Damaged

by Nina D'Angelo

  Sitting down at her desk, she picked up the individual letters she’d written each of them. Tapping them lightly against her thigh, she smiled ruefully. They were going to be furious with her for running away.

  Picking up her passport, she shoved it into her handbag before she reached for her checkbook. Looking down at it, she rested her elbows on the desk and buried her face in her hands.

  She could have given Dominic the world. There was nothing that she wouldn’t have done for him, but he’d made his choice. He’d chosen friendship over love. His friendship with Ben had been worth more than her love. Not that he’d ever wanted her love anyway.

  Lifting her head, she wiped away the tears and looked in the mirror. She grimaced at what she saw. She was too pale, and her emotions glittered brightly in her eyes. All her life she’d hidden her emotions from everyone; she’d always managed to remain in control, but Dominic had changed everything. She couldn’t hide how she felt about him. She’d exposed herself to the whole world.

  She would never let a man get that close again. She would never let anyone get close enough to hurt her. She would give them her body, but she wouldn’t share herself with a man.

  Never again would she lay herself bare and open to pain.

  Dominic’s betrayal had been a harsh lesson, but in some ways, she should thank him. He’d taught her a valuable truth; one she should have already known. Despite her pain, her feelings of betrayal, she didn’t regret falling in love with Dominic. Even if it had all been a facade, for one night she’d felt safe enough to fall asleep. That one night in San Francisco, Dominic had held her close and she’d slept in his arms. For one whole night, she’d slept. She hadn’t dreamed of the shadowy specters that haunted her. She’d dreamed of . . . nothing.

  She would never be able to thank him enough for that, even if it hadn’t meant anything to him. Picking up a pen, she wrote his name on a check, carelessly adding a cash amount.

  Folding the check in two, she slipped it into her purse. Standing, she grabbed her rental car’s keys and turned towards the door. She was startled to find Gena leaning against the bedroom door, watching her.

  “Going somewhere?”

  Stephanie nodded curtly. “I was going to leave you a letter explaining everything.”

  “A letter?” Gena exclaimed in disbelief.

  “Gena, I’m not good at goodbyes,” Stephanie said, picking up her runners and walking past her into the living room.

  “You were going to leave us a letter?” Gena echoed angrily as she followed Stephanie into the living room. “Don’t we deserve more than that? We’re your friends.”

  “I know that,” Stephanie snapped, lifting her head to look at Gena. Seeing the hurt on Gena’s face, she said softly, “I can’t stay.”

  “Have you thought this through? I mean, what are you going to do for money? What about your degree? Are you really prepared to throw everything that you’ve worked hard for away because of a guy?” Gena shook her head in disgust. “Did you even think how this would affect us? What are we going to do for rent? Or don’t you care about that?”

  “Of course I care,” Stephanie said softly. Standing, she said quietly, “I’ve written out a check to cover my share of the rent for the next six months.”

  “So that’s it? You’re running away, all because a guy tricked you into bed. God, Stephanie, do you know how ridiculous that sounds? Do you know how many girls this has happened to you? You’re not the first girl to fall for some womanizing jerk, and you won’t be the last, but do you think any of them run away? No, they suck it up, and eventually move on.”

  “It’s not that simple,” Stephanie said between gritted teeth.

  “God, are you kidding me?” Gena yelled at her, anger sliding across her face. “It is that simple! I know it sucks, and I know you’re hurting. You fell in love with Dominic, and he broke your heart, but so what? Do you honestly think I don’t know what it feels like to be in love? To have my heart stomped on? Running away won’t change a damn thing.”

  “It will make things easier.” Stephanie wrapped her arms around herself. “You don’t understand.”

  “I don’t understand,” Gena echoed, shaking her head in disbelief. “You’re so very wrong. I understand better than anyone. I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve given my heart to someone, and they’ve smashed it into pieces, and I did exactly what you did. I ran away. I left New York because I thought it would make things easier. I thought if I left him behind, I could move on, but it didn’t change my feelings. The pain doesn’t leave you. You can go to the edge of the earth, Stephanie, and he will still be with you.”

