“Brandon? Thanks for coming back here.”
“Well, it was pretty obvious when he offered to give us both a ride home that you haven’t told them about us yet, and the fact that he kept asking me questions about the place at lunch, y’know?”
“I’ll tell him … I just—”
“Today’s probably not the best time,” I say, and she nods her head in agreement while lowering her arm and gaze from mine.
As soon as she climbs off of my knee, I follow her up to the house, and take my cell phone out from my pocket when I hear the message tone. It’s Rye, asking if I wanna stay over at the dorm tonight because he doesn’t think that it’d be a good idea for me to be on my own. The dorm? Never again. That part of my life is over now. I never wanna step foot inside the campus again for as long as I live.
He and Alyssa were both sitting in the courtroom throughout the day, but kept themselves at a distance. I think they knew that me and Alexis needed to be on our own today.
We head inside and make our way through to the kitchen. I glance around and notice a few new things placed around the room. It’s starting to look more like a home now. There are pictures hanging up on the walls, and there’s even some flowers placed in the window, “It’s starting to look pretty good in here.” Shit. Nice job, Brandon. It’s hard trying to pretend that we’re still together. Damn I really fucking wish we were.
I notice her eyes dart toward her father, and a frown starting to form over her lips, “Yeah, I think we’re doing a good job.” she answers, widening her eyes back on me when her father smiles and takes a seat at the wooden table. “I’ll make us some drinks.” She says as she turns around and heads toward the sink.
Diane takes a hold of Paul’s hand, and I see him give her a small smile while he shakes his head. Poor guy. Poor fucking guy. I turn around when I hear something smash behind me, and see Alexis resting her hands on the side of the sink, her head drooped down low and her whole body shaking. Dodging the broken coffee mug that’s scattered across the tiled floor, I head right over and bring her into me, “Hey, come here.”
“Honey, come over here. Brandon can take care of the drinks,” her father calls, and the sadness in his tone is evident. What? I can’t even console her now? Is it so wrong that I wanna be the one to comfort her in all of this?
She walks straight by me, and my eyes start to glaze when I see the two of them holding each other tight, with a stray tear running down his left cheek.
“I’ll give you a hand,” Diane offers as she walks over to join me. “Where do you keep the dustpan?”
“I’ll ... um ...” I clear my throat and quickly glance around. “I’ll take care of that.”
“Then which cupboard are the mugs in?” Oh, hell. I see Alexis look up from her father’s shoulder and tilt her head over to the right.
Thank God. “This one right here.”
“Honey, I don’t see any in there. All that’s in there is a couple of—” I see Alexis grimace, and know that I need to do something fast.
“Wait, no. Sorry, she must’ve been moving things around again to try and trick me. She’s always doing crazy shit like that. Must be a woman thing.” I start looking through all the cupboards until I eventually find them in the one overhead and by the refrigerator. That was close. “Here you go.” I place them down on the counter and take a step back.
“Dustpan?”
“Right.” I give her a smile, and go to check each of the lower cupboards. Nothing. Where the fuck would she keep that kinda stuff?
“Coffee?”
“Sure, thanks.” I say over my shoulder.
“No, where do you keep it?”
“Huh.” I shrug my shoulders, and think that it’s about time we set them straight. What’s the point in lying to them? They’re gonna find out eventually anyways. I clear my throat and stand back up straight. “Honestly?” She narrows her eyes on me and I can already tell that—Knock! Knock!
My attention is drawn over to the back entrance door, and I see a woman standing on the other side, waving over at Alexis. She steps out from her father’s embrace and goes to open it up, “Hi! Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you had guests.”
“No, no. It’s okay. What can I do for you Mrs. Harrington?”
“Well, I was going through my attic room this morning and I found a few of Christopher’s old baby things. Now, I know you’re not sure what you’re having yet, pink or blue, but I thought that these might be of some use to you.”
“Oh, wow. That’s really kind of you,” Alexis says while accepting the huge bag of what looks to be clothes from her.
