Chaos

by Barbara Huffert

  “Don’t you dare apologize,” Jesse spoke first. “You can’t keep that sort of stuff bottled up inside you and, as Brett pointed out, you don’t have to with us. I know you’ve all speculated on what, exactly, I do and I really can’t say much but, Shane, I do know precisely what you’re going through. I’ve never been a cop but I have been in situations with the same no-win, hostility-invoking odds. I know that doesn’t specifically help at the moment and it certainly doesn’t provide you with any solutions but if you let yourself think about it now and then you might find that it’s better to know that you’re not alone with this. You know how to reach me and I’ll listen any time you want to talk. I’m guessing none of the other guys are feeling as helpless as you are yet.”

  “Some of them may be now. We were trying to intercept a drug shipment that one gang planned on hijacking from another one. Our timing was wrong and they’d already started shooting when we got there. We ended up killing the two guys holding the drugs when they decided they’d rather shoot their way past us than give it up. Some of their associates managed to clip each other in addition to an unfortunate old man who had his dog out in his yard.” Shane told them everything that would be reported in the paper in the morning.

  “Did you seize the heroin?” Jesse asked. When Shane nodded, he continued, “So that part wasn’t a complete waste. It sounds like the old man is going to be okay so you didn’t lose any innocent bystanders. It’s regrettable that anyone had to die but it was clearly their choice. Perhaps the few that were wounded will wise up and get out while they recuperate. No one forces these kids to join these gangs. Oh, I’ve heard all the theories on how being alone after school gives them the opportunity and I’m not arguing but it’s not just those kids out there. Ones with perfectly average homes wind up involved too just as kids who are practically homeless with no one to depend on also manage to go to college or get decent jobs and become hardworking, contributing members of society. They have to want out. Nothing you do can force them to make that choice if they’re not ready. I can assure you that the two who died were well aware that there was a better than fifty-fifty chance of that happening tonight. Personally, I think the way society has let the situation evolve sucks. But, until we, as a country, find a way to care enough to agree and work together to restructure life as we all know it, you, as a cop, can only chip away at your little corner of the world and try to make it better. No matter how much it seems like you aren’t making a difference you have to believe that you are in some miniscule way. Even if the only thing you ever manage to do is make that old man feel safe again one time when he takes out his dog, it’s still a step in the right direction. If you can’t find it in yourself to believe that it may be time to give serious consideration to altering your life.”

  “Is that what you did?”

  “Yes and no. At the moment, I haven’t given up all hope in what I try to do. When that happens and I fully expect it will eventually, I’ll carefully reevaluate my life, both privately and by bouncing things off my friends and family and go in the direction that’s best for me. There’s no shame in admitting that you’ve had enough and moving on. It takes guts to do that. The cowards who don’t, end up either being corrupted and perpetuating the problem or doing nothing and taking up a space that could be filled by someone who can still care.”

  Shane didn’t respond so Brett joined in. “Do you remember when Jordan got the mumps and missed a week of school? We were in second grade so you would have been in fourth. There was this guy in fifth grade but I think he was really much older. He was huge and mean and, for some reason, he hated me. He was always trying to get me alone so he could beat the snot out of me. When Jordan was with me, we usually managed to get away before he did much damage but for that whole week, I was on my own. Or I was afraid I was.

  “The first time the gorilla came after me, you appeared out of nowhere and stood in front of me, blocking his path. You very calmly explained to him that he was going to leave me alone until Jordan was back so it would be a fairer fight. He wanted to take you on but you refused even though he was much bigger than you were too, saying you’d started karate class so he didn’t stand a chance and how that would also be unfair. You warned him that if he ignored you and hurt me when I was alone he would have to deal with you and you would hurt him worse than anything he could do to me. When he asked what you were going to do once Jordan was back you said nothing. If it was a fair fight, we were on our own. He seemed willing to wait and was about to walk away after he threatened me with all sorts of stuff until you mentioned that you, of course, would be sharing everything you learned in karate class with us if we wanted to learn. That was the last time he ever said a word to me. For the rest of the year, whenever he would pick on someone smaller than him, you always seemed to show up at just the right second to keep him in check. If he went for someone his own size you were nowhere around. Shane, you’re still trying to make it a fair fight and give the underdog a chance. Growing up, you were the best big brother I could have ever wished for.”

  Shane snorted, “Aren’t you the same guy who correctly called me an ass a few months ago and pointed out all the mistakes I’ve made as a big brother?”

  “Yeah but I was talking about Jordan then, not me. You somehow managed to be fair with me, even when you weren’t with Jordan. You helped teach me right from wrong even when I didn’t choose to listen. You’re still doing it too. You manage to keep on caring, long after the rest of us probably would have given up.”

  “Come on, Brett, I’ve seen you try to help out.”

  “Sure, when the person I’m helping wants me to. I can’t imagine going out there every day like you do, putting yourself at risk. But I think there’s one thing you’re not quite right about. I think that the majority of the people out there do appreciate you even while they’re taking you for granted. They may not ever say it but I’d bet that most of the city is happier and feels safer because you’re trying your damnedest to do the best you can at your job. Don’t let the minority take away from the importance of what you do. I, for one, would never be able to handle what you make look like second nature and I gotta tell you, I wouldn’t want to try.”

