Secret Regrets (Living For Today #2)

by Megan C. Smith

  “I did what!” I shrieked, closing my eyes to bring the memory of moments ago back, but finding only darkness. A hole just like the one I was looking at created a void I was unable to fill.

  Once we were settled on the couch, Leslie took my hand within hers, cradling it gingerly. “Rose, do you remember what just happened? You’ve been locked away for a few hours now. Bryant had hoped you’d come out, but when you stopped responding to him and started screaming, he called me. You scared the shit out of him.”

  “Leslie, I don’t know. I remember…” I paused trying to place everything I could recall in my mind. “…I remember him not liking dinner. He is so stressed with his parents coming that he has shut down. He yelled. His eyes were on fire. I backed up and hit the staircase, and he was going to come after me, and then…” My voice drifted off as I hit the block in my memory.

  The back door squeaked as it opened, and soon a solemn-looking Bryant and a worried-looking Grant entered the living room. I slowly stood up and made my way over to him. As I got closer, his brown eyes moved up to look at me through his eyelashes, the pain easily readable. Snaking my arms around him, I held on tightly, feeling the ripple of his muscles as he brought his arms around me.

  “We are just going to leave now. Call me if you need me,” Leslie said from behind as she dragged Grant out the front door.

  “Rose,” Bryant’s soft voice unnerved me more than anything. He seemed unsure and uneasy, and that made me nervous. When my rock crumbled and turned to dust, I was left with no foundation.

  “Shh…”I placed a finger over his soft plump lips. “I’m tired of arguing, of talking, of beating this all to a pulp. I want you and me. I want us without the dark cloud looming over us. Kiss me. Love me.” Stretching up on tiptoe, I got just close enough that I could feel each breath escape his lips, smell the yeast of the hops from his Yuengling. My tongue slipped out to moisten my lips, trying to tempt him further.

  Bryant’s eyes grew darker as watched my every move, seeming to trace each curve of my body. With a growl, his lips were molding to mine as he tasted me. Scooping me up, he guided my legs around his waist so that my core was nestled right against his hard length that was begging to be inside me. Every second we stood here, kissing, tasting, teasing made me wetter with desire. Feeling him against me made my body ache with need.

  “I will always love you, sweetheart. It’s you and me against the world, and we will win every time,” Bryant promised into my opened mouth as I gasped for air.

  WAKING UP THE NEXT morning in our bed, my body ached for an entirely different reason. I felt worn out and thoroughly sated. I sat up and let the blankets pool around my waist as I stretched my arms above my head. Beside me, Bryant sighed as he rolled over to his side, a smile on his peaceful, sleeping face. Quietly, I slipped out of bed and took a quick shower before heading downstairs to start my weekend cleaning ritual. Bryant’s parents were expected in around noon, so I knew I had a few hours to let him rest and get the house in order.

  As I knelt on the floor with a bucket and scrub brush, I scoured the kitchen tile, intent on making it and grout look new. Wiping my forehead, I made a mental note. I’m going to need another shower before their arrival.

  Bryant had finally opened up a bit more last night after some physical exertion, letting me know what his parents would expect.

  The knock on the heavy wood door forced me up off the floor. Figuring it was Leslie, since she had texted to see how our night had gone, I quickly made my way over to the door to let her in. I could most certainly use a helping hand getting this house sparkling. The deadbolt clicked when I unlocked it, just as the doorbell rang loudly through the house. I looked up the stairs, pausing to listen for Bryant before calling through the wood. “I’m coming, I’m coming. Cool your jets, woman!”

  As the door opened, I came face to face with perfectly polished woman in a pastel pink skirt-suit, pearls dangling from her ears and neck. Her pristine hair was pinned up meticulously, and she stood beside a man who looked her equal.

  “Oh my, I apologize. Are you Mr. and Mrs. Matthews?” I asked with a gracious smile.

  Her penetrating gaze looked me up and down as her lip curled back in disgust. “We are. My dear, you really should not answer a door when you don’t look presentable.”

  Taken aback, I stared at her a moment before getting my bearings. “Of course. I was just trying to get in some last-minute cleaning before you two arrived. Please, come in.”