“It’s the least I can do. Besides, I can’t even imagine what it’s like for you, being all on your own with a baby on the way. Oh! How rude of me! I’m Mandy, and I live next door,” she steps inside and offers her hand out to me. Shit.
“I’m sorry. I think I must have misheard you,” her father steps forward, and I see the look of confusion flittering across his entire face. Busted.
“Oh, I didn’t mean anything by it. It just must be such a struggle trying to get organized for single parenthood. I know I wouldn’t have been able to cope bringing up a little one on my own.”
That woman right there. Mrs. Harrington is it? Yeah. I’m not so sure I like her all that much, “Alexis?” Here we go. “Brandon?” Yeah, Alexis has closed her eyes, choosing not to look directly at him. It’s understandable, I mean, she can’t lie to save her fucking life. Her eyes give it away and she knows it. “Could one of you please explain to me what the hell is going on here?”
***
For some reason, I’m feeling a little on edge now. But, that could be because we’ve, as Paul calls it, ‘retired’ to the living room to discuss this. Right. Oh, and maybe, just maybe, it has something to do with the way he’s pacing the floor in front of the both of us, me sitting on one couch, with Alexis on the one opposite to me. I feel like I’m seven years old again, and I’m in trouble for staying out past my curfew.
“So, let me just make sure that I understand this,” he pauses right in front of us, and starts pointing his finger between the two of us. “You two haven’t been together since when?”
“A couple of weeks after Brandon was discharged from the hospital,” Alexis answers him in a quiet voice, and I notice her fiddling with her hands in her lap.
Diane is sitting right beside Alexis, and I watch as she sits forward, bringing her eyes over to me, “But you both came to visit us in Salem way after that.”
“Yeah,” I scratch my forehead and rest myself against the back of the couch. “Yeah, we did.”
“Why? What happened? You were both so—” He’s waving his right hand around in front of himself now, like he’s trying to find the right words. There aren’t any. Yes, we were happy, if that’s the words he’s looking for. Well, we were right up until I accused her of having someone else’s baby. His baby, no-fucking-less.
I watch Alexis shake her head, and then I see her eyes land over on me for a brief second, “It doesn’t matter what happened, dad. We just …” Why is she protecting me? It was me who screwed us up, not her. Why is she so adamant to protect me? I can handle myself. He’s her father, not mine.
“It was my fault,” I admit, and notice him narrow his eyes and furrow his brow right over on me.
“Did he hurt you?” He keeps his glare on me, but he’s obviously aiming his question over to Alexis. Hurt her? Yeah. I hurt her, and I’m gonna regret what I did to her, what I did to us, right up until the day I die.
“Physically? No.” Like that’s even an option. Never would I lay a finger on her, but it’s obvious to me that that’s what he meant. I grind my jaw from the fact that he would assume I’m the type of guy to do something like that.
I see Alexis sit forward, and then turn my attention back over on Paul and watch as he heads over to the door, “Dad, where are you going?”
“Where do you think I’m going? I’m going outside to call and book a roo
m for me and Diane.” He’s looking at her like she’s stupid or something for even asking him that, like it should be obvious where he’s going and what he’s doing.
“But I thought you were heading back to Salem tonight?”
Oh, and here comes the narrowed eyes and death glare right back over on me, “That was before I realized I’d be leaving my daughter on her own.” Shit. He doesn’t even know the reason behind us breaking up, and I sure as hell don't wanna be around when he eventually finds out.
“I’ve been on my own for a little while now.” She tells him, and from the tone of her voice I can tell that she’s upset.
“Yes, but those other times were nothing like today. I’m not leaving you on your own after what you’ve had to go through.” Does he really think that I was planning on leaving her on her own tonight? Well, I can tell you this much, I wasn’t. Even if she’d insisted that I go home, I wouldn’t have. I was ready to tell her that myself before he offered us both a ride home.
