My Safe Place

by Steph Poe

  As I watch him focused on bringing life back into my arms, I feel so...grateful. He always takes care of me. I love being taken care of by him.

  "You caught me a little off guard. I wasn't expecting to ever be able to do that with you. " He looks up at me.

  I'm not sure what to say to him. I'm a little confused and shocked at it myself. I focus my eyes on my hands.

  "Did you like it?" I ask him. I'm eager to please him. As much as I wanted this for myself, I also wanted to satisfy his needs.

  His eyebrows rise and the corner of his mouth turns up. "Hell yes. That was so sexy." He brings his lips close to mine. "It wasn't so much about tying you up. You putting your trust in me to do that was the sexiest thing you could have ever done." He kisses me a few times before leaning back again to look at me.

  "How are you feeling about it? I need to know that you're okay with what happened. If you didn't enjoy it then there's no way in hell we will ever do that again."

  He's so protective of my feelings. My cheeks flush and I bite my lip before my eyes find his.

  "I really, really liked it. I didn't know it could be like that."

  "Well baby, it can be even better than that. I was only getting started." He smirks at me.

  "Oh yeah, how much better? Because that was pretty freaking amazeballs to me."

  His chest moves up and down with his laughter and it's infectious. I can't help but join in.

  "Amazeballs?"

  "Yes. Amazeballs. Extremely good. Better than amazing. Look it up. It's in the dictionary." Pretty sure it's not. Well, maybe the Urban Dictionary.

  "So do I have you all to myself today? I'm not opposed to keeping you naked all day so I can have my way with you any time I want." He reaches his hand around to grab my bare ass cheek and give it a squeeze.

  "Yes, you have me today. Ashton is working a party and she shouldn't need me. I do have some errands to run, though. Maybe you could join me?" I smile at him hopefully. I'm not sure how much he will like shopping with me, but it would be nice to just do a normal thing with him to take our minds off of the things happening with my ex.

  "Define errands." He narrows his eyes and looks a little apprehensive.

  "Well, I need to pick up some groceries for the week and I thought about going to the antique mall and searching for some things to decorate the office. The remodel is almost done and I can't wait to see everything pulled together." I don't mention to him that I'm a little neurotic when I shop. He will see for himself and it will be a true test to see if he can handle one of my quirks.

  "Sounds amazeballs," he teases. "Okay, let's go shop!" He rubs his hands together and his tone is definitely one of false excitement, but he's smiling when he says it. He jumps off of the bed and walks towards the bathroom. I enjoy watching his fine, tight ass as he does.

  Chapter 18

  Cal insists on driving his car. He said he wants to drive it as much as possible before the weather gets colder.

  "So what do you drive in the winter?" I ask him, thinking I can't imagine him behind the wheel of anything but this car. Then again, winter in Indiana can be rough, with the salt on the roads dirtying up cars, so there is no way I can see him driving this nice classic car and risking damage to the paint job.

  It's a surprisingly warm day out today, so Cal has the windows rolled down. The sun is shining and there are a few puffy white clouds in the sky. I realize this is likely one of the last warm days of the year. I love riding in this badass muscle car with him. I'm going to miss it when he puts it in storage.

  "I have a truck. Actually, it's my work truck that I use to haul materials and make deliveries. It's not much to look at, but it's four-wheel drive, so it's perfect for winter. It's always sad when I have to store Lola till spring." He pats the dashboard and exhales a small sigh.

  "Lola? You named your car?"

  "Yeah, of course." He shrugs his shoulders like it's the most obvious thing in the world that he named his car. "Actually, my dad named her. This was his car. He gave it to me for my high school graduation. When I was little, we used to spend hours working on her together. Man, he loved this car."

  "And I can see you love it too." He smiles and it spreads across his entire face and he looks like a little boy on his birthday.

  "I do love it. It's not just about the car, you know? It was something that was just for me and him. He taught me everything I know about cars."

  "You miss him a lot, don't you?" I reach over and place my hand on his thigh. He looks over and smiles before placing his hand over mine and squeezing it.

  "I do. Every single day."

  It's so hard to lose a parent. I can see the pain in his face and it reflects my own. I miss my mom every day too. So many times I just wish I could call her and ask her advice on things. Especially relationship advice. Ever since I started dating Cal, I've missed her so much. I wish she could have met him. I wish she could see how happy he makes me and how sweet he is to me. I know she would have loved him.

  *****

  We pull into the parking lot of the antique mall. I used to come here often with my mom. She used to love hunting for unusual treasures. She especially loved miniatures. I have an entire bookshelf in my house filled with small thimbles, vases, teacups, and even a porcelain duck family that she claimed was the cutest thing she ever saw. I never really understood her fascination, but I loved watching her eyes light up when she discovered a new tiny thing to add to her collection.

  Cal and I walk inside, hand-in-hand. I'm always overwhelmed by the sheer size of this place. I don't think I've ever made it through the entire thing in one trip.

  An older gentleman wearing a red and blue plaid tie greets us at the door with a kind smile on his worn and wrinkled face. He says his name is Eddie and we are to find him if we need help with anything.

