Beautifully Damaged

by Gina Sevani

  "I could always pull a move like you and remove an article of clothing to help me win."

  "You could also get your pretty little ass spanked in front of all these people!" Damon's body was tense. He narrowed his eyes on me, then the guys and back toward me once more. Damon walked backward to Sean. I smiled at them.

  "They better not touch her!" I heard him tell Sean.

  Hmmm, I need to step this up a little bit. I loved the fact I got under his skin. Maybe I could actually pay him back for his little stunt earlier. I growled and sang into the mic like the one and only badass Christina. I'd always loved my voice in this song. When I got through the first verse, I started moving my hips. Sean and Damon's mouths were wide open. I performed a sexy little strut down the front of the steps just to get a little closer to the guys, mainly because I knew it would piss off Damon. I friendly-played around dancing with two of the guys and made my way up the stage. Damon went to take a step toward me but Sean pushed his hand against his chest to stop him. I couldn't have that crazy man in a rage. I loved this song, and I ended it on my knees screaming the last lyrics. I made that song my bitch! They both ran over to me and squeezed me into a bear hug.

  "You killed it tonight. You are so awesome," Sean said, and laughed. "You weren't kidding, man. Her voice is — I don't know, dude. I'm never at a loss for words. Shit… I'm speechless."

  I laughed so hard and realized at the same time how happy I was. As pissed off as I was before, I was so glad I got up there. It felt amazing. Damon was still holding me but not saying a word.

  "Every time I think I have you figured out — there's another puzzle piece."

  I glanced up into his eyes waiting on him to say more. "Sorry, I got nothing else. I took pictures in my head of your hips moving and I can't get my brain to work. The images keep replaying." Damon closed his eyes. "Over and over again." I smacked him in the chest; he laughed, and pulled me into a hug.

  "Thank you."

  "You're welcome," he said.

  We didn't have to go into details; he completely understood what he did for me tonight. Damon and I were still gazing at each other and a feeling came over me that I couldn't even begin to describe. Sean grabbed the mic and asked the crowd to cheer the loudest for who they wanted to win. He raised it over my head and they did go wild, however I knew I didn't win. That was okay because tonight was about so much more than winning. That being said, I knew I'd done a fantastic job of holding my own and if we were somewhere on equal ground I definitely had a fighting chance. Sean stood beside Damon and raised his hand above their heads, of course the people went insane, especially the girls. Damon shook his head as if he was disagreeing, thinking maybe they shouldn't have won. Of course Sean wasn't that modest.

  "I'll give you details of our date later." Damon winked and fist bumped Sean.

  A part of me got excited about a date with him, even though I knew I shouldn't. I ran back and checked on my tables, apologizing as I went. Every single person said it was awesome getting to witness my performance and that I had nothing to apologize for.

  CHAPTER NINE

  "DAMN, GIRL, YOU WERE ON FIRE up there!" Xavier came around the bar and picked me up. He swung me around in a full circle before I was planted back on my feet.

  "Put her down. I need to congratulate my girl," Trish said.

  "No, wait your turn, woman."

  "Xavier… one… two."

  "Fine, I give up. Last time she got to three she — well, never mind. A story for another time perhaps. She's evil."

  Something told me to turn around and I saw Damon with his arms crossed as he watched us. Some may think he looked calm but I could see the tension on his face — his body. Even though Damon knew there was nothing and had never been anything between Xav and me¸ I knew without a doubt he didn't like him touching me, at all. Trish hollered and broke my attention away from him.

  "Girl, I told you, you owned that stage! I bet we have several guys rush home for cold showers." Her laugh was contagious.

  "Yeah, I just hope Big Joe doesn't kill me. I was up there for way too long with those clowns."

  "He wouldn't do such a thing. Enjoyed the show, baby girl, and just so you know, I think you kicked their asses," said Big Joe from behind me.

  "Aww thanks, glad to know you didn't feel the need to hide out in your office."