“Dad.” She says, and rests her face in her hands. She looks and sounds exhausted. I don’t blame her. He exhausts me, too.
I rest my hands on the edge of the couch before pushing myself up to stand. “I’m er … I think I’m gonna take off,”
“Yes, that’s right! Run away from your responsibilities!” I snap my head around and take a step toward him.
“What the fuck did you just say?” Was that disrespectful? Well at this very moment I don’t give a shit whether he’s Alexis’ father, or the fucking President of the United States of America. Nobody’s gonna get away with accusing me of that. Nobody.
I’m right up in his face now, and we’re having a pretty severe stare off. “Dad!” Alexis stands up and tries to stand between the two of us.
“You dragged my daughter into your mess. You got her pregnant. We find out that her mother, my wife, was murdered because of the things you used to get up to when you were growing up. I think your job here is done young man!” I take a step back when his words hit me. Damn. He was on my side before, but now he’s just showing his true fucking colors. I’m never gonna be good enough for his daughter. Never. There’s no way in hell that I’m gonna let him believe that I’m abandoning the two of them.
“You wanna know the truth? Tell them Alexis. Tell them that it’s you that won’t give us another try. Tell him that I didn’t want to drag you into any of this. I tried to keep the hell away, but I couldn’t. You wouldn’t let me and … I didn’t want to. I still don’t want to. I wanna be here. I wanna take care of you. I wanna be a good father to our baby!” The anger in my voice startles the three of them, and I throw my hands in the air through frustration, “I’m the bad guy for wanting to look after the two most important people in my life. There. Are you fucking happy now?
“Leave.” Alexis spits out. She’s not looking at me. She’s not looking at him. She’s staring directly at the wall in front of her. Great. Just fucking great.
“Oh, I’m going.” I say, and grab my jacket from off of the arm of the couch.
When I go to walk by her, she grabs my arm, “Not you,” I pause and look right at her. Wait. She wasn’t telling me to leave just then? “Dad. I want you to leave.” Her voice is flat, and when I glance over my shoulder, I see the look of mortification spreading across his features. She’s asking her father to leave?
“Oh, this is absurd!” His voice is short, and he’s starting to pace the length of the room again.
I watch Alexis reach for Diane’s purse, and she passes it over to her before she turns back to face her father, “Call me when you make it back home so I know that you got back safely.”
“Alexis?” I try and reason with her. Alright, so I’m not so happy that her father is just as judgmental as around ninety-nine percent of the population in this world, but I know how much her father means to her. She adores him, and I don’t want her to regret her decision later.
“No. He had no right speaking to you like that. I made the choice. I wanted you and I went after you. I got you, and then I lost you. And you know what else? There isn’t ever going to be a day that goes by that I won’t regret my decision on this.” Tears are brimming in her eyes, but I can see that she’s trying her hardest to keep them locked inside.
Her father heads back over, and lifts her chin with his hand until she’s looking directly at him, “Why did you feel the need to lie to me?”
“Because I didn’t want you to be ashamed of me.” She whispers, and closes her eyes, tears now streaming down her face.
“Ashamed?” Exactly. She’s hasn’t done anything in her life that she needs to be ashamed of.
“Yeah, ashamed. Look everybody, my only daughter is pregnant at the age of nineteen and guess what? She’s on her own because she couldn’t even manage to keep her boyfriend happy. It got so bad that he ended up in bed with another woman!” And there it is.
What she just said has winded me to the point that I don’t think I’ve ever felt pain like this. I thought we were making progress, but what I did to her is always gonna be in the back of her mind. Always.
“Well, I’m not happy—”
“Maybe she didn’t wanna mention anything because today has been hard enough to deal with already,” I interrupt them because I don’t think I can stay here for much longer. Not after that. “I’m gonna head home, I’ll um … I’ll see myself out.”
“Brandon, I’m sorry. Please? Don’t leave yet,” She pleads as I walk by her, and she tries to place her hand on my shoulder, but I shrug her off of me and only turn back around when I make it to the door.
