Desperate Intentions (HQR Intrigue)

by Carla Cassidy

  How could she have been so wrong about things, so wrong about him? What had she missed? What had she overlooked to get it so darned wrong? These questions kept pounding in her brain as tears continued to fall.

  She thought about each and every minute they’d spent together. She’d swear there had been no clues to warn her that he wasn’t as into her as she was into him. Had she been just a one-night stand for him? She simply didn’t believe that.

  Did this have something to do with the death of Dwight Weatherby? Troy had obviously felt a bit guilty that he was happy the man was dead. Had his misplaced guilt played into what had just happened between them?

  Or had he already entered a dark place in his mind due to the anniversary of his daughter’s murder? A dark place where he didn’t want and didn’t believe he deserved any kind of happiness in his life?

  A small nugget of hope made its way through the tears. Perhaps after tomorrow passed he’d realize just how important Eliza and her children were to him.

  She quickly shook her head and shoved the hope away. She’d played that game before. It had been hope that had kept her in her bad marriage for as long as she’d stayed with Blake.

  She’d hoped every day that Blake would suddenly make her a priority in his life. She’d hoped every day that he would suddenly wake up one morning and realize how much he loved his children. And each and every day she’d been bitterly disappointed.

  She wasn’t going to hope anymore. She had to move forward with the notion that she would be alone. She had to come to terms with the fact that Troy had been nothing more than a wonderful dream. But now she was awake, the dream was over, and she needed to face the cold, harshness of reality.

  She’d be okay alone. She had been alone for most of her adult life. Even when she’d been married to Blake she’d been alone. She was strong and she didn’t need Troy or any other man to make her whole.

  Still, her heart ached as she thought of Sammy and Katie. They both adored Troy and they would miss having him in their lives. She hoped Troy remained kind to them and let them down easier than he’d just done her.

  Her intention had been to clear her room today, but she didn’t have the energy right now, not with her heartache so heavy in her chest.

  She needed to take this time to cry all the tears she had inside, and then she would wash her face and put on fresh makeup so she could greet her children at the bus stop with a smile. Heartbreak didn’t stop real life from happening.

  In real life she still had a house that might hold more secrets. She had two children who deserved all her love and support, and somehow she had to figure out how to make Troy be nothing more to her than the neighbor next door.

  * * *

  IT HAD BEEN one of the most difficult things Troy had ever done. When Eliza had told him she was in love with him he’d wanted to take her in his arms and confess his own love for her.

  But he hadn’t. Instead he’d stolen any hope from her eyes, from her heart, and in the process had broken a piece of himself.

  He’d been insensitive...cold and cruel, and it had broken his heart to be that way with her, to see the utter devastation wash over her beautiful features.

  He’d stolen her smile, that beautiful, warm smile that he so loved to see. He wouldn’t see that ever again. Oh, she might smile at him in passing, but it would be an empty gesture devoid of any warmth.

  He now sat at his kitchen table and wrapped his cold hands around the heat of a cup of coffee. Despite the warmth of the house he was cold, and it was as if he would never get warm again. He kept seeing the pain in Eliza’s beautiful eyes. The fact that he was responsible for that pain chilled him to the bone.

  Eliza deserved better than him. He was damaged goods and was afraid to ever love again. He’d been careless with his daughter and it had resulted in her murder. He was also a man who had participated in a murder plot that had resulted in the brutal death of Dwight Weatherby.

  He frowned as he thought of the horrific photo and note he’d received in his mailbox. Which of the other five men had killed Dwight? It really didn’t matter now.

  What bothered him was the gloating he’d sensed behind the note and photo, both of which he’d burned in his kitchen sink.

  But burning the photo hadn’t gotten the image of the dead man out of his mind. It was an unwanted vision burned into his brain forever.

  Still, it was easier to focus on the photo than it was to remember the look on Eliza’s face when he’d left her house. She’d looked...broken...defeated. As if he’d stolen all the life from her.

  She’d be fine, he told himself. She was an amazingly strong woman and she’d get over this; she’d get over him. She was also amazingly beautiful both inside and out.

  Eventually she’d meet a man who deserved to be with her, a good man who would be eager to embrace both her and her children and they would all live happily ever after.

  He wanted that for her, but the thought of her making sweet love with another man, the idea of her and the kids being happy with another man, also filled him with a wealth of sadness that he couldn’t be that man for them.

  He’d sworn to himself that he’d protect them all from any harm, especially when it came to the house and somebody wanting to get inside. But the security system she’d installed had brought him some peace with the issue. As long as she was smart as to who she opened the door to, she’d be just fine.

  What he hadn’t counted on, what he hadn’t really expected, was him being the danger to her and the children.

  And he couldn’t sit here all afternoon feeling sorry for himself or Eliza. He swallowed the last of his coffee and then got up to put the cup in the sink.

  He hadn’t realized how long he’d been sitting and thinking until he walked outside to get into his truck and saw Eliza and her children coming down the sidewalk.

