Burdened (A Burdened Novel)

by Peiri Ann

  “Maybe they want to talk about you finishing school. You do graduate in a few months. They may want to talk about where you want to go afterwards.” He pulls me to walk closer to him. “That just means that tomorrow will be the day we will look into it. But whatever it is, you shouldn’t be worried about me. I told you I’m not going anywhere, and you will see me as long as you want to.”

  “Thank you.”

  “This is a really long walk, huh?”

  “Yeah. We just have one more corner and we will be there.”

  We round the corner to Scott’s house. “So what are we doing?”

  “Normal stuff, since Glen is going to be around. And Scott, being a coward, erased the details of what he is from her mind, only leaving the fact that he wanted to talk to her, and she became upset thinking whatever it was he had told her, he was lying.” I shake my head at that and he matches me. “And probably be around a lot of people, so we don’t risk being attacked.”

  Speaking of being attacked… “Why aren’t you at this family meeting, number one?”

  “Because we are bound and you now have a distinctive scent. So that means you go, I go, and vice versa. And don’t call me that.”

  “Okay, how do I have a distinctive scent?”

  “My mark is on you, and you are covered in my scent. By the way, your scent is extremely potent and it screams that you want me.”

  “So even if I wasn’t with you, one of your people would still know I’m your girl, because they can smell you on me?”

  “Yes, and the fact that you are craving me. If you knew how to control those hormones of yours, it might not be as strong. But I’m not complaining about that. I’ll take care of that later, and we’ll work on your control.”

  My entire body chills. “Okay, so even if we are around a lot of people, can’t we still be attacked?”

  “Yes, but they wouldn’t because of the risk of exposure. Remember how I said we are careful? And no race I’ve met has ever risked exposure—although, you can never be too sure.”

  “So should you be at this meeting?”

  “Probably.”

  “Then that’s where we need to be headed.”

  “No. Someone will let me know what’s going on. And with my phone not blowing up, it’s nothing too serious.”

  We are approaching the confused couple, and I drop the conversation. As soon as we’re in front of them, Scott says, “So I was thinking we could go to the fair, play some games, and go on some rides.”

  We ride to the fair in Scott’s A5, which is a little cramped, considering how big Nathan is, trying to squeeze in the backseat. Glen is pressed against the dash to give him enough leg room, but it still isn’t enough. Scott and I laugh at their complaining.

  We arrive at the fair, which is full of people. I’m not big on the rides, but I do like the food and watching the performances. Nathan and Scott play a few games, while Glen and I watch, eating popcorn and cotton candy. We see a few of our friends from school, who sit back, watching Scott and Nathan go head to head shooting basketballs, neither of them missing a shot. ‘Show-offs.’

  The girls ood and aad, admiring them. Glen and I roll our eyes, our insides begging us to punch them. Well, I only assume Glen’s is. They tie the game, walking away with huge bears that are bigger than me and Glen.

  As Nathan turns around, holding the orange-colored bear under his arm, a girl I don’t recognize runs up to him.

  “Hi, I’m Sarah. Can I hold your bear? It’s cute.” She’s smiling too big. I stand back, watching her. Glen is in my ear, enticing me to check the situation. I’m calm.

  Nathan looks at her face, showing no interest. “No, my girl is going to hold it.”

  “Right—me!” She jumps slightly as she speaks.

  “Wrong—her.” Nathan looks at me. I can’t help smiling at him. He is perfect.

  Still by his side as he approaches me, she says, “Well, I’m okay with sharing.” She wears a slutty smile.

  “I’m sorry…Sarah? I’m not okay with it. That’s your exit,” I say. Sharing? Really?

  “Well, when you get finished playing with her, come find me. I’ll teach you a few things.” This bitch cannot be serious.

  Nathan starts pulling me away. “That’s okay, Sarah. I don’t associate myself with girls who like to share.” He turns us around and I can hear her cursing our backs. Nathan tries to hand me the bear. It’s way too big to walk around with.

  At some point, Glen left my side and is now next to Scott, who is handing her his purple bear. She is smiling, but refusing to take it, considering how big it is.

