Gloria Rising: A Story of Hope and Survival In Dark Evil Places

by Linden Morningstar

  The tears dried on the little girls face and she looked like she had found a big secret that no one else had and she promised she’d remember. Next, the bus stops at the orphanage and the two little girls leave together. When Anne finds they have to sleep in a dormitory with forty other girls, her eyes fill up – Gloria nudges her and she starts to smile – both girls keep their secrets in the following months but there is no more talk of suicide no matter how bad and dreary the days got and Gloria is the one who profits the most from the secret of hope because of the things that happen to her there. This dream was different in that it left us with hope also. Will stop here – till next time.

  Gloria’s Helper

  AUTOMATIC LETTER 162

  Saturday night

  Dear Adam,

  I’m in a dream now and I hear two people talking one is a Miss Pelletier the other is a Sister Tremblay. They’re unpacking Gloria’s clothes for her stay at the orphanage and Miss Pelletier says, “I think she’s frightened. That little girl is something special. She’s more than smart. She’s got a sensitivity and compassion that means she has been ground through the mills of God slowly.” The other sister replies, “She’s been sent here to make room for another child and she feels like the orphan those are the facts.” “And the facts are neat and tidy. But I’ll bet anything that the experience of those facts is not nearly as neat and tidy. In other words, she’s been hammered upon and made malleable by the Master Sculptor.”

  “Sister talk English,” said Miss P. “Are you trying to say that’s she’s suffered.” Sister, nodded, “She’s suffered.” They left and I walked inside the room with Gloria. We sat down, we could hear them talking in the next room and we wondered how they could know so much just by seeing Gloria for a short while and we knew we’d better be on our guard with these two or they’d find out all about our past. We wanted to forget the past and start a new future in an orphanage away from Gloria’s parents and everyone we had known in that past.

  We had no idea that we were starting on a whole new adventure that would remind us of the past more than ever. I’ll leave off here – Gloria is unpacking the rest of her clothes and at the sight of her winter coat, she knows she’s not here just for June and July as she was told. Will talk to you later.

  Gloria’s Helper

  AUTOMATIC LETTER 163

  Thursday night

  Hi,

  Had a bad dream tonight – all about the woman’s voice gushed in a whisper, sounding like the warning hiss of a snake – “This is necessary, you must feel that this is so – say you do!” “It’s necessary yes it is,” Gloria replied.

  When you’re at the mercy of a torturer you’ll agree to anything to stop the pain. “But I didn’t do anything bad,” she said. “You are young. You do not understand. If only you could see as I see, look into people as I do. You would see the filth, the evil, the decay and you would understand why I’m doing this.” The little girl in the tub cried and cried. She couldn’t feel the pain of the cold water as bad as she could feel the loneliness and sadness the fear of what the woman said.

  She continued, “When the devil has turned you – you must rid yourself of the spot. You must scrape the evil from your skin, wipe it clean before it burns into you.” Her voice was no longer a whisper but was rising higher and higher and it brought no comfort to the girl’s mind because she knew that without warning she would sink her head into the water and the dizziness and pain would come. But that’s not how it turned out. Just as the girl was preparing for the ordeal again, a louder voice was heard that said, “What kind of nonsense is this? Do you rely on your own stupidity to warp a young person’s life? Get away from that tub. Come on out little girl and don’t ever listen to that dumb Jezebel again,” and there was our lady with the three eyes. Boy! We’re we happy to see her. She wrapped the little girl in a large towel and sat her on her lap in a chair and rocked and cuddled her like a little baby while she murmured soft words like a caress and she told her, “That some people were so sick in their mind that they weren’t happy unless they could inflict the same sickness in others but that she mustn’t give in and pay any attention to what they said. They were sick, sick, sick.”

  Gloria woke up shortly after this, heard the noise upstairs again and we figured “more sick people” and went back to sleep.

  Don’t think you’ll get much out of this except that we had a visit from our lady again with the pyramid eye.

  Gloria’s Helper

  AUTOMATIC LETTER 164

  Wednesday night

  Dear Adam,

  We had a strange dream tonight – I say strange because the people in it were not nice like they were in reality. Gloria was at her grandmother’s house weaving her sister’s blouse. She was thinking of dark things, saw creatures, the roots of trees uprooted, and buildings falling on buildings.

  Her sister hit her across the back and said, “You can’t wear it. That’s my blouse.” – Her mother came in, as the sister backhanded Gloria in the mouth. She pulled the two sisters apart but she kept hitting Gloria. Four times she hit her in the face. Gloria had bitten her lips until they bled and she remembered how scared she was.

  “It’s my blouse and she can’t have it,” screamed her sister – Gloria was standing above her sister. Then she realized that she could strike her back. It was possible; it might be easy. In a minute it could happen and it would be done. And she knew her mother knew because she moved toward her own mother – Gloria’s grandmother and said to Gloria, “You don’t deserve this family,” her mother said. “I don’t know where you came from. You can’t be my child.”