  Bryant’s mom stepped in first, her heels slicking against the tile foyer as she glanced around, obviously appraising the living room.

  “Please, make yourself at home,” I offered, gesturing toward the couches. “May I take your luggage up to the guest room?”

  Mr. Matthew’s smiled a genuine smile at me. “No, no, dear. No need to fuss over us. I’ll take it up if you’ll show me the way.”

  Returning the smile, I started to reply but was cut short by Mrs. Matthews behind me.

  “What you can do is retrieve my son. It is far too late for him to be lounging in bed. Wasted time is not productive time.”

  “First off, mother…” Bryant growled from the staircase. “…you will not speak to Rose that way. Second, I’m up. I sensed the depression settle on my home upon your arrival. Now, what is it you needed? The quicker we get it resolved the quicker you can leave.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  “PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME GET out of bed and go down there,” I desperately pleaded to Bryant. His parents had been insufferable the day before, and I just didn’t even want to be around them.

  “Look, if I have to deal with them, you do too. Move it,” Bryant teased, pushing me away from him and out of the bed onto the floor.

  I fell with a thud and glared up at him. “I thought you loved me,” I said, sticking my tongue out at him in the most juvenile fashion.

  With a laugh, Bryant lugged himself to his feet and toward the bedroom door. He turned to look over his shoulder at me unyielding on the floor. “I expect you downstairs in ten minutes, or I am coming back and dragging you down.”

  “Bryant, dear, that is not acceptable behavior,” I called back in Bryant’s mom’s voice, tossing a pillow within my reach toward his disappearing back.

  Relenting, I quickly hopped into the shower and washed my hair. I slipped into my wardrobe and pulled down a lilac-colored dress with a lace edging to it. Holding it against my naked body, I faced the mirror, critically analyzing my appearance, wanting his mom to like me so much. I decided it would do for whatever we ended up doing today, so I dressed and slipped my feet into my nude ballet flats. Once I was back in the bathroom, I finished getting ready before heading downstairs to the smell of pancakes and bacon.

  “Good morning,” I said to the room in a sing-song voice, immediately garnering the attention of my future in-laws.

  “Hey, sweetheart,” I whispered in Bryant’s ear as he smoothly flipped over a pancake before placing a quick kiss on my lips. As I backed away, I heard his mom suck her teeth. After fixing my coffee, I took my seat at the table, waiting for Bryant to join us with the serving plates of breakfast.

  “Rose, I was thinking you and I should spend some quality time together, you know. Mother-daughter time. Since you will be… family.” The last word came out filled with disdain, contempt.

  Meeting her eyes, I saw a flash of evil in their golden hue that told me to keep my guard up.

  “That’s a great idea!” Bryant cheered from the kitchen as he grabbed the plate of pancakes. “Why don’t you two go to that new restaurant downtown? I hear the food is really good. Dad and I can get in some quality time, and then we will meet up with you both at church.”

  Alarmed, I looked up at Bryant. One, he was going along with this harebrained scheme that even seemed to concern his father; and two, we didn’t go to church. Not that we weren’t religious or didn’t believe, but after Angelica, I’d never gotten back. Twenty-four hours with his parents, and already he was
losing it, and I was stuck in the middle.

  “Yeah…” Hesitantly I began as my brain scrambled for something to grasp on to. “…I just have to run a few errands beforehand.”

  “Well, I don’t really want to drive all over God’s creation, dear. You will just meet me there. Noon.” Her curt reply was the final word on the matter as she began serving her husband then herself.

  I grabbed the fork and piled two fluffy buttermilk pancakes on my plate. Feeling famished, I stretched out for one more, until I caught the raised eyebrow from Mrs. Matthews, the judgmental face that asked if I really needed that third pancake. With a sigh, I sent down the fork and began fixing the ones on my plate. She could throw me a critical look all she wanted, but these babies were getting butter slathered on them and maple syrup poured over top.

