Disarmed by Love

by Gail Chianese

  “Rightfully so.”

  “He’s also mad at Dante and I can’t blame Dylan for that either. Dante left without saying good-bye and the swim meet is next week. I don’t even know if Dylan will compete like he planned. He won’t talk to me. He closes his door and won’t come out unless it’s time to eat.”

  “And what about you? How are you dealing with all of this? Are you simply accepting what he said and moving on?”

  “What else is there to do? I can’t make the man love me back if he doesn’t.” Tears burned at the corners of her eyes. Oh, great. Can’t cry for a freaking week and they’re going to let loose, here, in public.

  “You love him?”

  “Unfortunately, yes.” Her voice wobbled.

  “At least you’re starting to show some emotion. I was beginning to think he broke you.” She took a sip of her drink before continuing. “Fee, luv, you need to let it out. Let the hurt out, yell and get mad. Get good and angry. You should have kicked Fucknuggets in the balls. Maybe then he’d stop pushing your around.”

  “Hey. That’s not fair.” What the heck? Was this crap on Fiona week? Maybe she should just go home? At least, it was just stony silence there.

  “It’s true. He’s a bully who thrives on making you miserable.”

  She couldn’t argue with that, but hearing her best friend state she wasn’t much more than a doormat hurt. “This time he didn’t just aim for me and I am fighting back. I got a lawyer and Sal won’t win.”

  “He will if you and Dante stay broken up, Fee.”

  “What am I supposed to do?” she yelled. “He walked, said we should give each other space.” The tears pushed forward. Not here. She sucked in a breath, held it.

  When she had her emotions reined back in, she looked up into Risa’s watchful eyes. She knew she was getting to her, but Fiona knew what she was after, too. If she blew her temper, she’d let it all out and feel better. Had to admit, it was working.

  “What did you say to me when Jax and I broke up?” Risa asked, as she played with her empty glass.

  “Suck it up, buttercup?”

  “Probably. But you also told me to fight for what I wanted.”

  “I don’t know why you listen to me. And, I am fighting, but I have to do it through the legal channels. Telling Sal to get stuffed won’t do any good, no matter how much I wanted to say it.”

  “Probably a good idea since he showed up with a spy. So what are you going to do about Dante?” She dug into the burgers the waiter had dropped off.

  “Nothing. It’s over. He’s not interested.”

  “You are so dense. He walked to protect you and Dylan, not because he doesn’t love you.”

  “And you’d know this how?”

  “Jax ran into him at the Groton base the other day. Not sure what he was doing there, but they talked, and Dante asked about you.”

  “He never said it, not even when I told him I was falling in love with him.” Or had he? That night after their weekend away, right before she fell asleep, she’d heard… something.

  “He’s going through a tough time. The doctor told him he wouldn’t be able to return to EOD.”

  “He didn’t tell me.” Guess that just shows… we had nothing real.

  “Well, he probably figured he had nothing to offer you and Dylan. Men tie up their identity with their jobs. That title is who they think they are. They forget its only one part of them. And if he’s anything like Jax and who Jax says he is, then he thinks he’s doing the honorable thing. Protecting you, saving you from dealing with the turmoil going on with him.”

  “I don’t care, not about what job he holds. That’s not him; it’s part, but not the whole. Not the important part. And I want to be there for him, good, bad, and all the times in-between.”

  “Then tell him.”

  Maybe she would, if he ever came back to the gym. What was he doing in Groton in anyway? Probably training, which wouldn’t last forever, but just enough time for her to figure out what she’d say to Dante.

  She made Risa change the subject because what was left to say? Plus, if she didn’t she’d break down right there in front of the world and how would that look for the Mistress of Pain? Her reputation would be blown.

  Later that night, alone in her room after Dylan went to sleep Fiona curled up in her bed. She had called Dante, but it went straight to voice mail and she’d hung up. What needed to be said was too important to leave in a message. She needed to see his face, to watch his eyes and see if there was still hope.

  And if not…

  Oh God. The hollowness in her chest filled with fear and sadness. Tears rushed and broke free. The burger she’d eaten earlier churned and threatened to come back up. She let it out—the anger and pain and the freaking despair she’d been bottling up inside too afraid to face it and look weak.

  The tears turned to sobs. She buried her face to keep from waking Dylan. Her son was having a hard time and he needed her to be strong, or at least, appear that way to him. But right then, she needed to release the negativity holding her hostage.

  A warm little body snuggled up next to her, wrapped tight arms around her neck.

  “It’s going to be okay, Mom,” Dylan whispered.

  She returned the hug, let the tears dry out and kissed her baby’s head. He was right, it would be all right because they had each other. She loved Dante—so very much—but she’d had her heart broken once before and healed. She could do it again.

  * * * *

  Dante lay awake, staring at the ceiling of his bedroom, as the sun streamed in through the window. It felt great to be in his own bed again and having gotten a decent night sleep—sans nightmares—for the first time in months. Sinclair snuggled on top of his head, engine purring like a race car ready to rumble.

