[Vankara Saga 03.0] War of Atonement

by SJ West

  “He was her father and hurting just as much as Kira,” I tried to remind Adam.

  “I understand that, but as your brother, I felt like he should have been a stronger man for you. Maybe if he had been, you wouldn’t have felt the need to become someone else.”

  “Perhaps,” I had to concede, “but you can’t focus on the what-ifs in life. You need to move past your anger with him, Adam.”

  “Have you?”

  His question caught me off guard, and I hesitated before saying, “Of course I have.”

  Adam narrowed his eyes on me. “You shouldn’t feel ashamed if you haven’t. He pledged to love you for better and for worse and to stand by your side no matter what. Any man who breaks a promise like that can’t be trusted.”

  “You’re wrong,” I said in defense of Gabriel. “He’s one of the most trustworthy men I know.”

  “Do you really think you know him? I don’t even think Kira truly knew the real Jacob. When he abandoned you, he broke what was left of your heart. I’m sorry, but I can’t forgive him for that no matter how much you want me to.”

  What could I say to that? It was obvious there would be no way for me to change Adam’s mind about Gabriel. I felt as though I would just be wasting my breath trying to reason with him.

  “Is Father still angry with me for telling Gabriel the truth?” Adam asked, showing me a glimpse of a boy who still wanted the approval of his last remaining parent. “I’m not sure what he would have done to me if you hadn’t already discovered the truth during your journey.”

  “I think he’s too busy at the moment to be mad at you.”

  “What’s he doing?”

  I went on to tell Adam about the talismans Dracen was making and what our strategic plans were concerning our planned attack of the Fae capital.

  “Is there anything I can do for you?” Adam asked. “I’m not much of a sorcerer or a fighter or a diplomat for that matter, but there has to be something I can do to help.”

  And that’s when I had a brilliant idea.

  “There is something you can do for me,” I told him, feeling excited about my plan. “I want you to take Dena back to that alternate reality you took her to and keep her there until everything is settled here. Can you do that for me?”

  “Of course I can do that for you.” Adam narrowed his eyes on me and asked, “Do you really feel that deeply about her, like she’s your own child?”

  “Yes. I do.”

  Adam slowly shook his head. “I can’t say I’ve ever truly connected with the people I’ve shifted into to that degree.”

  “Maybe it’s a female thing,” I said, making light of what he said.

  “Or perhaps it’s a Kira thing,” Adam replied, reminding me who I had been once upon a time.

  “Either way, knowing you have Dena somewhere safe will give me peace of mind and allow me to concentrate on ending this war.”

  Adam cocked his head as he considered me. “You didn’t say, ‘Win this war.’ Instead, you chose to say, ‘End it.’ ”

  “Is there a difference?” I asked, confused by why my choice of words seemed to bemuse him.

  “It tells me that you’ve already decided you’ll win the war and that it’s only a matter of time before you kick Nuala out of your city.”

  “That’s the only way I can see the future unfolding,” I told him. “We cannot fail.”

  “You won’t fail. Once you set your mind about something, you always find a way to succeed.”

  Adam’s words brought a reluctant smile to my face. His confidence in me stirred up a strange sense of calm within my soul, and perhaps he knew that was the way it would affect me. The bond between us had probably been strong at one time, but I doubted we could ever share such a closeness again. I watched Adam’s face as he seemed to come to the same realization.

  “I would like for us to be friends,” he told me, a note of hopefulness in his voice. “I’m not naïve enough to think that we can ever go back to the way things were, and that’s not what I’m asking for from you. All I want is a chance to get to know who you are now and for you to get to know me. Is that something you would be willing to do?”

  Without having to think about it, I reached out and gently took hold of Adam’s left arm. With a small squeeze, I said, “I would like nothing more than to get to know you better, and I would very much like for us to become friends.”

  Adam’s smile made his blue eyes twinkle with delight.

  “Then once you end this war, I am formally requesting time in your majesty’s presence at least once a week.”

  “Granted,” I said, returning Adam’s infectious smile. “Who knows? Maybe I can even find you a job in the castle to keep you out of trouble.”

  “I am in need of a cause to fight for now, and a job would certainly keep me out of trouble.”

  “Let’s go back inside,” I said, wrapping an arm around one of Adam’s. “I want to spend some time with Dena before you need to take her away.”

  “I’m sure we won’t be gone for very long,” Adam tried to reassure me. “From what you told me, it sounds like this war will be won within the week.”

  I didn’t make a reply. I feared anything I said, positive or negative about the situation, would jinx our cause. I needed luck on our side, not against us.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  I treasured the short amount of time I was able to spend with Dena. It wasn’t until she yawned and crawled into my lap to take a nap that I told her about my plans for Adam to take her back to his alternate reality. In a way, I felt guilty for having the means by which to whisk my daughter off to safety when so many other mothers in Iron City didn’t have the same luxury. However, I knew I couldn’t dwell on that guilt. The best thing I could do was keep my mind focused on the task at hand. The sooner we won the war, the sooner everyone’s lives could return to normal.

  “No, Mummy, I want to stay with you,” Dena protested weakly, her eyelids fluttering as she struggled to stay awake for just a little while longer.

