Past Heaven

by Laura Ward

  It was true.

  I shook my head before I even heard his last words, willing my brain not to process them.

  “Kylie has been here twice to see Madeline. They’re best fucking friends.” Reynolds spoke through gritted teeth, his face once again void of emotion. “I didn’t tell you because I was hoping Madeline could stay professional. That isn’t happening. I haven’t spoken to Kylie or been alone with her for one minute. It’s a lie. Everything she said is a lie to hurt us.”

  I couldn’t look at him. I needed a minute to compose myself. The muffled sounds around us were a constant reminder that we were being watched. Any extreme emotion would sell millions of tabloid articles about us and potentially hurt my boys and this film. I had to keep myself in check.

  “Say something.” Reynolds’ plea was whispered, but the hurt in his voice was deafening. “Say you believe me. Say you trust me. Say something.”

  I cleared my throat, and took a breath. “If you tell me nothing happened with either of them, then I believe you, but my original point remains the same. If you change your mind…if you want to be with someone else, just tell me, and I’ll understand. Don’t let me find out the hard way.” This time I didn’t look down, and I didn’t feel like crying. I meant every word I said. His happiness meant more to me than my own.

  “You still don’t get it, Elizabeth, do you?” Reynolds clenched his hands together. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. You’re everything I need. I’ll never cheat on you, never stray.” Reynolds swallowed loudly, and I let myself register the depth of love in his eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I started doubting everything. I want to jump into your arms right now, and I can’t even touch you. I hate being watched and studied all the time by the press. This really sucks, you know?” I gave him a half-hearted smile as he chuckled.

  “Hell yeah, it sucks, but there’s no way you’re getting on that flight tomorrow without me kissing you. I still can’t decide where I can safely do it, but I’ll figure something out.”

  We walked to the barn side by side, unable to hold hands or even allow our arms to brush against each other. Regardless, the air around us hummed with our energy. Madeline Montgomery knew nothing about chemistry. This was electric.

  “Liz, open up.” Reynolds knocked on the bathroom door as I dried my hands with a paper towel. Reynolds looked at me with a smirk when I opened the door.

  “What are you doing?” I gasped, smiling giddily, as he locked the door behind him. We had just finished a wonderful dinner with the boys in the private dining room of a local upscale steakhouse.

  “This is a private bathroom for only our dining room. Tim is hanging with the boys. I’ll behave, I promise. I just need this one thing.” Reynolds grabbed the back of my neck and lowered his face to mine. He met my lips with desperation.

  Kissing Reynolds was completely unique. I missed it like I would miss air, food, or water. I sighed into his mouth and ran my hands through his hair. Lasciviousness raced through me, and I shuddered from the intensity of my urges.

  He pulled back to look at me. “Do you know how it makes me feel when you shudder like that? Do you know what you do to me, Elizabeth?”

  Giggling, I kissed him again before pushing him back abruptly. “Why do you call me Elizabeth whenever you…are…well…feeling interested in me?” My face flushed with embarrassment. I was almost forty years old, but I didn’t know how to say it. I couldn’t say, ‘when you want to have sex.’ I couldn’t put it out there like that.

  Reynolds chuckled and placed a tender kiss on my forehead before bringing his lips to my ear. He lightly bit my earlobe, and I sucked in a breath. Heaven help me, how I wanted him. “I’m always interested in you.” His voice rumbled, and my core clenched as I listened to his words spilling into my ear. “I call you Elizabeth when your presence has worked me into such a state that I want nothing more than to find the nearest bed—or fuck, even a wall—and take you. You’ll notice it happens a lot because that’s what you do to me. Your words, your scent, every part of you makes me hard as steel. So all I can do is call you by the name that reminds me that you’re mine. I love that almost no one else calls you by your full name. But I do. I’m also the only one who can have you like that. Do you get that, Elizabeth?”

  I was panting, clutching his shirt, and willing my rioting body to calm down before I dry humped his leg. Damn, he put it out there. I think he loved to torture me this way. Well, two can play at that game, Hollywood. I reached down and let my hand rub against him as I whispered, my lips pressed to this throat. “Oh, yes, I think I can tell.” Looking up, I gave him my best evil, tempting smile.