  Walking away from Fiona and Dylan had been the hardest and scariest thing he’d ever done, and he’d done some scary shit in his career. The two days following had been a cakewalk compared to leaving her, and he’d pretty much thought he was going to die by Sunday night. At one point, it felt as if his heart was going to explode and he had no fucking clue where he was. Thank God he’d had one moment of clarity and called for help.

  The week at the clinic, detoxing his body, had been hell. He’d spent his days in therapy or exercise sessions and the nights tossing and turning, missing the feel of Fiona next to him. As his body flushed out all the drugs they’d given him, the yoga and breathing techniques he’d learned had started to help his other symptoms again. It was just his dumb luck that instead of helping him, his body reacted badly to the pharmaceutical cocktail the doc had prescribed.

  He still had no clue if the car accident had been his fault or not. He’d never get those moments of his life back. But at least he knew going forward what to expect. The damage done to his brain would never fully heal. It might get better—in time. Until then, he’d have to take precautions. He’d learned to recognize the symptoms that an episode was coming on, which was good and meant he didn’t have to give up driving, although, he wouldn’t be behind the wheel anytime soon. They were trying a new drug that might, in time, eliminate the brain fog issue. He could live with that prognosis.

  What he didn’t think he could live without was Fiona and Dylan.

  He missed them both.

  Didn’t mean anything though. Being in their life caused too many problems. Rossi wasn’t going away. Divorce was hard enough on a kid. Dylan didn’t need to hear his parents fight and he didn’t need to feel like he had to choose between his dad and Dante. And Fiona shouldn’t have her life turned upside down because of him. And there was no way he could live with himself if a judge took Dylan away from her.

  As much as it killed him, he had to stay away. Or, as far as he could with work. Without a doctor’s note, he couldn’t skip morning PT. It was part of the job, at least for the next couple of year
s. After that, he had no fucking clue what he was going to do with his life, but he better figure it out.

  Pounding on the front door jerked him out of his reverie. He glanced at the bedside clock. Ten o’clock already? It was probably Chin using the excuse of checking up on him to see the cat. He’d hinted that he’d take the furball off Dante’s hands. No dice, Dante was keeping Sinclair. The guys at work knew where he’d been for the past week, but he hadn’t told anyone else. The only other person who had a clue was Jax and Dante had sworn him to secrecy. Dante threw on the first pair of pants he found and opened the door.

  “Tawny? What are you doing here?”

  His sister walked in with the toddler on her hip and a diaper bag hanging off her other shoulder.

  “Nice. Greet all your guests so warmly?” She kissed his cheek and sat on the couch, dropping the bag at her feet, and shifting the baby. Her motions flowed like water, surprising him, but he didn’t know why. She’d always been graceful, just not maternal.

  “You two look adorable.” They wore matching white dresses with bright orange and yellow flowers splattered on the material and sported orange ribbons in their hair. “What brings you to my doorstep?”

  She set Catalina down on the floor and pulled out a children’s book, handing it to her daughter. “I called you this week. Why didn’t you call back?”

  Crud. The counselors had made them turn their phones in and he hadn’t bothered to check messages. “I forgot to charge it again. Is everything okay?”

  “Curious how life was going for you. Plus, Mama has requested our presence Sunday for dinner. You’re to bring Fiona and Dylan.”

  He stuck his hands in his pockets and wandered into the kitchen. “Want some coffee?”

  “Ooh, redirecting. What have you done, brother of mine?”

  He poked his head around the corner. “What makes you think I did something worth mentioning?”

  “First, you’re a terrible liar. Second, you redirect when you don’t want to talk. I knew something was up when you didn’t return my call. Spill, and I want all the deets, Dante.”

  Why couldn’t it have been George or Mateo who stopped by? They would ask if he’s okay and then leave it alone.

  “We’re giving each other some space.”

  “Which is guy-speak for you broke up with her.” Tawny had rounded the corner of his galley-sized kitchen and stood with her hand on her hip and a gleam in her eye. She sighed and turned away. “Get your coffee and come tell me the rest. Then we’ll see if there’s any hope of you winning back the best woman you’ll ever find.”

  He did as instructed because he’d learned a long time arguing with his sister was pointless. He filled her in on everything that had happened, the accident, the weekend away, Sal filing for full custody, then sat back and waited for her to tell him he did the right thing.

  “You are an idiot.”

  His head reared back. How was doing the honorable thing being an idiot?

  “I was protecting her and Dylan.”

  “No, you took the coward’s way out and you played right into the ex-husband’s hands.”

  “He accused her of being an unfit mother and putting her child in danger because of me. I couldn’t take the chance that a judge would grant Rossi custody.” He walked to the window and saw nothing.

  “Did Brody think the father stood a chance?” She’d come to stand next to him so that he had no choice but to meet her gaze.

  “No.”

  She whacked his arm and walked back to take the remote control away from Catalina and dug out another toy for the child. “He’s the best damn attorney around and if he said no, then the father had a snowball’s chance in hell of winning. And you walked.”

  “You don’t understand.”

  “You’re wrong. If I had to choose between Dave and Cat? No question.”

  She smiled down at her daughter and then glared at him. “But I’d better have a damn good reason why I was making that choice. The thing I don’t get is why you took the coward’s way out. You’ve never been afraid of anything in your life before.”