  Cal has never been here before, so I take the lead and guide him to the first row of booths that are to the right of the entrance. The first booth is filled with a mixture of vintage luggage and several bookshelves cluttered with an assortment of knick knacks.

  I'm drawn to the luggage. It's a set of three pieces stacked from the largest to the smallest on top. I run my hand over the worn brown leather on the top of it. There are two latches on the side that are a little rusted, but still look to be functional. I click them both at the same time and lift to open the small suitcase. The lining on the inside has a stripe pattern. I find a small rectangular tag on the inside of the bottom portion and it has faded writing on it. I read the name and address of the former owner.

  Mrs. Alice Merriman, Cincinnati, Ohio.

  I run my fingers over the name. I wonder where Alice had been with the case. Did she travel out of Ohio often? Did she have any children?

  Cal comes up behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder. He doesn't say anything to me. He lets me stay caught up in my thoughts for few more minutes.

  "Things like this intrigue me. I was just wondering about the woman who owned this luggage and where she travelled with it, and what kind of life she led." I feel a blush on my cheeks. "Sorry, I know that's silly."

  Cal kisses my cheek. "Not silly at all." He turns me to face him. "Alice was married to Ernest for forty-two years. They had six children, three boys and three girls, which they thought was perfect for them. They lived in a big, white farmhouse in Ohio. They didn't get to travel as much as they would have liked, with having a farm to take care of, and the six kids of course." He's clearly impressed with himself and smiles big at me.

  I study his face for a minute with furrowed brows and a contradicting amused grin. I feel my grin grow wider as I realize that I absolutely love that he is sharing my silly fascination instead of thinking I'm ridiculous for being curious about her. I'm eager to play along.

  "And don't forget about their dog, Zeus. Ernest named him because he loved Greek mythology. In fact, he and Alice always wanted to travel to Greece, but they were never able to , because who would take
care of the farm? And of course there were Joe, Steve, Bob, Mary, Margaret, and little Susie to think about. So sad they never got to take their dream vacation." I pout my lips at him.

  "So very sad." He puts his finger under my chin to lift me up to kiss him.

  We continue our little game throughout the store. Cal finds an old rusted birdcage that was owned by an lonely old man named John who never married and only had his two parakeets to keep him company until he died at the ripe old age of eighty one.

  I found an old rocking chair that belonged to the Sullivan family. Mrs. Sullivan used it to rock each of her three babies to sleep each night.

  I never knew I could have so much fun in an antique store. Before I even realize it, we've made it through the entire massive place. I did manage to find a set of vases made of white milk glass and a painting of a woman in a white gown, kneeling down in a field of wild flowers. I can't wait to find a place for these in my newly-remodeled office. I'm so excited to finally make it more of my own instead of the stale, professional office it started out as. It's only taken me four years to finally put more of a personal stamp on the space.

  *****

  My back is against the cold brick of the building. It's cold out and I'm shivering. This light jacket isn't keeping me nearly warm enough. I see someone approaching to my right side and my head turns towards him. That sickening smile is spread wide across his face as he says my name. I hate the sound of his voice. It makes acid rise up from my stomach and sting the back of my throat. I try to swallow it back down, but it burns.

  I try to move my feet to the left so I can get away from him, but they are glued to the concrete. I try to move my arms and they are stuck to my sides.

  He starts talking to me, but I struggle to hear him, even though he's just inches from my face. I don't want to hear his voice, but something inside is telling me to listen to him.

  "I can't believe you are with Cal. Could you have picked a bigger asshole, Lake? Oh, if you only knew who he really is, I don't think you'd be too happy, darling. I bet he never told you we used to share our women. Hell, he's the one who taught me it's better when you tie 'em up. And we both know how much you love to be tied up, don't we, darling? It made you so fucking wet the last time. I know you loved every minute of it. Why don't we go—"

  I scream as loud as I can when his hand reaches out to grab me. I see his body being pulled away from me. I keep screaming because I still cannot move. Someone is holding my arms down.

  "Lake, wake up, baby." I recognize Cal's voice and I begin to calm down. My breathing starts to slow. My throat feels raw. I must have been really screaming and not just in my dream. I reach for the bottle of water on my night stand and take a long drink. It feels cool gliding down my sore throat. I feel Cal rubbing his hands up and down my back. I take a few deep breaths and set the bottle back down. I don't turn around right away to face him. I can still hear Chris's voice so clearly in my head. Was that really what he said the night he tried to take me? Were those the words that I couldn't quite make out when he first said them because I was panicking? Surely my mind didn't conjure up those awful things. Cal and Chris used to...share women?

  I lean back and scoot my body so I'm sitting upright against the headboard. Cal moves to sit right next to me and puts an arm around my shoulders. He brushes my hair from my face and tucks it behind my ear before running the back of his hand down my cheek.

  "Bad dream?" he asks.

  "Yeah. It was Chris. It was like a replay of that night outside of the bar." He pulls me closer to him and kisses my forehead.

  "I stopped him, baby, before he could hurt you again."

  "Cal?" I don't know how to ask what I'm going to ask him, but I somehow know I'm not going to like the answer. My insides turn to jelly and I feel myself starting to tremble with anxiety.

