WITHOUT SHAME: Babylon MC Book 4

by James, Victoria L.

  Autumn looked out across the line of trees that cradled her house, and she sipped the iced tea she’d replaced our coffees with. There were times when I wondered if she’d gone through some of these things with Deeks. He may have seemed like a cuddly bear to me, but had he been that way when he was younger? Or had he also been a man living on a knife’s edge, never knowing what side of the law or his anger he was going to fall on?

  “I can’t answer for Drew, sweetheart. That boy is the only one who knows how he will react to any given situation. From what Deeks has said, he’s never really done well with grief. Harry was always due north for him, I suppose, and now he’s lost that.”

  “We’ve all lost that,” I admitted.

  “Throw Eric in the mix…”

  “Jesus.” I finished.

  “I don’t think Eric means any harm,” Autumn said quietly, raising her hands in defense when I looked over at her. “I don’t like him all that much either, sugar. He was a good president for the club in his time, but he messed up, and he gave it all up. I don’t think he wants the club back, and I don’t believe he’s back here because Harry wrote him a letter. I think Eric is back for Eric problems. We may never know what those problems are, or they could land in our laps at any moment, but all you have to do is back Drew up like you are doing.”

  “I don’t trust Eric. Sutton doesn’t seem to like him much, either. Drew… It’s his dad, so I can’t voice my concerns, and he doesn’t talk much about him. They were riding together at like three in the morning. Alone.” Covered in blood, I finished in my head, not wanting to betray Drew.

  “Eric knew how much Harry meant to—”

  “It’s not that kind of support. I think he’s encouraging him with retribution. I’m worried that… I’m worried that Eric could start a war if he pushes Drew after the Navs.”

  “You just have to trust Drew to be smarter than that.”

  “I do.”

  “You just don’t trust Eric?”

  “I’m a terrible fiancée.”

  “Because you hate your soon-to-be father-in-law? Oh, honey, if that made you a bad person, we’d all go to Hell in a handbasket. Ask me about Deeks’ momma one day. I have stories that would turn your hair grey.” She picked up her braid and laughed at it. “That woman thought she was the damn queen of Texas. I suspect she was one of the causes of my jail visits. She hated me, and she hated that Deeks defended me.”

  “Did he tell you that?”

  “Nope, his little sister did.”

  “Deeks has a sister?”

  “He does. Silvie lives somewhere up in Montana. She was never into Harleys. Horses were more her speed. She married a rancher and now has one of the most awarded thoroughbred ranches in the country. She gave us The Well Runs Deep.”

  “Wells?”

  “That’s just a nickname, sugar. My point is, you’re marrying Drew, not his dad, or the club.”

  I gave her an incredulous look that made her smile.

  “Okay, so you’re definitely marrying the damn club. It’s a good job you love those boys.”

  We sipped our tea for a while in companionable silence and watched the horses run in the paddock, my eyes on the chestnut horse that seemed to prance more now that I knew she had an official title.

  Talking to Autumn had helped. I had come to find some kind of peace with what happened between Drew and I the night before. The bruises would fade and become memories, and I would be left to remember the brutality that still felt so sensual and intimate to me. I was still concerned that he was heading for a complete derailment, and though it scared me, I was far more confident that I wouldn’t lose him forever. I just had to swallow all of these feelings and be his strength for him.

  I could do that.

  Until the next time I needed a pep talk.

  “How’s Tate doing?” Autumn asked out of the blue, forcing me to groan. “That bad?”

  I placed the tea on the table next to me, lifting my knee onto the swing so I could turn to face her. “Don’t even get me started.”

  “You’re gonna leave me hanging?”

  I smiled nodding at the glass she was holding. “Now might be a good time for that bourbon.”

  Chapter Six

  DREW

  “And these guys?” I asked Sutton, thumbing over my shoulder toward the door of his office where a small group of men and women in plain, smart clothes were standing, each one looking like they’d been raised with a silver spoon in their mouth. White-collar workers, wearing fancy lanyards and badges—that’s all I saw. People who’d never truly lived.

