Chaos

by Barbara Huffert

  “I’m done if you are. What’s on your mind?”

  “I’m hungry. Let’s go to my place so I can change and then we can go pick up dinner.”

  “Why don’t we stop and grab some steaks and I’ll cook them for you? You do have a stove. I saw it. I’m assuming it works.”

  “Oh ha ha. Don’t be so smug. Of course it works. I just thought that you might be getting sick of cooking.”

  “I like to cook. It’ll be good practice for when I find that professional woman.”

  “Yes, smart ass, the stove works just fine, or it did the last time I checked and yes, before you ask, I have pans and plates and silverware. You want to cook, be my guest. But I’m buying the groceries. Consider it your fee for being my model.”

  “I think I liked the other perks that came with that better but all right, if you insist.”

  “Those perks, as you call them, had nothing to do with you posing for me. By now you must know I enjoy your bod, stud. There was no way I was going to let such a fine hard-on go to waste.”

  “If you play your cards right you might just get to see it again before the night is over.”

  “I’m counting on it.” She gave him a squeeze as she locked the door behind them. “Any chance I can get you to help me change when we get home?”

  “I’d say that’s a definite possibility, you insatiable pixie.”

  “Hey! That’s Queen Pixie to you.”

  “Oh excuse me, my queen.” He gave her a mocking bow. “Will you give me the opportunity to atone for my slip?”

  “Perhaps.” She grinned wickedly as she let her gaze rake him from head to toe.

  “How can I persuade you? I’m already making you a feast. I could feed you.”

  “I can feed myself, thank you. You’ll have to come up with something better than that.”

  “A massage?”

  “I’d fall asleep.”

  “Can’t have that. Let’s see, I could strip you and keep you next to me, naked, while I cook.”

  “And why would you do that?”

  “So I can pleasure you with my tongue when the dinner doesn’t need my attention. You seem to enjoy that and I do like when you’re enjoying yourself.”

  “And you’ll deny yourself until after dinner?”

  “I’ll postpone my actual release but I get great pleasure from making you come. It’s a rare gift when a woman lets a man watch her do that.”

  “And you do that often?”

  “No, not nearly as much as I’d like to. I told you, I don’t sleep around. Partly because I don’t have time to meet anyone but mostly because I haven’t met anyone lately that I’ve cared enough about to want to make this offer to.”

  “I can’t decide if you’re serious or just giving me a line but I don’t think I care at the moment. You’re right, McKade, I do enjoy what you do with your tongue, immensely in fact. Hurry up and grab some steaks and let’s get the hell out of here. I’m ready to be appeased.”

  “And I’m more than anxious to appease you.” She was standing next to him at the meat case when she felt his hand under her shirt. His movements were hidden by the oversized coat of his that she was wearing since the night before all she’d had on was his tuxedo jacket. “Foreplay,” he whispered as her tweaked her nipple.

  “Isn’t this illegal?” she asked as she leaned into his hand.

  “Only if someone else sees us. Don’t worry Pixie Queen. I have no intention of baring these luscious breasts. They are currently for my private consumption and I don’t share.”

  What was that supposed to mean? Alyssa tried to see his face but he was back to choosing their dinner. He’d said he wasn’t making a commitment but wasn’t seeing one person exclusively just that? Maybe he only meant that he wasn’t into group things, thank goodness. He was probably just being more careful to keep either of them from being exposed after the way they went at it in his truck the night before. The combined memory of that event and Shane’s roaming hand were exciting her beyond belief. Who would ever have thought that the man who never failed to aggravate her would also never fail to make her wet? Certainly not her! “McKade, we really need to get out of here. Now. I’m not kidding.”

  “Patience Pixie Queen. Anticipation is good for you. It heightens the sensations.”

  “If my sensations get any more heightened, stud, you’re going to have to arrest me for coming in public. You want everyone in this store to share in your gift?”

  “Not in this lifetime. Let’s go,” he said, dragging her toward to checkout.

  Chapter Seven

  “Three weeks in a row?” Brett grinned as he slid into a chair at the table with Shane and Alyssa. “Anything I should know?”