  Gena thumped her fist against her chest. “Because he’s still in here. Because you still love him. I ran away. I left all my friends and family behind, and not a day goes by when I don’t regret it. Don’t get me wrong. I love California, and I love my friends here, but I threw everything away. I threw a scholarship to the New York Police Academy away. I threw away my life for a boy. I don’t want you to do the same.”

  “I can’t stay here,” Stephanie bit out angrily.

  “I never thought you were a coward, Stephanie,” Gena said, turning to walk out of the room. Stephanie’s next words made her stop.

  “He’s Ben’s best friend. Dominic is Ben’s best friend, and I can’t stay here . . . I can’t see him every day, knowing that he doesn’t love me. It will kill me.”

  Gena turned slowly back to Stephanie, her expression changing from anger to understanding. “You didn’t know?”

  “No, I didn’t know. I found out tonight,” Stephanie whispered, moving to sit back on the sofa. Gena sat down beside her, slipping her hand into hers. “I can’t stay, Gena. I’ve thought about this long and hard. I know you think I’m running away, and I guess I am, but it’s the only choice I have. To get over him, I have to leave. It hurts too much to stay. I love him that goddamn much, and it’s killing me. I feel as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest, and if I stay, I’ll destroy myself. If I stay, I’ll lose every inch of who I am.”

  Gena looked at Stephanie, swallowing down tears at the anguish in her friend’s voice, and the pure, undiluted pain reflected on her face.

  “I can’t stay,” Stephanie repeated firmly, wiping away the tears sliding down her face. Standing, she said quietly, “Gena, you’re one of my best friends. You, Angel, and Carolyn are the best friends that a girl could have ever asked for. I will never forget that. I will never forget you.”

  “I’m not going to change your mind am I?” Gena said, softly. Watching Stephanie shake her head, she smiled sadly. “I’m going to miss you.”

  Stephanie bit back a sob, leaning over and hugging Gena tightly. “I’ll be back eventually.”

  “You better call me when you are,” Gena said, her own eyes filling with tears. “Don’t make me kick your ass.”

  Stephanie nodded emphatically, ducking her head to hide her tears. Gena wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve, asking chokingly, “When is your flight?”

  “Tomorrow morning. I’m flying to London, then I’ll work out the rest from there.” Picking up her purse, she added softly, “Can you give Angel and Carolyn the letters I’ve written? I can’t . . .” She looked down at the ground. “I can’t do goodbyes.”

  Gena nodded. Stephanie took a deep breath, her expression devoid of emotion. It was a look Gena knew she’d perfected over the years. It was this Stephanie she recognized; this Stephanie was always in control, always on a mission and always refused to let anyone get to her.

  “What are you going to do tonight?” she asked. “We can hang out one last time, if you feel like it.”

  Stephanie gave her a sad smile. “Maybe, but first there’s something I need to do.”

  STEPHANIE LIFTED HER hand to knock on Dominic’s front door, startled when he opened it, and almost slammed into her.

  “Stephanie,” Dominic breathed, his gaze hungrily sliding over her. She’d changed out of the dress and now wore black skint
ight jeans, a black and white singlet top, a leather jacket and runners.

  “I just wanted to give you this,” Stephanie said, holding out a piece of paper.

  Dumbfounded, he took it wordlessly, watching as she turned and began to walk away. Without looking at the slip of paper she’d given him, he shoved it into his jeans front pocket. Glancing at the rain outside, he cursed softly before following her.

  “Stephanie, wait,” he growled, striding towards her and grabbing her arm.

  She wrenched her arm out of his grip, spinning around to glare at him. “Why?”

  “I need to talk to you,” Dominic said, stumbling over his words. “I was going to come over to see you.”

  “What reason could you possibly have to see me again?” she said scornfully, ignoring his discomfort. “And what on earth makes you think I’d want to hear anything you have to say to me? Everything you’ve ever said to me has been nothing but lies. Silver-tongued lies to get me into bed, and you succeeded.”

  “I hurt you, I know that,” Dominic rasped, flinching when she laughed harshly.