  I sat in the rocking chair before the hearth in the room and gently rocked my daughter to sleep as I cradled her in my arms.

  “It’s too dangerous for you here,” I explained, the sting of tears making my eyes burn. “And think of all the cookies Uncle Adam will let you make in his home. You enjoyed doing that last time, didn’t you?”

  Dena’s eyes drooped until they finally closed, but she still managed to nod her head in answer.

  “I promise you won’t be gone for long, my little love.” I leaned over and kissed Dena on the forehead. “Mummy will make the evil lady in our castle leave, so she never has a chance to hurt you again.”

  I rocked Dena for a little while longer before I motioned to Adam to come closer.

  “I’ll take good care of her,” Adam swore to me as I stood from my chair with Dena in my arms. “No harm will come to her while she is in my care. You have my word on that.”

  “I know you’ll protect her for me,” I told him, gazing at my daughter’s slumbering form once more before letting her go.

  Adam took Dena into his arms and cradled her close to his chest, treating her as if she was the most precious person in the world.

  “I’ll come back here every few days to see if it’s safe to return,” he promised.

  “Hopefully, we’ll have things sorted out soon, but I can’t make any promises.”

  “Just do what needs to be done,” Adam advised me. “Dena’s safety is the one thing you don’t have to worry about.”

  “Thank you for doing this for me.”

  “It’s the least I can do since I’m the one who caused you so many problems in the first place.” Adam looked down at Dena before he said, “I should probably leave before she has a chance to wake up. I’m sure if I ply her with sweets and toys, she’ll forget all about you.”

  “Spoil her just enough to keep her happy,” I instructed before leaning over and kissing Dena on the forehead while whispering, “I love you.”


  As Adam walked out of the room with my daughter safely cradled in his arms, Aurora retook her place on my shoulder once again.

  “She will be fine, Sarah,” Aurora tried to reassure me. “He will take good care of her. I sense he has a good heart and that he would do anything he could for you.”

  “I know, but it doesn’t make being separated from Dena any easier. I feel like all I ever do is say good-bye to her.”

  “You are protecting her legacy. It’s exactly what Queen Emma wanted you to do.”

  “Well, I need to have this war over and done with. The sooner I accomplish that, the sooner we can all have a normal life again.”

  “I fear normalcy will not be a part of our future,” Aurora warned. “The price of being a leader of people means that your life will never be your own again.”

  “I realize that, but even a queen should be able take care of her children and live in her own home without fearing it will be snatched away at any moment.”

  “There are no guarantees in life,” Aurora reminded me. “Even if you were a commoner, the threat of losing your job and becoming homeless would still be present.”

  I knew Aurora was right. We were all born into this world without having any assurances that things would work out in our favor, but if you worked hard and stayed true to yourself and your family, a life filled with contentment was usually the result. The Harkers taught me that lesson. We never had much in the way of material wealth, but we always had food on the table and a roof over our heads. Most importantly, love filled the home we shared together like a fourth member of our family. I couldn’t have asked for a better life.

  While I was remembering my time with the Harkers, Inara walked back into the dining hall. Shortly after I returned to spend time with Dena, she excused herself from our company to find her father. After being separated from him for so long, not knowing if he was alive or dead, I understood why she wanted to seek him out.

  As she strode over to me, I could tell from the determined look in her eyes that she was ready to hear my explanation concerning Gabriel’s less than hospitable welcome of Dracen back to Vankara.

  “I don’t know if I can do this,” I told Aurora as my heart began to pound inside my chest with dread. “I don’t think I can tell her the truth.”

  “You promised her that you would, Sarah,” Aurora gently reminded me. “And you are not one to make false promises.”

  “She’s going to hate me afterwards. …”

  “I don’t believe she will,” Aurora said confidently. “Queen Emma told you not to tell Inara about her death or the truth about what you are. If Inara knew her friend at all, I’m sure she will see the wisdom in the queen’s orders. Inara has spent a great deal of time with you during the last few weeks. I don’t believe she will hold a grudge against you. Besides, your heart needs to unburden itself of this lie. It’s been eating away at your soul for far too long.”

  “I know you’re right, but it doesn’t make telling her any easier.”

  “Do you have time to talk, Em?” Inara asked as she came to stand in front of me.

  I nodded my head, bracing my heart for what had to come next.

  “Why don’t we go to Isabelle’s office?” I suggested. “I would rather have this discussion in private.”

  I started to walk out of the room before waiting for Inara to acquiesce to my request. There was no way I was going to confess that I was a shifter in a room full of students.

  Our walk to the Royal Sage’s office was done in awkward silence. Aurora rubbed her smooth head against my cheek for added comfort, but even that did nothing to lessen the butterflies inside my stomach. As we walked down the hallway, I saw Gabriel coming towards us from the opposite direction.

  “Gabriel,” I called out, realizing I might need his help, “do you have a moment?”

  Gabriel looked between Inara and me, appearing to instantly understand what was about to take place.

  “I am always at your disposal,” Gabriel said to me. “How can I help you?”

