Secret Regrets (Living For Today #2)

by Megan C. Smith

  “Bryant, she just wants to see you. She misses you so much and doesn’t understand what happened. She hasn’t moved on.”

  My stomach rolled over as the unsettling feeling of more secrets washed over me. “Who is she?” I asked as I entered the kitchen, knowing what the answer would most likely be.

  Both Bryant and his mother froze, staring between one another and then to me. His face was a mix of anger and nervousness, while his mother resisted the smile trying to turn her lips.

  “Nobody of importance,” Bryant quickly spoke, stepping toward me in reassurance.

  I moved my eyes to his mother again, knowing she was desperate to give me the truth I was seeking. Raising my eyebrow, I waited, mentally preparing myself for what she would say.

  “Bryant, I hardly think Jennifer is a nobody. I mean, you were practically engaged to be married to her after dating all through high school. It seemed like such a sure thing.” His mother’s voice was so matter-of-fact, so truthful that as I looked to Bryant’s fallen face, I knew it wasn’t a lie.

  “What happened?” I asked, apparently feeling a bit masochistic.

  “Her dad didn’t like that I was changing my career path and told her that he didn’t approve. While I was away on my graduation trip, they moved away.”

  The timer of the oven began to blare, giving me an excuse to move, to do something, because at that point, I was treading water, and not well.

  “Perfect. Dinner. I am starving,” I said, stepping around Bryant and his mother to grab a potholder. “Bryant, dear, can you set the table? I just have to slice the bread, and dinner will be all set.”

  I could feel him not moving. Feel him staring at me, waiting for me to explode. But honestly, I had nothing left in me. My mind had so much flying through it, that to focus on one thing was impossible. I was drowning and lost without any sense of which way was up.

  “Eleanor, it seems Bryant has forgotten where the plates are. Will you please help him? They are in the cabinet above the dishwasher. We don’t want dinner to get cold.”

  Bryant’s mom instantly went into action, grabbing four plates and silverware from the drawer.

  Bryant came up behind me, and my body went stiff. “Bryant, I’m trying to stay. I’m trying to not run and scream and cry. Don’t touch me. Just give me some time to process this. I know you had a past — I’m not naïve — I just didn’t realize it would have been so serious. That it would come back and want to take you from me.”

  “Nothing can take me from you. You are my life,” Bryant’s husky voice soothed me.

  Quickly slicing up the bread, I put it in a bowl before handing it to Bryant to carry.

  Scooping up the baking dish, I walked passed him toward the table to attempt to eat for the second time that day, when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball.

  “I’ll be right there,” Bryant called to my back.

  Sitting at the table waiting for Bryant seemed like a lifetime. Silence had taken over the house. His dad served himself some eggplant parmesan, and his mom fiddled with her silverware. Suddenly, the loud crash of glass had me flying from my chair and into the kitchen.

  “Bryant!” I screamed as I rounded the corner to see the bread scattered on the floor surrounded by shards of the bowl. There was no Bryant to be found, but the garage door was open, and I heard his truck roar to life. As fast as I could, I leaped over the pile of broken glass and ran to the door just in time to see his truck squeal out on the road and take off out of the neighborhood.

  “My God! He is just as reckless as he was years ago. He never thinks, just reacts. He gets so attached to things that he can’t see the best course for him.” Bryant’s mom spoke from the edge of the glass.

  “I don’t understand. Why did he run off?” I asked aloud, realizing my mistake when I got a response.

  “You. You two are so volatile you have no business being together. You are so wrong for him I’m not even sure how you ended up together, besides the fact that he got you pregnant out of wedlock, and, I suppose, felt responsible. But that ship has sailed, and I am truly sorry for your loss. Now you need to let him go. This is not the life I had planned for my son.”

  Her words were like a knife to my fragile soul. I couldn’t take it anymore as she continued on, belittling me and demeaning me. Tears welled in my eyes before finally overfilling and pouring down my face.

  “Enough!” Bryant’s father yelled, making us both jump. “Eleanor, you have meddled enough, and you are going to drive our son away. Rose seems like a fine choice to me. Accept it.”

