Past Heaven

by Laura Ward

  Reynolds pushed out his chair and stood up. Staring straight at Kylie, he said, “We’re done. No one talks to her like that.”

  He pulled me up, and I turned to walk away when Kylie stuck out her leg and tripped me. I fell into Reynolds’ hard chest. I couldn’t help myself. I let my face press against his shirt and breathed in the scent of him. My hands wrapped around his back, feeling the tight muscles. He cupped his hand around my face, thumb stroking my cheek, and I watched his eyes darken. My breathing increased as we held each other’s stare. I was sure the sparks that flew between us were visible to the entire bar.

  When I was calmer, I turned around and looked at Kylie. “Hoping to see me fall? Lucky for me Reynolds was here to catch me. No matter what happens, he’ll always be there for me. Kinda the opposite of what you were hoping for?” I peeked up at Reynolds. “Not the brightest one is she?” I winked, and Reynolds let out a loud laugh.

  He grabbed my hand and kissed my temple. His mouth moved over to my ear. “Let’s roll,” he whispered. I looked over my shoulder as we left the club. Kylie stood at our table alone with a look of shock, watching our exit.

  Eric was waiting at the curb with the door open, set for us to climb in. We buckled up, and he pulled away as we sat holding hands.

  “I really am sorry about Kylie, Liz.” Reynolds rubbed his eyes. “She’s a nightmare, but you handled her. I’m impressed.”

  I laughed and leaned back, watching him.

  “There is one problem, Elizabeth.” Reynolds’ voice was hoarse as he dragged his fingers through his messy hair.

  “What?” My voice came out breathy and sounded foreign to my ears.

  “You told Kylie we’re friends. Didn’t you?” Reynolds leaned over to me and brought his lips just inches from mine. My heart hammered inside my chest.

  “Yes.” I barely spoke the word. It came out like a sigh, and I ran my tongue over my lips in anticipation.

  “Do friends kiss like this?” Reynolds asked as he brought his mouth to mine. I moaned against his lips and opened up to meet his tongue. Our kiss became as wildly passionate as the first one. Desperate. Greedy.

  “We’re here, Mr. Carter.” Eric’s voice was like a bucket of cold water thrown over my head. Reynolds closed his eyes and groaned.

  “Come up to my room?” I leaned over and ran my fingers down his cheek. My gaze was pleading, and my breath bottled up in my chest as I waited for his answer.

  He wanted to go slow, I got that. But I needed more time with him tonight.

  “Let’s go.” Reynolds leapt out the door and held out his hand for me. We jogged to the elevator hand in hand. The doors closed behind us, and we faced one another, panting.

  “I don’t need slow, Reyn. I just want you,” I begged, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face in his chest.

  He grunted, his posture rigid as a board. When the elevator reached my floor, Reynolds picked me up and carried me down the hall.

  “Don’t say anything else, baby, please.” Reynolds’ words were strained and he fumbled with my key card in the door. As soon as we were inside, he sat on the couch, holding me. Grabbing my hips, he pulled me so that I was straddling him. My skirt rode up higher on my thigh. I’d never felt so exhilarated in my life.

  I placed both hands on his cheeks and leaned close. His ragged breathing filled my ears, and the thumping of my pulse traveled through my body. I licked his bottom lip and then his top, before sucking the bottom into my mouth and releasing it slowly. His eyes flared, and he attacked my lips with his. I wanted to tell him right then that I loved him, but I couldn’t stop kissing him.

  Our tongues stroked and explored while his hands tangled in my hair. He groaned beneath me when I fisted his hair and pulled him closer. My skirt bunched up around my hips, and his erection pressed into me as I rocked against him.

  “Jesus. Elizabeth,” Reynolds whispered against my lips as I strained to push myself down onto him harder. I couldn’t stop my hips from rolling against him. A hunger surged through me. My body shook as wave after wave of pleasure shot through me. I moaned, and we continued kissing, our tongues delving and dancing. He would stop to bite my lip or suck on my tongue. Reynolds kissed like no one I had ever known.

