Intoxicate

by Tessa Teevan

  “Merry Christmas! Wake up, sleepyheads!” she exclaims as she flops on the bed. Instead of settling between us like she normally does, she jumps up and down. In the spirit of Christmas, we allow it. “We have to hurry up and open presents before going to see everyone at Uncle Kale’s!”

  “Okay, crazy,” Xavier says, rising from the bed. “Let’s go pop the cinnamon rolls in the oven while Mom gets ready.”

  She nods enthusiastically, and Xavier gives me a panty-dropping smile before following her out of the room. My belly tightens, the dull ache between my legs from his teasing growing. Anticipation indeed.

  Flopping back down on the bed, I stare up at the ceiling. I love my life. Absolutely love it. It was a slow build, then a whirlwind, and now, we’re just chugging along at a steady pace, living and loving every single day.

  After I officially became Lily’s mom, we didn’t have long to celebrate. Not until after we went to Alabama and anxiously sat in the waiting room through eight excruciating hours of Anna’s surgery. When the doctor finally came out, I was afraid Xavier was going to pass out from holding his breath for so long. It wasn’t until the doctor informed us that they’d gotten all the tumor and Anna was in recovery that he finally relaxed.

  As she recovered, she broke the news to Xavier that she wanted to stay in Gulf Shores. Apparently, Mom’s renewed love life rubbed off on her and she became close with Mom’s neighbor, a nice, retired widower named Thomas. Plus, as she reminded Xavier, he had me and it was time she moved on to the next stage in her life.

  We didn’t know at the time that it would lead to a double wedding for our moms at the end of the summer. Everyone’s happy and in love.

  Except for Kaylie, but that’s her story to tell.

  “Mom!”

  I smile and bury my face in the pillow. I’m not sure I’ll ever not feel giddy when I hear that one little syllable. It’s so natural, yet sometimes, it still seems so surreal.

  After pushing back the covers, I throw on my robe and head to the living room, where Lily’s sitting in front of the tree, with Xavier next to her. Steaming mugs of coffee and cocoa rest on the table as I settle on the couch and watch them interact. Lily’s getting older, but she’s still very much a daddy’s girl.

  “Mom, come down here. We have to open presents together,” she informs me.

  “Yeah, Mom,” Xavier echoes, teasing me.

  I join them, and as we pass out gifts, I still can’t believe this is my life. Was it really only a year ago that I was proposing to him on the beach, and we were crazy enough to think some spoken pact would keep us from falling in love? It’s the best rule I’ve ever broken.

  When all the presents have been opened, I jump up. “One more!” I exclaim, running out to my car to grab the gifts I’ve been hiding for a week.

  They both look at me curiously as I hand them each one. I step back to watch.

  “Okay. Open them together.”

  They pause before diving in and tearing into the wrapping. I want to laugh when Lily frowns at the baby doll, because she’s far outgrown the things. Xavier’s confused frown matches her when he pulls out a Padres baseball cap. He’s always been a Rangers fan.

  “What?” they ask simultaneously then look at each other’s gifts.

  I know as soon as the realization hits Xavier. He jumps up and places the hat on his head, a beaming smile spreading on his gorgeous face.

  “Seriously?”

  I nod, tears welling in my eyes.

  “I’m so confused,” Lily says, so I tell her to go check her bed, where I placed one last thing.

  She races out of the room.

  Xavier wraps his arms around my waist. “Thank you. This is the greatest gift you could give.”

  He goes in for a kiss just as we hear a scream. Lily runs down the hall, already wearing her big sister T-shirt. She launches herself at us and relates to Xavier’s sentiments.

  “Best Christmas ever!!” she exclaims, wrapping us up in a big family hug.

  Glancing at my husband and my daughter, I’m filled with so much love. “Best Christmas yet,” I amend. Because if I have my way, every year will only get better.

  AS EXPECTED, Kale’s house erupts in squeals and screams as soon as Lily takes off her coat to reveal our surprise. I can’t believe Kalli was able to hide it from me, but I love how she included Lily in the reveal. We’ve been trying for months to conceive, and each month led to disappointment. Now that it’s happened, nearly one year from when she became my wife, the timing feels right, and I couldn’t be happier.