  “I-I…” Eleanor stammered as she fought her trembling lip. “…I will do no such thing. This girl will be the ruin of our son. I know it in my soul.”

  Shoving past the witch, I grabbed my phone and headed up to my room, exhausted with the day and needing to find Bryant. After trying his cell and getting voicemail, I called Grant and put him on alert before falling into a restless sleep…

  Running. I am running as fast as I can to Bryant, but with each obstacle another appears. Darren, Eleanor, Jordan, Ian. Life. I can’t take anymore as they each tried to weigh me down and hold me back. “Bryant!” I scream, desperate for him to save me…

  Lunging out of bed, dripping in sweat, I clung to the sheets, gasping for air. Movement in the bathroom caught my attention, and I noticed the light was on as well. “Bryant,” I called as I cracked the door open. However, once the door opened, I couldn’t take another step. I couldn’t comprehend what I was seeing.

  The man I loved with all my heart turned to face me. All I could see was blood splattered in our sink, bright and red. The same red covered his clothes.

  Bryant’s eyes were large with alarm as he scrubbed his hands raw, finally speaking. “I had to. He wouldn’t have ever let you go. He wanted to hurt you.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  SCRAMBLING IN TO THE BATHROOM, I wasn’t even sure what to do, what to touch. “Bryant, look at me!” I screamed, trying to get him to focus. “We need to call the police. What happened?”

  Bryant’s face instantly sobered up as his eyes lifted to mine, his scrubbing ceasing. “No, no police. Rose, I killed him. Don’t you get it? I didn’t mean to — well, I did, just not at first. Shit, I don’t even know what happened. He mailed a letter here with photos of you inside the house, you naked in the shower. Photos of you at school. He’s been following your every step. He wrote that if he couldn’t have you, he would take you or kill you.” Pausing, Bryant looked back at his hands that were still tinted red from the blood.

  “Next thing I knew, I found him at a bar we use to all go to, and he walked out to the alleyway. I followed him because I wanted this shit done. I wanted him out of our lives.”

  Bryant’s mom’s voice carried from our room to the bathroom. “Bryant? Are you in there? There are two police officers downstairs to see you.” Her voice shook with nerves as she cracked the door open, letting out a blood-curdling scream when she surveyed the scene.

  Two police officers came barreling through the door, guns drawn, making both Eleanor and I scream this time.

  “Put your hands up!” the officers commanded, pointing their guns at Bryant.

  My blood ran ice cold as I watched the scene unfold.

  Bryant’s hands flew up, as he stepped toward the officers. “Officer, I can explain. My fiancée was being stalked, threatened.” The pitch of his voice elevated with his hysteria.

  “I said… Do. Not. Move!” the officer commanded, his hands shaking as he continued keeping his firearm trained on the love of my life.

  My body moved, instincts taking over as I jumped in front of Bryant, trying to get them to see reason.

  “Rose!” Bryant yelled just as a gunshot rang through the bathroom.

  The bullet sliced through my shoulder, making me wince in pain.

  Eleanor was a blubbering mess behind the two officers as one attempted to cuff Bryant, and the other moved to me, radioing for a medic.

  “Let me help
her, please. I’m a paramedic. If you don’t stop that bleeding, she could bleed out. The closest station is twenty minutes away,” he reasoned with the officers.

  “I’m sorry, sir. You are under arrest for the murder of Darren Parker. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can be held against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand your rights as I have read them to you?” The officer Mirandized Bryant, shackling his arms behind his back.

  “Please, just put a towel on her shoulder. You have to put pressure on the wound,” he begged to the officer at my side as the one who’d arrested him led him out.

  SITTING IN THE EMERGENCY room with my newest escort, Officer Peet, I chewed on my lip, nervous of what lay ahead. Bryant’s parents had followed him to the station, and I’d been left alone, waiting to find out my fate.

  “So, do you want to tell me what you know?” Officer Peet asked.