  Her mother was not afraid of Gloria any longer – her eyes looked bruised and swelled with anger they were a monster’s eyes. They reached out as if they were hands – as if they could choke her daughter Gloria. She walked close to her. “You great big ugly clod. You’ll never have or be anything – no you’ll never were. Get out and don’t come back till you’re fit to be a member of this family.”

  Gloria ran to the end of the garden – her tears were splitting her body as if lightening had struck her, as if her veins were fire, as if the nerves that spread from her spine were wires cutting her flesh. She lay down on the grass. She was thinking that she wanted her mother to die. She was thinking that she could have killed her. She was angry at her grandmother too for not saying more to stick up for her but the one she hated most was her sister for making such a fuss over a bar maids blouse – being a child it didn’t occur to her that she was responsible for the whole scene to begin with. She was so miserable that I woke her up.

  So happy, I can still write about our dreams. I thought, I had lost this power or talent or whatever it is. Hope you can read what I wrote. I had trouble with my writing.

  Gloria’s Helper

  AUTOMATIC LETTER 165

  Sunday night

  Hi again,

  The dream Gloria had tonight was like a lesson. One that didn’t mean much because it came from the life of the “Other”. I hear the talk even now – how mothers were supposed to love their children just because they were but it wasn’t easy for a child who had to earn its mother’s love by being good-looking, or enjoyable or easy to be with, so said the “Other”. He also said, “Gloria’s mother was not an unloving mother but that Gloria was a bad accident born of the body of a 46 yr. old woman and since she wasn’t the lovable kind of children that a mother could love it was sad but that’s the way it was.”

  He said, “Who could love someone who was like a nervous little rat in a cage, first sipping water, then pushing a wheel, then scattering its food, then running from one corner to another, to look for something it could never actually possess. You’re just like that little rat trying to get your mother’s love.”

  Gloria believed that goodness was a part of her and of great importance and she believed in its forces. But she had to admit the limits of goodness and its weaknesses, to recognize that it in itself could do nothing to win love. Without the gre
ase of accident – looks – or a quick eye – the machinery of affection never started. You could try to like someone you admired for his goodness but if it was your child you rarely succeeded – it took more than that.

  Alone, she could collect herself, she could smooth herself until, she felt her spirit gather and fill in, till she could feel herself once more entire, sheathed. She could watch her life see how it was slow and noiseless from a place where a family’s love was most important, especially a mother’s love.

  But when the “Other” made her see how small and unlovable she was compared to the other members of the family, she wasn’t sure of anything anymore – except that she didn’t belong anyplace.

  The “Other” told her a lot of other things in tonight’s dream but, I cut it short because it hurt too much to remember it all.

  Gloria’s Helper

  AUTOMATIC LETTER 166

  Wednesday night

  Hi again,

  After tonight’s dream, I’ll never doubt again that we’re getting help from the Pyramid Lady. We (in the dream) are on a sand filled ground when we felt the bulk of bodies filling the grounds on the slopes that thundered toward us. I don’t know where I went but suddenly I was watching Gloria and for a moment she stood transfixed, then recognized the reality. The creatures were cattle, not people; cattle stampeding wild-eyed with terror of impending doom because they had burst from the pens of the slaughterhouse down the road.

  And it was doom they were bringing now – blanketing the street and the walks on either side as they bore down upon Gloria, bringing in panic. Heads lowered, carved horns hooking, and heaving hooves pounding to crush all that lay in their path. Gloria turned to run but they were already upon her, mouths foaming, red eyes glaring, and there was nowhere to flee, no escape.

  Then, out of nowhere, a hand gripped her upper arm, tightened, and yanked her back against the iron railing of the graveyard. Legs buckling, she shrank against the bars as the maddened beasts thundered by. Running behind them, a half dozen cowboy’s cursed and shouted brandishing whips and staves.

  Gloria’s gaze blurred for a moment, fighting the weakness she felt, she clung to the rails till she was released by tender, loving arms which belonged to our lady with the three eyes. Never was Gloria so happy to wake up from a dream – so was I! Tell next time.

  Gloria’s Helper

  AUTOMATIC LETTER 167

  Sunday night

  Hi,

  Tonight’s dream was off about the water and the tub again. Gloria’s sister was kneeling on the tub floor – her eyes weapons of indignation. “You must rely on me to see for you. You must see the evil that I can – I can see into their hearts and I can see the devil clutching them into his grasp. I couldn’t always see but I learned, does the learning hurt. If you could see as I do you’d be scared.”

  Gloria did indeed feel fear and with her sister’s presence hovering over her and her words pelting her, she was scared of the suggested image of her skin turning grey and rotting away, eaten by the acid touch of those that were the devil’s people.

  “Pray you must pray!” she shouted. “You must thank the Lord for the vision I have, for the care I give you, for the purity I give your soul.” And as she spoke of the cleansing spirit Gloria knew her body was going into the icy water again and again and this is how the cleansing spirit cleaned away the bad in her.

