Unglued (Holding On)

by Rachael Brownell

  She leaves and my mom appears moments later, tears in her eyes. She almost knocks me over as she wraps her arms around me.

  “Mom, I’m fine. Look, all in one piece.”

  “You scared me. They said you were in an accident but that you were fine. Your car is totaled. I guess they had to cut you out.”

  “I’m not worried about my car. I just want to get out of here.”

  Like magic, the doctor appears.

  “So, you want to go home? You’re gonna have to let me check you out first. Okay?”

  “Yeah, that’s fine. Anything to get me out of here faster.”

  “All right, hop back up on the bed then so I can check you out.”

  He does a quick once over and then picks up my chart and studies it for a minute. He comes back over and starts to examine my stomach, and I realized what he saw on my chart. Before I can stop him, he outs me to my mom.

  “Well, it doesn’t appear that the baby was injured in the accident. All of your tests came back fine, and your abdomen isn’t swollen. I would say that you both were pretty lucky. I will get your paperwork drawn up so you can get out of here. You need to make sure you take it easy for the next few days, and if you have any spotting or pains, you need to come back and see us right away, okay?”

  Crap!

  I nod because the way my mom is looking at me right now has caused my throat to tighten and my airway to close. I can barely breathe, let alone speak.

  The doctor leaves and my mom takes a seat on the bed next to me. I should have just told her when I first found out. Now, I was going to have to deal with the repercussions of hiding it from her.

  “So, I’m going to be a grandma?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Were you planning on telling me anytime soon?”

  “Um, yeah.”

  “Are you planning on telling Brad?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, since you weren’t shocked by what the doctor said like I was, I’m assuming you’ve gone to the doctor already.”

  “Yeah.”

  “When are you due?”

  “April.”

  “Okay. We’ll start cleaning out the guest room in the next few weeks and turn that into the nursery. The baby can sleep in your room with you and Brad until...”

  “What?”

  “That’s how it’s done, honey. The baby sleeps in your room until its old enough to sleep through the night.”

  “Okay. I get that part, or at least I will, but what does that have to do with Brad?” Realization dawned on me a little too late. She thought that Brad was the father. Why wouldn’t she? We were still dating when I got pregnant. “Wait. Mom, Brad’s not the father. Not that you need to know this, but Brad and I never slept together, not like that.”

  “Okay. Well then, who is, Becca? I really hope you weren’t out sleeping around on Brad because if I do the math right you got pregnant right about the time Natalie died. I know that you were an emotional wreck but that’s no excuse.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mom, but I wasn’t sleeping around. I’ve only slept with one person.”

  I could see it in her eyes when she realized that I meant Ethan. I saw the moment she realized that Ethan was the father. I saw the moment it all connected, and then I saw her smile. True happiness beamed from her smile.

  “Well then, okay. I think you might have a flight to catch.”

  “I couldn’t agree with you more. Let’s get me out of here.”

  Epilogue

  The day I showed up at the gallery in London was the best day of my life. I walked in and was immediately surrounded by photos of myself again. This time, I wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed. I wasn’t self-conscious at all. I was beaming with happiness as I walked from portrait to portrait, waiting for Ethan to realize I was there.

  I felt him. I knew he was close and getting closer. I was nervous to see him, to tell him the news. The only people I had told so far were my mom, who the doctor told by accident, and Natalie. Before leaving for London I made my mom take me to the cemetery.

  Sitting in front of a stone talking to her was surreal. It made it a little too real that she was actually gone. I hadn’t been to the cemetery, hadn’t seen her beautiful headstone. I had avoided it at all costs so far, but somehow it felt right.

  Loving daughter, wife and friend. May you live on in our hearts forever.

  That’s how Natalie would have wanted to be remembered. I was surprised when I saw that it said wife instead of fiancée. Natalie had been calling herself Morgan’s wife for a long time, even before he had proposed to her. She would have wanted to be remembered that way. In all aspects of their life they were married, except for the piece of paper. That piece of paper doesn’t change the fact that they loved each other and will always love each other.

  I haven’t spoken to Natalie since Vegas. It’s been less than a week but it feels like it’s been forever. I really wanted to tell her in person, or rather, in my dreams. Somehow, it would have made it more real. Somehow, I think she already knew.

  He’s really close now. The hair on the back of my neck is tingling and I have goose bumps forming on my arms and legs.

  I feel a familiar set of arms slide around my waist. I resist the urge to jump. I know that he won’t notice the two pounds I’ve gained, but I know they are there.

  “It’s about time. My heart started pounding hours ago. I knew you were here.”

  “Really? Hours ago? What time?”

  “I don’t know. About ten this morning, I guess. What time did you get in? You must have taken an overnight flight.”

  How does he know these things? I landed just after ten this morning. I took a red-eye flight that left Tucson at seven last night. He wasn’t supposed to know I was coming. I wonder if my mom called him.

