Vice in its Proper Shape

by Anonymous

  CHAP. III.

  _The Transmigration of Miss_ DOROTHY CHATTERFAST _into the Body of aMagpie._

  In one corner of the room where poor _Tony Pig_ was confined, hung alarge cage, which was the prison of a pert young magpie. As soon as myson _Jacky_ who was the youngest of the company, and remarkably fond ofbirds, had saluted her by the well known appellation of _mag, poormag_; she wagged her tail with surprising agility, and began to chatterin such an elevated tone, and with such a rapid pronunciation, that Iwas heartily glad when the kind Bramin commanded silence. "The body ofthis party coloured, loquacious bird, said he, is the involuntaryresidence of the late Miss Dorothy Chatterfast; who was a mostnotorious little gossip, and belonged to a family which is as numerousas that of the _Greedyguts_. To do her justice, she was a handsomelittle girl, and as brisk and notable as any young miss in herneighbourhood. But to her own misfortune, and the unspeakable vexationof most persons who came within the sphere of her observation, herlittle tongue was as active as her hands. She learned to talk veryearly, and so speedy was her improvement in the art of prattling, that,before she was three years old, she could lisp out a tale in veryintelligible language. Her parents were so unwise as to encourage herin this mischievous kind of ingenuity, not only from the pleasure theytook in hearing how fast she learned to speak, but because theyconsidered it as an infallible token that she would, in time, prove anexcellent wit and a notable manager. It is not, therefore, to bewondered at, that she took a great deal of notice of every thing whichpassed in the family, and particularly in the kitchen. If any of theservants accidentally broke a teacup, or saucer, a glass, &c. orreceived an unexpected visit from some of their acquaintance, orrelations, when her parents happened to be absent from home; she neverfailed to inform them of it, the first opportunity, with manyaggravating circumstances of her own invention; for which theygenerally complimented her, by way of reward, with the flatteringtitles of _a good child_, _a sweet little dear_, and _a careful littlegirl_. By this officious impertinence she frequently got the servantsreprimanded, and sometimes dismissed; so that by degrees they all beganto fear and hate her. She was equally attentive to every trifle whichhappened at the school, where she was daily sent to learn the art ofreading, and the use of her needle; for the moment she came home, andbefore she had well entered the parlour door, and made her courtesy,her little tongue began to rattle like a mill clack."--"Mamma, saidshe, Tommy Careless was flogged for tearing his book, Jackey Fidgetbecause he was a naughty boy and would not sit still, PollyGiddybrains, for losing her needle and thread paper, and, Lord blessme! my ma'am was so cross, that she was going to put the nasty fool'scap on _my_ head, only for miscalling the first word in mylesson."--"In short she was such a notorious telltale, that she wassoon dignified by her school fellows with the honourable appellation of_Dolly Cagmag_. As she advanced in years, the habit grew upon her; andwhen she was old enough to be introduced into company, and go avisiting, she carried on the same mischievous and despicable tradeabroad, in which she had met with such encouragement at home. Whatevershe saw or heard in one place, she would be sure to report it inanother; so that all the masters and misses who had the mortificationto fall into her company, considered themselves as under the maliciousinspection of a meddlesome spy; which they had the more reason to do,because she seldom failed to embellish her informations with therecital of several unfavourable circumstances of her own invention.""Indeed, Mr. Wiseman, said Betsey, my youngest daughter, what you havetold us is exactly true; for I have been in company with MissChatterfast several times, and I remember once in particular that whenMaster _Sprightly_, who was a merry young spark, had stolen a kiss fromMiss _Patty Sweetlips_, though the poor young lady blushed as red asscarlet, and seemed to be greatly displeased at the freedom which hadbeen taken with her, Miss Chatterfast was so mischievous as torepresent her to all her acquaintance as a bold little hussey, wholoved to be kissed by the young gentlemen. When poor innocent Patty wasinformed of the character which had been so unjustly fixed upon her,she was ashamed to stir out of doors, and laid it so much to heart Ithought she would have cried her eyes out." "This was very unkindindeed, replied the good Bramin; and yet, I sincerely believe that allthe mischief her tongue was guilty of, was more owing to her vanity andthat talkative humour in which she had always been encouraged from herinfancy, than to any real malice in her heart. She had been longaccustomed to speak without thinking, and naturally imagined that herimpertinent loquacity would be as much admired and applauded by otherpeople as by her thoughtless parents. I have the satisfaction, however,to observe that you are perfectly sensible of her mistake, though shehad not the good fortune to be so herself. If she had lived muchlonger, it is very probable that the many slights and affronts she mustnecessarily have met with, would have opened her eyes: For those who bytheir impertinent censures set the whole world at defiance, mayreasonably expect to find an enemy in every house they enter. But hermeddlesome, inquisitive disposition proved to be the accidental meansof shortening her days, before she had experience enough to correct it:for, one evening, Mr. _Kindly_, a wealthy merchant, indulged all theyoung masters and misses in the neighbourhood with a splendid ball athis own house: Miss _Chatterfast_, though she had at that time a severecold upon her, was so desirous of embracing such a favourableopportunity of making her remarks upon the behaviour and differentdresses of the company, and thereby furnishing herself with an amplestock for conversation, that she could not be prevailed upon by her tooindulgent parents to spend the evening at home. The consequence wassuch as might naturally have been expected. By first over heatingherself at the ball, and afterwards exposing herself to the night airin her return home, her cold, (which was bad enough before) suddenlyincreased into a violent fever which hurried her to the grave in theshort space of five or six days. Though her untimely death excited thetransient pity of most of her acquaintance, very few of them, Ibelieve, were really sorry to part with her. But notwithstanding thatviolent propensity to exercise her tongue, which she too frequentlyindulged to the vexation of her neighbours, she had a large fund ofgood nature at the bottom; so that I am in hopes that she will soon berestored to the rank of human beings, and have an opportunity ofemploying her speaking faculties with greater discretion and in a moreagreeable manner than she did before. Her former loquacity (as I havealready observed) was almost entirely owing to that vanity and want ofthought, in which she had been too much encouraged by the simplefondness of her parents; but the low station in which she now appears,will probably teach her to be more humble and considerate, and ofconsequence to check that talkative humour which in her past lifetimeformed the most remarkable part of her character." Poor mag (who, Isuppose, understood every word the Bramin said) wagged her tail alittle, as we left the room, but did not think proper to utter a singlechatter.