Beautifully Damaged

by Gina Sevani

  "See that wasn't so bad, was it?"

  I gazed into his eyes. "Not at all. I liked seeing you with Sadie."

  "I think I could feel your heart beating for you when you thought she was mine." He laughed.

  How did he always seem to know what I was thinking? "It's not just the fact that you could have a kid that bothered me."

  "What was it then?" His eyebrows arched.

  I shrugged, tried to sidestep him but he just aligned our bodies, and brought me back to the same position. I didn't care to elaborate on how I felt earlier, but he deserved some kind of honesty from me.

  "I really don't think I can explain it."

  "Try."

  I couldn't look at him and express myself at the same time so I did what I did best and tried to hide my face.

  "Fine, I think I, umm. Children are precious, blessings. It's just maybe that you experienced such a beautiful thing with someone else, and that girl would always be in your life."

  Damon's eyes narrowed and his lips parted.

  "It's stupid, that came out wrong. See I can't explain it."

  "No it was perfect. I get it," he said.

  Damon opened my door for me and strutted across the front of the car. He started the engine, but before moving the car he told me to buckle.

  "I hate a seatbelt by the way."

  "I need you safe," was all he said so I obliged and buckled.

  "Do you want kids, Ariel?"

  The question was a complete surprise and one I hadn't spent much time on. I had never ever considered myself in a situation where marriage or babies was something I would ever have.

  "Someday, maybe."

  "What about you?"

  "Nine… I want nine." His voice was dead serious.

  "WHAT?"

  "Joking." He laughed loudly.

  "I think parenthood is the most precious gift anyone could ever have, why people walk away from something so special I'll never understand."

  Damon's jaw immediately tensed and you could see the muscles in his face as they ticked. He swallowed hard. Apparently that was a very touchy subject with him.

  "How old is your sister?

  He rubbed his jawline back and forth and threw his expensive shades on the dash.

  "Twenty."

  "I thought younger; she seems like an excellent mother."

  "She is. She got pregnant her senior year. She was only seventeen. Stupid and crazy in love. I never liked the bastard, and just like I knew he would, he bailed."

  His hand fisted on the steering wheel. "He's never even laid his eyes on Sadie."

  I despised people like that. The world was evil enough without them.

  "I hate that for your sister and Sadie, that's terrible."

  "Nah, they are better off without him. It just took her a while to figure it out. Thank you for coming, Ariel."

  "You're welcome. Thank you for bringing me."

  WHEN I REACHED THE house, I noticed Big Joe's old truck was parked in our driveway. Grams must have called him. Every time she experimented in the kitchen or made large meals we could never consume, she would ask him over. Big Joe would always show up; he was never too busy for her. That meant the world to me that he cared so much. Also there was a small chance she would hunt him down, and he was probably fully aware of the fact. He was sitting across the bar from Grams, and I could tell from her bubbly laughter that they were having a good time. It smelled like beef stew, and his plate was empty.

  "Honey, I'm home," I said.

  "Hi, baby girl." She continued telling him about some cougar in town and how he should be careful. He laughed loudly.

  "So Ariel, want to tell your old granny about a young man, one named Damon perhaps?"

  I narrowed my eyes and pretended I was choking Big Joe with my bare hands. Even though he was triple my size, in my head I could so take him.

  "Such a traitor," I shouted.

  He tried to cover his smile but failed.

  "Sorry, Ariel, she threatened me." He looked a little bashful.

  "That makes you weak," I teased him.

  "Yes—yes I most surely did sweetheart. I could tell something was a little different. I sure wouldn't get any information out of you. I thought about different tactics to pry what I wanted to know, but the risk of getting caught was… well let's just say I'm too old for prison." His eyes bugged out.

  "Grams you really shouldn't say things like that, people will think you're serious."

  I pointed toward Big Joe, although he was used to Grams and the things that came out of her crazy mouth. She had rendered him speechless.

  "Oh, but I wasn't kidding. You understand, dear." She smiled a little too sweetly.