  My body became tight as I rocked. The pressure was building and escalating as he rubbed himself right where I needed it. Right. There. Right. There. Right. “Oh, oh, oh. Yes. Reyn.” My back arched as the orgasm ripped through me. He kissed my neck, and I nuzzled against him, breathing harshly.

  Reynolds pulled back, his hooded eyes watching me closely.

  I moved beside him, pulling down my skirt. Heat scorched my face and my hands shook.

  “You okay?” He stroked my cheek with his thumb.

  “Oh…yes. It’s been so long since I’ve felt like that. Since I’ve had that… happen…I’m sorry, I couldn’t stop.” My voice was low and raspy. “I know you said we should move slowly, but…” I reached for his waistband.

  Reynolds grabbed my hand and kissed it as he laughed softly. “Hell yes, but not tonight. Slowly, even if it kills me.” He clenched his jaw and ran a hand down his face. “That was the hottest fucking thing I have ever seen, watching you come like that. I want you naked so bad right now I might explode.” His gravelly voice made my body ache.

  Reynolds rose to stand and walked to the door. I hugged him, feeling his erection press against me. I felt both guilt for leaving him like that and disappointment. I craved more. “You’re right. I know you are. It’s hard to say goodnight to you, too.”

  Reynolds drew a ragged breath and laid his forehead against mine. “I’m happy you’re here, Elizabeth. I think we needed this time away from Baltimore and the kids. Time for only us.” He kissed my forehead, and I closed my eyes.

  I ran my hands up and down his chest, unable to keep the smile off my face. “We did. I missed you, Reyn.”

  Reynolds pulled me away from his embrace, staring into my eyes before he spoke. “I missed you, too. Goodnight.”

  I could tell how difficult it was for Reynolds to leave tonight, but he was showing me at every step how much I could trust him. As wired as I was, I forced myself to go to bed. Tomorrow would be a big day for us, and the anticipation for what was to come with Reynolds left me shivering with excitement.

  Jet lag was a bitch. I was wide awake at four in the morning, California time, and had finally drifted back to sleep when the ringing bedside phone woke me. I sat up, fumbling for the receiver. “Hello?”

  “Good morning, Ms. Atwater. This is Lucy Daniels, manager at the hotel spa. I’m confirming your services for today. I have you down for a massage, salt scrub, and a mani/pedi starting at ten o’clock this morning. Does that still work?”

  My internal clock was completely off from the time change. I hadn’t had any coffee yet, and I was confused. “I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong room. I never scheduled any services.” I never scheduled spa treatments for myself, aside from my first-ever bikini wax, which I had done before leaving Baltimore. I was scared out of my mind to get waxed, but after birthing three children, the pain was no big deal. The end result was also completely oh-my-god-I-had-no-freaking-idea worth it.

  Laughter echoed through the phone. “I have a card here. It reads: Liz, go for a run and then relax and enjoy yourself. Congratulations. You won the bet, remember?”

  Giggling like a child, I confirmed my appointments and heard a knock on the door. I tied my robe and looked out the peep hole. Room service? I opened the door a crack and poked my head out. “I’m sorry, I didn’t order this.”

  Smiling the man pulled out a card and read.

  I felt a flush begin at my toes and travel all the way to my hair. He was an incredible man.

  Three hours later, I was lying on a lounge chair at the hotel pool in my new red bikini feeling like a brand new woman. I closed my eyes and let the warm California sunshine settle on my skin. Jack and I had never been to California. I wondered what he would have thought
of this whole experience. Fancy hotels, spas, cars, and such never mattered to him, or me. They still didn’t. I would love Reynolds no matter what he did. But I had to admit after the hellish year I had been through, relaxing and being pampered felt pretty darn good.

  My mind wandered to tonight. Would Reynolds and I make love? Would Jack approve of that? Would Jack approve of him? I thought he would. Jack and I had never had a conversation about moving on. I know, if it had been me, I would have wanted Jack to fall in love again. I would have wanted him to live his life as fully as possible. I thought Jack would have wanted me to find happiness with someone who truly cared about me, and Reynolds adored me. He made me feel loved and protected. I kept asking myself over and over again if this was okay. Was it right for me to move on and make a new life?