  After eating as quickly as possible without choking on a pancake, I was up and out the door before anyone could stop me. I needed to escape, Bryant could have quality time with both of his parents. Reaching into my purse, I grabbed my phone and pressed the speed dial for the person who would understand exactly where I was coming from in this weird parental relationship. My car revved to life, and the engine roared as I pressed the pedal to back out of the driveway.

  “Hello?” the response was instant, and I thanked my lucky stars that I hadn’t been sent to voicemail.

  “I need to talk with you. Where are you?”

  She rattled off directions over the phone. I tossed it into the cup holder and sped off in the direction of my salvation. Whipping my car into a parking space, I got the attention of a few runners in the park finishing or starting their morning exercise routines. Seeing the serenity of the park and the ease at which they prepared for their run by stretching, I wondered if I should take up running. While getting out of the car onto the sidewalk, I tripped on a crack and remembered why running had never been my thing.

  “Hey!” I called as soon as I spotted the silhouette leaning against an oak tree.

  “Hey back,” she called as she turned to walk over to me. As soon as she reached me, she pulled me in to a warm comforting embrace.

  “Mom, I’ve missed you.” I wept in to her shoulder. “Despite our crazy relationship, I hope you know I love you.”

  Her soft chuckle soothed my soul. “I remember a long four years of not seeing or hearing from my daughter. Come sit with me. Tell me your troubles.”

  “It’s Bryant’s mother. Truly, I don’t think his father is so bad, although how he puts up with that woman I will never understand. And now she wants us to have lunch — and bond. Bullshit!”

  “Rose!” my mother scolded.

  “Sorry, she is just evil. We are meeting at that new bistro downtown off Franklin Street.” A rustle behind me made me jump. Spinning quickly, I spotted a squirrel nibbling on a fallen acorn. I let out a carefree laugh and continued my emotional rant to my poor mother for over an hour as we took a walk and caught up.

  Once I finally fell silent, she told me all about her cruise through the Mediterranean and the new man she was seeing.. Before long, our time was up. Checking my watch, I knew I was running late to meet up with Bryant’s mother.

  Waving goodbye, I drove off to lunch. I felt like what I could only imagine as someone walking to meet her executioner. I could feel it in my bones. This woman did not like me. She wasn’t getting close to me for my benefit. After parking the car in the restaurant’s garage, I rushed into the restaurant. Striding up to the hostess stand, I spotted Mrs. Matthews sitting at a table with another man, whose back was to me. Great, what is she up to!

  Hustling to the table, I smoothed my dress as I approached her, more determined than ever to seal her mouth and make her eat her own spiteful words.

  “Rose, there you are. Finally!” She was exasperated. That much was clear.

  Forcing a smile to my face, I curtsied, no idea why. It was just what my body did. “I apologize. I ran into my mother and was catching up with her. She just returned from her cruise.”

  “Rose, that’s fine. Greet our guest. He has been keeping me company in your absence. Saw me sitting all alone. It seems you know him.” Her hand waved in the air as she gestured to the man whose face I still hadn’t seen. My eyes were warily looking him over, and the hairs on the nape of my neck stood on end.

  When he stood and pivoted to face me, my body recoiled as my stomach attempted to upturn. Staring at me were a set eyes that struck fear throughout my body. He looked sophisticated and charming, but I knew who he was on the inside. A vile abomination.

  “Rose, it’s been too long. I just happened to run in to Eleanor and realized we had a common interest. You.”

  Falling into an empty chair, I was speechless as I starred in horror, wondering what he had said to win over my future mother-in-law. I presumed by her outward kindness toward him that she knew nothing of who he truthfully was. But why would she? A well-dressed, college-educated man, she probably suspected nothing out of the ordinary and just sat there, staring at me, mouth agape, no doubt wondering how on earth I’d gained his interest in the first place.

  “Rose, sit,” she muttered in my ear before leaning back. “Darren, please join us for lunch. I would very much enjoy your company.”

  “Oh no, I really must go.” He politely excused himself and placed a gentle kiss on her hand.

  As he came closer to me in the process, my skin crawled in repulsion.

  “Oh well, take care. Tell your mother I said hello, and I will call her to schedule a visit.” He leaned near, and I could smell the strong scent of his cologne. “I’ll see you soon. I miss you. Don’t forget you are mine,” he whispered while placing a kiss on my cheek.