  "I wouldn't miss you singing." He patted me on the shoulder, nodded to Trish, and headed back to his man cave — as he liked to call it. I noticed Trish follow him with her eyes and wondered once again what was up with those two.

  "All right, guys, nice chat but I've got to get back to work."

  "Okay, superstar!" Trish smiled.

  Some blonde in a dress cut way too low had all of Xavier's attention so I was sure he didn't notice my exit. I dropped an appetizer off at a table for two. It was occupied by a couple who appeared to be in their early forties maybe.

  They were completely into one another, and I wondered how new their relationship was. "Here ya go, guys; your order should be up shortly."

  "Thanks, dear," the woman said.

  "You're welcome." I turned to walk off and the lady called me back.

  "So how long has that guy been trying to get you to go on a date with him, poor fellow? That was the best karaoke I've ever heard, we need to come more often. I don't even want to call it karaoke, it was so much more."

  "Thank you, that's nice of you, and he has never really asked me on a date before."

  "Well, I can tell you this, sweetie, that guy is something special. I can see the attraction a mile away between the two of you. Don't refuse him too long."

  The guy laughed. "I'm sorry. My wife has played matchmaking for years."

  "I'll think long and hard about your advice. How long have the two of you been together?"

  "Seventeen years. We were high school sweethearts."

  "WOW, that's awesome."

  Here I thought from their constant touching that it was a short relationship. I guess true love still might exist after all.

  "When you know, you know," the man replied.

  That was something my father used to say. A little of my joy faded.

  "I'll—I'll be right back."

  I HATED MOMENTS LIKE that, where I could feel a panic attack coming on. It hadn't decided if it wanted to slowly creep up on me or hit me like a freight train. I told myself over and over to concentrate on moving my body slow and take deep breaths. Never focus on my surroundings, just me. It helped that I'd mastered the skill of feeling alone. Thankfully, Trish and Xav were behind a little because it gave me the time I needed to get everything somewhat controlled. I stood up and leaned against the bar. Anyone that looked at me would have thought I was people-watching. I wasn't. I just needed to get through this night. One day at a time, that's all I could ask for.

  "What are you in such deep thoughts about, Mermaid?"

  I was so involved with my inner thoughts and stuck inside my own head that I never realized Damon had sat on the vacant stool beside me.

  "Hi." I smiled at him.

  Tonight had started out so great, I hated to ruin it. "You're in so much trouble."

  "Ah, dodging the question I see," Damon said.

  I could fall in love with his smile.

  "I'm not."

  "You are."

  "Urgh, you drive me mad."

  He chuckled, actually chuckled.

  "You were awesome up there tonight. I thought I was going to have to lay some dudes out though, not going to lie."

  That brought on a laugh because I could visualize him doing just that.

  "Me? What about you, what were you trying to do, give me and all the ladies in here a heart attack?"

  "Nope, not my intention at all, I was trying to turn you on." He shrugged his shoulder like the words out of his mouth were pure innocence.

  "Well, not much difference between the two where you're concerned, a girl's heart can only take so much."

  Damon blushed. I d
idn't know he was capable of such a thing. I had done the impossible and made him blush. He actually looked a little speechless.

  "Here ya go, babe." Xavier placed a few mixed drinks down.

  "Thanks." I walked off to deliver the drinks and heard Damon say my name after only a couple of steps.

  "Ariel," Damon said a second time.

  I turned around.

  "To you, her name is Ariel."

  MEN, so now they're holding a pissing contest? Really?

  Xavier just smiled wickedly. "I think I'll leave it up to her on what sweet names I can call her."

  "You might want to re-think that."

  "Guys, stop. Kiss and make up." Both heads turned in my direction.

  Damon sent one more hateful glare toward Xavier and pushed off the stool. He slowly walked to where I stood.

  "Can't help it, BABE. I don't like the way he looks at you."

  Jealously was good in small dosages. It was nice to feel wanted.

  I cared a lot for Xavier but I'd never felt for him the way I did for Damon. Sparks had never flown. I'd never once had these feelings of throwing caution out the window and just seeing what the hell happened. With Damon I wanted it all.

