Michaela's Choice

by Lisa Harris

  Ten minutes later, he stopped and stood at the gate of Aunt Clara’s two-story home, fiddling with the paper wrapped around the small bouquet of flowers he’d brought for Michaela. The Victorian home stood on a street among other similar houses with their corbelled brick exteriors, round-arched windows, and decorative features. He had saved enough money in the past few years to build a house for the two of them near the sea, if that was what Michaela wanted.

  “Philip?” Michaela poked her head out the front door.

  “Michaela…hello… How are you?” He fumbled through the gate toward the porch where she stood. She looked beautiful in her plum-colored dress with its high collar.

  He offered her the flowers. “You look lovely tonight.”

  “You’re always so thoughtful.” She brought the flowers close to her face and took in a deep breath. “Roses are my very favorite.”

  Nervously, he followed her into the house. She turned and smiled at him, leaving his heart racing in anticipation.

  “Did you have a good trip, Philip?”

  “It was fine. Very uneventful.”

  “Sit down, if you’d like.” Michaela pointed to the rosewood armchair in the corner of the room.

  It was the one he always sat on, but the familiarity of the situation did little to alleviate his anxiety.

  “Dinner’s almost ready. Aunt Clara went out to the garden to get some lettuce.”

  “Something smells delicious.” Philip wiped his hands against his pant legs and took a deep breath before sitting in the cushioned chair.

  “Aunt Clara made Irish stew for dinner.” Michaela rested her hands on her hips and turned to him before leaving the room. “Would you like something to drink? I made lemonade this afternoon.”

  “That would be nice. Thank you.”

  He watched her flutter out of the room like a springtime butterfly. Let her feel the same way I do, Lord.

  A minute later, Michaela came back into the room with two glasses of lemonade. “I have something I need to talk to you about,” she said, handing him one of the tumblers. “But I want to wait until after dinner. We can sit out on the swing later, if you’d like. It’s such a beautiful evening.”

  “Sounds perfect.” He took a long sip of the sugary drink and attempted to relax. “I’d like to talk to you about something then as well.”

  “Of course.” Michaela raised her eyebrows in question. “Are you sure you’re all right? You seem…I don’t know, nervous.”

  “I’m fine.” For the first time in their relationship, he had nothing to say to her. He could talk about the large furniture order he received today from a wealthy couple living outside of Boston or the fact that the wife of one of his employees had just given birth to her eighth child, but he wasn’t in the mood for small talk.

  Aunt Clara entered the room, and Philip jumped out of his chair to greet her, thankful for the reprieve. “You look lovely this evening,” he exclaimed. “Michaela told me you made some of your famous stew.”

  “My mother’s recipe.” Clara smoothed her white apron and beamed at the compliment. “Straight from Ireland.”

  “Shall I finish making the salad, Aunt Clara?” Michaela asked.

  Clara nodded in agreement. “And as soon as that’s done, we can eat.”

  ❧

  “The weather’s perfect tonight.” Michaela looked up at the stars that seemed to hover above them like thousands of tiny white diamonds. After a feast of stew and homemade bread, the wooden swing in the backyard was a perfect place to relax and enjoy the soft breeze that filtered in from the ocean.

  “What did you need to talk to me about?” Michaela shifted in her seat so she could see his face better.

  The light of the gas lamp revealed a guarded expression on Philip’s face. Something was different tonight. He’d acted strangely all evening, and she couldn’t imagine what he had to tell her.

  Unless…he’d met someone.

  She smiled at the idea. That must be it. She watched with interest as Philip looked down at the ground, rubbed his hands together, and shifted his weight in the swing, causing it to rock sideways.

  “What is it?” Michaela pressured him with a laugh. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you look like a lovesick puppy.”

  Philip squirmed again, and the swing banged gently against the wooden post, but he still didn’t speak.

  “That’s it!” Michaela’s eyes widened in excitement. She was right. He’d found someone.

  “Who is it? Do you want me to guess?” Michaela started making a mental list, wondering if it was someone she knew. Vivian was far too outspoken for Philip, but she had seen him talking to Elizabeth at church several times. Or maybe it was Hannah. She was a widow with two small girls, but Philip had always said how much he loved children. Then there was always her best friend, Caroline—

  “You’re right, I think I’ve found someone.” Philip raised his gaze to meet hers, and a solemn shadow crossed his face. “The problem is, she doesn’t know. I’m close to this person, but I don’t know how to tell her what I’m feeling.”

  Michaela reached out and rested her hand on his arm. “Philip, you have nothing to worry about. You’re extremely handsome and a faithful Christian. You’re talented and own a successful business, you’re kind and generous—I could go on. What else could a woman want?”

  He pulled his arm away but held her gaze. “So you think I should tell her how I feel?”

  “Definitely.” Excited about the possibility that Philip had found someone, her matchmaking skills began to work. “Wait a minute, what about the church social that’s coming up? You could invite her, then slip away for a short walk after lunch and tell her how you feel. That would be perfect.” She stood and continued mulling over the possibilities. “You need to wear the suit you’re wearing tonight—”

  “It’s you, Michaela.”