  “He’s right, Shane. Listen to him,” Jesse urged. “Yes, it’s horrible out there and yes, some things will probably get worse. You just have to remember that it’s not all bad. Did you go visit with Penny’s class this week? Weren’t they worth all the other bullshit you went through the rest of the week?”

  “Yeah, they were. You’re both right. I’m letting the part that sucks override the good parts.” Shane realized that Alyssa hadn’t said a word. “Hey, Campini, you fall asleep over there?”

  “Which gangs?” she asked in a very small voice.

  “Oh, shit. I’m sorry, Pix. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “Shut up, McKade. Just tell me, which gangs?”

  “One was the one you worked with and before you ask, yes, the Kid was there. But he’s fine for now. He was supposed to provide a distraction by propositioning the first non-uniformed cop he saw, which happened to be me.”

  “And? Did you lock him up?”

  “No. I did ask if he wanted me to though.”

  “What? Why?”

  “We both knew what he was doing and I chose to let him act out his appointed task. He knew who I was and that I wasn’t going to take him up on his offer. He was about to run when I didn’t cuff him instantly but I stopped him. I told him you were worried about him and got him to stay and talk to me for a minute instead of joining the rest of his group.”

  “So you kept him from getting killed.”

  “This time, yes. He said he missed hanging out with you and wanted to know if you were still going off on your wacky tornado chase. I offered to bring him along home so he could talk to you but I guess he doesn’t trust me.”

  “Would you really have brought him here?” She sounded unsure.

  “In a flash,” he assured her. “I tried to
tell him that he can still walk away if he wants to.”

  “What did he say?”

  “That it was too late. That’s when the shooting started up again and he took off.”

  “Why didn’t you stop him?”

  “He’s not ready for Shane’s help yet, Alyssa,” Jesse spoke up. “He might be someday but not now. If Shane had taken him in, he’d end up in a detention center and it could do him more harm than good at this point.”

  “You’re saying it’s better to leave him out there so he can kill other kids or become a hustler or sell drugs to Penny and her friends?”

  “No, of course not. Think about it for a minute. The kid was willing to stand there and speak to a guy he knows is a cop. He cared enough to ask about you. He knows now that Shane will help him and all he has to do is ask. I’m going to take a wild guess and assume that you offered to help him too. It’s up to him now. If Shane took him in, he’d be stuck in the system before he has the chance to weigh his options on his own, now that he knows he has options. He might be one of the few who gets out alive.”

  “I hate that you’re right about this. Thanks for trying, McKade. I do understand why you have to wait. I wish I’d never taken that assignment.”

  “You can’t say that, Campini. If you hadn’t spent all that time with him, talking to him, he might have never even thought to consider getting out. Most of these kids believe they’ve reached the end of the line and that there’s nowhere else for them to go. This one might see past it, thanks to you.” Shane dragged himself out of the chair. “I don’t want to chase you off here but I really need a shower. You’re welcome to stay and go back to enjoying yourselves like you were before I got home.”

  Jesse stood as Brett grabbed Shane and hugged him again. “Nope, we’re out of here. We’re going to Jordan’s tomorrow so Jesse can see what he needs for the security system Jordan wants. Alyssa is dropping off her car and some other stuff. You should come with us. You can take a few things to put in the gatehouse too. It’ll make Kiley think you’re planning on visiting and she’ll be happy.”

  “Yeah, sure. As long as you’re not leaving at the crack of dawn I guess I’m in. You guys really don’t have to go.”

  “Yes, we do. You can barely stand up.” Jesse noticed that he started leaning on the wall. “We’re leaving fairly early but there’s no need for you two to go then. We’ll be either at Jordan’s or the station so I’m sure you’ll find us, no problem. Just try to be there by lunch and we’ll explore the town and find someplace to eat. See you tomorrow. Alyssa, don’t keep the man up tonight. He needs to sleep.”

  “You’re staying?” Shane asked.

  “I thought I would unless you don’t want me to. I’ll warm up some dinner for you while you shower.”

  “Okay, thanks. That would be nice of you. Thanks again, guys. For everything.”

  “Hey, no problem. It was a real hardship hanging out with a sexy, funny woman for a few hours. Make sure you take care of yourself, Shane.” Jesse gave him a knowing look.

  “Absolutely. I wouldn’t want you to have to turn in a bad report to my brother when he gets back. Don’t look so shocked, Jesse. I know you’re our friend but I’m also sure that Jordan asked you to check up on us while he was away. It’s kind of nice in a weird way now that I’m over freaking out about the idea that my kid brother hired me a babysitter.”

  “I’ve never been your babysitter but I get what you’re saying. I like you guys so I would be here anyway but I won’t lie and try to convince you Jordan didn’t mention it to me. Just so you don’t feel left out, Alyssa, they asked me to check on you too. I should thank you for hanging out together and making it so easy for me. Let’s go, Brett, before he falls asleep where he’s leaning.”

