Exposed Affections

by Rene Folsom

  Opening my eyes, I see the blue sky. White, puffy clouds cross my vision as I use my hand to block the glare from the sun. Short whispers of grass tickle my skin when the wind blows lightly across the field.

  The warmth of spring envelops me, making me feel comfortable as I breathe freely—each breath invigorating and tranquil.

  My stomach jumps and writhes within itself, but it’s not a feeling of pain or nausea. My brow furrows with confusion as I am drawn to inspect the funny feeling in my belly. My attempt to sit up suddenly comes to a halt when my abdominal muscles seem strained. Rocking my body to the side, I prop myself up with my elbow and look toward my feet.

  “Pregnant?” I question, while grabbing the side of my belly where I can still feel the thumping inside me.

  Using my arms to sit up the rest of the way, I cross my legs in front of me and hold my pregnant stomach with both hands.

  “Pregnant,” I whisper with awe in my voice.

  As a smile spreads wide on my face, I look around to find someone to share my joy with. It doesn’t take long for me to realize I’m alone, nothing but spring blooms surrounding me. The clearing Aiden and I picnicked in seems different—as if it had been ages since I last sat in this spot.

  Glancing back down at my very prominent baby bump, I feel elation and sorrow all lumped into one clusterfuck of an emotion. I want so badly for this to be real, and I want even more to share it with someone.

  A tear trickling down my cheek woke me from the most blissful dream I’d had in many, many years. Without opening my eyes, my hand darted down to my stomach and grasped at my flat abdomen. An uncontrollable gasp left my throat at the realization it was all a dream. It wasn’t loud, but obviously enough to wake Aiden from a deep sleep.

  “Julia, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” I answered quietly, the quiver in my voice betraying me.

  “You’re a bad liar, Angel,” he whispered as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled my back to his front. “Tell me why you’re crying.”

  “Seems to be my normal state lately,” I said with a light chuckle and a sniff. “I just had a dream.”

  “Another nightmare?”

  “No, this time it was a good dream. A really good dream.”

  “Then what’s the problem?” he asked, concern etched in his voice.

  “I’m just worried it’ll never come true,” I said as I wiped a stray tear from my face.

  “What won’t come true?” Coda grunted, turning to face me in the darkness.

  “It’s no big deal, really guys. Sorry to wake you.” After allowing a few moments of silence, I asked, “What time is it?”

  Aiden turned to look at his clock and said, “It’s a few minutes before seven.”

  Excusing myself, I inched my way out of the bed and grinned at the men with their mussed-up hair before heading to the bathroom. I’d slept enough and wanted to avoid the additional questions I knew would be coming at me from all sides.

  The rest of the morning was spent in a fog. I wasn’t necessarily depressed, just lost in thought. Thankfully, the large house had many places to escape. Aiden and Coda had been holed up in Aiden’s room, dealing with something they obviously didn’t want me involved in. So, I took it upon myself to enjoy the day in seclusion.

  Around noon, while relishing a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich, my phone rang. Sid’s smiling face lifted my spirits before I even heard her voice.

  “Mike’s meat market. What’s your beef?”

  “Well, you seem to be in a better mood,” Sid chimed.

  “I will be once I get to spend some time with my friend.”

  “Well, that might be sooner rather than later. Sean is going out of town tonight, so I’ll be home. Will you be there?”

  “No,” I sighed. “I’d prefer to stay away from the apartment for a while. Wait, I have a good idea. Why don’t you come stay here with me?”

  “Julia, I don’t want to impose—”

  “No, really,” I interrupted. “Aiden and Coda are all wrapped up in something, and I’m just floundering around this huge house by myself. It’d be great to have you around.”

  As I spoke, Tanya walked in and gave me a wink.

  “Hang on a second, Sid.” Putting my hand over the microphone hole in the phone, I quietly asked, “Is it okay if I have a friend over? I don’t want to intrude.”

  “Of course,” Tanya chirped excitedly. “It’ll be nice to have a girls night, and we have plenty of room. Invite her over. I’ll make margaritas!”