  “ATF,” Sutton said through a sigh as he leaned over his desk and took a huge bite of his burrito. “As usual. They’re always here,” he mumbled.

  “Because of the club?”

  Sutton eyed me as he lowered his food and dabbed the corner of his full mouth with a napkin. “Well, they ain’t here to go over Lizzy Ford’s bakery books, Tucker.”

  I smirked. “They’ve obviously never had one of her cakes. That white stuff she decorates her tarts with has got quite the kick.”

  “Are you saying Lizzy Ford sugarcoats her baked goods with…?”

  I nodded and pressed a finger to my nostril, inhaling sharply.

  His eyes went wide. “Are you serious?”

  “Shit, Sutton. I was joking.” I laughed hoarsely, resting my forearms on his desk and shaking my head.

  “I never know with you.”

  “I keep you on your toes.”

  “You keep me distracted.” He swallowed his food, and his attention drifted to the doorway as a woman with jet-black hair and bright red lips leaned in, her hand gripping the doorframe to hold her body weight. I schooled my face, not giving anything away as I looked at her.

  “Can I help you, Winnie?” Sutton asked her.

  Her eyes narrowed on mine, a brow rising for only a split second before she, too, schooled her face for my benefit. “I can see you’re busy. I’ll wait until you’ve taken him into custody.”

  Custody.

  Right.

  I smiled flatly and huffed out a small laugh. Her eyes raked up and down my body, and if she hadn’t been a part of the law enforcement that was desperately trying to bring us down around here, I would have sworn she was checking me out.

  “Oh, he ain’t under arrest,” Sutton said through another mouth full of food, his manners gone or put aside because he clearly didn’t respect the woman.

  “Just visiting.” I grinned, raising a weak hand and wiggling my fingers her way.

  “He’s like the local idiot we all have to spend time with occasionally. Community project.” Sutton rolled his eyes.

  “I’m all about the community,” I told her.

  “I’m sure you are.” She sighed and looked at Howard. “Friends like him will lose you that badge, Chief.”

  “Good job I’m his archenemy then, isn’t it, sweetheart?” I chimed in. “Can’t stand the guy.”

  Her head tilted to one side as she studied me some more. “Y’all sure look friendly for enemies.”

  “You know what they say,” Sutton muttered around his burrito. “Keep your friends close…”

  “Buy your enemies burritos for lunch and stop by with a smile and a wave.” I flashed her all my pearly white teeth, giving her the most cocksure grin I could muster.

  “I’ll be seeing you around, Mr. Tucker.”

  “Sure you will, darlin’.”

  She’d turned to disappear when she heard me call her darlin’, and it didn’t take long for her to pop her head back around the door and deliver a warning. “Little tip. This isn’t 1984 anymore. You may live in small-town Texas, but the world has moved on while you guys have been lost in Babylon, singing along to Tim McGraw and polishing your biker boots and cowboy hats.” She glanced at Sutton, narrowing her eyes in obvious distaste. “Ladies don’t like to be called sweetheart or darlin’ anymore.”

  “Well, I can’t see no ladies around here, but I’ll be sure to
bear that in mind in the future, Miss Winnie.” I beamed, raising my eyebrows along with my chin. “It’s been real nice seeing you.”

  Sutton tried to hide the way he choked a little bit on his food, covering it up with a cough while Winnie shook her head, tensed her features and walked away. The clip of her heels marching down the corridor sounded like little explosives going off in my ears.

  “What the fuck is wrong with Tim McGraw?” Sutton asked with incredulity.

  “Who?” I frowned.

  “Never mind, you uncultured idiot.”

  “She seemed nice,” I joked, thumbing over my shoulder again.

  “You’ll have to excuse my ungentlemanly vocab, Drew, but that woman right there is a real fucking bitch with a stick up her ass that she ain’t getting off on.”

  “No kidding.” I laughed without humor. “Not a fan of Babylon, either.”

  “Not a fan of anything or anyone, especially not Babylon. In fact, the only person I’ve ever seen her being slightly friendly towards is our goddamn mayor.”