  “Hey Scott,” a familiar voice says loudly, from an approaching group of girls.

  Scott pushes his hand through his hair, wearing a look as if something bad is about to happen. I pull Nathan to walk faster. Glen isn’t as laid-back as I am, and I can already see her turning around to see who it is.

  Pepper walks up, with a hand on her hip. “You can’t speak, Scott?”

  “I didn’t know he was obligated to,” Glen states, stepping in front of Scott.

  Pepper looks at Glen like she’s a cute puppy. “Aww Glen, you’re hot over Scott.” She shakes her head with pierced lips. “You, and about all the other girls at school. What is it Scott? First you don’t talk to anyone, and now you’re talking to Tracey and Glen?” Tracey?

  I start to step forward. Nathan holds me still with his arm around my shoulder. “Wait,” he says. We stop a few feet away from them.

  “And considering you were supposed to pick me up for Andrew’s party and you never showed…” Pepper continues.

  “Pepper you—”

  “No! Don’t talk to her.” Glen turns to Scott, pointing her finger. Turning back to Pepper, she says, “And I recommend you not speak directly to him. You have something to say to him, you say it to me.” I can hear the irritation in her voice.

  Pepper laughs. “Okay, Glen.” She pauses, with a wicked smile taking over her face. “So Scott, what are you doing after you leave here?”

  The purple bear hits the ground as Scott reaches out to grab Glen, catching her only inches from her fist making contact with Pepper’s face.

  Pepper is stunned, and Nathan and I are pushing through the now-forming crowd.

  I approach Glen. Nathan’s behind me, hand in mine. “Calm down, Glen. She’s not worth it. Let’s go.”

  “Hi Tracey.” I turn to Pepper, and the smile is back on her face.

  “Scott, let me go!” Glen is angry, and Pepper is about to take this to the extreme.

  I look back at Pepper. “Why do you need to start shit? Everyone is here to have a good time, and you just have to go there.” Nathan wraps his arm around me, over my chest, still holding my hand.

  Pepper follows the arm and looks him over. “Wait, this is not your guy, Tracey,” she says rhetorically. “Nice!” She pushes her hair back. “Hi, I’m Pepper.” She reaches her hand out for him to shake.

  Without thinking, I smack her hand away. “Put your damn hand away!”

  Nathan’s arm tightens around me, pulling me against his chest. “Don’t, Tracey.”

  Pepper’s eyes widen when he speaks. “Damn, Cey! He sounds good too!” She smiles at him, before looking at her friends.

  Glen moves closer to me. Scott is only using one arm, holding her by her waist. “I told you to let me get her. But, noo…” she sings. “Calm down, Glen. It’s not worth it,” she mocks.

  “I’m not going to touch that girl,” I say calmly, but still fuming.

  “She may not touch me, but I am definitely going to touch him and Scott.” Pepper looks from Nathan to Scott, and kisses the air at them. Shit just hit the fan.

  Glen and I both reach out for her at the same time. Nathan has both his arms around me. I’m not coming close to her.

  She laughs, taunting me.

  I know Nathan isn’t going to let me reach for her, so I wrap my arms around his—that are around me—for leverage and I kick her with both
of my feet. She flies back into the crowd. I didn’t put much force behind it, but it looks like I did.

  “Time to go!” Scott says. Glen is laughing, talking shit to Pepper, as Scott and Nathan pull us away. I feel better.

  “You lost it,” Nathan says in a low, disapproving voice, shaking his head—the deepness and sternness back in his voice.

  I did lose it, but I’m not in the mood to hear it. I look at him, shaking my head.

  “Tracey, how can I expect you to keep me in control if you can’t even maintain your own control?” I didn’t think about it like that. “You could have killed that girl.”

  “She’s okay. I saw her breathing.”

  “You’re stronger now, because I’m a part of you. Your strength is not what it used to be.” He looks away from me. “Things like that are going to happen. You cannot let shit like that get to you. Even though I wanted to beat the shit out of that guy at the party and your ex-boyfriend, I didn’t. And the shit they did was worse than that petty talking the girl was doing. Why would you let her get to you? You knew nothing was going to happen.” I start feeling bad. “You let people talk, unless they threaten you. She definitely was no threat.”