  He pulled my wrist away. “Ah, fuck. Can’t happen. Won’t be able to stop. Go.” I laughed at his obvious discomfort and inability to communicate clearly. Of course, revenge wasn’t so sweet when we both walked away worked up and unsatisfied. I pushed my lower lip out in a pout, and he kissed me again.

  “You leave first, you seductress. Just wait until we’re alone the next time. You won’t get away so easily.”

  I laughed as I opened the door and turned around to whisper, “I can’t wait. I’ll be thinking of nothing but that when I’m alone in my bed at night. Thinking of that sexy mouth on me, those hands on me, your…” I looked down at his hardened bulge and blew him an air kiss as I left. I heard him curse and hit the wall as I headed back to the dining room. Our encounter did nothing to help my physical ache for him, but just that time together would help tide me over until I could see him again.

  LIZ’S FORTIETH BIRTHDAY was on May tenth. After being a gigantic ass and missing the anniversary of Jack’s death, I was determined that she wouldn’t be alone on any important dates again. With the movie being almost finished, I couldn’t get away for the entire weekend. I managed to make up a story about a family emergency in Philly, and I got a twenty-four hour reprieve. I rented a private jet so I could get out of Montana and to Maryland as fast as possible. With less than twenty-four hours, I needed every minute to count.

  Flying in the early morning hours, I watched the sunrise and thought about my Liz. I planned to arrive while she was alone, so no one would know about our encounter. We didn’t have nearly enough time, but at least we had something. I wanted to fulfill her every wish, and I wanted to give her everything I had. Of course, she didn’t ask me for anything or tell me any frivolous wishes.

  Liz was uncomfortable with over the top gifts and the benefits of my money. She and Jack had lived their lives to serve others and never focused on material wealth. Giving her only a necklace for Christmas was almost impossible, but I knew she cared more about the message of her gift than the actual gift itself. She didn’t need or want materials. I came with a lot of the trappings of wealth. Hell, I enjoyed it. I wanted to share it with her, but I had to ease her into my life. I needed to show her that I would spoil her, not with material items, but in ways that made her feel completely desired and loved.

  Driving through the countryside of northern Baltimore, I felt more at home than any other place I’d been. My heart rate sped up as I pictured surprising Liz, but my brain slowed down and relaxed as the peaceful scenery surrounded me. Living my days both calm and passionate were how I wanted to spend the rest of my life.

  I knocked on the door of her house with my baseball cap pulled low, right after I saw the bus chugging down the road. She answered the door in her running gear, her face the picture of shock. Before she could say a word, I pulled her into a hug and shut the door behind me.

  “Reyn. Oh, how in the world?” I interrupted her question with a kiss.

  “No running today, okay?” I tangled my hands in her hair and tilted her head up to me. “Happy birthday.” Running my nose up her neck, I inhaled deeply. My body throbbed from Liz’s natural scent. “I got a twenty-four hour pass and with flying, I have until three o’clock.” I nipped at her lips and she moaned, pressing against me. “Plus,” I kissed her eyelids, the tip of her nose, and her chin
, “I need to be out of here before the boys see me.” I crushed my lips against hers, and her mouth opened in response. I drank in the taste of her before I pulled away. “This is a secret trip, just for you.” Lifting her off her feet, I cradled her in my arms as I carried her into the kitchen.

  “I can’t believe you did this. You didn’t need to come just for my birthday, but I’m so very glad you did.” She kissed me tenderly, stroking my cheek.

  “Oh look, present number one is here. Right on time.” A white van pulled into the driveway.

  Liz looked out the window at the van and noticed my rental car. “Reynolds Carter, what are you driving? Is that a green Ford Focus?” She had her hand pressed to her mouth as I laughed.

  “This should prove my love to you. I had to use my Mike Stevens alias to get that car. My manager set it up for me. No one can know I’m here, right? So no Range Rovers on this trip.”

  “Who’s in the van?” She asked with excitement. Liz and I walked to the door, and I opened it to show her two massage therapists with portable tables in their hands.