  “I really don’t know much,” I responded hesitantly, not wanting to dig us in to a deeper hole. “I was raped years ago by Darren Parker, but he got away without charges. Now he is back and stalking me, assaulting and threatening me. You can check your files. I filed a report a few weeks back when I discovered that a co-worker was spying on me for him. Last I saw him was at lunch yesterday—”

  “Wait. You were eating lunch with a man who is supposedly terrorizing you?” the officer questioned.

  “No, I was supposed to meet my fiancé’s mother, but he was there, and he threatened me again. All Bryant told me was that he found a letter and some very intimate photos of me that had been taken without my permission.”

  “So he went out to kill him?” The officer gave me an incredulous look.

  “No, of course not. Bryant would never— I don’t know!” Tears leaked out of my eyes and streamed down my face as the officer shook his head at me.

  “Look, we can charge you with obstruction, but we’ll hold off ‘til we talk to the D.A. But you are going to have to come to the station with me as soon as they discharge you.”

  Nodding, I fell silent again, looking at my hands as I wrung the sheet on the bed. “Can I make a phone call?” I requested.

  With a nod, Officer Peet handed me the phone and stepped out of the room. Staring at the phone, I contemplated who to call. I knew who I should call, but life just wasn’t that simple or easy. Sucking it up, I dialed the number I knew by heart and put the phone to me ear just in time to hear the first ring ending.

  “Hey, Rose. What’s up?” Jordan’s smooth and easy voice came over the line.

  “Jordan, I’ve been arrested. Well, I think I have… I’m not sure. Bryant has too, for murder. I don’t know what to do.” Sobs I had been fighting back broke free and wracked my body.

  “Shh… love, calm down. I’m actually in town right now. Where are you?” he calmly asked, speaking to me like a child.

  “I’m at the hospital,” I replied, laughing at the fact that this had been like my second home the last few years. Given the current situation, there could be worse places.

  Within fifteen minutes, I could hear Jordan’s voice in the hall as he grabbed nurses in a hunt for me.

  Officer Peet’s eyes met mine. “Friend of yours?”

  I nodded yes, and then he slipped out and waved Jordan into my room.

  “Holy shit! You’ve been shot! What the hell were you thinking!” Jordan frantically hollered while surveying the rest of me. “Are you okay? Will they charge you? Jesus, Rose!”

  “Jordan!” I yelled, trying to get him to shut the hell up and focus on me. My concern was on one thing and one thing only. It was the reason I’d risked everything in the first place. “I need you to go to the precinct and help Bryant. That is why I called you. You have to help him.”

  Jordan blanched at me, no doubt trying to decide if I’d completely lost it or not. Trying to argue, Jordan shook his head no, but I cut him off at the pass.

  “Don’t. I know you are a military lawyer, but you know criminal law. I just need to know he is okay. Darren has been stalking me, photographing and threatening me. I’m not sure what all happened, but Bryant confronted him, and when I found him, he was in shock.”

  “Stop talking, Rose.” Jordan’s tone was all business, making my nerves skyrocket.

  What if he said no to helping me? I mean, he had just been assaulted by Bryant — and ignored by me. Terror and fear rocked through my body.

  “I can be subpoenaed. Stop talking. I’ll go and speak to them about your case as well.” Jordan stared at me, apparently lost in thought, as I let the spark of hope light inside me.

  The knock at the door had both of us turning to see who was coming in, wondering if they had handcuffs in my size ready to restrain me.

  “Ma’am, my name is Dr. Davis. I just got some of your lab-work back and wanted to speak with you… alone.”

  Waving Jordan out, I refocused my attention on a very young Dr. Davis

  “Rose, I am prepared to discharge you. You were very fortunate that the bullet went straight through and didn’t seem to do any major damage. I am writing you a scrip for physical therapy once it is healed.” He paused, and the papers rustled when he flipped a page in my charts.

  I turned my gaze to the window and watched the large oak tree swaying with the wind and incoming storm.

  “Miss, did you hear me?”

  Shaking my head to refocus my attention, I looked back to the doctor. “I apologize. My thoughts are elsewhere.”