  Smiling, I brought the phone back to my ear and said, “It’s all set, Sid. Come on over whenever you want and bring your bathing suit.”

  “Bathing suit? Why?”

  “There’s an indoor pool and spa,” I answered, knowing she would love the idea.

  “Holy shit! I’m there,” Sid responded with urgency.

  After giving her some quick directions, I hung up the phone with a huge grin on my face. The fact I would actually have a chance to spend some time with my best friend made me happier than I’d been in a while.

  Soon after, Tanya sat beside me on the sofa and asked, “Does your friend know the situation around here? I just need to know whether I should go put my wedding rings on.”

  “Well, when I first met Aiden, I told her all about him. He didn’t explain his marital status to me well, so she was my go-to person when I found out he was married. Of course, once I found out the truth, I had to let her in on it. Otherwise, she would have considered Aiden a two-timing shit.”

  “That’s okay,” she responded. “I just wanted to make sure. I really prefer not to fake it when I’m in my own home, so I’m glad she knows.”

  “Thanks for being so cool about it. I’m sorry I’ve been such a pain,” I said with honesty.

  “Don’t worry about any of that. Tonight, we relax and put all our problems aside,” she assured with a smile.

  Sid arrived just before dark. Tanya made a to-die-for lasagna and it didn’t take long for us girls to mix our drinks so we could make our way to the spa that was joined with the indoor pool. Aiden and Coda said they still had a few things to take care of upstairs, so we successfully began girls’ night.

  I was hesitant whether I wanted to drink, especially considering how I’d been feeling over the past week. But the bleeding and cramping were over with—the only remnants of my torment were the memories. Physically, I felt fine. Emotionally was a completely different story—one I hoped to put behind me, if only for tonight.

  Being the gracious host that she was, Tanya showed Sid to the guest room. They were taking their sweet time getting to the spa, so I took advantage of being alone and basked in the quiet, darkened pool room. Hurriedly, I set my margarita down on the deck around the tub, lit a few candles, and climbed into the steamy waters. Slipping into the warm, soothing spa was the equivalent of melting butter. The tension in my muscles gave way to the relaxing temperature and I audibly sighed as I sank until the water cloaked my neck.

  The flickering of the candles and the faint moonlight coming through the skylights in combination with the luxurious feeling of the warm water—all were necessities to calm my nerves. The steam rising around me relaxed my senses and helped to clear my mind.

  Tying my hair up in a knot and taking another sip of my margarita, I allowed the water to creep up past my ears as I descended further onto the slippery surface of the tub.

  Closing my eyes and breathing deeply, I could hear the sounds of each inhale as the oxygen filled my lungs. The exaggerated vibrations as I exhaled sounded shaky, like I was still trembling even though my body was enveloped in warmth.

  Realizing my impromptu hair-knot was coming apart, I submerged my face completely beneath the water’s surface and slowly came back up—allowing my hair to fall naturally behind me.

  Never opening my eyes, I floated on top of the water and tried to relax. Quiet and still, I relished the feel of warmth as my arms and boobs floated just below the surfac
e.

  Without warning, I heard the distinct thump of the sliding glass door closing to my left along with a few giggles. Tanya was a giggler. Mechanically, my eyes popped open to search the darkened room for anyone who may have entered my sanctuary.

  “Damn, this place is nice,” Sid said, causing her quiet voice to bounce off the vast walls with a light echo.

  In several small steps, Sid and Tanya set their drinks down next to mine along with a full pitcher and slowly climbed into the hot tub. I watched as they sank into the warm waters. Sid sighed rather loudly, closing her eyes and lilting her head to the side. Knowing how comfortable the warm temperature made me, I could almost see the rigidity lift from her body.

  Without opening her eyes, Sid sighed once more and said, “Christ, I could so live here.”

  “Yeah, this house has definitely grown on me, but I’m still a bit homesick,” Tanya added. “The good thing about living down here is, I’m a little more out of the limelight. The gossip spreads like wildfire up in my hometown.”