  “You already know everything,” Shane told him levelly. “We’re having some fun.”

  “Right, fun.” Brett gave Shane a look that said he thought it was more than that. “You okay, Shane? You look a little tense. If this is a private discussion, I can wait for Jesse at the bar.”

  “You don’t have to go,” Shane sighed tiredly. “It’s just been a long week.”

  Alyssa looked between them. “Maybe, I should…”

  Shane cut her off, knowing she was about to suggest she leave them alone in case he wanted to talk and would feel more comfortable with Brett alone. “No. Stay. Please.”

  He looked so vulnerable that she reached out and clasped his hand without thinking. “Okay.”

  “Damn. I’m sorry. Just ignore me a little while and I’ll shake this off.” Shane’s eyes almost pleaded with them.

  “Hey,” Jesse joined them, his ready smile fading as he looked around the table. “Oh no, what happened? Is it Max?”

  “No! God, no! I’m just kind of out of it and bringing everyone else down with me. Jesus, don’t even think that today.” Shane had thought he couldn’t feel any bleaker than he had earlier.

  “Christ, that was stupid of me.” Jesse seemed to understand. “You can shoot me if it’ll make you feel better.”

  Shane met his gaze for an extended moment. Suddenly, he began to laugh. “Thanks but it’s not quite that bad.” Shane sensed that Jesse knew exactly what he was feeling. He was extremely grateful that his brother’s mysterious friend was there.

  “Lyssa, I think we missed something.” Brett fought to sound upbeat.

  “Yeah, we’re obviously not part of the Secret Squirrel Society like these two are.” She copied his tone.

  “And you’re truly better off,” Jesse commented. “Still on duty?” He indicated Shane’s soda.

  Shane shrugged. “Maybe.”

  “McKade?” Alyssa hadn’t even noticed.

  Before he could respond, his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. “Excuse me.” He stepped away from the table as he answered. “I’m sorry but I have to go. Will you guys take her home?”

  As they agreed, Alyssa grabbed his arm. “Just one second, McKade. What is going on? You can’t say practically nothing and disappear. And I don’t need an escort!”

  Instead of replying, Shane pulled her against him and gave her the sweetest kiss. “I know you don’t, Pixie Queen but I’d appreciate it if you humored me this time. I know you’re perfectly capable of taking care of absolutely everything on your own at all times but, just this once, I need to feel as if I actually am protecting you and know, without a doubt, that you’re safe.”

  His words shocked all of them. “You’re wearing your gun.” Alyssa felt it under his jacket. “That’s why you didn’t take off your coat. You knew you weren’t staying.”

  “No, Campini, I hoped more than anything that I was.”

  “If you need your gun, then shouldn’t you have on your vest?”

  “It’s in the truck.” He wouldn’t lie to her.

  “Well make sure you put it on and don’t get shot in the head,” she said fiercely.

  “Yes, ma’am. Guys?”

  “Go Shane. We’ll take her home even if she makes us bop her over the head and carry her.” Bre
tt tugged her back into her chair.

  “Can I go to your place? I’m assuming you have food.” She didn’t understand her sudden need to be there, waiting when he got back.

  “I still have your key,” Brett volunteered.

  “If you want to. And yes, there’s food but you’ll have to heat it up.” Shane wished he had time to consider his reaction.

  “We’ll manage,” Jesse assured him as Shane nodded.

  “I don’t know how long I’ll be.”

  “Go, Shane,” Brett repeated. “Alyssa will be safe, well-fed and entertained until you get there, no matter what time it is.”

  Shane held Alyssa’s gaze. “Thanks. It’s really nothing.” He knew he sounded lame. “See ya soon, Pixie Queen.”

  She waited until he was gone before she turned on Brett and Jesse. “If it’s nothing, then why is he so tense? And don’t even bother trying to lie to me or hide something from me. I know you or your buddies keep Jordan aware of what McKade is working on so I know you know.”