  My face fell immediately. “I’ve still not seen him since…”

  Howard’s eyes met mine. “Since that night. I know.”

  Visions of Harry saying goodbye to me in the back of Sutton’s cruiser assaulted my mind, and just as quickly as it took a person to blink, I felt the darkness creeping up around me, starting from my toes like a black cloud of smog rising, pulling me in, making me blind with sadness and rage.

  Sutton must have seen the instant switch in me.

  “You know, you can’t hide out here every time you can’t face your men or your woman. It’s getting a little obvious we’re friends, Tucker. That’s as dangerous to you as it is to me, my family, my—”

  “I know.” I nodded, blinking quickly to try and clear my vision. I focused on the desk between us and studied the grains of wood. “I don’t even know why the fuck I come here,” I told him honestly.

  “Yeah, you do. You want to show everyone on this side of the law that you aren’t afraid and y’all have nothing to hide. It’s typical you, getting in the face of the people who hate you the most. But... you also want everyone on your side of the law to keep looking for you, knowing they’ll never think to find you here.”

  “What are you? My fucking psychologist now?”

  “I don’t need to be qualified to see your shit. You’re as transparent as clear water these days.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “You’re not my type but thanks for the burrito.” He flashed me a wink and shoved the last handful of food into his mouth, and I watched as he struggled to chew it with his too-full cheeks.

  I shook my head and stood up to leave, needing to get away because, deep down, I knew he was right. With a slap on the desk, I told him of my plans to escape and pointed a finger in his face. “The minute that woman says Clint is awake…”

  “I’ll let you know,” he finished for me.

  “Hate you, asshole.”

  “Kiss, kiss, my love.”

  I walked away from Sutton’s office, and I swaggered through the police department with a weird ass smile on my face. It was bizarre to think of my former archenemy as a friend without frowning, but I couldn’t deny it anymore. Sutton was a friend. One I was glad to have on my side.

  Wasn’t that a thought I never expected to have?

  Once outside, I strode over to my bike, pulling my sunglasses out of the inside of my cut. I’d only just pushed them onto my face when I saw a car pulling into the parking space beside me. I didn’t recognize it immediately, but the second that vehicle came to a stop, and I saw the door begin to open, I felt myself stiffen completely.

  The Mayor was standing in front of me, tugging on the lapels of his sharp, navy blue suit before he reached up to adjust his matching tie. Walsh was a tall, gangly man, with broad shoulders and an instant air of arrogance about him. His ginger hair was peppered with blonde and white specks, and his angular nose was begging to be broken.

  The look he gave me was instant recognition. Of course he knew who I was.

  The entire population of Babylon knew my name, my reputation, and my face. I was the anti-hero of this town, despite the good we’d done since the Emps had been blown up in that warehouse. It was clear to see that no amount of propaganda could turn my image around in some people’s minds. The Mayor’s was one of them.

  His pointy, shiny leather shoes scuffed over the surface of the parking lot, his strides confident and assured as his eyes stayed locked on mine the whole time.

  I was hiding my slightly swollen eyes behind my shades, but both of us could feel my gaze and the hatred I was passing his way before I saw the small twitch of his lips turn into a smirk…

  And then he strode on by me like I was a homeless beggar boy and he was a king.

  No words were exchanged but so much was shared.

  If we hadn’t already known, our mayor was working with the ATF and anyone else he could get close with to bring our MC down. It had all started with him and The Navs working together to bring me down, which had led to them actually taking Harry from me.

  My fucking Harry. That dark cloud wasted no time in rising around me then, and I spun around to watch our town Mayor stride up the stairs into the police department with a confidence that made me want to run after him and tear him apart. I was thirsty for his blood, desperate to see it on my hands.

  I knew where I had to go.

  * * *

  The Mayor’s house was well known in Babylon. It was gated and tucked away from the townspeople, surrounded by high rising trees and shrubbery that contrasted against the sandstone building it was hiding. It didn’t particularly scream money. It fucking hollered power.