  “Nathan, she—”

  “Nothing, Tracey! She did nothing but run her mouth. And you let those petty words get to you. You lost it.” He takes a breath. I can see the disappointment in his face.

  We continue walking to Scott’s car and I stay silent. Scott is pulling Glen and seems to be talking a little harshly to her as well.

  After we’re in the car, Scott pulls away from the fair the moment the doors close. “Scott, drop Tracey off at her house.” I look at him, but he doesn’t look back. He’s upset, and I don’t say anything.

  Arriving at my house, Scott gets out to let me out. I look to Nathan before getting out of the car, still not saying anything.

  “I’ll be back later, Tracey. Go in the house,” he states calmly, looking at me then away.

  “Okay. Bye, Glen,” I say softly, filled with despair.

  “Bye, Cey. I know the guys are mad at us, but I’m cool with it. One of us was bound to hit her,” she says, smiling.

  “Thanks.” I return, detached, as I get out of the car.

  Scott says nothing to me as I walk past him and he gets back in the car. I walk to my door quickly and watch the car pull off.

  “Tracey?” my mom calls from the second floor to make sure it’s me, considering that we don’t lock the front door and anyone can just walk in.

  “Yes, Mom, it’s me.”

  “Did you have a good time?”

  “Yes. I’m going to sit in the family room for the evening until I get tired.”

  “Okay. If you’re hungry, I ordered a pizza. It’s in the oven.”

  “Thanks.” I’m not hungry.

  She comes down the stairs. I try to perk myself up so I don’t have to have the ‘what’s wrong?’ talk.

  “So Nathan seems like a nice guy. Where did you two meet?”

  I don’t turn to her, but walk to the fridge. The mention of his name makes me feel worse. “Yes, he is. We met at school. He was there to pick up Scott. Then I saw him again at school another day that he was picking up Scott. And when I saw him at Andrew’s party, we talked.” I stare into the fridge, not looking for anything.

  “Okay, so it’s not anything serious?” It’s more of a statement than a question.

  “Why do you ask?” I turn to her, no longer caring how I look. I don’t like the direction this conversation is headed.

  “Well,” she starts slowly, “your father was offered a permanent position in Tennessee and we were discussing moving out there. It will keep him from traveling back and forth and will allow us more time to see him.”

  “No, him traveling back and forth is fine. And we will continue to see him when we see him.” I love my dad, and I do want to see him more, but not at the cost of not seeing Nathan. Moving?! No!

  “Tracey, what would be holding you here? You’ll be done with school very soon, and speaking of…we also need to talk about what schools you’re thinking about going to. You have put off the school search long enough.”

  “Is this what you wanted to talk to me about with Dad?”

  “Yes.”

  “Mom, I’m not moving, and yes, I will look into some schools.”

  “Tracey—”

  “You said it yourself, I’ll have to choose a school to go to after I graduate. So what if I choose a school here?” I’m starting to get irritated, and I’m not ready to have this conversation.

  My mom notices my aggravation. “Okay Tracey, we will talk about this later when your father comes home.” She doesn’t do well with anger. “I love you.” She starts towards the stairs.

  “Love you too, Mom,” I say, irritated.

  I can’t remember what I came in the kitchen for anymore, so I go to the family room and flip through the channels. Nothing good is on, and my mind is racing.

  I need to relax my mind—it hurts and nothing is making sense to me. I’ll go for a run on the trail through the forest preserve. It’s night time, so it won’t be crowded—just a few late runners and couples. I change into my fitted jogging pants and running shoes. Telling my mom I’m going for a run, I walk out the patio doors and put in my ear buds—IPod on my arm.

  I run into the preserve from behind my house. I need to run to clear my head—my mom telling me about moving, Nathan being pissed with me for putting Pepper in her place.

  Although I can understand him with his whole ‘needing to be in control’ thing and me showing I have none. But I never told him I had control, but that I will help him stay in control. I don’t know about that.