  Jesse shifted uncomfortably. “Alyssa, I’ll tell you the same thing that I would tell Jordan if he asked me that tonight. He’s on the south side again.”

  “Doing what?”

  “I’m sorry but I can’t tell you more than that.”

  “You mean you won’t tell me more than that.”

  “Stop it, Lyss. Don’t do this. We’re not the bad guys here and I know you’re not really angry with us. I know you’re reacting to the fact that you’re more worried about Shane than you’re ready to admit to yourself but don’t take it out on Jesse.” Brett interrupted the explosion he feared was coming.

  “You need to ask Shane. He’ll tell you if he can,” Jesse said gently. “I’m not necessarily referring to confidentiality here either, although it could very well be at this point.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Do you really need to ask that?” Jesse paused so she could consider both questions. “You should know by now that Shane’s a decent guy, even if you are both pretending that you don’t have that sort of relationship. I’m sure there are things that he sees at times that get to him so much that he can’t bring himself to talk about. Try not to push too much if he says he can’t tell you.”

  “Who are you?”

  “I’m Jesse Monroe, Jordan’s friend originally but now, due to his trust, also the friend of Brett, Shane, Max, Kiley and hopefully, Alyssa.” He waited.

  “And that’s all you’re going to say?”

  “Please, Lyss, don’t.” Brett was ready to beg if he had to.

  “Fine. Excuse me for asking. Just forget it.” She stood, clearly ready to take off.

  “If you’re not with us at Shane’s when he gets there later, he’s going to be furious with us and beyond worried about you.” Jesse stopped her. “I thought you were honestly concerned for him. If you’re leaving without us, then I guess I was wrong. It’s not like he was asking for much.”

  Alyssa slumped back into her chair, feeling completely foolish. “I should apologize for being a bitch now.”

  “You don’t have to.” Brett patted her hand. “I told you. We understand that you’re in unfamiliar territory here and you don’t even have your camera to protect you.” He held up his hand to stop her protest. “I think we should change the subject, before you say something mean and hurt my feelings. Unless either of you objects, can I suggest that we stop and pick up dinner? I know Shane said he has food but I’m sure it is something entirely too healthy for a Friday night. We’ll get a movie too.”

  “Sounds good to me. Alyssa?” Jesse agreed.

  “Yeah. Great,” she said, miserably. “I really am sorry.”

  Chapter Eight

  Shane was exhausted. It was time to seriously think about finding a new job. Or maybe he’d take a year off and drift. He couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t wanted to be a cop. Unfortunately he had never considered how small and insignificant it would make him feel. His mother had tried to warn him. Often in fact. He thought he’d listened but obviously not well enough. Or not to the important parts. Now he finally understood why she’d tried to discourage him from joining the force in the city. He’d honestly thought she was being selfish, not wanting him to be so far from home when she’d told him about an opening in a neighboring town. Selfish, yeah, right. She had known this would happen eventually and had only been trying to protect him from himself. He really was too kind-hearted for what he’d ended up in the middle of.

  The only thing that bothered him more was the way that his fellow cops didn’t seem to mind that they’d been forced to shoot and kill children tonight. Granted, they were heavily armed children, involved in trying to intercept a heroin delivery from a rival gang, but children nonetheless. Why didn’t the others seem to feel anything when they found the evidence of the shootout that had taken place before they could prevent it? God, he was beginning to hate this job!

  Unready to face the questions he knew Alyssa would spring on him as soon as he walked in, Shane sat in his truck and pulled out his phone. “Mom, hi, it’s me.”

  “Shane, what’s wrong?” Rose McKade was instantly awake.

  “Nothing, I…ah shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about what time it is. Go back to sleep, I’ll call you in the morning.”

  “Wait.” His mother made it clear that she was not going to let him hang up so easily. “What is it?”

  “Nothing, Mom, really. It was just a really long, really bad day.” He tried to outwait her but couldn’t. “We killed some kids tonight. Well, gang members actually. Not me but two of the other guys who were with me. They shot first but… Christ, Mom, they were kids!”

