Beware of the Purple Peanut Butter

by R. L. Stine

  Dr. Abbott’s face gazes back at you.

  You glance at your hands. They’re hairy adult hands.

  Now you glance around the lab. With shock, you see a kid sleeping on a chair. The kid’s eyes slowly open. There’s something very familiar about this kid….

  The kid is you!

  Turn to PAGE 132.

  Puff lifts her paw again.

  You immediately wriggle free and rush toward the door.

  Just as you reach the door, the wind blows it open even wider.

  Oh, no! Puff will be able to follow you inside!

  But you have no choice. You scoot through the opening.

  Puff is right after you — but the wind shifts just in time.

  The door slams shut in the cat’s face.

  “MEOOOWWWR!” she protests. She glares at you through the screen. She hisses in anger.

  “Too bad, kitty,” you tell her. “Better luck next time.”

  But it’s not over yet. You still have to figure out how to get back to normal!

  Turn to PAGE 58.

  As fast as you can run, you head for Midvale. The police cars speed after you. To your left is the highway. To your right is the river.

  You get an idea. You stop running and step over the river. The police cars all come to screeching stops. With squealing tires, they make sharp turns and speed back toward the nearest bridge. You smile to yourself. You have plenty of time now.

  Soon you approach Midvale. Quickly, you scan the business district. There it is — Effy’s Bakery, a small, gray wooden building.

  The residents of Midvale scream and run when they see you. You don’t care. All you care about is finding Effy. As you approach, delicious smells pour out of the tiny building.

  Using your little finger, you gently tap on the door.

  A plump, gray-haired lady comes to the door. You expect her to scream, but she doesn’t. Her tiny head tips backward as her eyes travel up, up, up, to meet yours.

  “May I help you?” she asks.

  “I hope so,” you reply. You explain your problem. “I think your cake caused it,” you finish.

  “So that’s what happened to the chocolate cake,” she says.

  Go on to PAGE 62.

  You’ve decided to try the new reducing machine. Arnold leads you to a room full of equipment. He takes you to the largest machine.

  “This is the Super-Duper-Reducer,” he says.

  The machine is so big it nearly touches the ceiling. It has levers and straps and weights. There is a bench with padding and a seat belt. It looks like some kind of torture device from an old horror movie. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

  But before you can change your mind, Arnold pushes you onto the bench. You lie on your back, looking up into the twisted metal of the device.

  Arnold places your head in a big steel helmet. You can’t see anything. Only your mouth is exposed so you can breathe. He puts straps around your head, your wrists, and your ankles. Then he turns the machine on.

  With a loud whirring sound, the machine begins to shake. The straps pull your arms back and forth, making them flap like wings. Some kind of pulley system yanks your legs up and down, making you kick like you would if you were swimming. At the same time, the helmet makes your head vibrate.

  After several minutes the whirring stops. Your legs and arms stop moving. Arnold removes the helmet and unstraps you.

  Did it work? Are you smaller?

  Flip to PAGE 96!

  You race down to the basement and open the refrigerator. The empty cake box is still sitting next to the jar of purple goop. You examine the cake box but there is no list of ingredients, just the name of the bakery. Frustrated, you shove the box back onto the shelf. The purple-peanut-butter jar rattles.

  Then you have a crazy thought. If the cake made you grow, could the peanut butter make you shrink? It worked for Alice in Alice in Wonderland. Some food made her big, some food made her small.

  You might as well try. You grab the jar and take a big spoonful of the stuff and swallow it. It tastes AWFUL! It’s like a combination of brussels sprouts and liver. You force yourself to swallow all the goop in the jar. Will you shrink?

  You feel an odd tingling sensation all over your body.

  It’s working! you think. I’m getting smaller!

  But then something bumps your head. You glance up to see the ceiling — an inch from your nose. What’s going on?

  The refrigerator is far below you. All the furniture looks as if it belongs in a dollhouse. Somehow, you’ve grown another two feet! The purple goop didn’t make you shrink after all! Instead, it made you grow even faster! You’re so big now you might not even be able to get out of the basement!

  Quick! Turn to PAGE 15.

  You figure it’s too early in your visit to get into trouble.

  “All right, all right. Where’s the dollhouse?” you ask Dora.

  “Out on the porch,” your cousin answers. “Follow me.”

  You start to follow Dora up the stairs when, suddenly, you have to stop!

  The strangest sensation comes over you. Your toes and fingers tingle and little pink dots swim before your eyes.

  “Come on!” Dora whines from the top of the stairs. “You said you’d play.”

  You shake your head and everything is back to normal again. That was weird, you think. Maybe you just stood up too fast.

  Dora stamps her foot impatiently. “Do I have to sic Barney on you?” she warns.

  “I’m coming! I’m coming!” You bound up the stairs. You feel a little tired. Those stairs must be steeper than they look.

  You follow Dora out to the porch and sit beside her in front of the dollhouse. You have to admit, the dollhouse is pretty cool. It’s three stories high and filled with miniature furniture. There’s even a tiny piano and a little guitar.

  You reach into the dollhouse to move a chair. As you do, you notice Dora’s eyes open wide in surprise.