  “Hurt me? Is that what you think you did? You ripped my heart out, Dominic. I revealed who I was to you, and you threw it back in my face. Do you have any idea how hard that was for me? It took everything in me to share myself with you, and it was all for nothing.”

  “I didn’t have a choice,” he gritted out, running a hand through his wet hair.

  “We all have a choice. You just made the wrong one.” She glanced at the ground. “We both did.”

  “Ben’s my best friend,” Dominic said. “I couldn’t destroy him like that. He loves you.”

  “So, you chose to destroy me instead? Is that it?” she jeered, lifting her head to look at him, pain written across her face. “Well, congratulations, you succeeded.”

  “Damn it, Stephanie. You think I wanted to hurt you?” he growled, grabbing her arm when she tried to walk away again. “Do you know how hard it was for me to say those words to you? Do you actually think I wanted to hurt you like that? It cut me as deeply as it did you.”

  “I doubt that very much,” she spat out, derision on her face as she raked her gaze over him contemptuously. “You sure as hell didn’t have a problem showing up tonight with your girlfriend. Or have you forgotten about her again?”

  “She’s not my girlfriend.”

  “Really? Maybe you should tell her that. She seems to think she is.” Glancing at him, she said with resignation, “Go and tell her your lies, Dominic. She’ll believe them. I won’t anymore.”

  “Stephanie, I love you,” he said, watching her flinch.

  “Don’t,” she whispered, closing her eyes. “You don’t get to say that to me. Not anymore. You lost that right when you threw us away.” Opening her eyes, she said dully, “We’re done. Accept it and move on.”

  “We will never be done,” Dominic growled. Reaching out, he wrapped an arm around her waist, dragging her up to him until they were chest to chest. Covering her mouth with his, he kissed her passionately.

  Stephanie resisted briefly, pushing at his chest before giving into the kiss. Gripping Dominic’s shoulders, she leaned up on her tiptoes and poured everything she was feeling into the kiss. Sliding her hands from his shoulders and up around his neck, she pressed against him, losing herself in his embrace.

  When they broke apart, Dominic reiterated, “We will never be finished, Stephanie. Not now, not ever.”

  “Dominic—”

  He kissed her again, but this time slowly and gently. Cupping the back of her head with the palm of his hand, he spun a web of seduction around her, molding her mouth to his own. Teasingly nibbling her bottom lip before capturing her mouth again, he whispered against it, “I love you.”

  Stephanie slid her fingers through his black hair, her other hand sliding onto his shoulder again as she swayed against him. Hearing his admission, she closed her eyes, tears sliding down her cheeks. She should walk away now. She should walk away and never look back, but she couldn’t. She wanted this. She wanted to feel his mouth on hers, and she wanted to feel his hands on her naked body, and more than anything, she wanted to believe his lies. Even if it were only for one night, she wanted to believe he loved her. Stepping back from him, she tilted her head. Emerald eyes met hers.

  Dominic brushed a strand of wet hair away from her cheek, cupping her face in his hands. Gently kissing her again, he repeated, “I love you.”

  “Make love to me.” she breathed against his mouth.

  Dominic broke this kiss, smiling at her. She automatically smiled back, her smile fading when he grabbed her hand, turning away from her and leading her into the apartment.

  Closing the door, he pressed her back against it, kissing her passionately. She kissed him back, sliding her hands under his shirt and over his back. Briefly moving out of her embrace, Dominic pulled his shirt over his head, tossing the wet material to the ground.

  Pushing her leather jacket from her shoulders, he helped her out of it, tossing it onto the floor besides his t-shirt. Giving her a brief, hard kiss, he took her hand and guided her through the loft and up the open staircase to his bedroom.

  Reaching the top of the staircase, he dipped his head, and his mouth captured hers again. Pressing her forehead against hers, he whispered, “I never wanted to hurt you, Stephanie. That was the last thing I ever wanted to do to you. You have to believe me.”

  “I do,” she lied, reaching up to slide her hand against his jaw. “It doesn’t matter anymore. All that matters tonight is that we’re here together. Make love to me, Dominic. Show me how much you love me.”