  “Hi ladies, you can take those up to the master bedroom at the end of the hall.” Liz looked at me with wide eyes. “Present number one is a couple’s massage,” I told her.

  “But I thought you said no one could know you’re here.” She sounded concerned as she studied my face.

  “Don’t worry. These massage therapists signed confidentiality agreements. They know celebrity drama all too well and how to deal with it. They also come highly recommended. I flew them here from one of the best spas in L.A.”

  I interlaced my fingers with Liz’s. She raised our entwined hands and kissed the back of mine as we headed to her bedroom. We each slipped into the white robes brought by the massage therapists and settled onto the tables.

  “Reyn, this is heavenly. Thank you so much.”

  “I had to see you on your birthday. Next year, I’m taking you away.”

  Liz smiled and closed her eyes at the thought. “How’s the movie coming along?”

  “We should finish shooting any day. They have us scheduled to start the publicity tour in July. The goal is for the movie to premiere in late August.”

  “It’s all happening so fast,” Liz said, shaking her head. “I used some of the advance money to book a big beach house for the month of July. I know the press tour will be in full swing, and I want us out of here and away from the craziness. Plus you’ll be away, and it’ll give me something to take my mind off missing you.”

  “That was smart. Things are going to ramp up. I want you to take Tim with you. I’ll feel better if he’s there watching out for you and the boys.”

  Liz nodded with her eyes closed, and I enjoyed watching her unwind during her massage. She looked downright inviting lying on the table like that. I sent up a silent prayer that I wouldn’t pitch a tent in front of the massage therapist.

  After our massages, I opened a bottle of champagne and gave Liz her next present. She opened the baby blue box with white ribbon and took out a tennis bracelet.

  “No. This is too much. Oh dear Lord.” Liz looked at me with both horror and glee as I laughed and attached the clasp. The bracelet was covered with diamonds. It sparkled on her wrist as she turned it around, admiring the way the light reflected off the stones.

  “Nothing is too much for you. Get used to it. I want to spoil you and shower you with presents of all kinds.”

  Liz walked over to me and unwrapped her robe. “Reyn, thank you, but, this is not what I need for my birthday. I’m interested in something else.” A smart ass comment about her use of our word, interested, was on the tip of my tongue, but then she unwrapped my robe and pressed her breasts against my chest.

  Words failed me.

  I inhaled, and her eyes sparkled. She was innocent and provocative all at the same time. “What do you need for your birthday?” I teased her.

  She stroked my face and kissed my chest, right over my rapidly beating heart. “I need you. I need you so much. I never wanted to let myself need another man after I lost Jack, but I do. I need to feel your touch so much right now. I need to be with you.”

  She rubbed herself against me, and I groaned with pleasure. I bent down and kissed each corner of her mouth. She pressed her lips against mine, and my mouth opened for her. She slipped her tongue in, sliding it against mine. I could have kissed her for hours. I loved her sweet taste and the warmth of her mouth. Then she dropped to her knees and took me inside that luscious mouth.

  “Holy shit.”

  She was going to make me lose my mind. Looking down and seeing her—my Liz—on her knees, pleasuring me was too much. As fucking phenomenal as she made me feel, our time was limited today. I needed to be inside of her. I lifted her up and carried her to the bed.

  “Reyn, please, please.”

  “I’ve got you, Elizabeth.” I buried myself in her with a shout and we lost ourselves in both love and lust.

  AFTER ANOTHER INTENSE orgasm and the euphoria that came from feeling him completely, I reluctantly put on my robe and followed Reynolds out of bed and to the kitchen. I stopped in my tracks when I saw two Asian men in my kitchen, hand rolling sushi.

  “What did you do, Reynolds Carter?” I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.

  “Well, I might have flown in the sushi masters from your favorite place in L.A. to make us lunch. They also signed confidentiality agreements, of course.”

  I sighed and wrapped my arms around his naked back. He was wearing only his jeans and looked ravishing. I rubbed at his chest and kissed each nipple. “You are the most romantic man in the world. I’ll have to think of some way to properly thank you.”