  Turn to PAGE 102.

  It’s Dr. Abbott! A teeny tiny Dr. Abbott!

  “Look what’s happened!” Dr. Abbott calls from the floor. “I used the wrong settings. Now I’m small, too!”

  Great, you think. What now?

  “Don’t worry,” Dr. Abbott assures you. “I’ll be able to return us both to normal size. We have to reverse the settings on the laser gun. But we need the remote. Where’s the remote?”

  You scan the laboratory for the remote. “I see it!” you cry. “It’s on top of a glass beaker on the next lab table over.”

  “It must have been thrown out of my hand when the room started shaking,” Dr. Abbott tells you. “It will take both of us to change the settings.”

  “But how can we reach it?” you ask.

  “I’ll climb up the table leg,” Dr. Abbott says. “Do you think you can jump to the next table?”

  The tables are only a foot apart. But twelve inches is a big distance to someone as tiny as you. You approach the edge of the table and glance down. The floor is a long way down. If you fall, you’ll probably break every bone in your body.

  Maybe, instead of jumping, you should climb down to the floor and then up the other table leg. What do you think?

  If you decide to take the leap, turn to PAGE 57.

  If you think you should climb down, turn to PAGE 115.

  You steer toward the quiet pond. The water seems thicker and dirtier here. Your Popsicle-stick boat moves slower and slower.

  You approach the large brown insects.

  And now you see them up close.

  They’re slimy, huge water bugs! They have long, waving antennae and fierce-looking jaws. They’re about four times bigger than you. Even if you were your normal size, these bugs would be huge!

  “EEEEEWWWWW!” you cry. You can’t help it. You’ve always found water bugs disgusting. And now here they are all around you. It’s your worst nightmare.

  The big brown bugs climb up the walls and on the ceiling of the sewer. They swim in the water alon
gside you. They make hideous clacking noises. They’re everywhere.

  Now one of the bugs swims closer to you. Its long, slimy antennae reach out toward the Popsicle stick. Its disgusting, hairy legs paddle through the water.

  The bug’s beady black eyes focus on you. And now it’s — oh, no! It’s trying to climb up on the Popsicle stick next to you!

  GROSS!

  Turn to PAGE 3 — if you can stand it!

  You quickly duck inside the big top. It’s incredibly noisy. You hear clapping, laughing, and the roars of wild animals in the ring. Even though you’re gigantic, no one notices you at first. They’re too busy watching the circus.

  In the center ring, a man dressed in white is surrounded by five tigers. The tigers sit on colorful stands. The man is making them do tricks. While you watch, a tiger jumps through a flaming hoop.

  The crowd applauds. The man in white makes the tiger bow. But then, instead of returning to its stand, the tiger rushes out of the ring.

  And it is running straight toward you!

  Quick! Hurry to PAGE 87.

  You need help and you need it now!

  You dash to the physics building. You scramble up the single step just as someone opens the door. Quickly, you scamper inside. You stop a moment to catch your breath. Being tiny sure is tiring!

  You scurry along a long hallway searching for someone who can help you. Men and women come and go all around you. But they don’t look down at their feet, so they don’t see you.

  “Help!” you cry. “Can someone help me?”

  A woman hears you and glances down. “AAAK!” she cries. “A mouse!”

  “Where?” you squeak, glancing around. And then you realize that she means you. You’re so little she thinks you’re a mouse!

  “Kill it!” the woman shouts. “Someone find the janitor!”

  You’d better get out of the hall — quick! Two doors are standing open. The one at the far end of the hall is labeled DR. ABBOTT’S LAB. Can you make it there before the janitor comes? Maybe you’d better enter the unlabeled door right next to where you’re standing.

  Duck through the door that’s closest on PAGE 8.

  Or try for Dr. Abbott’s lab on PAGE 109.

  You just aren’t strong enough to lift the elephant.

  You struggle and strain and huff and puff, but it’s no use. The audience boos and the clowns throw water balloons at you. Even the elephant looks disgusted. You are chased out of the ring by a bunch of clowns driving a tiny car and throwing confetti.

  But don’t be too upset.

  You still wind up working with your new friend, the elephant. In fact, you are put in charge of one of the most important jobs at the circus. You are responsible for keeping the circus environment clean.

  That’s right! You and your shovel have come to the tail end of this tale.

  No one ever said all of show business was glamorous. And you’ve made it into the Big Time in the Big Top!

  So, you are now spending a lot of time at the elephant’s

  BACK END

  You’re so big now you take giant steps. It doesn’t take you long to outdistance the police cars and helicopters.

  But you’re much too big to hide anywhere.

  You’re going to have to find help.

  But where? The police think you’re a mutant alien. Your relatives are afraid of you. Who could possibly help you?

  You think back to when your troubles started. If only you hadn’t eaten that piece of chocolate cake. That must have been what caused you to grow. You can’t think of any other answer.

  You have to find the person who made the cake. It’s the only solution.

  But who made the cake?

  You close your eyes, trying to remember the name on the cake box. Was it Effy’s Bakery, Midvale? Or was it Maddy’s Bakery, Elmville?