  “So, are you psychic now? You forgot to tell me about your abilities.” I turn to face him sporting a crooked grin to make sure he knew I was picking on him and not serious. “What am I thinking about right now?”

  He leaned in really close and whispered in my ear. I couldn’t contain my laugh. His thoughts were naughty and not even close to what I was thinking.

  “Not even close.”

  “Well, that’s what I was thinking about the moment I laid eyes on you.”

  “Will you settle for a kiss?” I pouted at him, like I would be disappointed if he didn’t accept.

  “I wouldn’t exactly call that settling.”

  His lips met mine and the world around me exploded. Nothing would ever compare to the way kissing Ethan made me feel. It was like fireworks were going off inside of me. His naughty thoughts were starting to become rather appealing.

  “Well, hello to you to.” It was all I could manage once he finally broke our connection. There were at least half a dozen pairs of eyes on us, but I didn’t care. The only thing I cared about at that moment was the fact that I was standing face to face with Ethan, and I was about to tell him our big news.

  “That’s not how I say hello, but it will have to do for now.” His dimple is winking at me. I’m a goner. I’ve been around him for less than five minutes and I already want to lose all my clothes.

  “We’ll have to work on that.”

  “So, did you fly all this way to kiss me or is there something else you want to tell me?”

  Crap!

  “I did not fly all this way just to kiss you. I thought that maybe it was time.”

  “Time for what? What are you saying?”

  I can hear the excitement in his voice, it’s unmistakable. He’s not even trying to hide it. The smile that’s plastered across his face is not helping his cause any either.

  “It’s time to move on...together.”

  He picks me up and spins me around before I even realize what’s going on. The movement is causing my stomach to turn. I cannot puke right now. That would not be good. That would be really bad actually. I haven’t told him yet. I want to make sure that he wants me first. I need him
to want to be with me because he loves me, not because I’m pregnant.

  He sets me back down and I close my eyes to calm my stomach. It’s working. It’s working. It’s not working. I open my eyes and dart through the closest door and into what looks like an office. I find the trashcan and empty my stomach.

  Ethan’s standing behind me when I turn to leave. He looks confused, but his excitement to see me is hiding just beneath the surface.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah. I just got a little dizzy and all that spinning went to my head, and my stomach I guess.”

  “Are you sure? You look like you need to sit down for a minute and rest.”

  “I do, but I’m fine, really.”

  He brings two chairs over to where I am, and we sit in silence for a few minutes. I know he has questions. I know he needs answers that only I can give him.

  “So, do you still want me? Even after watching me puke?”

  “I would have held your hair back if I had made it in here fast enough.”

  “I take that as a yes.”

  “Yes. Absolutely. Definitely.”

  “Good. I want to be with you too. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But there is something I need to ask you.”

  “Okay.”

  “At the end of the day, after everything is said and done, after we lay it all out on the table, I need to know that you will love me no matter what, that I’m yours, and that your feelings for me will never change.”

  “No matter what happens, no matter what you say or do, I plan on loving you until the day I die. I will never let you go again. You belong to me and only me, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. We were meant to be together, Becca. It’s always been me and you, and it always will be.”

  I need to tell him. I need to do it now before I chicken out, and he asks me why I’m fat in a few months. That would be bad. Wake up one morning and say “oh, by the way honey, I’m five months pregnant.”

  “No, it won’t be. It’s always been you and me, you’re right, but it won’t always be that way. It’s not that way right now.”

  “What are you saying, Becca? Is there someone else that I need to know about?”

  “Yes and no. There is someone else, but it’s not what you’re thinking.”

  “Then what is it? Because all I can see right now is red and Brad’s face. I don’t want to go down this path again.”

  “You don’t have to.” I can see how upset he is. I need to just tell him. All this beating around the bush is causing problems already. I promised to always be honest with him a long time ago. It’s now or never. “It’s not going to be just us this time around. I’m pregnant. We’re pregnant.”

  I never thought that I could say anything to bring Ethan to his knees. I saw his eyes get wide, then glaze over, then roll back in his head. He hit the floor with a loud thump and was out cold. I knew that he wouldn’t be out for long. He was going to come to and have questions.

  He came to after about only five minutes. He was groggy, and I helped him back into his chair. He was looking between my face and my belly. I’m not sure if he was looking for confirmation, but he wasn’t going to find it there. I wasn’t showing yet and the doctor said that I probably wouldn’t start to show for at least another month or so.

  I gave him a few minutes to let it sink in. It took me a day to really believe that I was pregnant. He wasn’t going to get that much time.

  “So...”

  “I don’t know what to say, Becca. That’s the last thing that I thought I was going to hear today. I’m going to be a dad.”

  “You are going to be a dad.”

  “Are you sure. I mean, not that it’s mine, but are you sure you are pregnant.”

  “I took a home test and went to the doctor. Then I got in a car accident and the hospital told me I was pregnant.”

  “Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”

  “We’re fine. I was pretty lucky. Somehow my stomach didn’t have a single mark on it from the accident. It’s almost like something was protecting my stomach.”