  Reynolds laughed and kissed me. “You thank me for nothing. I haven’t been this happy since our time in L.A. Now it’s time for me to feed you. Come.”

  Reynolds held me on his lap as we ate. Having sushi hand rolled in my own kitchen and eating it partially clothed with my guy was pretty special. I was sated with food, sex, and love.

  “How are the boys? Is Grayson still starting as goalie in lacrosse? I wish they’d listen to him and let him play more offense.” Reynolds played with my fingers as he spoke.

  “Still goalie. I’m going to request a different coach next year. Mark only cares about winning.”

  “And Griff? Are any of his friends going to Loyola now?” Reynolds asked with concern.

  “Yes, Henry’s going. Griff feels much better knowing that. Oh. And Morgan Krebs is going to the sister school for girls. Griff is thrilled. He’s had a crush on her since preschool.” I kissed his hand, twining our fingers together. “Before you even ask, Colt has been nicer to Hayden. So stop worrying.” I kissed his pursed lips and thought my heart might burst. He loved my boys. I couldn’t ask for more.

  Reynolds glanced at the clock, and my heart sank. My complete joy turned to melancholy when I realized it was time for him to go again.

  I tried to hold the tears back as he slipped on his shirt, hat, and shoes. We stood at the door, holding each other and rocking back and forth. Neither of us would be the first to let go or say goodbye.

  “Reyn, thank you so much for loving me.” I kept my eyes closed, and my face pressed to his chest.

  “Happy Birthday. I hope to spend your birthday with you for the next fifty years.” He pulled my face up and kissed me hungrily. “If I get a break on the press tour, can I visit you at the beach?” His handsome face was now vulnerable, and my heart hurt.

  Wrapping my arms around his neck, he lifted me so we were eye to eye. I kissed him with quick little pecks all over his face. “Nothing would make me happier.”

  Reynolds set me down and opened the door. “I won’t say goodbye. Okay? Just, see you soon. I love you, Liz.”

  I nodded, wiping away my tears. “See you soon, Reyn.” We shared one last kiss and he walked outside. I couldn’t help but giggle as I watched him drive away in the little green car. He looked like a giant inside it. The man was unbelievable.

&n
bsp; The phone rang, and I was brought back to reality. “Liz, Diane Welsh here. How are you?” Diane had replaced Jack as the Executive Director of the Warren agency. She was a dynamo and very excited about the upcoming movie.

  “Diane, I’m great. How are you?” I walked into the kitchen to find that the sushi chefs had left the place spotless. What an over-the-top birthday. I was completely spoiled.

  “Well, I’m flying pretty high today, Liz. Tell me, is it your birthday or something?”

  “Um, yes, actually it is, why do you ask?” I was puzzled why Diane was calling me about my birthday.

  “We just received an anonymous donation of one million dollars to the Warren agency in your name. I figured it must be a special day for you.”

  “What in the world? Oh my goodness.” I closed my eyes and smiled, knowing Reynolds had left one more gift for me.

  “Liz, I know you’ve met lots of Hollywood people on the movie set. Any idea who could have done this?” I’m sure Diane had her suspicions and with good reason, but I had to downplay this one.

  “You know, I’ve met so many actors and actresses, as well as directors and producers, who have fallen in love with the agency and its mission. It could be anyone. Not that it matters, right? That is an incredible gift. Just spend it well and help the people we love.”

  As I ended the call, I texted him.

  Me: Your last gift melted my heart. You will change the lives of all you help. You amaze me.

  Reynolds: I learned from the best. Happy Birthday to the one who taught me what matters.

  After a day like today, I really thought I could make it through the next few months. Putting our relationship on hold was hard, but for Reynolds I’d wait forever.

  I DROVE AS far as I could on the two-lane highway before I took my Jeep off road and into the sand. Liz’s vacation home was about five miles down the stretch of white sand beach. Liz and the boys had been hunkered down in a big clapboard beach house, on the northern most strip of Corolla, North Carolina, for almost three weeks. From our conversations and emails from the boys, I knew they were spending their days swimming, surfing, fishing, and enjoying the escape. Next summer I would be here with them. Hell, if they loved it here that much I would buy them the place.