  If you remember, you know exactly where to go. If not, you’ll have to guess.

  Head for Effy’s Bakery on PAGE 32.

  Or search for Maddy’s Bakery on PAGE 74.

  “I surrender!” you say to Dr. Harlan.

  But you’re so big that your voice sounds like the rumbling of thunder. No one can understand you.

  “Surrender or we’ll capture you!” Dr. Harlan repeats. “One —”

  “I surrender!” you repeat.

  “Two!”

  How can you make him understand that you’re giving up? In desperation, you raise your hands high in the air.

  Unfortunately, a helicopter was buzzing above you at just that moment. Your hand brushes against it, and the small chopper falls to the ground.

  “It’s attacking!” the scientist screams.

  “Wait!” you cry. “It was an accident!” Your voice is so loud that the windows in all the police cars shatter.

  “Hit the ground!” Dr. Harlan ducks under the van. “It’s after us all!”

  “No!” you cry. You get down on your knees and try whispering. “You don’t understand!” you say. The breath from your whisper blows over a tank.

  “Go to Plan B!” Dr. Harlan cries. What’s Plan B? you wonder.

  Find out on PAGE 75.

  Nothing.

  You lie on your stomach and peek your head into the opening of the can. You can’t believe your eyes.

  The can is empty!

  No Monster Blood! No miracle substance. No nothing!

  The can quickly fills with the brown slimy water. You hold on tight as the can starts to go down.

  Down.

  Down.

  Well, sailor, it looks as if you’ve made the wrong choice. You are sunk!

  THE END

  You take a deep breath and dash for the dollhouse.

  Behind you, Puff pounces and lands on the porch. She immediately bounds after you.

  You feel her hot breath on your neck as you pull open the front door to the dollhouse. You throw yourself inside and slam the door.

  “MEOWWWWR!” Puff screams in frustration.

  You peek through one of the windows to see her glaring at you. She tries to stick her paw in through the window, but her paw is too big.

  You glance around. It’s a pretty nice dollhouse, with comfortable furniture. Too bad the miniature TV doesn’t work.

  You explore the rest of the dollhouse, but it’s just more doll rooms. A doll family sits in the kitchen. But the refrigerator is fake, and so is the food.

  You flop down on the blue-and-white striped sofa and glance through the window. Puff paces back and forth in front of the dollhouse.

  She knows you’re inside. You don’t dare leave as long as Puff is out there waiting for you.

  Then you hear something that gives you hope.

  Turn to PAGE 117.

  “SQUEAK!” the mouse repeats. Then it jumps on you.

  “Hey!” you cry. You find yourself buried under mouse fur. The mouse’s snout is right in your face — and its breath is hot and sour. “Let me go!” you yell.

  The mouse squeaks again, more quietly, and then it licks your face. Is it getting ready to eat me? you wonder.

  No, it’s washing your face. When it’s done, it begins to wash the rest of your body. Then it picks you up in its warm, moist mouth. Its teeth hold you firmly, but don’t hurt you.

  The mouse carries you back through the mouse hole to a crawl space beneath the house. And now you see where it’s headed: a soft gray nest made out of fur, twigs, and grass. Nestled in the nest are three small, gray baby mice. Each baby mouse is about the same size as you.

  “No!” you cry. But the mouse doesn’t listen. It gives you another lick. Then it drops you in the nest, next to its children.

  It seems that the mouse has decided to adopt you.

  But cheer up — things could be worse. You’ll be warm here, and you’ll have plenty to eat — as long as you like cheese and bread crumbs.

  The toughest challenge will be learning to stay quiet as a mouse.

  THE END

  The warm feeling spreads through your whole bod
y. Your muscles tingle and the ground starts shaking. You hear a low rumbling sound.

  Now the tree branches begin to whip past your face.

  You glance up to see that the trees are once again over your head. The growth formula has finally worn off! You’re back to your normal size!

  Unfortunately, your hands are still gripping Barney’s shoulders. Barney’s mouth and eyes are open wide. He looks as if he’s in shock. But as soon as you let go, he glares at you. He is angrier and meaner-looking than you’ve ever seen him.

  “YOU!” Barney shouts. “The alien was just shrimpy stupid you!”

  You take a baby step backward. “Uh, Barney …” you begin.

  He doesn’t let you finish.

  “What was that about a promise, wimp?” he snarls.

  “Uh … nothing,” you reply, starting to back away faster.

  “How’s this for a promise, cuz,” he sneers. “I promise to pound you!”

  You’re glad to be small again. But you wish the formula had lasted just a little bit longer. At least long enough to have escaped from Barney.

  Oh, well. It looks like your chance to get even with Barney has come to an

  END

  Are you serious?

  Are you really so wimpy you won’t go into the basement?

  Just because your aunt and uncle told you to stay out of it?

  Just because it might be dangerous?

  Get real!

  Return to PAGE 108 to choose again.

  You wait in terror for the lizard’s tongue to scoop you up.

  But nothing happens. After a moment, you cautiously open your eyes. A few inches away, the lizard is calmly munching on what remains of a grasshopper.