  Glen and her Scott situation, and Scott and his Glen situation, whichever way it’s put, gives me a headache too. He tells her, and because she blows up, he takes it away. What do we do about those two?

  The wind is cool in the warm air as I run. My legs, stretching with each push from the floor, feels refreshing. I’m not getting tired, which surprises me, and I enjoy the feeling of being outside, smelling the freshly bloomed trees and flowers that surround the preserve. It is beautiful, and it’s helping me feel better.

  I stop by an opening—where we often see wild animals passing—to stretch and tie my hair into a ponytail. My legs crave for more of a pull, and my arms want to reach. I let them.

  I stretch to the sky. Looking up, the clouds are coming in, in the distance. The stars still fill the sky and I spot the half-moon, eating the ones that get too close. They twinkle and tease it.

  I smile to myself, starting to stretch my sides, preparing to run again. I’m not ready to go in yet, and I’m still not tired. I turn, pulling my ear buds out to hear the sounds of the night.

  “What are you doing out here?” I turn, startled, to an unfamiliar voice. It’s Nathan. Why does he sound so different?

  “Hey, what’s wrong with your voice?” I look at him with my head slightly tilted to the side, trying to make out his face in the dark.

  He emerges into the moonlight, but not coming close. I assume he notices my struggle. He smiles—one I’m not familiar with. “Nothing. Why are you outside by yourself?”

  “I needed to go for a run to clear my head.” I walk towards him. “I’m sorry about earlier. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  He puts a hand out before I reach him, stopping me from walking closer. He nods his head so that we can walk. I follow, cautiously. He’s acting weird.

  “You know, it’s not safe to be out by yourself.” There is distance between us. “What if something were to happen to you?”

  “I think I’ll be fine. Nothing happens out here.”

  “Not yet,” he says quietly, almost under his breath.

  I look over at him and he meets my gaze, his eyes a bright-grey. I’ve never seen that color before and it startles me. His expression is dark.

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be? I�
�m with you, right?” There is no enthusiasm in his tone, and it doesn’t sound like something Nathan would say. Or, I’ve just never heard him talk this way before. “Come on. Have a seat with me.”

  I sit on the bench that we walked upon, feeling a little weird about him. He smiles at me—it looks plastered on. He sits on the other end of the bench after I sit down.

  “What’s up with you? You don’t want me to touch you, and now you don’t want to sit by me?”

  “No, I just want to talk to you and not affect your feelings by my touch.”

  “What could you have to talk to me about?” I am really tired of talking.

  “Look, Tracey, you’re a danger to me, and I am to you. We should end this.”

  A lump builds in my throat. “What?” I croak.

  He moves in front of me, quicker than I could see. His eyes are swirling clockwise in front of me. “End this.” His voice is venomous as he says the words with authority.

  All I can do is stare into the grey, swirling eyes. I can’t respond. I can’t move.

  He looks down, and when he looks back up, Nathan is a different person. Smiling, he says, “I know what you’re thinking. But just know I’m doing this because those…burdeneds don’t deserve what we Sephlems have. They don’t do right by our privilege of mating. They abuse and destroy it, and in time, destroy themselves.”

  His face fills with hate. It’s slim, and his eyes are slanted. His has thin lips that move smoothly when he says, “Then, for the ones that do, supposedly, overpower the demon urge, they are a disgrace, walking around as if they are better than the rest of us, their mates taking on some of their abilities, the imprudent bond enabling them to abolish anything.”

  He fiddles through his pockets, never breaking eye-contact.

  “And Nathan,” he spits with disgust, “the Newcomb’s worthy mensch. He’s definitely not going to get the privilege to enjoy a happy life with his mate.” He smiles. “See, I won’t kill you, because that would kill him, and I don’t want the ‘great one’ to just die. I want him to fall. I want that demon to go back to hell—where he came from—alive!”

  I can’t speak, and there is a lot I need to say. I’m stuck—not moving, not thinking, just hearing every word. He pulls from his pocket, what looks like, a knife.