  “That’s gotta suck to not have any privacy,” Sid scoffed before downing her drink in one long pull.

  “Damn, Sidney. Ever heard of pacing?” I teased as I followed suit and threw back the rest of my margarita with a wince and a smile.

  “Well, shoot. I guess it’s my turn,” Tanya said, guzzling her entire drink with a pursed look on her face. “I’m glad I made a whole pitcher.”

  Several drinks later, I started to feel the haze of alcohol cloud the random chatter happening around me. Sid had found the remote to the poolside TV and turned it on to a satellite music video channel. Thankfully, she chose a classic alternative station. The feel of the alcohol coursing through my veins in combination with the music and warm water had me feeling increasingly buzzed as the drinks continued to flow.

  “Damn, he’s hot,” Sid said rather loudly. Looking up at the screen, I saw a Green Day video was playing and knew she had a thing for those rebellious types—Billie Joe definitely fell into her preferred stereotype.

  “I don’t think he is. He’s so lanky, and I can’t stand the makeup,” Tanya argued.

  I just chuckled, causing both girls to look in my direction.

  “What do you think, Jules?” Sid asked.

  “I think he’s cute. Of course, I always have a weakness for rock stars.”

  I was only half listening to the conversation when Tanya said my name. “Okay, Julia. You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to, but the guys have been rather tight-lipped about everything that’s been going on. I did overhear Coda talking to a colleague of his about the charges that dickhole is facing, so I do know a bit about the shit you’ve been through. What I am still totally confused about is what happened while you all were up at the cabin in North Carolina.”

  At that point, the alcohol had impaired my normal hesitation to share the nasty details of my life. The thought of lying to her never even came to mind as I opened my mouth.

  “I had a suspicion I was pregnant and ended up losing it early Thursday morning. I’m just trying to forget about it and move on,” I explained with a wave of my hand as I took another long swig of my margarita. You know you’d had too much when you couldn’t even taste the tequila anymore. I didn’t mean to sound so nonchalant about it, but I knew if I gave it any more merit, my emotions would open like flood gates with the amount of alcohol I had in my system.

  “Holy shit!” Tanya gasped. “That’s not something to take lightly, Julia. Are you okay?”

  “No, I’m not okay,” I said honestly. “But I will be… I have to be.”

  “I know what you’re going through,” Tanya said as she bowed her head, almost as if she were ashamed. Then it dawned on me what she meant.

  “You mean—”

  “Yeah, I miscarried about three years ago. My dad didn’t want it leaking to the public I had gotten pregnant out of wedlock, so he bribed several doctors to put a lid on my files. I was devastated, but really had no one to confide in.”

  I just stared at her with an astonished look on my face. I was speechless. I thought for sure talking to someone who knew my pain would make me feel better. It didn’t. I only felt more pain—agony that my new friend had to go through the heartache I was dealing with.

  Looking over at Sid, I noticed her head lulling to the side. Kicking at her, I attempted to wake her up. “Sidney. If you’re that tired, go to bed.”

  “Fuckin’ A, Jul,” she slurred as she attempted to turn away from me. Her face hit the water and she jolted awake. “Crap.”

  Both Tanya and I laughed. Sid dragged her groggy body out of the hot tub and headed inside.

  Tanya moved closer.

  “Julia, you will be okay… eventually,” she said, while looking into my eyes for the first time all night. “You may not think so now, but you will. The emotional pain never subsides, but you learn to deal with it as time goes on. Each time you think about it, it’ll be as if you’re going through the torment all over again. You just have to learn how to deal with that hurt and have hope that your next chance will be successful.”

  “I had a dream last night I was pregnant, and I had no one around to share it with. On one hand, the fact I was pregnant gave me hope. On the other hand, why I was alone plagues me.”

  “Well, focus on the hopeful aspect of that dream. Optimism is the only thing that’ll pull us through.”

  Before I could respond, the sliding glass door opened with a soft hum, bringing our attention to the two male figures headed our way. Without saying a word, Aiden and Coda stripped down to their boxer-briefs and climbed in.