  My body shook as my nightmares became a reality.

  “Rose, it truly was great to see you again. I hope to see you again soon,” he said loud enough for Eleanor to hear before strolling back out the front door.

  “What a lovely young man he has grown up to be. I know his mother from one of my women’s groups I use to belong to when I lived here. He was positively raving about you…” Bryant’s mother’s voice rambled on as nausea washed over me.

  “I feel sick,” I mumbled before rushing to the bathroom. Tears streamed down my face, and dry heaves wracked through my body as I hung over the toilet. I dug into my purse and pulled out my phone then quickly dialed the number before putting it to my ear to hear the ring.

  “Hey, sweetheart, how is lunch with my mom?” Bryant’s voice came over the phone.

  “He was here. He was here. Bryant, he touched me. He kissed me!” I shouted into the phone.

  “What!” he roared. “By he, you mean Darren?”

  “Yes, he was here, Bryant. He won’t let me go.” I bawled.

  “Deep breaths, honey. He won’t hurt you, I promise. I’m on my way!”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  “MOM! ENOUGH! YOU DON’T KNOW THE history there!” Bryant had screamed at the top of his lungs as I huddled in the bedroom upstairs. He’d read her the riot act since bringing me home and getting me settled, holding off the urge to strangle her as she’d sung Darren’s praises.

  “Rose,” his voice was soft and gentle as he sat on the edge of the bed. “Are you okay?”

  Shaking my head no, I tried to find the words to reassure him that I was strong enough. “I’ll be okay. I have you.” My voice was broken and trembling, but I had faith in my words.

  “Bryant?” His mother knocked on the door. “Will you be joining us at church?”

  Clenching his jaw, Bryant pulled a breath of air in through his nose, obviously trying to rein in his anger. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of her,” he whispered then placed a tender kiss on my temple.

  “No…” I reached out and grabbed hold of his arm as I moved myself to sit up. “…we will go. He can’t rule my life, and, Lord knows, he can’t walk into a church.”

  The drive to the church was silent, the radio so low I could barely hear the lyrics being sung. Before I knew it, we were pulling in
and walking into the beautiful church lit by the sunlight coming through the stained-glass windows.

  As I sat there listening to the priest give his sermon, it made me believe I’d been destined to attend that day. He spoke of the trials of life and how pain and evil serves a purpose. He reminded us to live each day as if there might not be a tomorrow.

  Bryant squeezed my hand that was within his, smirking when he captured my attention. “I love you, Rose,” he said with a reverence I adored.

  Eleanor, beside him, sucked her teeth at us. “Hush now. Don’t be rude. The priest is speaking,” she scolded before returning her attention to the priest at the altar.

  ONCE WE WERE HOME, I started cooking up some eggplant parmesan for dinner, Bryant and I working in unison as we chopped and prepared the meal. As the aroma of the tomatoes and basil filled the kitchen, my stomach grumbled in starvation. After putting the baking dish in the oven, I turned toward the snack cabinet in search of something to hold me over. After I’d spotted the cookies and grabbed a few, Bryant let out a chuckle. I smirked at him in return and stuck one in my mouth, letting out a soft moan as the chocolate danced over my taste buds. When my eyes open again, Bryant’s were watching me, devouring me with their gaze. I loved when we connected like that, but knowing his mom was nearby made it quite uncomfortable. .

  “Sweetheart, I’m going to hop in the shower. When the timer beeps, will you just pull the dish out of the oven? I should be out before then, but just in case.” I said, excusing myself from the sparking atmosphere.

  Eleanor looked up at me from her book she was reading. “Oh, Rose, don’t worry. I will handle it. Enjoy your shower.”

  Her kindness was unsettling. I felt like the woman was up to no good, but I couldn’t decide why. She was hot and cold around me and impossible to read.

  Fresh from the shower I slipped on some lounging pants and a top, figuring the woman hated me anyway, I might as well be comfortable. Padding down the stairs, I could hear Eleanor’s shrilly voice talking to Bryant.