  "Only you could threaten your grandchild with military tactics and at the same time say it with an endearment."

  She huffed. "Who said anything about military? I was thinking of an old friend in the Mafia."

  Big Joe's chair scraped the tile floor.

  "I think, yeah I need to get back home. Ariel, I need to talk to you, if you have a few minutes."

  "Scared?" I arched my eyebrows.

  I was completely, one hundred percent, used to the things my Grams said. Nothing could ever shock me. However when I was younger she would either totally embarrass me or scare the shit out of me.

  "Until next time, Joseph," Grams shouted through the house, laughter in her voice. "Oh, and Ariel, don't try and dodge the subject of that Damon boy."

  I growled a little unladylike toward Big Joe. He threw his hands up in a defeated gesture.

  "Sure thing, Grams." I yelled back so she could hear me. I directed my attention on Joe. "So, traitor, how can I help you?"

  "Ariel, that woman is crazy but I can't help but love her." He laughed.

  "Yeah she grows on you."

  "I told her you were playing the guitar tomorrow night — yeah; yeah don't look at me like that. She got that shit out too. How does she do that?"

  "She's a witch."

  He stopped playing with his keys and just stared at me for a minute until I broke out into a smile. "You two are just alike," he said.

  "Now, you ready to ask me what you really want to know? Have we warmed up to it yet?"

  "So brutal. Where's the respect for your boss?" He leaned against the tailgate of his truck. "Fine. Ariel, I'm a little worried. Have you told Damon yet?"

  I knew exactly what he was referring to. The tiny bit of happiness and energy I'd felt was completely sucked out of me from just hearing those few words. I stood beside him. He knew everything that had happened that day. My grams had told him before he hired me. We'd talked briefly about it, but nothing in detail. I didn't feel the need to hash it out again. Big Joe had always been so good to us, and I owed him an answer. I wasn't positive on his and Damon's relationship, but I could tell they were close as well.

  "Umm… not yet no." My voice was hoarse.

  "Ariel." He inhaled deeply and shook his head as he glanced up toward the sky. "I don't have the power of words. I can't tell you what you need to hear. The only thing I know is how much he cares for you. I think you need to tell him sooner rather than later and trust that what he feels for you will remain the same."

  Tears pricked my eyes, and I tried to think of anything other than where my mind was taking me. I bit hard on my tongue until I tasted blood. Maybe the pain from it would take my mind off the situation at hand, but it didn't. Of course it wouldn't, nothing ever could.

  I quickly brushed the tears away. He was still looking off at a distance, not directly at me. "I'll lose him." My voice was even weaker than before.

  "How do you know that?"

  "I just do, okay."

  He nodded. "Well one thing's for sure. You've already fallen for him, and I can tell you with certainty that he feels the same. I've known him longer than I've known you. He's not playing games with you, whatever he has said, you can trust him. If it changes things, weakens anything between the two of you… well it's better to know now and de
al with it, than months or a year from now. Whatever you're feeling now will grow to love, and I just don't want either of you hurt, that's all."

  I didn't bother to correct him, the love he mentioned had already taken place in my heart, I wasn't sure how it was even possible but Damon had bulldozed through, and he was implanted in my heart, my soul.

  "I'll tell him this weekend, I promise."

  "I think you'll be surprised, maybe his reaction will be completely different from what you're expecting."

  Seriously, it wouldn't be, but I said nothing. I was certain what the end result would be. Damon would be the one running and I wouldn't blame him, ever. Big Joe left and I took a few minutes to catch my breath before I headed back inside. Any other girl would be ecstatic to talk about a guy that she liked, but I just didn't feel the need to get her hopes up for no reason.

  Just go get it over with Ariel.

  "Okay, Grams what do you want to know, let's make this as painless as possible."

  She was smiling like a Cheshire cat, it scared me a little.

  "Sit. We'll talk."

  I laughed. "You mean you'll pry."