  “I’m about to tell Inara everything,” I said, stressing the last word to confirm what he seemed to already suspect. “I was wondering if you could stand outside the door in case she needs for you to clarify some things for her.”

  When I glanced at Inara, the expression on her face told me that she was confused by my odd request to Gabriel. It couldn’t be helped. She would know the truth of things very shortly anyway.

  Odds were that Inara wouldn’t believe the tale I had to tell her. She would probably end up thinking I had completely lost my mind. And why shouldn’t she? If someone told me the fantastical story of my life, I would think them mad too. But if Gabriel backed up all my claims, Inara would either believe what I told her or think he and I had both lost our minds.

  “Of course,” Gabriel replied with a slight inclination of his head, eyeing Inara cautiously. His wariness of the situation did nothing to alleviate my worry that I was making a colossal mistake in confiding my secret to Inara.

  Once the three of us reached the Royal Sage’s office, Gabriel stayed out in the hallway while Inara and I made our way into the room.

  “You should probably sit down,” I suggested. “What I have to say will take some time to explain.” Not to mention the fact that I was about to forever change the way she thought about the world. “I want you to know that everything I’m about to tell you is the truth. If you can, I would appreciate it if you don’t ask me any questions until I’m finished. There is a lot I have to say, and if I stop, I’m not sure I can start again.”

  “Em,” Inara said, looking worried as she sat down in the chair in front of Isabelle’s desk. “You’re starting to scare me.”

  “I don’t mean to,” I told her, meaning it with all my heart, “but we’ve kept you in the dark for too long, and I can’t go on living this charade. I want you to know that I’ll understand if you hate me after you learn the truth of who I truly am. …”

  “Who you are?” Inara’s face was a mask of confusion. “What in the world are you talking about?”

  “My real name is Sarah Harker, Inara,” I began, “but it’s not the only name I’ve gone by in my life.”

  I started by telling her the facts surrounding Queen Emma’s death. I tried my best not to leave out anything important as I wove my tale. It was one Inara had been unwittingly a part of without knowing what was really going on around her. I watched as her facial expressions changed from disbelief to horror and ultimately to anger. By the time I was finished, Inara was leaned over in her chair with her head in her hands like the action was the only thing keeping her world from spinning out of control.

  I remained silent and still, allowing her the grace of time for the truth to sink in. Finally, she sat back up in her chair and stared at me as if she were seeing me for the first time in her life. In actuality, she was doing just that. She was looking at me, not me as Queen Emma. Even though Inara and I met while I was still Sarah Harker, our time together had been brief. I doubted she even remembered what I used to look like.

  Inara continued to stare at me wordlessly. I began to feel rather uncomfortable under her intense scrutiny.

  “What is she feeling?” I asked Aurora, knowing her talent as a blue dragon would allow her to sense Inara’s emotional state.

  “Everything but happy,” Aurora said worriedly. “She’s sad, mad, and confused for the most part. Yet, I sense a small part of her is also relieved. I believe she knew something was wrong with you, but she could never quite put her finger on the problem.”

  “I can’t say I blame her if she hates me. We’ve all been lying to her for a very long time. I would probably feel the same way if I were in her shoes.”

  “Tread cautiously with her, Sarah,” Aurora warned. “I think she wants to forgive you for your deception, but then again, how can she fully trust you? If you’ve lied to her once, what’s to stop you from lying to her again?”

  “I don’t intend to keep any more secr
ets from her.”

  “I think she needs to hear that from you. It might help.”

  “I want you to know,” I told Inara, “that I never took any joy in keeping the truth from you. If it had been left up to me, I would have been honest with you in the beginning.”

  “Don’t you dare do that,” Inara said scathingly. “Don’t you dare lay all the blame on Emma.”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t mean it that way. …”

  Inara quickly stood to her feet.

  “You’ve had plenty of opportunities to tell me what was really going on. Why didn’t you?” she demanded.

  “You’re absolutely right. I did have times where I could have told you the truth, but I was afraid I would lose you as a friend if you knew.”

  “We were never friends,” Inara told me incredulously, as her eyes looked me up and down as if I was something that had just crawled out of a dark and dank cave. “I don’t know who the hell you are, and quite frankly, I don’t want to know!”

  Our attention was drawn by a series of three quick knocks on the door.

  “Am I needed in there?” we heard Gabriel ask from the other side.

  It was only then I noticed that I was holding my breath after Inara’s outburst. Before I could take in any air to make a reply, Inara stomped over to the door and slammed it open, revealing a startled Gabriel.

  “How could you?” Inara questioned him accusingly. “How could you let her die and not tell me?”

  Gabriel quickly walked into the room and closed the door behind him to ensure that our conversation was kept private.

  “Emma begged us not to tell you, Inara,” Gabriel said, his tone implored Inara for her understanding. “She knew you wouldn’t agree to go along with her wishes, and she didn’t want you to act differently towards Sarah after the transformation.”

  “Is that supposed to make me feel better about being lied to?” Inara asked heatedly. “You let me stand there at that funeral for that girl,” Inara glanced in my direction since I was “that girl,” “when it was actually my best friend we were cremating! I wasn’t even given the chance to say good-bye, Gabriel! How could you take that away from me?”