  "Jealous? Dislike competition?" I smiled up at him.

  "Competition I don't have because I've already won."

  Damon gave me a purely sinful leer that made me want to say screw delivering those drinks.

  "Think so, huh?"

  "Without a doubt." He crossed his arms, which in return made his muscles flex, and those damn forearms were going to kill me.

  "Conceited much?"

  "Nah, just confident." Damon slowly licked his lips and I couldn't help but get a little lost in them. My gaze fixed on his mouth.

  "Need help with those drinks?" he teased.

  "No-o-o, King Damon, I think I can manage."

  My control was tenuous. Every single time I was around him I felt another tiny piece slip right through my fingers, and no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I couldn't grasp it and bring it back. If I had a magic ball that would truly predict the future and I could clearly see that he would accept me after knowing it all, I would forever be his. There was no doubt in my mind that he was the one — the one that would ruin me — the one that no other guy would ever compare to. Sometimes life just sucked and no matter what you wanted, sometimes it could be forever out of reach. At least that was how I felt.

  I snuck out after closing. I didn't tell anyone I was leaving like I usually did. I just needed to get home. It was safe — no surprises. Not five minutes after I walked in the door and checked on Grams asleep in her bed, my phone beeped with several text messages.

  ROMEO: Where are you?

  ROMEO: Trish said she saw you leave, why did you take off?

  I didn't hear my phone go off until the third.

  ROMEO: Just let me know you are home safe, please.

  JULIET: I'm home.

  ROMEO: Are you sure? I might need to come by and check on your safety, anyone could have sent that. He attached a smiley face winking at me.

  JULIET: Well how can I prove it's me?

  ROMEO: You could always call me or perhaps send me a pic.

  JULIET: I'm not sending you a picture, perv.

  ROMEO: Haha I didn't say one of those, how about just your smiling, beautiful face.

  JULIET: Hmmm ok maybe.

  I took a few quick pictures and hated every single one.

  ROMEO: You still there BABE? Getting in car to come check.

  JULIET: Are you ever going to let that go? He doesn't mean anything by it and stay where you are!

  ROMEO: Sure he does.

  I sent a picture of me laying on my pillow with the light from the lamp casting a glow over me. It was kind of cute, and I guessed it would have to do.

  ROMEO: I should have known you would send a pic vs talking to me. You're beautiful Ariel, everything about you. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently.

  JULIET: Smooth talking and I am talking to you.

  ROMEO: Wish I was there holding you instead.

  JULIET: Really… You want to cuddle? HA.

  ROMEO: As long as it's my arms you're in, I don't care what we do.

  JULIET: What are we doing?

  ROMEO: Well. I'm trying to win my girl, how I'm doing so far?

  JULIET: Pretty damn good, Romeo.

  He sent back a long line of crazy emojis.

  ROMEO: Honestly, I don't feel like I am. You're still holding back.

  JULIET: I would give you it's the 'It's not you, it's me' speech but we already know that.

  ROMEO: Funny, Ariel. What are you waiting on?

  JULIET: In another life, if I was a different girl nothing would stand in my way. How's that for honesty?

  ROMEO: Not good enough. I want THIS LIFE and YOU!

  How had a playful chat gotten so deep? A single tear slowly rolled down my face until it had nowhere else to go.

  ROMEO: All you have to do is trust me.

  JULIET: It's not you I don't trust.

  ROMEO: What don't you trust, Ariel?

  JULIET: Life!

  ROMEO: What??

  JULIET: Life. I don't trust life.

  ROMEO: That doesn't make sense.

  JULIET: Sure it does.

  ROMEO: Ariel.

  A few moments passed before he sent me another message.

  ROMEO: I won't give up.

  I contemplated what to say.

  JULIET: It would much easier on both of us if you did, I can't give you what you want Damon.

  ROMEO: Well I changed my mind.

  JULIET: About?

  ROMEO: Any part of you I'll gladly take. It doesn't have to be everything, not yet.