  “Hi, Mr. Troy.” Katie came running down the walkway toward him. Her eyes shone with happiness as she reached him. “I got an A on my spelling test today,” she announced proudly.

  “That’s wonderful.” He looked toward Eliza, who had slowed her and Sammy’s pace. She didn’t look at him but rather appeared fascinated by something across the street. It was a stab in his heart even though he knew this was the way it had to be from now on.

  “When are we gonna have a slumber party with you again?” Katie asked, drawing his attention back to her. “Me and Sammy want to have one where we’re awake and we can all play games and have fun and maybe eat ice cream with sprinkles.”

  “Oh honey, I don’t think we’re going to have any more slumber parties,” he replied.

  The sparkle in her eyes dimmed a bit. “But why? Don’t you like us anymore?”

  His heart constricted tight. What he wanted to do more than anything at this moment was to pull Katie into a big hug and tell her he loved her. But he didn’t. Instead he smiled down at her. “Of course I still like you, but I’m too busy working to have slumber parties. In fact, I need to leave right now to go to work.” He opened his truck door.

  “Okay, Mr. Troy, see you later.”

  He waited until the three of them passed behind his truck and then he pulled out and headed in the opposite direction. The brief conversation with Katie had gutted him.

  It wasn’t just Eliza he’d fallen in love with, but also her bright, loving children. They deserved a far better father than he could ever be. After all, he’d lost his daughter because he hadn’t been a good enough father.

  What he needed now more than ever was work. He could go to the newest job site and plant flowers until dusk. And then he’d get up and do the same thing tomorrow. Maybe that was the best thing he could do on the anniversary—work until he dropped.

  At least he could sleep at night knowing he had done one thing right. He had saved Eliza and her children from accepting less than what they deserved. And hopefully he could
forget that he was walking away from love.

  Saturday morning even before he got out of bed, the agony of this day three years ago slammed into him. Darkness descended all around him despite the early-morning sun creeping in through his light white curtains.

  Maybe he should try to go back to sleep. At least if he did that he wouldn’t have to think; he wouldn’t have to feel anything. As he remained in bed he knew the sweet oblivion of sleep wasn’t going to claim him again. He was wide-awake and already the pain of his memories was almost too much to bear.

  Annie... Annie...his heart cried out.

  Work. He’d go to the new job and work hard and hopefully that would keep his mind off anything else. With that plan in mind he pulled himself out of bed.

  Forty-five minutes later he arrived at the job site where three other people were already at work. He greeted Bob Ryan, Skip Richards and Gary Hutchinson, three of his best workers.

  “Where are Lynn and Jason?” he asked Bob, who was the working foreman for this particular job.

  “Haven’t seen or heard from them so far this morning,” Bob replied, and cast Troy a wry grin. “You know those two, you can never depend on them on Saturday mornings. Too much partying on Friday nights.”

  “Yeah, well, they don’t have to worry about coming in on Saturdays or any other days from now on,” Troy replied tersely. He strode back to his truck.

  He’d put off firing the two for a while now, but with pain and a simmering anger threatening to rage inside him, today felt like this was a great day to fire them. He called each of them and in both cases he got their voice mail. He left messages ending their jobs and then returned to Bob and the others.

  “Monday I’ll pull a couple of men from the hospital job to help you guys here,” he said. “In the meantime let’s get back to work.”

  As Skip and Gary began the task of laying sod, Troy joined Bob in planting flowers. It was really the wrong time of the year to be planting, but when Troy had approached the owner of the property about waiting until spring, the owner had been adamant that he wanted it all done now.

  Within an hour Troy knew he needed to stop working. He wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be around other people. He’d bitched at Bob twice about planting the flowers too close together and then had yelled at Skip for needing to take a break.

  He apologized to all three men and then got in his truck and left the site. He drove around aimlessly and finally found himself parked at the curb in front of the house where he and his family had once lived.

  He stared at the attractive four-bedroom brick house. He was shocked when instead of thinking of his time spent here with his wife, his thoughts filled with Eliza.

  It was her smile he remembered, her scent that suddenly seemed to fill his head. Each and every moment he’d spent with her and her kids flashed in his head like a slide show.

  Katie’s impish grin; Sammy’s shy, sweet smiles; their laughter at the pizza place and during other dinners shared. Eliza, wearing his robe after lovemaking. And the lovemaking that had been so amazingly good...

  “No,” the word whispered out of him. “No,” he repeated more firmly. He didn’t want to think of her or the children anymore. They were all now a part of his past. They had no place in his future.

  He stared at the house once again. His time spent here with Sherry felt like another man’s distant dream that had little to do with the man Troy was today.

  But the memories of Annie in the house were raw and painful and suddenly flooding his brain. She’d taken her very first steps on the beige carpeting in the living room. She’d first said “da-da” when she was sitting on the kitchen floor banging pots and pans with chubby little hands.