  Kale walks up and pats my shoulder, gesturing to where Lucy, whose belly is growing with their second child, and Kalli, whose belly will soon be with ours as well. He grins.

  “We did good, man,” he quips.

  I can only agree. “We sure did.”

  As I look around the room, I can hardly believe I’m standing here with my wife, my daughter, and my in-laws. This is my life. This is my family. It may have taken a long damn time to get here, but every second spent alone was more than worth the wait. Because as I watch my wife and daughter snuggle up on the couch, with Lily’s hand already touching Kalli’s belly, I’ve never felt a stronger, deeper love. I’ve never felt more fulfilled or more alive than I do right now.

  Until I met Kalli, I wasn’t living. I was only existing. Even though I tried to resist, she came into my life and awoke emotions in me that had been so dormant I had no longer known I’d possessed them. Slowly but surely, she crept in and took hold of my heart, bringing it back to life.

  And this is when I have my third aha moment. Sometimes, it’s okay for love to be selfish. Possessive. Mine certainly is when it comes to my wife.

  Ella es mía.

  She is mine. I’ll never let her go.

  She once said that she didn’t need the happily ever after, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try like hell to give it to her for however long we have. We’ll live, we’ll love, and we’ll do it together.

  I love her.

  Always have.

  Always will.

  No matter what.

  The End

  Never Say Never- The Fray

  Stolen- Dashboard Confessional

  Tonight I Wanna Be Your Man- Andy Griggs

  Lovefool- The Cardigans

  Happy- Pharrell Williams

  A Drop in the Ocean- Ron Pope

  Holding On To Heaven- Foxes

  Rollercoaster- Bleachers

  Sway- Blue October

  Promise- Romeo Santos featuring Usher

  One Heart Missing- Grace Potter & The Nocturnals

  Have A Little Faith In Me- Mandy Moore

  Addicted- Prince Royce

  Love Me Harder- Ariana Grande featuring The Game

  The Unwinding Cable Car- Anberlin

  Lessons In Love- Neon Trees

  Somebody Loves You- Betty Who

  Thinking Out Loud- Ed Sheeran

  Firestone- Kygo featuring Conrad

  Angels In Everything- Blue October

  Tell Me You Love Me- Neon Trees

  I Need You, I Love You, I Want You- Tenth Avenue North

  Wrapped Up- Olly Murs featuring Travie McCoy

  Derek-I absolutely could not do this without you. You were my original sounding board and I'd probably still be staring at a blank screen if it weren't for you. I'm so excited for our new adventure & can't wait to see what we create!

  Michelle-I can't believe I ever wrote books without you! Your daily emails are such a big help, your teasers are beyond comparison, and I will never tire of your music suggestions. Break out the mimosas, Michelle! We have a trilogy to work on now!!

  Teri Beth- As always, I'd be nowhere without your notes and comments. You're involved in one of the most important parts of this process, and I'd be lost without you! Every plague you find, every 'ohmigracious', and every so you point out is appreciated! And with that, I thank you! Sorry-couldn't resist!!

  Bianca- I can't even begin to tell you how
much I appreciate you reading in pieces and giving me your honest opinions-which are so valuable. Thank you for listening to all my ramblings, encouraging me, and helping make Xavier and Kalli as loveable as they are!

  Mara- You didn't even ask to beta but didn't bat an eye when I decided to just shoot my work in progress to your inbox. Your support means the world to me, and I appreciate that you take your time to give me your feedback, make teasers, and promote my work. And just so you know, that Starbucks mug is my new favorite!!

  Bibi- Thank you so so so much for reading my unedited version and helping me out with all the Spanish lingo. Xavier wouldn't have been able to speak it without you!!