  Chapter 43

  “I needed to feel his lips on mine more than I needed my next breath.”

  Coda weaseled his way between Tanya and me and wrapped his arms around both of our shoulders before saying, “Now this is the life. Two hot chicks in a hot tub? Can’t get any better.”

  “I’m actually about to head to bed, guys,” Tanya said. “Julia got me drunk tonight and now my buzz is wearing off.”

  “I got you drunk?” I squealed. “I believe you have that backwards, woman.”

  Laughing, she placed a kiss on Coda’s cheek, then Aiden’s, before heading upstairs to her room.

  Skynyrd played softly from the television, and I suddenly felt my heart rate increase. These men never failed to draw a reaction from my body, and they knew it.

  “Well, you two. I’m all pruny and getting a bit tired. I think I might head out too,” I said, not really planning on leaving them but wanting to get a reaction. My ploy didn’t fail me.

  “The hell you are!” Coda snapped. “We finally have you all to ourselves, and we’re not letting you go that easily.”

  With his head being the only thing out of the water, Aiden stalked toward me until his face was right at my cleavage. “We’ve missed you, Angel.”

  “I’ve missed you too,” I said as I grabbed at his scruff. “You two have been so busy and it was all the control I could muster not to bust in and bother you.”

  “You’re never a bother, Julia,” Coda mumbled as he began nipping at my neck.

  “Ahh,” I moaned, my eyes rolling into the back of my head and fluttering shut with the feel of Coda’s hot lips on my sensitive skin.

  “Feel that good, love?” Coda asked.

  “Yes. Always.”

  Opening my eyes, I noticed Aiden was just staring at me with a concerned look on his face. I knew what he was worried about. I didn’t need to hear the words from his mouth to know he was apprehensive about how I was handling things.

  “Aiden?”

  “Julia?”

  “Kiss me.” Even though I made it sound like a question, it wasn’t. I needed to feel his lips on mine more than I needed my next breath.

  Rising onto his knees in the hot tub, he positioned his body between my legs. Brushing his knuckles against my flushed cheek, he stared into my eyes for a long moment. I gazed back at him with nothing but adoration in my stare. A quick lick of
my lips was all it took to get what I wanted.

  Warm, soft lips landed on mine, his short stubble tickling my skin—such delightful anguish. With a slow, methodical measure, he joined his tongue with mine as if he were tasting something so delectable and wanted to savor it.

  While Aiden stole my breath away, Coda continued his glorious assault on my neck. He had one hand inside my bikini top, playing with my nipple, while his other hand quickly untied the strings around my neck.

  Turning my head, I swiftly devoured Coda’s lips in a much harsher kiss than Aiden and I had just shared. An audible moan left his chest as I bit his lip and tugged lightly at the sensitive flesh.

  “Stand up, Julia,” Aiden instructed as he held out his hand for me. Grabbing the straps of my top, I began to cover myself.

  “Oh, no you don’t,” Coda scolded. “Leave it down.”

  I hesitated at first, but then realized the girls were probably long passed out. There was no way they’d come down and catch my naked ass. So, I did as I was told and stood in the center of the hot tub, the water coming up just below my hips. Being exposed to the air, my nipples immediately hardened. I could feel them tighten and just the thought of their mouths closing over the sensitive buds had my clit throbbing painfully.

  Aiden switched places with me and sat on the bench seat next to Coda. Seeing the two of them next to each other never ceased to amaze me. They were both so gorgeous and, even though they were identical, they were sexy for their own individual reasons.

  “Take the top completely off, Julia,” Coda demanded. I didn’t hesitate this time. Keeping my eyes on them, I reached behind me and untied the strings knotted at my back. Pulling it away from my body, I held the scrap of fabric out with two fingers before dropping it in the water right in front of them.

  “Good girl,” Aiden praised. “Now the bottoms, Angel.”

  The black bikini bottoms I wore with this bathing suit had the little ties on the sides. So, with a slightly seductive flick of my wrist, I pulled at the strings, one at a time, and removed my bottoms.