  Nodding his head in agreement, Dr. Davis closed his file up. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll have your primary physician discuss it with you when you see him. Do you have any questions?”

  I shook my head no, and Dr. Davis excused himself, holding the door for Officer Peet to step back in.

  “Well, it seems your friend has a special touch. I just got a call from the district attorney, and we are not pressing charges.” Officer Peet’s voice sounded nervous and anxious as he spoke, making me wonder what Jordan had done to stir such a reaction. “For what it’s worth…” He whispered remorsefully. “…I am sorry you were caught in the crossfire. I can’t imagine how scary that situation was for you, but your fiancé can’t just take the law into his own hands.”

  I all but ran out of the hospital, beyond ready to escape and get to Bryant. Leslie was waiting outside in her car, ready to get me to the police station. “You two are seriously trying to make me go crazy?” she said as she floored it out on to the main road.

  Crashing through the division doors, I saw Jordan speaking to a man in a suit off near the interrogation rooms.

  Seeing me, he excused himself and walked over. “Look, it’s not all bad, but it isn’t good either. Witnesses place Bryant at the bar confronting Darren and screaming he was going to make him pay. Good news, though, was they also knew Darren had physically gone after Bryant in the alley. They didn’t want to get in the middle of it, so they called the police. Bryant leaving the scene doesn’t help his case, but a lawyer can make a case with the stalking. Regardless, you need to prepare yourself for him to go to prison, Rose. Minimum sentencing is still like eight years.”

  Eight Years.

  Falling to a heap on the floor, I cried uncontrollably. My two friends wrapped themselves around me to comfort me, but it was of no use.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  I IMAGINED THAT WAS WHAT HELL was like. Looking around, I could feel the Florida humidity as it made my skin sheen with a layer of sweat. It was certainly hot enough to be hell, despite the calendar saying it was October.

  Jordan’s hand held my own so firmly I could feel the calluses from his physical training with the Navy.

  Earlier, we’d met the attorney Bryant’s mother had hired, and I prayed he would have promising news. Bail had been denied at the bond hearing, and seeing Bryant in the fluorescent orange jumpsuit had made my insides revolt in protest.

  It was all my fault. Tears trickled
down my face, my eyes burning from crying for days on end. I truly wasn’t sure how much longer I could do it, how much longer I could keep walking forward as every demon in hell pulled me down.

  “Rose,” Jordan’s voice was soft, caring, and guarded. He obviously knew I was on edge, ready to just break down.

  Looking up to meet his green eyes, I realized they were not looking at me, but instead at the lawyer coming our way. The woman was gorgeous, and in a red form-fitting dress and nude heels, she, no doubt, captured the attention of every person standing outside the courtroom with us. Her Louis Vuitton handbag hanging off her arm would easily have cost me half-a-year’s salary, and I cringed thinking of the rate she was charging the Matthews because of me.

  “Hello,” her sultry voice greeted. She raked her eyes over Jordan before snarling at me. “I’m Jennifer Collins. I am Bryant’s attorney and have met with him on several occasions this week to hopefully get him out on home monitoring during the investigation.”

  “I’m confused,” I said, shaking my head. “I have tried to visit Bryant but was denied access each time.”

  “Well, Ms. Barnes, that is my doing for multiple reason. One, you are not married and thus you can be called as a witness. Two, he doesn’t want to see you at this time.” Done with the conversation, she moved past me and headed into the courtroom.

  Blinking my eyes, I fought back the tears pooling in my eyes and blurring my vision. I stared off into the distance, focusing on a swaying palm tree, imagining I was on a beach somewhere far from here, happy and relaxed.

  Jordan pulled me into his side, rubbing my back softly as he placed a kiss on my temple. “You got this. You are the toughest woman I know, and she — she doesn’t seem like she will roll over too easily.”

  Jordan and I followed behind Ms. Collins as she approached the Matthews. Eleanor was tucked under her husband’s arm, handkerchief held to her nose as she got teary-eyed herself. They hadn’t spoken to me since the arrest. The tension in the house could have been cut with a knife, making it absolutely miserable.