  Jack had been the only man I had ever been with. He had been the only man to see me naked. His enthusiasm for life had carried into the bedroom, but toward the end, something had become different. We had both been so busy with life. We hadn’t had a particularly fervent relationship. I had always hoped we would turn that around as the boys got older and we had more time for ourselves. One of my biggest regrets when Jack died, was that I hadn’t shown him all the passion inside of me.

  Now I had the chance to share that with Reynolds. I sat up in my chaise lounge and sipped my Diet Coke, looking around the hotel pool.

  Insecurity flared briefly. Reynolds had slept with many women.

  A twenty-something girl with long black hair walked slowly out of the pool in a barely there, sopping wet, white bikini. Pornographic-themed music played in my head, and a waiter walking by the goddess dropped his tray.

  He’d slept with lots of younger women.

  To my left were twenty-one year old twins. I knew that because they announced at the pool bar that today was their birthday. Every man with a dick had bought them a shot in minutes. The fact that they were knockouts didn’t hurt. Oh, and models.

  Of course they were.

  These were the kind of women Reynolds had previously been with. Could I ever be enough for him? Would he desire me in bed the way I wanted? Could I do what younger women would do for him? I wasn’t sure, but I wanted to try. I mean, I really, really wanted to try.

  “Please God, let her be thinking about me with that smile on her face.”

  I opened one eye and peeked to my right. Reynolds sat on the lounger next to me. He looked like sex on a stick in a tailored black suit with a grey button down shirt.

  I closed my eyes again and smiled. “Actually, I was picturing you naked.” I rolled over on my side, opening my eyes to see Reynolds’ lips curled into a seductive grin.

  “Elizabeth,” he growled, his eyes dancing with mischief. “What the hell are you doing to me? You’re wearing that sexy bikini and picturing me naked? Fuck.” He adjusted his legs, and appeared to be concentrating on breathing.

  I laughed. “Come on.” I slipped on my cover-up and flip-flops. “I know we have a meeting in an hour. I’ll get dressed.” Reynolds followed me up the elevator, not speaking a word. Whenever I tried to meet his eye, he shook his head and closed his eyes again.

  I squeezed his hand and led him into the suite. “Just a few minutes, and I’ll be set to go. Okay?”

  Reynolds sat down on the couch with his head back and eyes closed. I stopped outside of the bathroom door. I wanted to walk over and straddle him in my bikini and continue where we ended the night before. He must have read my mind because he opened his eyes and looked at me with a dangerous expression.

  “If you don’t stop looking at me and get yourself dressed in something that covers you up, so help me—” I cut him off with a laugh and ran into the bedroom.

  A short while later, I was rinsed, dried, dressed, and was ready to meet with Bradley Goldman’s production team. Reynolds had done a lot of work meeting with many different producers, and these were the guys he thought would be best for us to work with. I was nervous to meet them. They were billionaires, and I was a stay-at-home mom from Baltimore. Yikes. I smoothed the skirt of my simple yellow sundress and grabbed my purse. When I came back out to the main room, Reynolds was standing by the window.

  He reached out to hold my hand as I moved next to him. I loved how he was always touching me. It made me feel coveted. Even more, it made me feel connected.

  “I’m sorry if I was rude before.” He turned to face me, pressing his chest against mine and squeezing my hips. “I was all psyched up for this meeting, but then I saw you lying by the pool. Now I only want to take you to bed. I’m very conflicted.” He ran his nose up my neck and lightly kissed under my ear. The man was not only confused; he was very aroused. The evidence was right in front of me.

  “Meeting then bed?” I asked with a sassy grin. Who was this woman I was becoming? She was so much fun.

  Reynolds nibbled my earlobe before whispering, “Don’t make promises unless you plan to keep them.”

  A moan slipped out before I could stop it, and I took a deep, cleansing breath. We headed to the meeting that could potentially alter all of our lives. This story meant so much to me and Reynolds. Jack's legacy could be shared with the whole world. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

  I also knew tonight would change everything. I couldn’t go back once I made love with Reynolds. My heart would be wide open to him and vulnerable to being broken.