  * * * * *

  Shane stretched out on top of the covers and watched Alyssa prowl around the room. “Please, I’m begging you, hold still. You pacing like that is making me jumpy.”

  “Oops, sorry, I didn’t realize…” Alyssa propped up a pillow next to him.

  “You seem nervous. Are you all right? You’re acting weird.” He caressed her cheek lightly.

  “Well, um,” she hesitated.

  “Just spit it out, Campini. I admit there’s a lot about you I don’t know yet but I can tell you’ve got something on your mind. I’m not at my sharpest at the moment so you’re going to have to give me some sort of clue.”

  “It’s just that I don’t know how to handle this. I told you that I don’t do relationships and normally I would have run for the hills by now.”

  “Give me a minute to get dressed and I’ll drive you home.” He started to get up.

  She grabbed his arm to stop him. “Wait, that’s not what I meant. Earlier, when you were talking, I don’t know, it was weird. I didn’t think you would want to be alone tonight and I felt like I should stay. I wanted to stay and, well, just be here.”

  “Thanks. You’re right. I was hoping you’d stay but I wasn’t going to ask you to. I know I said some pretty un-fun things when I got home and that tonight was more than you bargained for. I’m glad you’re here, Pix. It means more to me than you know. I especially appreciate the tea you made for me. Imagine, Ms. Campini, Pixie Queen and photographer extraordinaire, making herbal tea with real tea not in a bag. You are full of surprises.”

  “I thought you could use it since it says it’s supposed to relax you.”

  “It was a perfect idea. Thanks for not tuning me out. This is a little weird for me too. I’m not really used to having someone try to take care of me.”

  “Yeah, well, don’t expect it all the time because you’ve now seen the extent of my abilities.”

  “No problem.” Shane decided the tone was right and it was as good an opportunity as any he was going to get to say what he wanted to say. “I have a present for you, for your trip.”

  “What kind of present?” She was suddenly suspicious. “I don’t want anything.”

  “Sh, it’s not a big deal. I shouldn’t even call it a present since it’s very practical.” He pulled something out of his nightstand and handed it to her.

  Inside the small box, Alyssa found two flat disks, one on a clip and one on a chain and a similar but larger object, along with a tiny case. “I don’t get it.”

  Shane squeezed one of the disks. It instantly lit up, illuminating the room with bright, white light. “I thought you might need these.”

  “What the hell for?” She shifted away from him and dropped the box.

  “Campini, I did some soul-baring tonight so you don’t have to be afraid to do some too. You’re a little uncomfortable in the dark…”

  “I am not! That’s ridiculous! Why would you say such a stupid thing?”

  “Because you are. The first night, I figured we left a light on so we could see each other. The second night I thought it was because you were in an unfamiliar place and wanted to be able to find your way around if you needed to get up. I didn’t really think much of it last Friday but on Saturday we stayed at your place. I’ve noticed you have the habit of turning on every light you can find, here and at home and leaving them on when you’re in a different room. It’s not worth you getting defensive about. I admit I didn’t really understand how you could manage to work in a darkroom but that was before I realized most everything you do is digital. What I truly don’t get is how you’re going to be able to stand it after a storm rips through an area and you’re stuck in the dark for hours. Can’t you let me try to help?” Shane waited for her to say something, anything but she didn’t. “This is where you smile and play with the lights and say thanks to me for being so perceptive and thoughtful. You also say you know you can trust me not to mention this again unless you bring it up. I’d never make fun of you. Not about something that scares you. Don’t you know me well enough by now to know that?”

  “I guess,” she murmured quietly as she finally met his eyes. “No one else ever noticed, not even Kiley.” She reached for the box.

 
; “There’s no reason to tell her either. I thought you could wear this around your neck and clip the other on your camera bag. The bigger one is for your motel room. If anyone asks, you can brag about how well prepared you are, since I’m sure you’ll be somewhere without electricity at some point in the next few months. There are extra batteries in the case.”

  “I’ve never seen lights like these. Where’d you find them?”

  “Jesse got them for me from Wyatt. I told him I wanted to give you a little trinket to make you think about me while you’re away and how I was afraid you’d reject something personal. I asked if Wyatt had some sort of high-powered, long-lasting light that was entirely too practical for you to refuse.”

  “That’s it?”

  “That’s it.” Shane watched her click the lights on and off. “Not that it would matter. I honestly believe you could trust Jesse with anything.”

  “Me too. How long are these things supposed to last? I’ve never seen batteries quite like these either.”

  “I suspect that they are one of Wyatt’s inventions. Jesse says you can leave one on for a solid month before it goes out completely. With the extra batteries, you could last a year without turning them off.” Shane slid out of bed. “Let me show you how bright they are.” As he turned off the lights in both the room and the bathroom she clicked on all three of hers. The room was brighter than it would be at noon on a sunny day. “Why don’t you turn one off and see how much difference each makes?” he suggested as he crawled under the covers. “Okay, now the second one.”

  “These are amazing.” She sounded awed. “Thanks. I guess it’s not so bad that you noticed.”

  “You’re welcome and I hope you don’t need them.” He watched her as she continued to turn two of them on and off. “Will you do something for me, Pixie Queen?”