  “Nothing else has mattered like they do.”

  “Then you need to tell Fiona that and maybe she’ll forgive you, but I’d also suggest you bring flowers, food, chocolate, wine, and a sparkling rock mounted on a gold ring.”

  He dropped back in his chair, watching his niece play with her building blocks. She made him think of Dylan and their conversation on architecture. God, he missed them both.

  “I can’t ask her to marry me.”

  “Oh, this should be good.” Tawny sat down on the couch and propped her chin in her hands. “Do tell, what is the ridiculous reason why not?”

  “Has anyone ever told you that you’re kind of mean?”

  “George, Mateo, you.”

  “I can’t go back to my old life, my job—”

  “Hallelujah.” She shuddered. “Sorry, but I hated your job. We worried about you all the time. You may be an idiot, but you’re my idiot brother and I’d like to keep you around for a long time.”

  “Don’t try to sucker me in with that sweet routine of yours.” He returned her grin because while she drove him nuts, he loved his sister. “What am I going to do with my life? How can I support a family? My retirement won’t be enough.”

  “Hmm. What about what you’re doing now? You told me you liked teaching, actually got a kick out of sharing your knowledge. Why not become a teacher? Someone has to teach the new kids how to play safely with things that go boom.”

  It was an idea, one that the doc had made, but he’d ignored because at the time he hadn’t seen it as sharing his knowledge. He’d seen it as those who can’t, teach.

  “Maybe.”

  “Oh, come on, Dante. It’s the perfect solution.” She glanced down at her watch and scrunched up her face. “Now, when are you going to go apologize and grovel? Now?”

  “No. I don’t know, Tawny. It’s not that simple.”

  She bent down and patted his cheek. “Yes, big brother, it is. Apologize, tell her why you did what you did and tell her how you feel. Then promise you’ll do your best never to be an idiot again—even though we both know you will—and ask her for forgiveness.”

  “Okay. I can do that, but first I’ll need to pick up a few things. I’m going to have get Dylan to give me another chance, too.”

  “Great. While you’re thinking about this grand gesture, you can get to know your niece.”

  She was halfway to the door when her words sunk into his brain. “What? Wait. Where are you going?”

  “I have to meet a client in Newport and you get the privilege of watching Catalina.”

  Oh no. The kid didn’t like him, and what if he zoned out? “Tawny, that’s not a good idea. The brain fog?”

  “You said you had it under control.”

  “Most of the time.”

  She had her hand on the door, a determined but torn look on her face. “I trust you with her. And if she gets hurt, just know I’ll kill you.”

  Chapter 20

  The “Great Flood,” as she thought of her crying jag, had purged her heart if not her soul, at least enough to get her butt up the next day and the next and get back to living her life. Dylan had wanted to take his name off for the swim race, but she wouldn’t let him. Instead, she ordered her son to suit up and then challenged him to beat her in the water. It took courage to climb into the deep end of the pool without Dante there to save her if needed, but she did it. And her son whipped her butt in every race.

  She never had any doubt.

  Monday had come and went and Dante still hadn’t shown for PT. She’d give him another week of tucking tail before she gave him a piece of her mind and told him that she loved him, but if he wanted to be with her, then it was for the good times and the bad.

  She and Dylan
had talked and both had confessed that they were mad at Sal and Dante, but Dylan understood his dad was doing what he thought was the best thing for him, as was Dante. Fiona, personally, still thought Sal had filed the custody petition just to be a jerk and show her that he still ruled her life. He’d find out in due time he was wrong. As would Dante.

  For now, she shoved all thoughts of anything except her son out of her mind as she sat on the bleachers watching the kids prepare for their races. Being that Dylan was one of the oldest, his race would be last.

  She turned and saw Sal striding from one side of the parking lot and Dante coming from the other.

  “Just great.” Just what she didn’t need—a testosterone battle.

  Both were in uniform so she didn’t think Sal would be brash enough to say anything as Dante outranked him. Then again, this was, as Risa put it, Fucknuggets. She hurried to intercept but one of the parents waylaid her.

  “Yes, yes. I’d be happy to,” she said with no clue what she’d agreed to do. Probably donate a kidney or something. She hurried on her way, but they’d reached the gate at the same time.

  “Lieutenant Torres, what are you doing here?” Sal asked.

  “Keeping a promise, Petty Officer Rossi. Is that a problem for you?” Dante, tall and proud in his uniform, stood blocking the gate.

  “I want you to stay away from my kid. You’re a menace and I’m going to prove it in court.”

  “We’ll let Fiona and the judge decide that, but I’m not worried.” Dante turned, stopped and turned back to Sal. “You know what I don’t get? You had this amazing, beautiful woman and a baby, and you walked away. What kind of man does that? Abandons his wife and kid. Now, you’ve got someone else, but you can’t let Fiona go.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Torres.” Sal sneered.

  “Lieutenant Torres to you, Petty Officer. And yeah, I do. See I walked too, but I had a good reason, unlike you. And unlike you, it didn’t take me a decade to realize my mistake.”

  Fiona stood rooted in place. Did Dante mean that? Hope soared within her.