  She’d run to the front door with hugs and kisses to greet him when he got home from work, and he would carry her piggyback into the living room. It had been Eliza who had helped him have happy memories of his daughter, and he would always be grateful to her for that.

  But this house also held the memories of horrified screams...of uncontrollable tears and angry words. It held the memories of a life ripped and gutted, of a family forever destroyed. He pulled away from the curb as a new darkness descended upon him.

  He headed for home. A half an hour later he sat on his front porch. It wouldn’t be long before the leaves would begin to turn colors with the winds and cooler temperatures of autumn.

  The idea of the leaves dying only added to the darkness inside him. He released a deep sigh. He just wanted this day over.

  He turned his head and was surprised to see Katie running across the lawn toward him. “Mr. Troy. Since you’re not working now why don’t you come over and play with us.” Her eyes sparkled brightly. “Mom made cookies today and you could come over and eat some. They’re peanut butter and they’re really good.”

  “Katie, I’m not in the mood,” he replied as kindly as he could.

  “Maybe if I sit and talk to you for a little while, you’ll get in the mood,” she replied.

  “I don’t want to talk right now and you need to go home.”

  He must have said the words a bit harshly, for the sparkle in her eyes disappeared, her smile faded and her lower lip began to tremble. “You don’t have to be so mean about it,” she said, and then whirled around and ran for her house.

  A deep remorse filled him, but then he told himself it was probably for the best. If the kids looked at him as the mean, grouchy neighbor next door then it would be easier for everyone.

  He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting on the porch when Katie appeared once again. This time she walked toward him with a sober little face.

  He didn’t speak to her, even as she sat down and then sidled closer to him. “Mommy told me today was a really, really bad day for you. She told me you had a daughter who is now in heaven like my daddy.”

  She slipped her little hand into his. “I just wanted you to know that I love you, Mr. Troy. I think God brought us together for a reason. You’re a daddy without a daughter and I’m a daughter without a daddy.”

  His heart crashed against his ribs and tears burned hot at his eyes.

  “Katie Marie,” Eliza yelled from her front porch.

  “Uh-oh.” Katie released his hand and jumped to her feet. “I’m probably going to be grounded for a year. Bye, Mr. Troy...and remember what I said.”

  He would have watched her run back to her house, but he couldn’t see for the tears that blurred his vision.

  Chapter Eleven

  “You are not to bother Mr. Troy by going into his yard without his permission,” Eliza told her daughter when she flew through the front door. “You can say hi to him whenever you see him outside, but you are not to go into his yard. Now march yourself up to your room. You have an hour of alone time to think about how you broke the rules.”

  With a long face, Katie walked up the stairs. Eliza watched Katie, her heart aching for the children’s loss of Troy.

  She returned to the kitchen where Sammy sat at the table working on a wooden puzzle. “Does Mr. Troy not like us anymore?” he asked.

  She should have never allowed Troy to get close to her children. Even if she and Troy had been dating, she should have kept Sammy and Katie separated from him.

  She’d sworn at the time of her divorce that she wouldn’t bring a man into her children’s lives until she was certain he was going to be a forever kind of man. She’d made a mistake with Troy. She’d told herself over and over again that things between them were moving too fast, yet she hadn’t done anything to slow things down. She’d led with her heart instead of her brain. She would never, ever make that mistake again.

  How did you tell a seven-year-old little girl that the man she loved didn’t love her back? And how did she tell her sweet, blind boy that Mr. Troy would no longer have a place in their life?

  “Mr. Troy cares about you and Katie, but h
e has his own life and lots of work to do,” she finally said. Surely after a week or two of not having Troy here, the kids would be fine.

  She had no idea how long it would take for her to feel fine. She wasn’t anywhere close to being fine, but she kept a happy smile pasted onto her lips for her kids.

  She still couldn’t believe it was over. She still didn’t believe he hadn’t loved her. But she couldn’t force him to be in her life no matter how much she loved him.

  That night for dinner she made hot dogs and mac and cheese, two of the kids’ favorites. Even though she knew better when she put the food on the table at five o’clock as usual, she wished for a knock on her door and for Troy to be there to join them.

  As difficult as the day had been for her, she wondered how Troy had gotten through the agony of the anniversary of his daughter’s death.

  She couldn’t imagine his pain. She couldn’t imagine having the kind of horrific memories that must have filled his head all day long.

  In a different world she would have been next to him, sharing that pain. She would have held him while he cried and done whatever she could to help him get through it.

  Instead he had chosen to be all alone and there was nothing she could do about it except hurt for him.

  After dinner she sat on the sofa and watched as the kids played cars in the secret hiding place that they referred to as their hideaway.

  At least hearing the sounds of Sammy’s and Katie’s giggles helped her heartache. It had basically been just the three of them against the world for a long time.

  Once again she assured herself that they would all be fine. The kids would continue to go to school and have time with Ms. Lucy and she would stay busy working on her website business and taking care of her children.

  She had a full and happy life. Sure, Troy’s presence in it would have been the cherry on top, but apparently it wasn’t meant to be.