  I pulled my bike into a narrow section off the road, and took a good look at the place, trying to figure out a way I could get inside, hide away and then surprise that arrogant fucker when he came home later that night. But no sooner had I pulled up and leaned back on my bike, I heard the heavy breaths of a bicycle closing in on me, followed by my name falling from a familiar boy’s lips.

  “Drew?” Rubin said with surprise tainting his voice.

  He skidded to a stop in front of me, kicking up dust with his back wheel as he flicked it out and slammed on his brakes, dropping his feet to the floor.

  It was thanks to Rubin that Deeks’ old lady Autumn had survived. Rubin’s act of bravery followed by his insanely good aim had delivered the gunshot that had sent the bullet aimed for Autumn’s head astray just weeks ago. I’d seen him a few times since, hanging out with Tate. I wouldn’t say we were friends, but I knew the kid well enough to know he had heart, and he was welcome in my club any time he wanted to be there.

  “Rubin?” I scowled as I removed my sunglasses and tucked them inside my cut.

  “Hey,” he said, his face matching mine, both of us confused. “You okay?”

  “Good. You?”

  “I’m good.” Rubin glanced over his shoulder at the house next to us, and then he looked back at me. “Are you lost?”

  “In Babylon? Kid, that’s never gonna happen.”

  “You here to see me then?”

  “You?” I frowned harder.

  “Well…” He looked back at the house again. “Yeah. You’re at my house.” Rubin looked down at my bike as if he was checking it over. “Or did you, like, break down or something?”

  His house?

  How the fuck didn’t I know this? Or had I known this and just forgotten? Anything was possible these days. Literally anything. I was a mess, and my short-term memory was shot to shit as I focused on all the things that haunted me, ignoring all the things that lived for me.

  “Well…I…” Fuck me. I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes to try come up with some shit that wouldn’t give me away. “Sorry. I just rode a bit too hard and got a headache. Pulled over the first chance and I got and was just admiring the house. Didn’t realize you lived here.”

  “Tate didn’t tell you?”
he asked, sounding slightly proud to be having a simple conversation with me.

  “Probably.” I shrugged, sighing as I dropped my hand and looked up at him again. “I’m not doing well at focusing right now, Rubin.”

  His face fell, an understanding and sadness flashing my way. “I’m sorry about Harry. Tate’s broken over it all.”

  “Thanks, kid.” I looked at his house, unable to believe what the fuck he’d told me. “So, you live here, huh?”

  He shuffled on his bike and stood taller. “Yep. Dad’s place.”

  “I didn’t realize your dad was the mayor.”

  “Not something I brag about.”

  “You guys don’t get on?” I asked.

  Rubin turned my way, his eyes practically rolling and his face falling deadpan without any concern at all. “He’s an asshole. Let’s not pretend you and the club don’t hate him, either.”

  Brave kid. Ballsy.

  I turned down my smile and raised my brows. “Fair enough.”

  “The whole of Babylon hates him. It’s why I try to keep busy, either with Tate or the other guys on the football team. I spend a lot of time at school, doing what I can when I can. I like to feel a part of… something,” he said, telling me way too much for a kid who barely knew me. “That’s why I like being at your place. It’s a family, you know.”

  “I do.”

  “You’re a lucky guy, Drew.”

  And that was about all I could take of that. Lucky? If only he knew. Lucky wasn’t a word I’d ever associated with myself—at least not until Ayda had come along and turned my world upside down, but after last night, I’d even managed to fuck that up. Her sad eyes taunted me, begging me to return home, so I shook the thought of her away and swallowed down another dose of confusion.

  “Listen, Rubin, I gotta get out of here.”

  “Sure thing.” He nodded.

  “Do me a favor. Don’t tell anyone you saw me out here, okay?”

  “You got it, Drew. Anything you need. Anything at all.”

  I only took a second, but I studied his face, unable to connect Rubin’s kindness and spark to the DNA of the goddamn slimy mayor. It didn’t make sense. How could someone so decent come from someone so fucking rotten?