  “And don’t forget to bring her flowers. Women love flowers… .”

  “Michaela, I said it’s you.”

  Michaela sat back down on the swing and looked him straight in the eye. “What did you say?”

  “I–I just didn’t know how to tell you,” Philip stammered. “I’m in love with you, Michaela.”

  “I don’t know what to say.” She was shocked at his declaration of love. Michaela had certainly not expected him to name her.

  Philip gazed into the distance and wrung his hands together. “Are you disappointed?”

  “Disappointed?” Michaela stood, shaking her head in disbelief. She turned to face him. “You’re like a best friend to me—a brother.”

  He let out a short sigh and frowned. “I don’t want to be a brother to you. I want much more than that. I want to ask you to marry me.”

  Philip wanted to marry her? Philip, who had been an anchor in her life since the fire, no longer looked at her as her husband’s wife?

  Ethen.

  Michaela stopped suddenly as a wave of panic swept through her. How could she even think about loving someone else and betraying her husband’s memory? “What about Ethen?”

  Philip grasped the wooden post beside him and shook his head slowly. “Ethen’s gone. He would want you to be happy again.”

  “I know, but…”

  A slight grin played on Philip’s lips. “At least you would know he approved of the man.”

  “You were his best friend.” Her mind spun with the implications of what he was saying. Philip loved her and wanted a relationship with her. But was that something she could give him?

  Philip held up his hand as if to stop her. “You don’t have to say anything now; just think about it. You and me. We’re so right for each other. It makes sense.”

  “Philip, if I ever fall in love again, I don’t want to do it because it makes sense. I…” Michaela sat beside him and took his hands, squeezing them gently. “I’m sorry. You took me totally by surprise. You know I’m crazy about you, Philip, but I never thought about you—about us—being romantically involved.”
/>
  “Never?” He frowned, and she could hear the disappointment in his voice.

  “I’m sorry, but no. I don’t know what to say. It’s not you. I’ve just never thought about there being anyone else.” Michaela struggled with her words. The last thing she wanted to do was to hurt him, but she also knew she had to be honest. “I think I want to get married again someday. I just don’t know if I’m ready for that now. I’m not over Ethen yet. I still miss him so much.”

  “I know. Just promise me you’ll think about the possibility of us together.” He shrugged his shoulders and gave her a hopeful look. “Give me a chance. We could start over. I want to court you, Michaela. I want to take you out to dinner, buy you flowers, and escort you to church.”

  “Oh, Philip.” Michaela stood and tilted her head. “You know, the funny thing is, you do all those things already. When did you realize you were in love with me?”

  “The other day when you were upset about the board’s decision and we went out to dinner. You were smiling and laughing. You hadn’t done that for so long, and I liked being the one to make you smile again. I want to be that person in your life.”

  Michaela walked over to one of the trees next to the swing and leaned against the rough bark. Philip meant so much to her. He had been there through the most difficult time of her life, and he continued to be there today. He was the one who’d told her Ethen and Leah were gone. He had stood by her at the funeral as the tiny casket was lowered into the ground beside her husband’s. He had cried with her over the emptiness she felt. She knew he understood, because he had always been a part of her life and had felt his own loss of a brother and niece.

  She also knew someday she wanted to find the right man, fall in love again, and get married, but she didn’t know if that time had come yet.

  They were both quiet for a few moments, until she finally broke the silence. “Philip, something happened while you were gone.” She went back to the swing and sat beside him. “Maybe this isn’t the best time to tell you, but you need to know, especially now. Emma is expecting another baby, and she’s having a hard time. I decided to go help them out until the baby’s born. I’ve already sent a telegram to my brother, and I’ll be leaving next week.”

  “Don’t go.” He leaned closer, and she felt the desperation in his voice. “Don’t you see? If we marry, we could adopt Anna. It would be perfect. Michaela, I know you care for me. You could come to love me.”

  He was right. If they married, they could adopt Anna and become a family. Wasn’t that what she wanted? A family? Her breathing quickened at the torrent of emotions she faced. It seemed like such a logical solution. But what about love?

  Finally, she shook her head, her eyes pleading with him to understand. “Philip, I can’t marry you for those reasons. It just wouldn’t be right. Please understand. I need some time to think.”

  “I’m sorry.” He sat back again and raked his hand through his hair, undisguised pain evident in his eyes. “I don’t want to pressure you. Things just seemed so clear to me all of a sudden.”

  “No, I’m glad you told me.”

  “Promise me one thing. When you come back, will you let me court you?”

  Michaela thought for a moment, trying to interpret what her heart felt. “I can’t make you any promises except that while I’m gone, I’ll do a lot of praying. I realize I still need to let Ethen go so I can get on with my life. I don’t know right now, but maybe it will be with you.”

  “Remember one thing, Michaela. I’ll always be here for you. You know that, don’t you? No matter what happens between us.”

  Michaela looked into his deep blue eyes and smiled. “That’s one thing I will always know.”