  Polly-My twin!!! Thank you not only for reading early for me to point out any condom problems, but for also keeping me sane while I write. Having someone to rant with is…well, therapeutic, and I'm so glad we've connected!! And I'm extremely thankful when you research hot cover models for me! Also, Chris---EVERY ARC FOR YOU!! One day I'll tell what BCG means. One day.

  I'm a twenty something book junkie who decided that there were too many stories in my head to keep to myself. It’s a crazy, busy life, and I love every single second of it.

  If I’m not writing or looking through tons of photos of hot men, all in the name of research, then you can probably find me curled up with my Kindle, ignoring the rest of the world. I love my sports almost as much as I love my books. My other obsessions include red wine, hot men, country music, and all things Grace Potter.

  I LOVE to hear from readers, so please feel free to contact via any social media site listed below.

  Website: http://tessateevanauthor.blogspot.com/

  Facebook: www.facebook.com/tessateevanauthor

  Twitter: https://twitter.com/Tessa_GGB

  Email: tessateevanauthor@gmail.com

  Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7170636.Tessa_Teevan

  Instigation, Book 1 of the Clandestine Trilogy

  Coming Spring 2015

  Prologue

  It's often said that when you're on the brink of death, your life flashes before your eyes. You relive the fond memories, see glimpses of your most significant moments, and freeze frames of loved ones you'll sorely miss.

  I wish that were the case.

  For me, I saw the total opposite. As death reared it's ugly head, I did not see my past. Instead, I saw my future. The future I'd never have. The future that was being stolen from me.

  I saw him pressing me up against that kitchen counter for the first time, telling me how much he wanted me-he needed me.

  I saw us sitting on the swing on our front porch, sipping iced tea as we listened to the crickets chirp, enjoying the silence as our thighs grazed, a slow, easy foreplay for what was soon to come.

  Visions of a swaddled baby nestled in my arms, with the love of my life gazing down at us, affection all over his face, flashed through my mind.

  White picket fences. Yellow nurseries. My favorite lilies adorning the kitchen counter just because he wanted to make me feel special.

  Sippie cups. Messy hair. Exhaustion that is never too much for beautiful love making with my gorgeous future husband.

  For a split second, I was living it, and I reached my arms out, trying to hang on for dear life so that all those moments would come to be.

  And as the water rushes in, I cling to those thoughts, but they're ripped away when I realize I need to fight like hell to survive.

  You can do this, Brie. Just relax.

  Exhale.

  Inhale slowly.

  Hold.

  Exhale.

  Inhale slowly.

  Hold.

  Do not panic.

  Whatever you do; do not panic.

  Remain calm.

  Breathe out.

  Breathe in slowly.

  Hold.

  Cough.

  Sink.

  Panic.

  People can tell you the steps of how to breath when you're under the threat of drowning, but until you're in that dire situation, you have no idea how easily all rational thought evaporates from even the most logical mind.

  Every moment counts. I can't afford to panic, yet every instinct inside me wants to do just that. Even as the water rises, tormenting and relentless, the desire to take a breath is tantalizing, intensifying with each second that I go without air. Spots cloud my vision, my mind dizzying with the crushing need to breathe. Instinct tells me I cannot, but it's too late. The overwhelming desire to do so is irresistible and even though my brain is sending impulses screaming no, my mouth inevitably opens.

  Water rushes in, invading my mouth, a vicious army surging in ready for war, my body unwilling to fight even the first battle. Out of nowhere, light shines, a beacon of hope from beyond the confines of my watery tomb, giving me renewed strength. My eyes burst open, seeking refuge and spotting the last tiny pocket of unsubmerged space, yet no longer seeing any sign of light. Struggling, I swim until my head comes above water, coughing, sputtering, and then ultimately cursing myself for only delaying the inevitable as the water rises all around me. I should've gone for the light. This would've been over already.

  With one last gasping breath, water covers me, and I know this is it. All those visions of my future were a fluke. I'll never live them. I'll never experience having a family, being a mother.

  This is it. This is the end, and I will never have the answers I seek.

  Now I just have more questions.

  How could I have been so blind?

  How could he have done this me?

  And most of all, where is my savior now?