  I had no reply; I just stared at the phone in my hand.

  ROMEO: Have you fallen asleep on me?

  JULIET: No, just thinking.

  ROMEO: It's late, I'll let you go. Goodnight, Ariel, and sweet dreams.

  JULIET: Night, Damon.

  CHAPTER TEN

  IT WAS A SUNDAY, AND GRAMS and I went to her small country church that she had been attending her entire life. It was just a few miles away. I'd always liked it because of its size, and because everyone was so friendly. I sat through the entire service with thoughts of my parents and sister. My life.

  The life that was saved for whatever reason. I should have been doing more with my life. Momma used to always say "Do whatever makes your heart and soul happy, Ariel, and if you can follow those simple rules you will have a wonderful fulfilling life." Needless to say, I didn't hear a word the preacher said. Only reason I even knew the service was over was because of the people rushing toward the exit. Surprisingly, we made it back to the house without Grams complaining too much about my driving.

  I dropped her off, drove to the grocery store, and shopped for the items we needed. It never failed I would end up bagging my own groceries because obviously to scan the item and place it in a bag was just too much work for one person. Once I got back I fixed a light lunch. We decided to clean the house. I always tried to work twice as hard, that way I did most of the work but that little heifer had gone missing. I heard the piano in the back room playing softly and her voice carrying through the house. It had been a while since she played, I couldn't miss it. I leaned against the door instead of entering the room. I didn't want to disturb her, not that she would even notice me.

  Grams always played with her eyes closed. It was like she was in a different time and place, a happier place. She was in her own little world I guess.

  I closed my eyes and focused in on her voice. She was singing "Crazy" by Patsy Cline, and before the last note she switched over to "I Fall to Pieces", which was a song I knew my grandfather always requested that she sing for him. Everyone said he was a wonderful man; they'd met when she was fourteen and never spent a day apart until he passed eight years ago. I remember bits and pieces of him, but not too much. It hit me then, in that exact moment, that the world could
be a very dark place but it had beautiful moments.

  I made a decision right then that I was going to sing and play in front of others, and I was going to start at Dalton's. It had been weighing on my heart ever since I sang alone with Damon that night. The feeling that came over me was amazing, and I wanted to feel that way as much as I possibly could. There were zero guarantees in life. I knew that firsthand.

  It was beyond time I started making each day count.

  Grams stilled her hands on the piano keys. "What are you thinking so hard about, Ariel?"

  "I'm going to sing at Dalton's."

  I couldn't even begin to describe the smile that broke out on Grams's entire face; her eyes lit up and shone brightly. My heartbeat quickened. It felt good that I was responsible for that look on her face.

  "About damn time, baby girl." Although she was smiling happily, a tear slipped from her eye and slowly fell down her face. I watched it until it dripped onto her blouse.

  "What do you mean, Grams? I've never told you I wanted to sing, well not in front of anyone."

  "You didn't have to tell me, I knew it's what you always loved, it's what you always wanted. You can't have a dream so big and want it the way you wanted it as a child and let that go. It just doesn't work that way." She continued to play softly on the keys. "You loved music your entire life, I always thought it was what you were meant to do. Honey, you just lost your way."

  "I'm not sure I can do it though. The people, the noise. I want to, I really want to, I just don't know if I have the courage it takes. The crowds scare me. I don't know how I will feel with so many eyes set on me."

  Grams nodded her head in understanding. "Oh you always had a crowd Ariel — people who loved watching you. A tragedy just took them away from here. But I promise you, they are still watching and they will be smiling and cheering you on always. You can't see them, but I know you feel them."

  I thought about all the dreams I once had. I didn't shy away when I needed to be strong. But that was a long time ago. Funny how things could change; people changed. I sighed and played with my necklace. "That's different, Grams."

  "You were the happiest child I've ever seen in all my years and it's because you had your music and that was your true calling. I've heard and seen you play in this room but it's not the same sweetheart. Not only does it bring you a glimpse of peace and happiness…" She played a soft note on the piano.