  ❧

  “I’m not surprised one bit,” Aunt Clara said to Michaela as they washed the dinner dishes. “I’ve wondered for some time if Philip didn’t care about you—in a way other than friendship, I mean.”

  “Why didn’t you say something?” Michaela demanded as she set the last of the dishes in the cupboard.

  Aunt Clara wrung the wet rag and washed the counter. “I wasn’t sure he realized it himself, and besides, I may always play the part of the matchmaker, but something held me back when it came to the two of you.”

  Sitting at the small table, Michaela rested her chin in her hands. “How could you tell?”

  “There was something in his eyes when he looked at you, the way he held your hand a little too long, and the way he smiled whenever you entered a room.”

  “You noticed all of that?” How could she have missed something that had been clear to Aunt Clara? “Why didn’t I notice?”

  “You’re still in love with Ethen.”

  Michaela fell silent. Her aunt was right. How many other things had she failed to notice because she was still wrapped up in the past?

  Aunt Clara shook out the dishrag and laid it across the sink before sitting beside Michaela at the table. “What you’ve been going through is normal, but at some point, you have to look forward instead of behind.”

  Michaela shook her head. The revelation of Philip’s affections seemed more like a dream than reality. “I care about him, but I don’t know if I could fall in love with him.”

  Aunt Clara reached over and put her arms around her niece. “When the time is right, and it’s the right person, you’ll know. Give it time.”

  ❧

  Philip wandered down the quiet street toward his home, wondering if he’d done the right thing in confessing his feelings toward Michaela. The pale moon shone above him, casting eerie shadows against the storefronts. He’d never felt uncertain about his future before. Spending the rest of his life with Michaela had seemed like the perfect solution. But was that all it had been? Had he mistaken a possible marriage of convenience for love?

  At his cabinetmaking shop, he took the steps two at a time and entered the empty room above the store. He’d lived here for seven years and never felt lonely—until now. He’d never met a woman he wanted to share his life with, raise a family with, and grow old with together. Now that he’d revealed his feelings to Michaela, she was leaving and would be gone for months. He felt at a loss—how was he to win her heart now?

  He looked around the room. Discarded clothes lay across the back of a wooden chair. A pile of books had been scattered across the small table beside a mug of forgotten coffee. As a bachelor, he’d never needed much more than the basics. A few simple furnishings had been adequate, but an unfamiliar sense of longing overcame him.

  He didn’t know what reaction he’d expected from Michaela, though he would have welcomed a shared confession of love. Clearing the table, he laid the stack of books on the shelf and dumped the leftover coffee. Love from Michaela wasn’t realistic at this point. His one fear was that his feelings for her, even if never returned, would affect the friendship that had developed between them. He loved her too much to let his feelings change what they had.

  Marrying Michaela still seemed like the perfect solution—not just for the two of them, but for Anna as well. They could give her what she needed most—a family to call her own. And there could be more children as the years passed. His business did well enough for him to support a large family, if that was what Michaela wanted.

  He sat on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through his hair. What did Michaela want? That was the question that really mattered. He shouldn’t have been surprised at the fact that she’d never thought of the two of them as something other than simply friends, but he’d dared to hope that once he declared his love, it would awaken unexplored feelings in Michaela’s heart. The same thing he’d experienced when he looked at her that day in the wood shop with the sun streaming through her hair.

  But there wasn’t only their relationship he had to consider. In less than a week, Michaela was leaving. And where that left him, he had no idea.

  ❧

  Michaela tossed and turned, trying to sleep after Philip’s confession. She cared about him, but was it enough to b
uild a marriage on? It had only been recently that she could admit to herself she might want to marry again—someday. Still, she didn’t know how she could ever love someone as much as she loved Ethen.

  Part of her wondered if God hadn’t placed a second chance at love right before her eyes. Somewhere deep inside, she knew this wasn’t the way. She could never marry Philip unless she knew she loved him with all her heart. If she married him now, she’d only be giving him second best.

  Five

  A cool breeze blew outside, perfect for a summer day on the beach. Michaela studied her reflection in the bedroom mirror, wondering if the dress she chose was right for the outing. She had already tried on four others and still couldn’t make up her mind. The yellow fabric hugged her waist and draped gracefully past her hips. Its fashionable leg-of-mutton sleeves and lacy collar made it a favorite of hers.

  When Philip had asked her to spend the afternoon with him, she hadn’t even hesitated in telling him she would love to. Their relationship had changed because of what he had told her, and it could never be the same again, but she still wanted to spend time with him before she left.

  On Sunday at church, she had noticed some of the things her aunt had mentioned. The way he held her gaze longer than necessary and grasped her hand after helping her out of the carriage.

  No, things could never be the way they had been before.

  Michaela had expected to feel uncomfortable around him, but she didn’t. It had been a long time since a man had looked at her and told her that he loved her. It felt good to be wanted again—to be cherished and desired.

  “Michaela?” Aunt Clara knocked on the door and peeked in. “Philip’s here.”

  “What about this dress?” Michaela smoothed her hands against the silky fabric, wondering again about the attire she had chosen.