  “So, we’re having a baby?”

  “Yeah. We’re having a baby.”

  I wanted to ask if he still wanted to be with me. This changed everything. Our relationship would change. It wasn’t just about us, about what we wanted anymore. It was about our child, what they needed. Our world was about to change.

  I’m finally starting to show. Yesterday was the first time I wore maternity pants. I’ve been avoiding the fact that my pants were getting tighter and tighter. When my button popped off as I sat down to breakfast, I knew I had no choice, but to acknowledge the fact that I had put on baby weight.

  I cried, of course. I cry about a lot of things these days, most things. My emotions run the spectrum, from one end to the other, on a daily basis. I never know what will set me off or make me cry. It’s a battle, but when I’m happy, I’m super happy.

  I’m not sure why I ever questioned his love for me. The last two months have been the best of my life. They have not been easy, but they have been the best. He’s been by my side every step of the way, riding the rollercoaster of emotions every day, and taking everything in stride.

  He’s going to be home in about five minutes, and I’m trying to make tonight special. We moved in together when he came back from London last month. It’s been different, challenging at times. I think a lot of it has to do with my emotional rollercoaster. Some of it has to do with the fact that neither of us are the same people we used to be.

  The little things are the same, and the important things are the same. It’s all the stuff in-between that we fight about. He prefers a different kind of milk now. I want us both to eat healthier because I need to. He thinks I should continue to try and play tennis, that it would be good exercise for me and the baby. I want to lay around and sleep.

  At the end of the day, no matter what happens or what we fight about, we always make up. It’s a new rule we have for our relationship. No one leaves the house angry, no one goes to bed angry, and no matter how heated we get, we never say anything that we can’t take back.

  I found out the gender of the baby today. I didn’t know that I was going to find out and I’m not sure that Ethan wants to know, but I know and it’s driving me crazy. I want to tell him. I’m horrible at keeping secrets, and the thought that I have one is killing me.

  I turn the lights down low, light the candles I put out, and sit down to wait. I have a card that I am sitting on. Inside is the sonogram photo the doctor gave me today. It’s amazing how much these pictures have evolved over the years. The one I got today was three dimensional. Let’s just say that I hope the baby does not look like the picture when it arrives.

  I hear him pull in the driveway and immediately get nervous. He’s going to know something is up the second he opens the door. I’m not very good at surprises. Having a candle-lit dinner with me is not the surprise.

  I hear the garage door open into the kitchen. I hear him put his coat in the closet and drop his bag by the door. I know he’s headed my way. I can feel him getting closer. The hair on the back of my neck reacts to his presence as he rounds the corner.

  That smile. His dimple is winking at me, and it never fails to make me want to jump his bones. That’s how we got in this predicament to begin with. He approaches with caution. I can’t blame him. When he left for work this morning, I was angry. Not with him, not with anything in particular, just angry.

  He kisses me on the top of the head and takes his seat across the table from me. Without saying anything, I fix him a plate and pass it over to him so that I can fix mine.

  “So, is this your way of saying that you’re sorry for being batty this morning?”

  “I was not batty, I was emotional.”

  “You know, you won’t be able to use that excuse after the baby comes.”

  “Hopefully, I won’t be this emotional after that.”

  We eat in silence for a few minutes, both of us saying a s
ilent prayer that I won’t be this emotional after my pregnancy is over. I don’t know how to breach the subject, and my leg won’t stop twitching. I know that he’s going to notice soon.

  “So, how was your doctor’s appointment today?”

  Good. Now I don’t need to bring it up. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

  “It went good. Things are good.”

  “Just good?”

  “Yes, things are good. I have to ask you something though. We haven’t really talked about it, but did you want to find out the sex?”

  “I figured we would. Why?”

  “Well, the doctor gave me a sonogram and told me the sex today.”

  “Really? You know if we’re having a boy or a girl.”

  “Yes.”

  “Well. Are we having a boy or a girl?”

  I could hear the excitement in his voice. I was so glad to hear it, to know that he was just as excited about this as I was. But will he still be excited once I tell him?

  “Yes.”

  “Yes what? Boy or girl?”

  I reach under my leg and pull out the card that I’ve been hiding from him. I slide it across the table, and he immediately reaches for it and tears it open. I watch closely as it dawns on him what I’m saying.

  “Twins?”

  Find out how Becca

  & Ethan’s romance ends...

  through Ethan’s eyes.

  Weakness

  Ethan’s Novella

  Chapter 1

  “H

  ey man. What’s up? I was just about ready to call you with my flight information.” I zipped up my suitcase and stood it up next to the bed as I spoke. When he didn’t answer right away I looked down at my phone to see if we had been disconnected. “Brad?”

  “I’m here.” I can hear the pain in his voice and immediately my thoughts go straight to Becca. What’s happened to her? Something is obviously wrong.

  “What’s wrong? What’s happened? Is Becca okay?” I’m talking a mile a minute and not giving him a chance to answer.