  "How long have you known this Damon?"

  "Long enough."

  "Do you like him?"

  "We wouldn't be having this conversation if I didn't."

  "Is that how this talk is going to go, baby girl?" She grinned.

  "You mean interrogation?" I asked sweetly.

  "Is he a good person?"

  "I think so."

  "Does he have any baby mommas running around?"

  "Ummm… just three, there's a questionable fourth."

  She took a step back gasping as she covered her heart.

  "Kidding."

  "You're terrible. Is he on drugs? Big Joe thinks fondly of him, but you can never be sure."

  "Yeah, he stays high all the time."

  She narrowed her eyes on me. "Excuse me, on what exactly?"

  "Life — high on life, what were you thinking Grams?"

  She grabbed her chest. "Mean, mean child."

  "We done?"

  She pointed her finger at me. "You, I've got a name for you."

  "You can say it Grams, I won't tell the preacher." I winked.

  She smiled at that. "I can't, I won't. I haven't used it since 1970."

  "Okay, I'll let this go for now only because I've got a little shopping to do."

  "Just make a list, I'll go."

  "Nope, thank you though, sweetheart." She was up to something. Grams thought she was fooling me, but I could read her like a book. However, crisis diverted for now. I hated serious conversations, she knew this. I never liked talking about my feelings or anything about myself really. It was just something I'd never been good at. Damon and I constantly texted each other and shared a few short phone calls. I loved hearing his voice, even on the phone. My mind had been running like those crazy energizing bunnies on TV, and I couldn't figure out how to get it shut down.

  I constantly worried about sharing my past with Damon. Dealing with that had taken my mind off playing at Dalton's. I guess that was one positive thing. I was so concerned with how he would react. I didn't for one minute think that he would still feel the same way about me. I was also worried once what we had was over, how I would handle still being surrounded by him. I knew I couldn't handle that. For a moment I thought about him spilling my secret but as fast as the thought entered my mind, it was gone. I felt in my heart that even if he wanted nothing to do with me, he wouldn't hurt me in such a childish way.

  MY PRAYERS WERE ANSWERED. There was a steady downpour outside, so the crowd was about half the size it would normally be. I thought I was pretty calm at home, but once I got to Dalton's reality had set in. I was extremely nervous about the crowd, especially those who were wondering what the hell I was doing on stage with them in the first place. It was all Damon's fault of course. His hand was probably perfectly fine. I looked at myself in the mirror and repeated the words "I got this" over and over. I glanced at my black shirt that showed more cleavage than I would normally wear.

  I didn't want to wear my Dalton's shirt on stage, so I had rummaged through my closet for something dark and sexy. The shirt was the closest thing I had. It wasn't tight, so I would still be comfortable playing, but it didn't have much of a back. It had given me confidence in my bedroom; I had felt sexy for once. Here I wasn't so sure.

  I gripped the sides of the sink and tried to find the courage I needed. As the rain beat against the bathroom window, I had a fleeting thought of escaping. I could totally fit through. Someone opened the door but I never heard it shut. I turned my head to see who the obnoxious person was that was ruining my mental breakdown, and saw Damon blatantly staring at my backside. He coughed in his hand and gazed over the back of my shirt once more before he met my eyes. Desire blazed in his eyes.

  His gaze strayed toward the window and one side of his mouth twisted into a half smile. "Thinking about running?"

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  "NOPE." I SO WAS.

  "What scares you the most, Ariel?" He stepped inside and closed the door.

  "I'm not sure." The voice I heard didn't sound like my own. "Is this the speech where you tell me to picture the crowd naked?"

  Damon leaned against the wall and crossed his feet. He kept his hands in his front pockets.

  "Nope but you could picture me naked." He shrugged his shoulders.

  "Yeah, I could totally play without my nerves being hay wired then."

  "Come here," he whispered.

  "No."

  "Stop telling me no woman," he shouted playfully.

  "No-o-o." I arched my eyebrows as I planted my hands on my hips in total defiance.