“Your father’s right. I’ve done enough already. I guess I just didn’t wanna accept that what we had together is really over. I’ve tried, Alexis. I’ve really tried to make you see that it’s only you that I want, and I’ve done everything I can to try and convince you to take me back. But, it doesn’t look as though you’re ever gonna forgive me. I ... I’m so over this, Alexis,” Shit. And now I think that I’m the one who’s gonna fucking cry from what I’m about to say to her. She’s watching me, waiting for me to say something else. Well, here it is. I shrug my shoulders, and say the two words I never thought I’d say to her again. “I’m done.”
I step out into the dark night, and head toward the sidewalk while calling myself a cab to take me back to the apartment. I thought we were finally getting back on track. I thought we were on the same page. But, it’s never gonna happen. She’s never gonna forgive me, and she’s not gonna ever let me forget what happened or what I did to her. Things were going great. But, now I realize that we’re never gonna be together again. Shit. I don’t know what else I can possibly do to prove to her that it’s only her I want. I feel like someone’s just stabbed me right in the goddamn chest with the largest fucking knife imaginable.
What the hell am I supposed to do without her?
“Brandon?” I take a deep breath, and close my eyes before turning around. “Honey, can I speak to you for a moment?” She’s approaching me with caution, but there’s really no need. I don’t think I’ve got any more fight left in me.
“What do you need?” I ask Diane, and wait for her to walk through the gate of Alexis’ home and onto the sidewalk.
“Just a few minutes.” She answers. I sit down on the pavement and lean against the wall, raising my knees up to my chest before wrapping my arms around them. She comes to sit next to me, but I keep my focus straight ahead.
“I just called for a cab and it’s gonna be here in a few.”
She takes a deep breath before she opens her mouth to speak, “Emotions were running high in there. It’s been a hard day for everybody.” She thinks?
“Yeah, and it’s times like these when people actually speak the truth and admit to how they really feel about each other,” I reach down, and start messing around with my shoelace. How did I get this so wrong?
“Paul didn’t mean what he said back there. He thinks highly of you, but he’s extremely protective over his little girl.” Of c
ourse she’s gonna protect her boyfriend.
“No, he was right. I screwed her life up, and she’s never gonna forgive me for what I did to her.” Why did I have to hurt her? Why couldn’t I have just kept my dick in my fucking pants? I’m not the guy I used to be before her. I’m not the guy I was before I got with Holly. All I ever wanted was to look after her. Love her. And now I’m gonna have to live the rest of my life without her.
“If you truly believe she doesn’t want to be with you then you’re wrong. Alex and her father are close. They have to be. Paul is very protective of her because she’s the only family he has left, and Paul is all Alex has, or at least, had. They have depended on each other for a long time, ever since Rose died.”
“And I get that. I do, but he was wrong back there. It’s not my choice to be away from them. It’s hers. She made it pretty damn clear that she doesn’t want me anymore.”
“Then why do you suppose she asked her father to leave and not you? Surely if she didn’t still have feelings for you or if she’s already decided that she no longer wants you in her life then she wouldn’t have tried to push her father away when he said all of those things. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t know her very well, but what I have learned about her is that she’s a strong woman, and she’ll protect the people she cares about the most.”
I turn my head to the side and face her. She gives me a warm smile, and places her hand on my shoulder. She really thinks she knows best, but she doesn’t, “You’re wrong.”
“She didn’t ask you to leave. She asked her father to go. Doesn’t that tell you something?” she asks accusingly while standing back on her feet, brushing her hands over shirt to straighten it back out. “I’ll let you think about what I said, but please don’t do anything that’s going to hurt the two of you more in the long run. You have a precious little baby on the way, and you both have so much love to give. When you walked out of the house, she looked sad and lost. I could see her heart breaking right in front of me. Don’t waste your life regretting what the two of you might have had together if only you’d have given this a little more time, work, and effort.”
Misguided Truths: Part Two (Misjudged) Page 35