  “You will be cleansed and you will feel good.” Gloria knew it wouldn’t feel good and she begged over and over not to be cleansed but it did no good because then her sister would scream, “Pray!” “Pray!” “Pray!” But this was nothing – the cold water – till the night it was decided that since the cold water didn’t cleanse Gloria – the hot, scalding, water would do it.

  No need to go back over that horror except to say that it took weeks for the blisters to heal and “Gloria was finally cleansed of her sins” or so her sister said – Gloria was convinced of it. We didn’t have a very pleasant dream tonight.

  Gloria’s Helper

  AUTOMATIC LETTER 168

  Wednesday night

  Dear Adam,

  Gloria’s dream tonight was a strange one. A whole group of people were waiting to go on an astral voyage. The woman in front of Gloria was very nervous. Waiting in the departure lounge, while others stood around in small groups talking or reading magazines – she paced. She would walk up to a travel poster about space, stare at it, and then move away probably without having seen the poster at all. She could not rest and she was not alone. When the launch was called she walked into the open air and as we all saw for the first time, in the distance, the vehicle that would carry everyone into orbit.

  Gloria knew that she was on Earth and was going on an astral trip and not into space like the others. She sympathized with them leaving yet she felt superior – imagine not knowing the difference between a voyage into space and one in astral projection. Suddenly, we we’re aware that the Pyramid Lady was there. She said that every effort had been made for an astral trip to our old place when Gloria was seven years old and that only one thing would be shown to us but it was very important to be prepared for a shock and she was right – it was like a slide projector clicked inside our head unrolling a scene from Gloria’s past life.

  The “Other” was in the room we came upon – I will never forget his expression, the wide dark empty look in his eyes, the dead pallor of his face, the rigid lips, the tightened skin of his features – as if a death mask were already upon him. He said nothing to Gloria. He pointed to something on the floor – it was a dog – it wasn’t black and white as it should have been it was sludge colored and its coat was stiff and spikey. It was plainly dead. He began to talk – he said, “I got real mad at that dog and bent down and scooped him up and threw him into the deep-fryer; I fried that dog he wouldn’t disobey me again.” He said a lot more about the dog screaming and said it was unbelievable but Gloria was so shocked that she didn’t hear anymore and the Pyramid Lady came in and took her out. She said, “She had warned her that she’d be shocked but it was necessary that she take that trip or she’d never remember the rest.”

  Whatever the “rest” means I don’t want to know if it’s anything like this. To say we were shocked is putting it mildly, we still can’t believe we had such a dream or astral trip and hope this is the last astral trip we take to Gloria’s childhood. I hope we haven’t shocked you by retelling it but it seemed important to talk of it. See you tomorrow.

  Gloria’s Helper

  AUTOMATIC LETTER 169

  Saturday night

  Dear Adam,

  Gloria had an awful dream tonight. The “Other” had put her in a closet and said he’d come after her for punishment as soon as he finished his meal. In the closet Gloria struggled to free herself but was wedged into it. No matter which way she turned it seemed to close more tightly around her, making it hard for her to breathe. She could hear him talking to himself and the noise he was making was growing louder, about like a chant rising and it had to do with her punishment. She knew what he was about to do with her. Terror was in her throat as she heard him coming. She wanted to cover her eyes with her hands to avoid the sight of him but they wouldn’t move from her side. There was no escaping what was coming. The despair of her situation, the hopelessness was crushing. Suddenly, like a miracle she heard it. It was another voice of the Pyramid Lady and she opened the closet door to free Gloria and she gave her a bell and told her anytime the “Other” got after her to ring the bell and she’d be there to help her. The “Other” came in the room but wouldn’t approach the lady. He told her, “Not to meddle in his affairs or she’d be in trouble.” She told him he was already in a lot of trouble. He moved out of the room saying, “He was sick to his stomach.”

  The Lady repeated the message to Gloria about the bell and Gloria came awake with a start and realized it had just been another dream except in this one she had been rescued from punishment. So I thought I would tell you about it.

  Gloria�
�s Helper

  AUTOMATIC LETTER 170

  Sunday night

  Hi,

  Just a short letter about a dream tonight, because we saw our lady with the three eyes again and what she said made sense. She told Gloria, “Before you can be a woman you must grow up in four ways as much as you can – four ways: physically (your body); emotionally (your feelings); intellectually (your mind); socially (your dealings with others). These are the Big Four.

  They are a large order – but you are now in the greatest growing period of your life so don’t let anything stand in your way – I am proud of you and Adam and what you’re getting done – keep up the good work – you’re well on your way to the “Big Four”

  Thought it most encouraging and interesting and I wanted to share this dream of Our Lady with the pyramid eye with you.

  Gloria’s Helper

  AUTOMATIC LETTER 171

  Tuesday night

  Dear Adam,

  The dream tonight was unlike any dreams we’ve had before and was a “big” discovery. In our dream the “Other” hung himself, and little Gloria believed it, so did I. Little Gloria found a note on the kitchen table from the “Other”. It said, “Gloria see what you made me do. I hate you. Someday, I will come back to get you. Go and see what you did in the attic.”