  The time had come for me to live with a heart that did not just hurt but also fully loved.

  GOLDMAN & SONS WAS A top-tier production company. I met them previously after they read the screenplay, but now it was time for them to meet Liz. We were escorted into a huge, glass enclosed conference room with views of the Hollywood Hills, seated in large leather chairs, and offered the typical L.A. fare: free-trade coffee, purified mineral water, a few bites of fresh fruit; not a complex carbohydrate to be found. The room was packed with writers, producers, directors, and editors.

  After introductions, Gary Goldman, the older brother in the company, began. “Mr. Carter and Mrs. Atwater, thank you for meeting with us and sharing your story. We love it and want to develop it here at Goldman & Sons. We have an itinerary filled with our comments, questions, and suggestions. Shall we start at the top?”

  Liz and I sat with the team for the next hour going through concept ideas, questions on topics and themes, and addressing our wishes for particular elements in the movie. When they got to potential actors and actresses, Liz spoke up.

  “I’ve given this a great deal of thought and I’d like Reynolds to play Jack.” She looked at me hopefully, while I’m sure the whole room could tell my shock.

  I leaned closer and whispered in her ear. “Liz…wait. That won’t be too hard for you? I don’t know if I can do that.”

  Bradley Goldman, the younger brother, straightened up in his chair and shifted papers. “Are you sure, Liz? We had the same thought, but we weren’t sure if you two would go for it.”

  Liz nodded as he spoke and then looked at me as she answered. “No other actor could possibly know the essence of Jack like Reynolds does. He has taken the time to study him. It will be flawless.”

  I smiled at her nervously and noticed Bradley and Gary grinning.

  “Fabulous. It’s settled. Now let’s continue. Any thoughts on who should play Liz?” Bradley asked the question to the room, and one of the assistants held up a file.

  “Here are the actresses whose agents have already submitted them for the role. The biggest name we have is…Kylie Ford,” an assistant announced as she avoided my eye.

  “No.” I knew I sounded curt, but hell no. Why would she even submit her resume? Did she think I would choose her? That I would work with her ever again?

  Liz stayed quiet as Bradley and Gary turned to me. “Is this a non-negotiable for you?”

  “Absolutely. We’ll go with another company if you ask her to read for the role. I won’t work with her on this project.” I stared them both down, urging them to feel my insistence on this matter.

>   Gary leaned over and took the file from his assistant. Thumbing through the papers, he pulled one out and laid it on the table. “Okay. Our next best choice is Madeline Montgomery.” Murmurs circulated around the room as people envisioned Madeline in this role. I was hesitant about her, but I couldn’t say anything to keep her from the part. She was a great actress, but a total bitch.

  The team continued on through the itinerary. Liz rubbed her temples, and her face paled. This had to be emotional for her. She was discussing every detail of her life with these people, who were treating it like it was business. For them, it was. They weren’t intentionally being cruel. It was just their way. They got to the point so they could get it on set and move on to the next meeting. But for Liz, discussing whether someone with actual disabilities would act in the movie versus an actor who would play someone with disabilities was a big deal. We were both thrilled when everyone was in agreement that trained actors with disabilities would be hired for those roles.

  As we got to the final question, Liz’s body tensed. One of the female editors began. “Our last question for this meeting has to do with the end of the movie. We’ve been working with the screenplay and right now you have it ending with Jack’s murder. Reynolds, you know from the business that we’ll need to end it in another way. People want to leave the theater liberated and with closure. We need to find our happy ending. What happens to everyone after Jack dies? The institution still closes, so our happy ending can focus on those people leaving that hell-hole, but we need more of a punch at the end. People will fall in love with Liz and the boys, what can we do with them? How can we wrap their story up and make viewers leave, knowing they’re okay?”

  Liz took a deep breath and stood. “I’m sorry, can you continue without me? Whatever you decide is fine. I need to take a quick break.” Her lower lip trembled as she spoke.

  She excused herself, and I stood up to address the room. “I’m going to head out, too. Why don’t you all brainstorm some possible endings and we can schedule a meeting next week?” I gathered my papers into a pile and placed them in a folder.