  Damon studied me, and his eyes narrowed in on my face. He didn't look pleased one bit. I wasn't sure if he was turned on or pissed off, maybe a little of both. I fought the smile that wanted to take over my entire face.

  "Let's try this one more time." He pushed off the wall and stalked in my direction.

  I backed up toward the window, watching his every move. Time stretched and it seemed to take forever for him to reach me. Then he was only a few short steps away. Everything about him screamed dominance, power, and confidence. Butterflies danced in my stomach. I loved the way he walked.

  I probably could watch him forever and never need to pry my eyes away. Damon placed his hands on both of my hips and held me in place for a few seconds. Just when I thought he was going to keep the distance between us, he jerked me toward him so our hips were aligned.

  "I said come here." His voice was deeper and I swear his eyes turned a shade darker.

  "I'm here," I whispered.

  "Not close enough." He removed his hands from my hips and placed them on my wrists then slowly raised them above my head and pinned me against the wall. There was a gap between our chests although our hips fit together in perfect intimacy, with not an inch of space.

  "Mmmm… Ariel." His gaze was on my exposed cleavage.

  I could see and feel my chest as it rose with every heavy breath I took. I wasn't sure what was louder, my heartbeat or the rain pounding down against the window beside us. The exact moment he licked his lips, answering heat blossomed inside me, and I gasped. The sound hung between us for less than a second, and then he lunged at me. His chest pressed against mine, and his lips possessed my mouth.

  Everything about Damon felt so right, so good. He made me completely forget about anything but him. The feel of his body touching mine was enough to drive me wild. He moaned into my mouth, and I struggled with his grip on my hands. I wanted to feel him. The urge to touch him was overwhelming.

  "Damon," I pleaded against his lips, and he released his hold.

  I attacked his body with vigor, and when I fisted my hands in his hair and tugged roughly, he grabbed me under my thighs and picked me up. My legs wrapped tightly around his waist. I could feel him there, right against my core, and I wanted so much more. I squeezed my thighs around him.


  "Oh, my God." I threw my head back, and he pushed me hard me against the wall. His mouth was hot on my neck. Damon's hips held me up as one of his hands massaged up my bare back.

  "More, I want more Damon," I moaned

  Damon's hand reached for the button of my jeans. Then his mouth suddenly left mine, and I instantly felt a loss. He ran one of his hands through his hair, breathing out of control like I was. He slid me down his body until my feet could touch the floor, and I could only be thankful that he didn't let go of his hold yet. I wasn't certain I could stand on my own two feet without my body swaying.

  Once my feet were securely under me, he took a step away. His eyes weren't set on mine anymore. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. His shoulders were taut and a look of pure agony claimed his face.

  "Why did you stop?" I blurted and instantly felt stupid.

  "Why did I stop?" he shouted. "Would you rather I take your virginity in a damn public restroom?" His eyes pierced mine and they held regret.

  "Wow." I shook my head. I didn't expect to hear those words from him.

  "Shit, Ariel, I'm sorry."

  Damon closed the distance between us, I tried to sidestep him but he wouldn't allow it. My eyes had already begun to water. He tilted my chin up toward him.

  "I'm sorry, I am. I was just so worked up and pissed at myself." He cleared his throat. "Ariel, I want you so bad. Don't ever, ever doubt that but when our time is right and I'm finally with you, it will be in a place where I can take my time and worship every inch of your body the way you deserve."

  That eased my pain, and I released the breath I held, even found a shaky smile.

  "Now kiss me once more and make it good enough to last until I get the chance to kiss you again." Damon smiled.

  "No."

  "Ariel, I swear." Before he'd a second more to finish what he was going to say, my lips found exactly where they wanted to be.

  "Mmmm. That'll do, I guess," he said.

  I smacked in him the chest.

  "Was that your plan all along to get my mind off playing? Waltz into the women's restroom, turn me on, and leave me hanging? You know one of these days someone might be in here with me!"