  “Honey, you already know what you want to hear. I’m not going say it though. I know you want me to but I won’t do it. You know this has to be your decision and you know your father and I love you and would do anything to make this easier for you but I am not the one who can give you the permission to walk away. You need to do that yourself, for yourself. I know you take your job seriously and you believe in what you’re trying to do. Shane, you can’t do it all yourself. You, personally, on your own, cannot save every kid who’s in over his head. You keep forgetting that Jordan wasn’t really asking you to save him…”

  “I know. He just wanted me to pay attention to him. I really do get that now. I just wish… This is going to sound so stupid but I really do wish I could just help one of them.”

  “Have you met one who wants help yet? There’s nothing you can do until you do.”

  “I know that too, Mom. Do you know how much I wish I’d listened to what you were trying to tell me when I told you I got this job?”

  “No more than I wish I’d been mistaken when I was telling you that.” Shane could hear his father in the background. Great, now he could feel guilty for waking him too. “Your dad wants to say something. We’re here, Shane, any time. Don’t ever hesitate if you need us.”

  “Thanks, Mom. You’re the best.”

  “Son, unlike your mother, I am willing to voice my opinion this time. I take it, from her half of the conversation, that you had some sort of situation at work. If it’s getting so bad that you forget it’s the middle of the night and that your old parents are going to panic when the phone rings, then it’s time for you to take a break. Take a leave and regroup. Think things over, thoroughly, before you decide anything. You’re a damn good cop, Shane but first and foremost, you’re a damn good man. I’d hate to see you forget that because you feel you’re inadequate in some way since your mother felt the need to remind you that it’s not up to you to save the world single-handedly.”

  “Thanks, Dad. What would I do without you guys?”

  “The same thing that you’re going to end up doing with us. It would just take longer. Have faith in yourself and follow your heart, okay?”

  “I’ll try. I really am sorry I scared you like that.”

  “No big deal. We’re fine now that we know you are. Let me repeat that you should c
all us whenever you want to, no matter what the time.”

  “I will, Dad. Tell Mom that she’s right. I do need to figure this out on my own. And I will. I have to. Soon. Night.”

  “Good night, son. We love you.”

  Shane sat for a few more minutes before he headed for his apartment. Talking to his parents always helped. Maybe it was time to tell someone other than them how frustrated he actually was. Alyssa hadn’t been disgusted when he’d shown her a small portion of what he felt in her studio the weekend before. Then again, he was sure Jesse would listen. Yeah, maybe that was a better idea. Jesse probably even had some advice that would help.

  * * * * *

  Alyssa, Brett and Jesse were all sprawled in Shane’s living room when he opened the door. He heard their laughter before they noticed him. Clearly, they enjoyed their impromptu evening in his apartment even though he hadn’t been there.

  “Hey,” Shane greeted them when they realized he was home.

  “Jeez, McKade, you look worse than you did before. You okay?” Alyssa reacted first.

  “Yeah. I’m fine.” He was far from convincing.

  Brett hopped up from his spot on the floor and yanked Shane into a bear hug, semi-startled when he didn’t resist. “Shane, Shane, Shane, this is us. You can stop being the totally together, fully in control, Superman guy and relax. You’re home now and you promised me and Jordan that you’d be our friend in addition to our big brother so it’s time to remember that. How are you?”

  When Brett finally released him, Shane sighed. “Honestly, I’m exhausted, discouraged, frustrated and approaching depressed. I’m also annoyed with myself because I forgot what time it was and just called Mom and Dad to say hi and ended up panicking them. I’m starting to hate my job enough to dread going in and most days I wonder why I bothered when I get home. I’m not doing any good anyway. I feel like I’m trying to bail out the Titanic with a teacup. And what makes it all the more confusing is the simple fact that the people we’re risking our lives to protect resent us for our interference.” Shane paused to take a breath and saw the stunned expressions on Alyssa and Brett’s faces. Jesse, on the other hand, met his gaze with one filled with understanding. “I’d apologize but, frankly, right now I am so relieved to have finally said all that out loud that I just can’t.”