I grumbled.

  “I mean, what could possibly happen in a week?” Bryant said, sounding so assured and confident.

  Everything.

  CHAPTER TEN

  “UGH! I AM SO GLAD THIS weekend is over. I’m pooped!” I whined into my pillow, not bothering to even lift my head.

  “I know what you mean. I feel like I could drive to the airport with my eyes closed after shuttling so many of the guests to catch their flights. You think they could have coordinated the times, and I could have just rented a charter bus,” Bryant griped beside me.

  “What an amazing wedding, though. They looked so happy,” I said adoringly, rolling to look at Bryant and trace his pecs and abs with my fingertips. His olive-toned skin trembled beneath my touch as little goose bumps appeared.

  Turning his head to look at me, he leaned in and placed a soft warm kiss on my lips, letting his tongue just barely dart out to taste me. “You know I love you. I am happy,” he whispered as he nuzzled my neck.

  “I love you too, Bryant, so much,” I whispered back softly.

  “Pick a date. If you don’t want it to be big, we can just go to the courthouse, a park — whatever you want. Just marry me. Marry me tomorrow. I just want a ring on your finger, my name to be yours. I want to look at you, Rose, and call you my wife,” Bryant pleaded desperately as tears welled in his eyes.

  Rolling away, I heard a huge sigh come from Bryant. Defeated. Giving up on me. Turning back to him, phone in hand, I let a smile light up my face. My finger quickly typed in the code to unlock my phone, and the brightness of the screen lit up the room with its artificial glow. I squinted a moment, trying to get my bearings. “Okay, so, tomorrow, I got work.” I paused, looking up into the eyes of the man I loved more than life itself.

  A slow smile spread across his face as he watched what I was doing.

  “But you know, if we get married while Leslie is away, we’d have to go into the witness protection program. I don’t even think the mafia could protect us from her wrath.”

  Bryant winced as if he was visualizing Leslie coming after us. “Yeah we should wait for her,” he agreed, nodding his head.

  “I do want a small church wedding… and a white dress,” I continued.

  “And you deserve it. You can have anything you want.” Bryant kissed me swiftly, excitement just pouring off him.

  Laughing, I went on. “So that takes some time. Let’s pick — Valentine’s Day? I know, it’s totally cliché, but, at least then when we celebrate the day, it will mean more to us. It won’t be only a day where you buy me chocolates and roses because it’s a just a holiday. It will be our holiday, and everyone will be joining in celebrating our anniversary.”

  Bryant reached over and grabbed his phone, unlocked it, and accessed his calendar.

  February fourteenth, it is.

  After clicking save, he changed to a different screen on his phone and then twisted it away from me.

  I tried to peer over his shoulder with no luck. “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “None a ya business,” he teased, sticking his tongue out at me.

  Letting out a sigh, I narrowed my eyes to attempt to intimidate him into submission.

  “Bryant, love, haven’t you heard the expression Happy Wife, Happy Life? It applies now.” I used my sternest tone.

  Letting out a deep laugh, he clicked a few more keys on his phone, and I was forced to stare as his smile grew bigger and bigger. My phone dinged in my hand.

  You were tagged in Bryant Matthew’s status.

  “Seriously?” I laughed. I clicked it open, and sure enough, there was a new status from the crazy man lying in bed beside me.

  It’s official, folks! This woman has FINALLY picked a damn date. In 192 days, Rose will become Mrs. Matthews. Leslie, you better hurry back so you girls can start planning, cause it’s happening!

  “Wow you got it down to the day, huh? What about hours and minutes?” I teased some more, elated that I’d made Bryant so happy by just picking a date.

  Pulling me into him to snuggle, he let out a chuckle. “Silly, you didn’t set the time, just a date. I’ll update the countdown app when you get that squared away.”

  “Oh, goodness me, Bryant!” I giggled just as my phone let out another ding.

  Bryant placed a kiss on my forehead and settled in to fall asleep as I looked at my phone screen.

  Jordan: Congrats on picking a date. Don’t rush into it Rose, trust yourself.

  Staring at a moment, I swallowed past the worry he’d dredge up inside of me. Damn you, Jordan. Closing my eyes, I tried to focus on the good. Focus on the here and now. I didn’t doubt I wanted to spend my life with Bryant, every waking second with him. Determined, I replied to Jordan.

  Me: Thank you. I appreciate your support more than I can say. I know you will always be there for me, and I love that.

  I could see the little ellipsis appear immediately as Jordan pecked away a reply back to me. My phone buzzed in my hand again, and the message that came through would have had my jaw on the floor had I not been lying in bed. I quickly deleted the entire conversation. Blasphemy. I didn’t want to stir up that hornet’s nest again between the guys. I thought we were past this, thought he understood. Bryant, I love Bryant. I sat there, eyes closed, continuing to beat that mantra into my mind. The black text against the white pixel screen of my phone burned behind my eyelids.

  Jordan: I have, still, will — always LOVE YOU.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  SCHOOL WOULD KICK OFF THAT WEEK, so as I put the car in park in the teacher lot of Ingram Elementary, I mentally ran through everything I had hoped to accomplish before kids arrived.

  I saw a flash of white
as a car whipped in quickly beside me and jerked to a halt, gears grinding as it was thrown in park. Looking over, Ian flashed me a smile and waved enthusiastically.

  I shut my door and pushed the key to lock it up just as Ian’s car beeped, telling me he’d done the same.

  “Cute car,” he called over the roof at me as he hoisted the strap of his leather messenger bag onto his shoulder.

  “And you,” I called back, taking stock of his white Mercedes that he had just abusively pulled into the parking space beside me.

  Ian puffed out his chest in an act of masculinity. “Mercedes,” he boasted.

  “Wow, head teacher must pay well,” I joked, trying to smack him back down a few notches to the real world.

  “Yeah, well, I didn’t get it from teaching,” he mumbled. “I’m just—” He paused as he chewed on his bottom lip, apparently deciding how to proceed. “I come from it, so I spend it. Can’t take it with me. Look, we need to get working. Class starts this week, so you need to be ready, and I saw your room. You’re not.” Stomping off, Ian reached in his coat, yanked a phone out of his pocket, and put it to his ear.

  Grabbing a box from my trunk, I made my way into the building still flabbergasted from that whole exchange. My spidey senses were on red alert. Something about Ian set my nerves on edge, but besides seeing him portray an immature man with an ego complex, I really hadn’t had any negative experiences with him. He had been pretty helpful since I’d come to the school and had always offered to answer any questions I’d had.

  As I made my way down the outside corridor toward my room, I could hear Ian’s voice carrying through his closed door.

  “No, man! Fuck that! This is too close. I owe you nothing.”

  Slowing down, I tripped on the sidewalk and fell to the concrete. The contents of my box dumped out all over. Ian’s door slung open as I kneeled on the floor, fighting back a few tears. I wasn’t sure if they were as result of the stinging pain coming from my knees or the sting of embarrassment.