  Dominic scanned her face, almost afraid to move. He was scared that if he did, the spell between them would be broken, and he’d lose her. With trembling fingers, he reached out to touch her cheek. She leaned into his touch, pressing her palms against his chest before they crept up to his shoulders.

  “You’re so goddamn beautiful,” he whispered, pressing a kiss against her forehead, and butterfly kisses on her eyelids and her nose before his mouth found hers again.

  Wrapping her arms around his neck, Stephanie pushed forward. Dominic stepped back until his legs hit the side of his bed. He brought Stephanie down with him, chuckling when she immediately sat up and stripped her T-shirt off.

  Watching her reach behind to unclasp her bra, his breath caught in his throat when she removed it. Sitting up, he lifted her to sit astride him, his hands sliding from her waist up to cup her breasts.

  “You’re so perfect,” he whispered, raining kisses down her throat. His fingers slid across her nipples, gently tugging at them before his mouth slid lower.

  Stephanie wrapped her arms around Dominic, rocking her hips gently against his. When he grazed his teeth against one of her nipples before his hot mouth covered it, she purred softly. Arching into his mouth, she thrust her fingers into his hair, holding him to her. She flung her head back and closed her eyes as her hips shifted faster against Dominic.

  Dominic groaned softly as Stephanie began to thrust her hips faster against his, and his hands moved to her hips to hold her still. His mouth moved over her left breast, his expression one of masculine satisfaction as he studied her reddened nipple. He grinned at her moan of disappointment, and then her sigh of pleasure when his mouth moved onto her right breast.

  Stephanie slid her hands down Dominic’s chest, her nails gently grazing each nipple. Feeling his shudder, she repeated the process, her lips curving into a smile. She gasped when Dominic responded by firmly sinking his teeth into her nipple. “Behave.”

  Pouting, she ignored his command, grazing his nipples once more. She gasped when Dominic quickly flipped her on her back, and he was looming over her, his emerald eyes glittering with unconcealed hunger.

  “I like this position way better,” she murmured, exploring his chest before she slid her hands down to the waist of his jeans. She hooked her fingers through his jeans belt loop and shimmied down his body, raining kisses on his chest as she did so
. With a wicked grin, she said, “Turnabout is fair,” before she took one of his nipples into her mouth.

  Dominic hissed out his breath as she tugged at one nipple with her teeth before sliding her tongue over it. When she mimicked her actions with his other, he shuddered. Unable to take anymore, he dragged her up until they were face level, his body completely covering hers.

  Sliding his hands between them, he unfastened her jeans, tugging them down. She raised her hips as her own hands moved to unfasten his jeans. She grinned when she saw he wore nothing underneath.

  Dominic chuckled softly, his laughter turning into a throaty groan when she slid her hand around him, stroking slowly. Flexing his hips, he thrust into her hand, waves of pleasure vibrating through him. “Honey, if you keep on doing that it will be over before it begins,” he whispered throatily, then captured her mouth with his own.

  Gently extracting himself from her embrace, he slid off the bed. Removing her jeans and panties, he stripped off his own clothing. Stephanie soaked in Dominic’s naked body, quickly storing the image of him in her mind. She didn’t want to forget this moment. She wanted to look back and remember tonight. She wanted to remember him now, his eyes glittering with passion as he looked down at her.

  Opening her arms, she smiled softly when he immediately moved into them, his body covering hers again. She sighed in pleasure at the feel of his warm naked skin on hers. Dominic’s mouth found hers and she kissed him back, sliding her hands onto his back and holding him tightly to her body.

  “I want to take this slowly,” Dominic whispered against her mouth, his fingers sliding to brush against her cheek gently, “but I can’t. I want you too much.”

  “I don’t care,” she whispered back, her mouth covering his again. Dominic broke away, searching her face for reassurance.

  “We have all night to make love slowly. I want you in me, now.”

  Reaching for one of the foil packets sitting on his bedside table, he ripped it open, quickly sheathing himself. Positioning himself over her, he said throatily, “I love you so goddamn much.”