  He looks down at me waiting for me to speak.

  "Is there something else you need to tell me about when you and Chris were friends?" I look up at him and his eyes look to the side for a brief moment before finding mine again.

  "No. I told you we weren't close."

  "So, you didn't share women with him?" I stare into him. I feel his body stiffen. He looks down at the bed and starts grabbing at the blanket with his thumb and index finger.

  "Why are you asking me that?" he questions me and there is a touch of anger in his tone.

  "Um...I think Chris said something about you and him sharing women. He said...he said you taught him that it was better to tie them up." I continue to stare at him, hoping that this isn't true. I was in shock when Chris approached me so I most certainly could have heard him wrong. And this memory has come back to me in a dream. My imagination could be running wild. Cal moves his arm from my shoulder and crosses both of his arms over his naked chest.

  He still doesn't look at me.

  "You know he was shit-faced that night, right? And you realize he would probably say anything to get you to hate me, don't you?" He turns his face towards me.

  There is something not right here. He didn't give me a straight answer.

  "I've trusted you more than I've ever trusted anyone, Cal. And we've only known each other a few weeks. I really need you to be honest and tell me if there's anything else that I should know about you."

  He places his hand on my cheek and stares into my eyes with intensity. "Baby, all you need to know is that I love you and I'll never let anything or anyone come between us."

  There's a small part of me that feels wrong about this, that he's keeping something from me. That small part of me is overshadowed by my heart, which wants to trust him and remain content. He's just trying to protect me from the man who hurt me so badly. Maybe they dated the same girls in college, which is no big deal.

  "Oh, there is one thing you need to know." My brow furrows and I study his face. He pauses for a moment and then one side of his mouth turns up. "I really, really hate meatloaf."

  I smile at him. "That's a shame because I make a freaking awesome meatloaf." He chuckles and pulls my head against his chest. I hear his heart beating against my ear and the sound of it relaxes me. I know he's keeping something from me, either to protect me or to protect himself. But I also know that he loves me and he would never hurt me like Chris did. It's good enough for me. For now. I think.

  Chapter 19

  I fall back asleep wrapped in Cal's arms. It's a restless sleep because I can't stop thinking about what Chris said, or what I dreamed that he said, and how Cal completely dismissed it. There has to be some truth to Chris's statement because Cal definitely didn't deny it. Rather, he said Chris would tell me anything to try to get me away from Cal, and Chris was heavily intoxicated that night.

  Cal said all I need to know is that he loves me and wouldn't let anything come between us. I know he's lying about something. Even if it's to protect me, it's not okay to lie. I despise liars. Even lies of omission are shit. I can't tolerate it. So why am I allowing Cal to sidetrack me? Am I so clouded by my love for him that I'm willing to overlook this?

  My mind goes back to my relationship with Chris. He was controlling and I didn't see it right away. My friends saw it and would try to tell me, but I was too caught up in him that I ignored the signs. He made me happy and made me feel special, so I took his controlling behavior as him loving me and wanting me all to himself. I guess I'm so easily blinded by love that I miss the warning signs.

  I can't let anything like that happen again. The sick feeling in my stomach tells me all I need. I can't let Cal blow this off. I need to know the truth. We can't move forward with our relationship until I know everything, even though it may hurt like hell. I need honesty. I need to know who Cal really is.

  *****

  The sun is peeking through a small gap in the curtains in my bedroom. I can feel Cal against my back, but his arm isn't wrapped around me. I can hear his slow, even breathing telling me that he's still asleep. I'm grateful for this because I need to get some distance.

  The more I think abo
ut things, the more angry I become. I don't know what he's keeping from me, but the worst part is the not knowing. I wonder if he's afraid of what will happen when he tells me. Perhaps he's afraid of losing me. With that being said, will I want to leave him once I know his secret? I decide I need to go take a hot shower to relax before facing him.

  I manage to get out of bed without him stirring. After grabbing my robe off of the back of my desk chair, I head into the bathroom, and turn on the shower. I strip out of my pajamas and step into the steaming hot shower. My mind becomes more clear as I stand underneath the stream of water. I need to be calm and rational when I speak to him and not let my anger get the best of me. I want to give him another chance to tell me the truth. I wash my hair with my coconut shampoo and use my favorite smelling lavender body wash, hoping the scents will help relax me.

  I turn off the shower and step out onto the soft gray rug. I grab a towel to wrap around my head and another towel to wrap around my body, securing it underneath my arms. Peeking out the door, I see that Cal is still in bed in the position I left him, so I go back to my task. I towel dry my hair and return the towel to the wrought iron hook. I use a comb to get the tangles out before I spray on my favorite blow dry spray, which also smells like coconuts, and start the long process of blow-drying my long hair. The sound of my blow dryer will surely wake up Cal. I'm hoping that he'll let me finish getting ready before he decides to come in here. I need to be the one to start this conversation.

  I decide to go light with my makeup today, just a little tinted moisturizer and a bit of black mascara. The clock in my bathroom says seven-thirty, and I realize I'm going to be late going in to the office if I'm going to have this talk with Cal first. I'll text Ashton and Brynna and let them know.